


Titles Can Be Misleading and So Can Strings

by SkyChasingDreamer



Category: Gintama
Genre: Angst, Attempt at Humor, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Romance, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-27
Updated: 2017-02-15
Packaged: 2017-12-21 12:20:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 112,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/900237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkyChasingDreamer/pseuds/SkyChasingDreamer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gintoki/Hijikata pairing - Without a second's thought, Gintoki follows his string, brows scrunched, and he honestly can't believe this is actually happening to him. He almost wants to think it's an illusion, that this bud of excitement he's feeling is from the beer he had last night instead of this stupid string.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

It has been happening at random, people all across Edo reporting about the red string. String of Fate, it's called, or that's what they're all calling it, and stupid is what Gintoki thinks it is. It came out of thin air, just  _boom_ , started happening one day and has been passed off with the explanation of, "It's an Amanto thing." Foreign magic to hook humans up, like the aliens took over Earth to play matchmaker. Only in Gintama will you find something so absurd and still have it be completely plausible, however, that doesn't mean Gintoki is any less bemused by it.

See, ever since the first report, Gintoki took to staring at the TV with an unwavering fixation – like, he didn't even  _blink –_  whenever Ketsuno Ana was on. He'd keep his hand raised and bounce in his seat, waiting for the red string to appear because they're meant to be together, he knows it! But after three weeks of hearing about all the hundreds of people who experienced it – mostly good stories, some not so great ones – he sort of stopped paying much attention to the whole thing.

That doesn't mean he stopped thinking about it though. It isn't on his mind all the time or anything, but, frankly, it's impossible not to think about it when someone goes running by with their hand raised, screaming as they follow their string, which is invisible to all others. It's to the point where it's starting to get a little annoying and, to be clear, it's not annoying because his own hasn't appeared. He's fairly convinced he won't get a string, not because he hasn't been paired with the weather girl yet, but because... well, he just doesn't think that... actually, never mind, okay? Forget that, just know that he's not expecting any red string to be magically appearing around any of his fingers.

Though, he does have to wonder what kind of person he'd find at the end of his string. Ketsuno Ana is his first choice, but he can picture it being a big breasted widowed housewife too. Or some hot soccer mom or one of the beautiful models he sees in ads around Edo. Maybe even –

No, back to the point, yeah, it's getting annoying. It's been  _weeks_  and the whole stupid thing hasn't died down yet, it just keeps spreading and spreading like some unavoidable epidemic. It doesn't happen to kids or anything, best estimated range is twenty to sixty. No one has been showing up at graves or some fucked up shit like that. Gintoki had heard through the grapevine of speculation that the string connects a person to the nearest most compatible being. It has become a plague! And Gintoki is tired of the kids looking at him expectantly every time they see him, it has gotten so bad he sometimes avoids the apartment altogether just to spare himself. Especially from Kagura's unerring question every time he sees her, "Gin-chan! Did your red string appear?"

The answer is always no.

And, get this, he may have grown weary of waiting on Ketsuno Ana, but Sarutobi, she hasn't backed off in the least. She's around  _all the time!_  She hunts him down, follows him around, appears in the apartment, descends from the ceiling, rolls out of the cabinets, becomes a pachinko machine, slithers from under tables, there's no escaping her! The worst is thinking he's managed to slip away, then he'll find natto smeared on something and constantly be paranoid that she'll teleport out of nowhere. He knows what she's hoping for, it's obvious, but everyone wants things and a lot of times wanting just isn't enough.

He's tired of the whole red string thing, time to shift to something else. He's been having a good, lazy day and Kagura is happy because he's been with her for a majority of it. They haven't been doing anything of note, just spending time around the apartment watching trash TV and eating all the junk food they can scrounge up from their near empty pantry. Shinpachi had stopped by earlier to make breakfast, but since then went back to the dojo to help Otae clean or something. Gintoki had painstakingly uninvited himself to that and Kagura had opted to join him.

The day comes and goes like that, but by nightfall, right around the time he's putting Kagura to bed, his blood starts to ignite. By the time she's asleep, he's burning up and it's not a feeling that can be doused by self-service, he knows it. This happens sometimes, his body roars and yearns for release like an itch he can't scratch himself. Since it's been almost a week since last went on the prowl, he puts on his boots and dons his sword. It'll be quick, he'll be back before morning and Kagura will never know he'd gone anywhere.

The trick when he goes out is avoiding Sarutobi because she's always lurking around somewhere in waiting. Unfortunately for her, Gintoki never sleeps with people he knows, that would just be weird to him. He likes to venture out into the dark, dirty, grimy parts of the district and get lost there for awhile. He doesn't have to think about anything, he can vanish unnoticed for a time. And when he passes some Shinsengumi members on patrol when he's on his way into the darkness, he can only smirk because they've got no idea what's on his agenda.

-o-O-o-

Weeks pass this way and Gintoki barely notices their passing. He's happy with what he does, his Odd Jobs with the kids, his Jump, his soaps, his occasional outings for romps with nameless partners, his drinks with madao, his  _life_ , he's got a great thing going.

That all changes, though, when the red string inevitably happens to him.

He's just walking along minding his own business when he jerks to a halt and thinks he can now commiserate with how a rubber band might feel when stretched to absolute capacity. He feels too big for his body, ready to burst at any moment, he's fucking suffocating for no apparent reason. Looking down at the pressure on his pinky finger, he blinks owlishly at the red string wrapped tight around it and his mind goes blank.

Without a second's thought, Gintoki follows his string, brows scrunched, and he honestly can't believe this is actually happening to him. He almost wants to think it's an illusion, that this bud of excitement he's feeling is from the beer he had last night instead of this stupid string. And the more he walks, the easier it gets to breathe, isn't that strange? He walks as he normally would, aware that no one else can see what he sees and he's glad for that as he follows twists and turns up and down streets and roads until...

"Nooooo!"

"Nooooo!"

Gintoki's screech is mirrored by that of one – Toushiro Hijikata.

"No! You are  _not_ Ketsuno Ana!" Gintoki snaps, pointing an accusing finger at Hijikata and backing up a step. "No, no, no,  _no!_  This is a joke, right?  _Right_?"

Hijikata's face is red, his cigarette crushed between his teeth and his eyes are bugging out of his head as he gives the string a shake from his hand. "I knew this t-thing was b-bullshit!"

Hijikata's shaking with fury and looks like he's a second away from going berserk, which doesn't bode well for Gintoki's immediate health. He can't think, can't even analyze what he's feeling right now other than  _get the fuck away this fucking instant._ And the fates must hear him because in a burst of light, the string pulsates, then disintegrates away in a shower of red embers that give off no heat.

"There!" Gintoki exclaims. "See? It's gone! This – all this, it doesn't mean a damn thing!"

"Goddamn r-right it doesn't, bastard!"

"We tell no one!"

"T'ch, obviously!"

"Alright! We're done here! Bye bye!"

Gintoki takes off and doesn't look back, his heart beating to the tune of what he's feeling –  _no-no, no-no, no-no._ He's honestly going to pretend that whole encounter hadn't just happened, he'll drink himself into a stupor and pass it off as a terrible hallucination. That didn't just happen, it didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't. He's in denial and he's staying there forevermore, fuck everything that just happened. Curse the string, goddamn Hijikata, to hell with the fates, and fuck everything.

He gets back to his apartment and storms in, stopping only at the kitchenette only to grab whatever alcohol he has stashed away. Then he's zipping right off to his room, a cold sweat on his brow and panic settling in his stomach.

"Gin-chan! Did your red st –"

"No, it didn't!" Gintoki screeches before she can finish and slams the door of his room shut with the final-est of final finals.


	2. Clever Title is Clever and Pertains to the Chapter

Gintoki's sitting on one of the sofa eating a slice of cake – and by slice, he means half. He has half the goddamn cake on his plate and he's slowly eating his way through it. There's confetti on the floor and all over his body, streamers around the apartment, and a cone shaped party hat has been put on top of his head.

It's a pity party.

Kagura has thrown him a pity party because his answer is always no when she asks about the string. She'd interpreted his anger from the night before as him being upset over his lack of string action. He doesn't know whether to laugh or dry sob into his cake. His pity cake. Instead of doing either, he's caught somewhere in the middle and he enjoys the fuck out of the cake because it's  _cake_. It's vanilla with strawberries on it as well as mixed in the batter and the icing is so fluffy it disintegrates right there on his tongue.

But no matter how good it is – not to mention, how had Kagura even paid for this? Questionable. – that doesn't take away from the fact that it is, indeed, a pity cake. The irony is that he does actually pity himself, so he shoves another guilt free bite into his mouth and chews loudly, heedless of the frosting on his lips and around his mouth. He has got a lot going on right now, he's allowed to be as much a slob as he so desires.

All things considered, he doesn't know exactly how he feels regarding the whole fiasco from the day before. He doesn't feel any different, as in, he has no inclinations to go seek he-who-shall-not-be-named out and spend time with him. From some of the reports Gintoki had seen on TV, he'd thought maybe the strings were more efficacious by amplifying the right emotions since so many people had reacted strongly in a positive way when finding their partner. Gintoki hadn't even found a partner, he'd found a mayora and there's nothing positive about that.

If anything, Gintoki is a bit bitter. He's been through a lot in his life, seen a lot, done a lot, and he's happy in Edo with his motley crew. Why, then, does fate throw another curve ball at him? It's true that it doesn't change his lifestyle since he has opted to deliberately ignore what had happened, but it still stands that this Amanto phenomena or whatever it is has just paired him up with the biggest bastard ever to bastard. Gintoki doesn't care that it's another guy, what pisses him off and makes him sour is that it's  _that_  guy. Of all the many in Edo, it's  _that_ one. Couldn't fate have just left him alone to continue being happy with his people? He's fine with the solitary life he has, he doesn't need anything more since he's lucky to have what he does.

"Gin-chan, I'm turning on the TV!" Kagura announces as she and Shinpachi come back into the room.

He waves his fork lazily and come to think of it, he doesn't actually know where those two had gotten off to. They'd left for... something and now they're back and he has cake and so for the moment, he's all set. He's even still in his pajamas, his favorite pair of green ones – never mind that he hadn't gotten much sleep last night. How could he have? Thinking of himself ever getting into any kind of relationship with that Shinsengumi dog beyond passing acquaintances – less of an acquaintance, even – makes him feel sick. His stomach drops like there's a pit in his gut and his nose scrunches, it's repulsive. Yet that's what the string is insinuating, that that guy is the one for him.

"Ha!" Gintoki barks, shoveling in a piece of cake.

"What's so funny, Gin-san?" Shinpachi asks, sitting on the opposite sofa with a piece of cake, much smaller than Gintoki's own, in his lap.

"He's probably jealous this couple found each other," Kagura replies, the other half of the cake minus Shinpachi's slice hoarded close to her.

Gintoki looks at the TV and, sure enough, it's an interview with an ecstatic young man and an equally ecstatic flushing woman. They're all bright eyed and shining with their hopes and dreams for the future. Lame. So lame. Foolish, naïve young people. Granted, he's not that old, probably close to the same age as these people, but he's seen much and more of the world, he  _knows_  the horrors and terrors that are out there.

He has also seen what's at the end of his string and it ain't pretty. In fact, it has an ugly scowl, a nasty smell, a foul personality, and the only halfway decent thing about the whole ordeal is that they'd had the same reaction. Having  _no_ screamed in his face is about as finite as it can get, so there isn't a single doubt that their feelings are mutual in that aspect. It's a bit surreal, this whole thing, he almost can't get over that it even happened to him when he'd been so sure that it wouldn't. Maybe there had been a kindling of hope and that's why he'd immediately followed the stupid string, but that hope or whatever it was is now extinguished.

"Gin-chan!" Kagura calls, appearing in front of him and making him blink.

He quickly pulls his cake closer to him for safety purposes and squints at her. "Don't get too close! You have your piece, shoo!"

"You were spacing out again."

"I was just woken up by a rain of confetti, men weren't made to wake up that way."

"It's the afternoon."

"...what's your point?"

"You look like you didn't sleep," she replies, pointing to one of her own eyes. She suddenly sends him a lecherous look and leans in, her eyebrows waggling. "What were you doing in your room all night all by yourself?"

"Kagura-chan!" Shinpachi screams, mortified, as he leaps to his feet.

Gintoki only sniffs and looks away. "Seems like you already know."

She tilts her head. "Did you use your fingers?"

"Every single one of them."

Shinpachi sways like he's either going to faint or his soul is going to depart his body. "G-Gin-san?"

"Did it make you feel good?" Kagura asks.

"Yes, but sometimes it hurt."

Shinpachi's party hat comes flying over and clunks off the side of Gintoki's head. "Shame on you, this is a child!"

Gintoki gives him his best dead fish eyes. "She's a teenager, Patsuan, it's time she got into these things."

"G-got into..." Shinpachi's face loses all its color and his glasses fog before he rages, "Child or teenager, she's still too young to be discussing things like m-m-mast-t-t –  _you know!_ "

Gintoki and Kagura share a guileful look as she questions innocently, "Ne, Gin-chan, what mast thing?"

"Dunno," he answers, stuffing his fork in his cake so he can raise his hand and pick his nose with his pinky. "That's part of a ship."

Kagura mirrors his nose picking technique. "So... what's he talking about?"

"Beats me, I was talking about Jump."

"Must have been a good one if it made you hurt."

"Hurt so good I couldn't put it down." Shinpachi sits heavily down onto the sofa, not moving, and Gintoki pulls his finger out of his nose to rub the booger on Kagura's shirt. "Go over there and make sure we didn't cause permanent damage."

"Do it yourself, old man," Kagura says, rubbing her own booger on his sleeve. "And if you're not going to finish that..."

"Mine!" Gintoki snarls, wrapping himself around what's left of his cake. "You've had yours!"

"But I'm still hungry!"

"There's rice in the kitchen!"

"No, there isn't! We ate that yesterday!"

"Wait... we did?"

"Well,  _I_ did."

" _Haaah?_  That was the last of our food!"

She eyes his cake and licks her lips, muttering, " _Almost_  the last of it."

Gintoki lowers his head to point the hat at her menacingly while still keeping her in his sights. "Don't. You. Dare."

"Resistance is futile, Gin-chan," she whispers, stomach gurgling.

"Get money from Shinpachi to go shopping."

"We haven't had a job in over a week, there is no money!"

"So? Go get a job!"

"You're the adult, you're supposed to take care of me!"

They quibble back and forth like usual, but despite that, Gintoki's still pretty miffed. He can put on fronts and make it seem like everything is okay, he can share a corner of his cake with Kagura and resuscitate Shinpachi, he can go about his day to day as he always does, these are all things he can do. Things he  _will_  do. Things he's going to have to do because as far as he's concerned, the string had never appeared. The unsettling knot in his gut will go away, he'll eventually stop thinking about it, and everything will be normal again soon.

-o-O-o-

Hijikata's fingers are cramped and he's got ink and cigarette smudges all over them. He's been at it for... he doesn't even know how long and he keeps right on churning more and more out, keeping himself focused and concentrated. He stops briefly to take the cigarette out of his mouth and blow some smoke out while rotating his wrist, giving it a short reprieve. He has a couple stacks left and he's determined to get them done before the day is done, no excuses!

There's a knock on his door and he snaps, "What?"

Yamazaki opens up, greeting, "Ah, heichou!"

Hijikata glares death. "If you call me that one more time, seppuku for you!"

"Sorry! Sorry, fukuchou! It's just – they're so much alike and... you know, you actually have a lot in common with one of char –  _ack!_ "

Yamazaki falls to the floor with a thud because of the projectile Hijikata had thrown and he must be unconscious because he's only twitching. That suits Hijikata just fine, he's too pissed to give a shit. Though, he  _can_ admit that he does have a striking resemblance to Levi in terms of temperament and disposition. And those straps – those are pretty badass. Not that he watches the show or anything.

….

Levi is short as fuck.

The temperature drops and Sougo is suddenly looming in the doorway with a dark cloud behind him. "What'd you say about shrimps, Hijikata-san?"

"H-hah?" Hijikata looks up and reads the last couple paragraphs. "The word shrimp isn't mentioned until you say it! You shouldn't even be here! I have you out on patrol until dinner and it's," he looks over at his clock and frowns because it's missing. He spots it seconds later and, ah, right, it'd been his projectile to knock Yamazaki – who still has yet to come to – out. Tilting his head, he can just decipher what it says at an angle and it's, "After... dinner..."

"How strange," Sougo muses as he strolls farther into the room, "it isn't like you to lose track of time. What has you so distracted, I wonder?"

Hijikata lights up a new cigarette, growling, "T'ch, lots of work to do, that's what."

"Hmm... that so? Well, you're going to have to put it aside for awhile. Kondo-san is worried, he wants you to join him for dinner and drinks in his room."

Hijikata sighs out an exhale of smoke. "I'll be along, tell him I'll be there once I finish this report." Sougo doesn't move and hovers over him, watching. "We're done now! You can leave!"

"Where'd you go last night?"

The question catches him so off guard that he nearly drops his cigarette. "I was on patrol! Doing the job  _you_  shoulda been doing!"

"You're sure that's it?" Sougo presses with a leer. Hijikata can't stop his face from heating up as he reflexively reaches for his sword to brandish. "Now, now, Hijikata-san, there's no need for that," Sougo chastises with enough condescension to make Hijikata feel ill. "I'll show myself out. See you at dinner."

Hijikata's grip loosens on his scabbard, his eyes narrowing as the door closes because that had been too easy. Much, much too easy. Setting his sword down, he takes up his pen to begin working again and ah, there's a grenade on his desk. When Sougo had put it there without him noticing is a mystery and doesn't matter because it has been activated and will explode at any second.

Yelling, Hijikata picks it up and sprints to the porch door. He flings it open and chucks the grenade out just in time for it to explode midair. Ash falls from the end of Hijikata's cigarette and he takes it out of his mouth to exhale as the debris falls onto the training ground. Stupid Sougo and his wily ways. The normalcy of it almost feels good though and gives him a place to direct his frustrations, not that he's happy about a grenade nearly going off in his face.

He closes the door and sighs, his stomach dropping slightly at the prospect of dinner. It's not that Hijikata doesn't want to spend time with Kondo, he just knows he'll be terrible company. He has been on the warpath since yesterday and the only reason he's doing paperwork is because his  _out for blood_  attitude had been put under too much scrutiny. It got to the point where he'd needed to hole himself away from people and burn through stack after stack of paperwork to feel semi-productive. He likes being put to good use for the Shinsengumi, it's literally what his life revolves around and he wouldn't have it any other way.

So, when he doesn't feel like he's doing enough, it frustrations and really gets him, digs right under his skin and claws away at him. He'd been ineffectual all day, not a single thing had gone right, and it's all because of that  _string_. He'd tried not to think about it, tried to distract himself with work and doing what he loves to do, but it just... no, it hadn't done a damn thing.

The red string... what a joke. What a pathetic, sick joke. And above all things, it's cruel. The only woman he has ever loved is dead and when that string had appeared, it'd felt like his heart was being ripped out, it hurt that much. The first person he'd thought of when he'd seen it had been Mitsuba and knowing she wouldn't be at the end of the string was altogether crushing. Even thinking about it makes him a careful mixture of angry and sad, but mostly angry. Bitter anger, it feels like a betrayal no matter how unintentionally. Though, the anger had more come once he'd actually seen who it was on the other end.

The permy one.

Hijikata still can't fathom it and the sheer amount of  _no_  still coursing through him has physically manifested itself within his temper. He snaps at everything and everyone where usually he can manage himself better. That's why he'd removed himself into solitary activities, the way he'd been out in the open with others wasn't a good representation of the Shinsengumi. He doesn't care about his own reputation, but when it comes to the Shinsengumi, he won't do anything to sully the name, it means too much to him and stands for so much more.

And what Hijikata hates more than anything about the whole situation is that he's curious. Actually  _curious_ , though not enough so to actually do anything about it. Curious because, out of all the many people in Edo, why the natural perm? They don't get along, they've proved on several occasions just how much they don't like each other, they can't be in the same place without fighting about something, there's  _nothing_ tangible or substantial enough to string them together.

 _Yet_  – there'd been a string, one that had connected him right to the bastard.

Hijikata hates the situation, hates that he's curious, hates that it's the parfait freak, he just  _hates_ it. It's because he hates it that he's not curious enough to do anything about it. The natural perm's ugly mug is still burned into his head, nose all scrunched in disgust, they want nothing to do with each other. It's best to avoid everything until it goes away and at that point, he'll pass it off as a bad dream or a terrible plot point.

Going over to his closet, he pulls out a blue yukata and starts taking off his clothes. His cigarette reaches the end when he's removing his shirt, so he goes to his full ashtray and smashes it in there, not caring that there isn't enough room. He finishes changing and ties his yukata off, stewing in silence and tempted to light up another cigarette. He's been going through them all day, at least two packs by now, but it doesn't feel like enough. Normally they're better at taking the edge off, but there must be too much edge today because he feels no better no matter how many he smokes. Someone had actually referred to him as a chimney today and it'd taken the combined efforts of Harada and Yamazaki – who's still just sprawled out on the floor – to keep his spitting and snapping self from going after the man looking for a fight.

Stuffing a pack and his lighter in his yukata just in case, he grabs Yamazaki's foot and drags him into the hall. He's making some groaning sounds, so he's probably fine and can take care of himself when he comes to. Propping Yamazaki against the wall, Hijikata closes his door and heads for Kondo's room. A drink sounds good, but he doesn't want to drink too much. If he lets anything slip in front of Sougo things will go from bad to worse and that's the last thing Hijikata needs. Still, since nicotine isn't working, he's willing to test alcohol and see if that'll help at all.

Too bad something in him already knows it won't.

**To Be Continued**


	3. Intermission

Here we are and chapter three already has an intermission – it should perhaps probably be an intervention because these boys are stupid when it comes to one another. But no, it's just an intermission, though, if it were an intervention somehow, I'd take them and I'd slam their faces together and yell at them to do the dirty and get on with the makey outey already. Unfortunately, it's not that simple and it makes more sense to get them to _see_ exactly why they should be together before forcing them upon one another. And this part isn't necessarily necessary, you can skip it if you want, I don't care.

Also, it's important to note that intermissions tend to happen halfway through something, a play, a long movie, etc. but this is not the halfway point. It can be argued that this is still somewhat of a prologue, but I'm not going to argue with you since my passivity will make that a rather dull event. I initially wasn't even going to have an intermission, but this story is like no other despite its cliché trope and so deserves a little extra something. Throughout the duration of this, chapter by chapter, I want you to understand. Because you don't want to think that a lovable character with bright and dumb smiles could just be using those to hide their pain. Or that another lovable character has buried and hidden so much guilt that it's festering and crippling to the point where any lesser person would have crumbled long ago.

Remember this.

Anyway, it has been roughly 2,592,000 seconds – around a month for those interested – since the red string incident and if you want to know what the boys are up to right now, it's really nothing spectacular or out of the ordinary. They're doing their very best not to think of one another and haven't changed their routines one little bit, why should they? They don't want this, they don't want to think that after all they've been through that there's someone out there who can get under their skin, that _belongs_ with them. What are you even supposed to do when you're told that someone you don't like and only mostly tolerate sometimes is some variation of that pesky soulmate business?

Moving right to acceptance is too easy and highly unlikely, especially for two men that don't tend to let people in. It's hard to let people in, let them see you for who and what you are, allowing them to shine light on the darkest parts of you. It's distressing, particularly when you've spent a lot of time perfecting masks to keep yourself obscure and hidden safely away. Loneliness is a dreadful thing

Of course, you could also consider the statistical improbability of them actually ever getting together – note: I didn't say anything about being a couple or dating, I fear either of them could break into my monologue and yell at me if I did. No, this is my time, no forth wall shit right now, thanks.

In fact, right now, one Sakata Gintoki is sitting on his sofa eating a tub of strawberry Bargain Dash. He's eating it with a spatula because all the other dishes are dirty and Shinpachi had been adamant that eating with your hands is unsanitary and messy, so, spatula it is. He's angry a lot – Gintoki, not Shinpachi – but it's the kind of anger that steeps and lives underneath the skin and gets interpreted as grumpiness in the day to day. Kagura believes him to be wallowing in self-pity, drowning his eternal bachelorhood in tubs and gallons of ice cream and sweets, but Shinpachi sees something slightly different.

Now, this could be because he's older or because of the same gender or maybe even because his megane game is strong, but regardless, he sees a little more than the red headed ball of kinetic energy. Gintoki isn't half as stupid as he pretends to be and when he starts going out more often at night only to come back drunk and exhausted, that gets noticed. The little ticks of irritability, the finger drumming, the excessive eating, the short fuse temper, it does, it gets noticed. However, Shinpachi isn't too inclined to look to far into it, for someone like Gintoki this behavior can be brought upon by something as small as a discontinuation of one of his favorite ice cream flavors. The man isn't sensitive, per say, but he does have rather strange quirks and an odd sense of priority.

Meanwhile, Hijikata is doing much the same thing Gintoki is, but compulsory eating of things that can and will clog his arteries isn't on the menu. He's working himself to the bone and doing everything he can so that when the day is done and it's time to go to bed, all he has to do is fall face first onto the futon and he's asleep. He can't be given time to stare at ceiling and think, that's dangerous for him. Where Gintoki doesn't think too much on anything, Hijikata, if something lodges itself into his head, will think about it – constantly, indefatigably, over and over until he's ready to bash his face into something sharp to get it to stop.

Hijikata's a strategist, he thinks things through, so when he's presented with something that doesn't make one iota of logical sense – him with _Gintoki_ , you must be fucking joking – he's just running himself in circles. Which, in turn, exhausts him, just mentally and physically drains him. It's safer to avoid it altogether, hence the whole working himself to the bone thing, it's the most effective method for him. It goes without saying that Kondo and company notice their beloved Vice-Commander is snappier than usual, but no one approaches the situation yet. This kind of behavior happens sometimes and with someone like Hijikata, it can be for any number of reasons.

Kondo is worried, but knows that Hijikata will come to him eventually if he can't work it out himself. Sougo has provided countless distractions – See? He cares! Or is otherwise exploiting Hijikata's mood for his own means, but that's another matter – by way of bazooka shots, attempt at curses, and, naturally, an impromptu game of hide-and-seek in which Sougo goes to take a nap and Hijikata attempts to find him. There's also an incident somewhere in there involving blue food coloring, moldy bread, and green hair – no, this isn't Kuroko no Basuke – but we shan't talk of that, I'm not allowed, it is Forbidden.

Note: when you see words that otherwise wouldn't be capitalized unless they're at the beginning of a sentence, pay attention to this for it isn't a typing error. When I say it is Forbidden (insert: dramatic and overzealous dun dun dun noise), that's a capital F, as in, this subject matter is never going to addressed ever. It is locked away in a vault of fire and doom and like Pandora's Box, must never been opened to see the light of day. You'll see the capitalized phenomena happen now and then, like if Kagura has a Plan, you better fucking look out because there's going to be a catastrophe of epic proportions that _could_ , for example, result in character death. Don't worry though, they'll be alive again in the next chapter like nothing ever happened, so relax, enjoy the ride.

And it's through this that when I say Hijikata gives one of his subordinates a Look, you can safely assume that said subordinate has either spontaneously combusted or skipped that phase and was reduced directly to ash. That's a carbon based ash, not Ash, we're not trying to catch'em all here, and if you're interested in the components of human ash, well, perhaps you should check out Fullmetal Alchemist – or just ask seeing as I'm well acquainted with the knowledge myself.

Back to the point, there aren't too many incineration incidences, the faction has become hyper-aware of how to handle their beloved Vice-Commander. Such things as don't make eye contact, do as he says exactly when he says it, don't breathe too loudly, give him a wide berth, and the most important, keep him well stocked on mayonnaise and cigarettes. If he runs out of either, it has been documented – very studiously by Yamazaki, I might point out – for him to gain supernatural powers and level building and spew fire out of his mouth like a Charizard – or rather, Hijizard, if you will.

Note: this is likely a severe dramatization, Yamazaki never has been good at paperwork other than getting anpan crumbs everywhere.

So, with this knowledge, let's end this little intermission and get onto the good stuff.

-o-O-o-

“You can buy me some dango,” Gintoki suggests.

Hijikata is one step closer to becoming apoplectic as he chomps on his cigarette. “Get a job n'buy your own damn dango!”

Gintoki pouts. “But... that's work.”

“A foreign thing to you, m'sure. Why're you even talkin' to me, go away.”

“I'm an opportunist and we're headed toward a dango stand.”

-o-O-o-

Okay, went a little too far, sorry. The circumstances of the above are different than the context might imply. Going to back this shit up now, stay tuned and keep your room well lit. I apologize for the inconvenience.

-o-O-o-

It's truly fate's design, this whole disaster is, and so it's only right by fate that Hijikata not be able to avoid the one person he never wants to see again. It has been close to a month, not that he's keeping track, and Hijikata is out with Sougo and Kondo. He'd been out on a patrol by himself, but then Sougo had found him and told him he'd seen some suspicious activity. Now, Hijikata knows not to take Sougo too seriously and he'd like to ignore the sadist, but he has a funny feeling that the one time he turns Sougo away will be the time there's actually something suspicious going down.

So, against his better judgment, Hijikata allows himself to be coerced away and it's only happenstance that they pick up Kondo along the way – and clothe him because somehow he was left in just torn boxers, Hijikata didn't even want to know. And it's then, walking down the road to a destination unknown, that Hijikata hears it.

“Gin-san, they're running out of dango!”

“No, they're not!” Gintoki replies, wanting to believe himself. “We've got plenty of time!”

“We would if you hadn't slept all morning!”

“I had a late night!”

“That's always your excuse these days!”

Gintoki musses a hand against China's head. “Grown men are allowed to –”

Hijikata and the bastard make eye contact and the temperature seems to drop upwards of fifteen degrees. The air becomes static, hostility reigns supreme, there are literal sparks zapping between them. It's known right then and there in that brief locking of gazes that neither of them can hightail it out of there and they can't ignore each other. The only thing weirder than them pointedly not paying attention to each other would be avoiding each other altogether since Gintoki never misses the opportunity to tease and Hijikata, similarly, to snap at him.

That's why Hijikata stiffens and Gintoki scowls something fierce and constipated, but neither of them leave. Someone like Sougo will know there's something off and he'll exploit it and things will only get worse. So, it's with the utmost reluctance that Hijikata allows Gintoki to fall in step beside him while China and Sougo have a row. Kondo goes right to sucking up to Shinpachi and it's needless to say that they're all headed the same direction. For what? Well, Hijikata finds out that it's not for anything suspicious at all, but for half-priced dango Sougo had wanted Hijikata to buy for him.

Hijikata lights up a cigarette. “Don't get so close.”

“I'm barely near you, asshole.”

There's venom between them, they can't even look at each other.

“Your damn elbow almost brushed mine.”

“Did not! You're makin' shit up!”

They're grasping, they don't know what to say, they just want to smash each other's face in. Going through the motions of banter that used to come so easily is proving to be a lot more taxing than Hijikata can stand.

“Am not!” Hijikata snarls. “Wouldn't be an issue if you'd just go away!”

“Well, maybe I will....”

“What'll it take?”

“You can buy me some dango,” Gintoki suggests.

Hijikata is one step closer to becoming apoplectic as he chomps on his cigarette. “Get a job n'buy your own damn dango!”

Gintoki pouts. “But... that's work.”

“A foreign thing to you, m'sure. Why're you even talkin' to me, go away.”

“I'm an opportunist and we're headed toward a dango stand.”

At that, they turn their heads to glare at one another and it's so haughty there might be actual smoke. Hijikata's fists twitch, the side Gintoki is on is burning, he's going to clock the fucker right in his ugly ass face. But for some reason, he really can't determine why, his eyes flick down and his face goes red. There, under Gintoki's collar on the opposite side, is a dark purple mark. Hijikata may not have had sex in a long time, but he knows what the fuck a hickey looks like and _that_ is definitely a hickey.

His eyes narrow and he bites the end of his cigarette clean off just before he strikes. Both of them had just been waiting for something to set them off and Hijikata snaps, slamming his fist right into Gintoki's cheek. Quicker than possible, there's an elbow reaming Hijikata's gut and drives the air from his lungs.

“I'm not buyin' you any goddamn dango!” Hijikata seethes on a wheeze.

“Fine!” Gintoki counters, throwing a fist Hijikata blocks and gains a bruise because of it. “I don't need you to!”

“Natural perm bastard!”

“Straight haired mayora asshole!”

Petty insults get traded with savage blows and it's not enough. Hijikata furious, he hates this fucking idiot, and he lets it all come pouring out of him through this fight. He's tired, worn down, and seeing Gintoki just _gets_ to him and makes him feel more than he has in the past month.

He feels rage, despair, the unfairness of this bullshit thing called fate. This is the shock-wave. This is the true horror of the red string doom finally slamming into him while his defenses are momentarily weakened.

He lets his fury bleed out of him in each punch and kick and Gintoki isn't letting up or giving an inch. They have to be pulled off each other, bloodied and bruised, and Hijikata's so fucking angry he can't see straight. He's shaking as he lets Kondo guide him away, a strong hand on his arm to keep him moving. He doesn't look back over his shoulder, doesn't want to see that shock of white hair or the gleam of red eyes or hear that annoying voice. He's _done,_ at his wit's end, and that's the only way to explain it.

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	4. Risk is a Factor Commonly Overlooked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hijikata doesn't mean to get caught seeing something he shouldn't and it only leads to an explosion of repressed emotions.

Hijikata is on night patrol. It's not his turn in the rotation, but he's out regardless because he's the boss and he can do as he pleases. For nights he tends to cycle people he thinks can handle it since it's more dangerous at night and some people just aren't cut out for it. There's no real reason for it, he just... wants to be out later when it's cooler. The days are hot now, so a nice reprieve at night is appreciated.

Getting right to it, Hijikata hasn't been well, in fact, he knows he's worse than before. The focus on his job hasn't suffered and he even got some new recruits, three of them, which he calls his Three Stooges. Treated and trained right and they'll turn into a real asset to the faction. At the moment, though, they're really clumsy and in need of being straightened out. Hijikata has been pairing them with more seasoned members to help them see what's expected of them and where they need to improve and it's working, just not as fast as he'd like. So, work is fine, but for himself, just himself, he can't claim he's okay.

He's honestly disgusted with himself. Gintoki is nothing to him, yet he can't get that hickey out of his mind. It shouldn't matter to him where that came from or what Gintoki does with his time, but it's literally bugging him. He can't escape it, it's with him day and night. He runs himself in circles, not just with the hickey, but with the premise of the whole thing.

He's all healed form the last time they'd clashed over a week ago and the tension that's between them is reason enough to leave it the fuck alone. He hasn't seen Gintoki once since then, not a single time. He doesn't know if that's intentional or just how it's turning out, but either way, it's strange. They usually happen to run into each other with fair regularity, to not see him at all is... suspicious. It's a waste to wonder about it. Gintoki is probably just spending his time laying about, eating, playing with his kids, reading Jump, getting drunk... sleeping around.

Hijikata had never thought of Gintoki as promiscuous, but now he can't get it out of his head. It hadn't occurred to him that Gintoki might be sexually active, he'd always seemed to lazy to bother with any of that. Hijikata recalls Gintoki hitting on woman and being a general pervert, however, none of that had felt like he ever had any intention to follow through. It makes him wonder if Gintoki only started sleeping around out of sheer spite or something after the string incident.

As for Hijikata, he hasn't slept with anyone in a long time. He hasn't felt the need to stop in at Yoshiwara or even to masturbate on his own time. His sex life is pretty nonexistent, the job always comes first. He hasn't really been attracted to anyone, either. He has never thought of him as gay, but only because he has never looked at a man and had the desire to do anything with them. He can appreciate it when someone is pretty or handsome, but there is no need to act on that when there's no sexual drive behind it.

Anyway, back to the main point here – what Hijikata really just doesn't understand is why he and Gintoki are so different from all the other couples that get paired. The most friction that has ever really arisen from what he has seen is a married woman getting paired with a married man. And it worked out for them. The marriages had been absolving for years, no one had been happy, so they divorced their original spouses to be with each other and give it a try. There's little to no cases of a pairing not working out, Hijikata has checked. Much to his embarrassment, the whole thing has bothered him enough to take the time to do some research. It has been hard to do it inconspicuously, but so far, he has gone unnoticed.

There are men with men, woman with woman, hetero couples, and they all _work out_. How is that possible? Why can he be put with Gintoki and be so intensely unhappy and unsettled he can barely eat or sleep?

He's not out looking for Gintoki, he doesn't truthfully know what he's doing. This string thing has fucked him up really good even though he's trying his damnedest to forget about it. But now it's in his head, it really is, burrowed down, buried deep. He can't get it out or push it away or neglect it enough to get it to disappear. He'd had a red string on his pinky and it had taken him right to Gintoki.

There's no pretending.

There's no overlooking all the other _many_ couples that are happy because of the same thing that's plaguing him.

There's no discounting the possibility that he and Gintoki could _maybe_ work.

Hijikata is a fact man, a strategist. He looks at everything from all angles and works out the most likely and best solution. So, he has to ask himself the most important question of the whole debacle: would things have been different if he and Gintoki hadn't previously known each other when they found out who was at the end of their strings?

And the answer is _yes_.

He has thought a lot about this, not that he'd wanted to, but when he can't get away from something, what else is there but to think about it? Gintoki isn't an entirely bad person, he knows that. No man who takes care of his kids and makes sacrifices for people the way he does can be wholly bad. It takes a lot out of Hijikata to recognize that, but it's true and he's not adverse to giving Gintoki at least a _little_ credit.

If they hadn't known each other before the string, Hijikata can't say he'd be for or against it being a man. He's never been with one, he can't make that call prematurely and cast it aside without experiencing it. Had they not known each other, he'd have seen Gintoki and at the very least would have wanted to get to know him. He does know a some things about Gintoki, but he can't claim to _know_ the man. He knows they don't get along, that they don't like each other, that they clash and butt heads, but he's convinced _no one_ really knows all that much about Gintoki. That's just from what he can gather and it still fucking amazes him the moron is the Shiroyasha – it should be noted that he _never_ would have known even that if Gintoki hadn't dropped that bomb on him in the Baragaki arc.

God, he's so confused. What's he supposed to do? Nothing feels like an excuse and something... what _something_? He can't just walk up to Gintoki and say he wants to know why the string led to him, especially when he isn't so sure there's any real reason at all. He's stuck, basically. There's too much push and pull and he's getting nowhere.

So, when he looks up and sees Gintoki, he freezes. He's leaning against a wall talking to some woman Hijikata has never seen before, which makes some sense since he's in a shadier part of Edo. It looks casual enough, but Hijikata still blushes bright red and looks away. He bites his lip and thinks about leaving, god knows he wants to. He looks down at his hand and stares at it, almost sure the string will appear and yank on his pinky.

What a stupid thing. A red string, how cliché. If he could, he'd cut it. Just take his sword and slice it right to pieces and bits.

 _But_.

Hijikata has that _but_ , his relentless, cruel _but_.

Honestly, why Gintoki? Of all people, why him? If anything, he's the type of creature that annoys Hijikata the most. He's too lazy, too obnoxious, too permy. And yet, there's the string and all things considered, it doesn't make sense. It's like the universe needed a crack pairing and so tied him to a loser just to make him suffer. What crimes has he committed to deserve it? Hasn't he suffered enough in one lifetime?

He looks back up and he hasn't been spotted, so he moves just behind a corner to give him some cover. He isn't spying, he's... investigating. That's it. He's investigating what's going on, whatever the hell this is, and when he's satisfied, he'll leave. It shouldn't take him long, there's nothing he's looking to get out of this other than maybe some peace of mind.

Nothing is really going on, the two are just chatting, Gintoki's arms are crossed and he appears to be pretty relaxed. He makes her laugh, he grins, then they're joined by a man that comes out of the building. He has a cigarette, the new guy does, and he joins the little circle. But, and Hijikata can't help but notice this, Gintoki's demeanor has changed. His arms aren't crossed anymore, his hips are tilted, and he's leaning against that wall in a different way than before, a way that has his back arched so his bottom half isn't touching the bricks.

It's all so subtle and Hijikata tells himself he should be going because he has no place here, but he stays put. His feet are firmly planted and blinking might just be out of the question because he doesn't dare do it too often. The girl touches Gintoki's arm and says something before walking away and Gintoki's focus turns onto the man. Now, this guy, to Hijikata, really isn't anything special. He's taller than Gintoki by a little bit, an inch or so, and he's got some stubble going on, Hijikata can see it even from where he's at. He's wearing plain clothes, just a tan yukata, and that's about all there is to see. He comes off as rather average and Gintoki is... talking to him in a different way than the woman.

He doesn't get why Gintoki's letting the guy get so close. Why isn't the bastard pushing him away? Hijikata watches as they guy braces an arm against the wall, half-caging Gintoki in and, wait, did the permy freak's hips just tilt some more? No two people need to be that close if they're just having a friendly conversation, does Gintoki have no boundaries or what?

Hijikata needs to get out of here. He shouldn't have even come or stayed for as long as he has, so he turns away and faces the road where everyone who's still out is doing their own thing. He should be on patrol, he needs to get back to that. Keeping his city safe, that's his goal, Gintoki is nothing to that. Really, Gintoki is the time of lowlife that endangers his city, why is he bothering himself with him?

Chewing his lip, he takes one step away, then gets yanked backward into the side street. There's a moment of alarm until he sees Gintoki's telltale white hair out of the corner of his eye. No, wait, there's actually still legitimate alarm! There's no sign of the man anymore and the side road is mostly dark except for the faint glow of lights so old they'll be dying soon.

“What're you doing here?”

Hijikata shoves Gintoki off and straightens out his jacket. “What's it to ya?”

Gintoki shrugs. “Nothin'.”

“Then move,” Hijikata hisses, taking a step back toward the main road, but Gintoki doesn't budge. “I said. Move.”

“I heard you.”

As with any preliminary, Hijikata can physically feel the fight coming on. Gintoki is drawing closer, shoulder squaring, and Hijikata's fingers curl around the hilt of his sword. He's ready to show this asshole exactly what he's capable of doing to him. Red string or no, Gintoki rubs him the wrong fucking way and he's just been caught spying – the blush on his cheeks isn't entirely from anger. He really can't in this moment think of any reason why he and Gintoki would be put together by fate or any other means. They don't get along, would sooner rip each other apart than anything. They'd been okay before the string, but after it's like the hostility has amped up going from a thirty to a ninety.

“Strange to see you in these parts,” Gintoki says and it almost sounds conversational, probably would have been believable if his eyes weren't gleaming.

“Just making my rounds.”

“You sure? Sure you're not curious?”

“T'ch. Nothin' to be curious about.”

He tries to take a step around Gintoki to get out of there and away, away, away, but Gintoki steps into him to stop him and they both snap. They grab a hold on each other's collars and Hijikata is reeling, he's so angry. His temper is already short, combine that with frustration and embarrassment and all the multitude of things that has kept him preoccupied both about the string and not and it's a recipe for disaster.

“Just get outta the fuckin' way!”

“You were watching,” Gintoki taunts and Hijikata feels his blood run cold – he really had been caught.

“N-no, not a chance! Wishful thinking, asshole!”

“Aww is the Bakufu dog in denial?”

“You disgusting filth,” Hijikata snarls, nose curling, and he shoves Gintoki without letting go, shaking him. His face has gotten so much redder, this is mortifying and has taken the worst turn too goddamn fast. How dare he? Bakufu dog, what an absolute bastard! “Despicable, disgusting, pathetic –”

“And yet here you are,” Gintoki says calmly with a knowing smirk.

“I didn't come here for you!”

“Yes, you did.” His hold on Hijikata's collar loosens and his hands slide down Hijikata's sides. “Lucky for you there's a discount today,” Gintoki's smiling so sweetly, but there's nothing good about it the way his eyes are flashing and blazing, “kisses are half off, only three hundred yen, get'em while they're hot!”

And the final blow, the absolute last straw, is when Gintoki kisses him. It's insulting, it's mocking, it's a hard press of warm lips against his and he's seeing red. Out of pure spite, he kisses Gintoki back knowing the bastard isn't expecting that. He gives Gintoki the messiest, sloppiest, most vicious kiss known to man complete with tongue and teeth. It's a battle of mouths because of course Gintoki has to grab onto his hips and give back just as much as he gets.

But when Hijikata has no more breath to last, he shoves Gintoki away and slams a fist into his face. He doesn't stop, he's not thinking, he's just moving, going, kneeing Gintoki in the gut and kicking him when he's down. And as Gintoki coughs and wheezes to get his breath back, Hijikata pulls out his wallet and throws yen down on him.

“Three hundred is too much even for half off,” he seethes and kicks Gintoki one more time for good measure. “Who's the fuckin' dog now?”

Turning on his heel, Hijikata storms away, resisting the urge to grab his sword and go back to the finish the job. He gets out into the road and doesn't care which way he goes, just so long as it'll get him out of there. He needs a cigarette – bad! Pulling his pack out, he takes one between his lips and is about to light it when there's footsteps behind him. Before he can even turn around, he's tackled to the ground and landed on so all the air is driven from his body. There's spots in his vision, but he doesn't need to see to know who it is.

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	5. Curiosity has its Own Reasons for Existing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A strange encounter with a woman, a night with Kondo, too much booze, and a shove into something neither of the boys are really ready for. But since when do they ever think things through before acting?

Gintoki has the latest Jump in his hands and he's not even ashamed that he took the last one out of someone's – a certain blue clad ninja's – very hands. It's a nice day, the sun is shining, he's not too hot, there aren't many people around so he can read in peace, it's a good day, especially since all his bruises are gone. And this edition of Jump is good, he's currently wrapped up in a story about a guy that gets turned into a mermaid as a curse and he keeps trying to find ways to get his beloved's attention. He's just about to turn the page to see if this guy learns how to swim when he steps on and slightly trips over a glass bottle.

“Oi! I was just about to pick that up!”

Gintoki looks at the woman who has a large plastic bag tied around her and down at the bottle he kicked out of her reach. Closing his Jump, he picks it up for her and hands it to her.

“Here you go.”

“Finally!” she exclaims, taking the bottle and slipping it into her bag. “Knew I'd run into you eventually, but didn't think it'd take this long!”

Gintoki spins in a circle, looking all around before turning back to her. “Are you... talking to me?”

“Duh. There's literally no one else around.” She pulls a second plastic bag out of nowhere and shoves it at him. “Here, help me pick up litter.”

“Uhh....”

“Now! Come on! I have a few streets left to do!”

Slipping his Jump into his yukata, Gintoki opens his bag which is smaller than her own and starts picking trash up. He's going slower than her and keeps glancing at her, half-tempted to make a break for it so he can get back to his Jump. If some random guy stopped him like this, he'd already be gone, but this woman seems to have been looking for him, so there's a possibility she might need help. 

“You're keeping me from my Jump,” he says halfway down the road after she still hasn't said anything. 

“I'm more important than that right now.”

“What? I had to fight for it! I earned it and you're keeping me from it! I shed _blood_!”

She gives him a bemused look and he holds out his arm so she can see the tiny speck of tried blood on the back of his hand from a small cut. 

“Something tells me you'll live.”

Gintoki pouts at her, but sighs and picks up a wrapper. “Who're you, anyway?”

“Names are unimportant, but I have been looking for you.”

“Okay... Gin-san is very popular, but already has one stalker right now.”

She laughs, it's a nice sound. “I'm not stalking you! I just wanted to talk to you, that's all.”

“So talk.”

“Did you,” her lips curve a little into a smile, “have a string?”

Gintoki's stomach drops. “Maybe.”

“Well, that's a yes.”

“No, it was a maybe.”

“You can't fool me, you know.”

“Why're you asking? I've never even seen you before.”

She brushes herself off and really, she's not unattractive at all. She's a few pounds overweight, but that makes her cheeks more plump and the pink kimono she's wearing looks good on her. Her hair is dark and tied tightly in a bun and her eyes are dark too, so dark they don't look like they have a pupil. 

“I can see them.”

“See what?”

“The strings.”

Gintoki looks at his shirt and yukata, thinking perhaps he has some loose strings there. “I don't see –“

“Are you a moron? The _strings_ , the red strings, you know, the ones that connect people!”

“You can see them?” Gintoki reiterates, glancing down at the hand that had been tied. “It's not gone?”

“Just because it disappeared doesn't mean it's gone. You know what they say, the threads of fate can't be untangled.”

“Who says that, hah?”

“Doesn't matter,” she replies, circling him like a vulture, her bag rustling against her shoulder. “What matters is that you've got it bad. I've never seen a string wrapped so tight around someone.”

Gintoki's face remains unreadable. “Did you do it?”

“Connect you?” Gintoki nods and she shakes her head. “No, I can only see them.” She goes back to walking down the road picking up trash and Gintoki slowly follows. “I think it's beautiful. Romantic, too. A string finding the two loneliest and most compatible hearts? It's like something out of a fairytale!”

“Whaaa? Who said anything about lonely hearts?”

“Oh, don't look at me like that,” she chastises and pokes him with the sharp end of a piece of plastic. “Keep cleaning.”

“Usually people get paid to help out like this.”

“I'm paying you with good conversation.”

Gintoki snorts – despite this woman being mostly delusional, he kind of likes her. 

“Is there a way to... get rid of the string?”

“No. Why would you want to? Reach up there and grab that chip bag, would you? I can't reach.”

He does as she asks and doesn't think much of it when she coos while shoving it into her trash bag. “You sure three's no way?”

“Again, why would you want to?”

“I have my reasons.”

“Mhmm or maybe it's just because you're stubborn.”

“No – ah, I can be stubborn, yeah, but who isn't?”

“That's a good points.” She pauses halfway bent to pick up a bottle and frowns at him. “But you're not happy.”

“How would you know?”

“When you have clairvoyance like mine, you don't waste a gift like that. Pulling together the loneliest hearts and giving them a chance at happiness. And then there's you two idiots! Too stubborn to grasp what's practically been handed to you on a silver platter. You could be  _happy_ – but you've only made yourself more miserable by refusing.”

Gintoki's shoulders have drawn up and he's frozen in the middle of the empty back road they're on. Each word hits him like a blow and he tries not to let it show, but this is unnerving. 

She darts over to pry a plastic bottle from where it's wedged in behind an abandoned toy carriage and finishes, “Everyone is capable of love.”

But is everyone worthy of it, namely, himself? It's hard to imagine something like that from someone, let alone from a person like Hijikata. The guy _does_ love his work and he has always been loyal to the Gorilla and Gintoki's fellow sadist, but this is a different kind of love. He really doesn't know why he's even considering it, _like_ comes before love and they in no way like each other. 

“How do I know you're not trying to cheat me?”

“Because if I were, I'd have asked for something in return.”

“You asked me to clean.”

“Oh. True. But everyone should be cleaning anyway, that doesn't make it a scam.” She smiles, then her face changes and she turns an ear toward the sky like she's listening for something. Seconds pass before she's a flurry of motion and takes off down the road the way they'd come. “Sorry, I had more to say, but duty calls! Remember what I said!”

Gintoki is suddenly very tired, this is not at all how he thought this day would go. He doesn't know what to do with what he has been told and now he's just a dumbass standing in the middle of the road with a trash bag in his hand. Sighing, he starts off to find a place to throw it out and then he's going to go back to the apartment and read his Jump. And probably drink himself into a stupor after that because _what the fuck just happened?_

-o-O-o-

Hijikata isn't still black and blue, but he's still kind of sore. It'd taken three grown men to pull them apart, lips bleeding and angry words spewing out. He's still furious, of course he is, and while he'd told Kondo what had happened, he'd left out that it'd been with Gintoki. And good god, he definitely hadn't mentioned the kiss, it's too embarrassing.

He's livid, honest to god, he's furious. The nerve of that asshole! Three hundred yen had been way too much for such a shitty kiss! And now Hijikata's reputation is in danger, he can't let anyone think just one dumbass perm can thwart him. Though, no one knows it was a perm that bloodied him up, but they know _someone_ did it and that's bad enough. Especially when they know the other person got away since he hadn't arrested anyone afterward.

Everyday Hijikata has been taking special measure to avoid ever running into the perm. He stays on day patrol, he does a majority of his work early morning and afternoon. Gintoki is such a drunk, he must sleep half the day away regularly, that's what Hijikata figures. So, early morning is a safe time for Hijikata to be out and about and the night time can be dedicated to setting up new lineups and finishing off or redoing paperwork. Something else that has been keeping him busy is the new recruits, they're useless. There's one that shows an _ounce_ of promise to be a decent sword fighter, but the other two are garbage. They're lazy, they half-ass their work, and Hijikata can't stand being around them too long before he gets frustrated and needs to hit something. But he can't dislike them too much when they give him something to keep distracted.

It's not cowardice, he's not running away, he just wants to work and bumping into Gintoki will impede that. Going out that night had been a mistake, hindsight is absolutely twenty-twenty and he still can't get over that Gintoki had kissed him and _lived_. He'd done his damnedest to gut the fucker, but Gintoki had proven to be a formidable foe.

The bruises are almost gone, though some yellow still remains. He finds a kind of solace being with other people, which is really fucking strange for him, it's when he's by himself that he gets off track. He finds himself thinking about their fight and how it'd started. Hijikata is a master of distraction, but he can't puzzle out why Gintoki had actually kissed him. He wants to say it's because the bastard only wants to fuck with him, but he can't help himself in thinking that just _maybe_ it might have been for another reason, a darker one. One that makes bile form at the back of Hijikata's throat and dread claw at his insides.

The terrible possibility of Gintoki actually being _curious_ enough to kiss him is almost too big a thought to handle. He could be thinking about the string and what it could really mean and why it led to Hijikata. Because, much as he doesn't want to admit it, that's what's on his own mind more and more often.

One night not too long ago, Hijikata had been up late tossing and turning, musing about if he could be attracted to a guy. Not Gintoki, of course, but just a man in general. He's not gay and he has never had a desire to be with a man, but he doesn't see the possibility as too far fetched. He doesn't want to be in any kind of relationship with anyone, that much he's certain of without a doubt, however, in a hypothetical situation, if he finds a man attractive enough, he won't be opposed to sleeping with them... he doesn't think. He typically doesn't discriminate and the reason he goes to woman when he wants to get off is mostly because that's what he knows.

He doesn't know how to fuck a man or what it entails aside from one person's dick going up the other person's ass, which, admittedly, doesn't really sound all that appealing. But it can't be that bad since there _are_ gay people who enjoy it... does Gintoki? He _has_ to wonder, he can't help it! He doesn't actually know if Gintoki is gay or bi or what. There's no way to know who those hickeys had come from or what gender that person had been and of course he's not going to ask. All he saw was Gintoki flirting with a man and that doesn't mean he's sleeping with men or that he's even gay.

Though, if he _is_ sleeping with men... does he take or give?

“No!” Hijikata screams and slams his fist on his desk. “F-fuck!”

He's not thinking about that! It doesn't matter, it has nothing to do with him, he doesn't care, Gintoki is disgusting....

He throws himself back into his paperwork and goes strong for a solid five minutes before there's unwanted thoughts creeping in on him again. Because really, is Gintoki a whore or isn't he? Does he just go out at night and prostitute himself for some extra cash or... what? That's irresponsible if he's leaving the girl behind, but then, Gintoki has never been anything close to responsible. Or an adult. He's just reckless and brash and useless – he's a total loser.

“Tosshi!”

The knock on the door makes Hijikata jump. “Y-yeah?”

Kondo walks in with a huge smile on his face, saying, “Come out with me tonight!”

“I don't know... kinda tired.”

“Nonsense! We haven't gone out in a long time! Let's have a nice dinner and some drinks! You've earned it with how hard you've been working!”

Hijikata knows he's beat. “Ah... okay. I'll go change and meet you at your room.”

“Great!” Kondo goes off with loud exclamations like, “A night with Tosshi!”

Sighing, Hijikata retreats to his closet and starts stripping off his uniform. He's careful with hanging his jacket up and it feels good to be changing. It's almost like he has been in it too long and he knows it needs to be cleaned. He pulls out a clean yukata and honestly can feel the difference between how clean it is in comparison to what he has on. And that's really kind of very sad.

It's good he's going out with Kondo, then maybe he can trick himself into believing he has something of a life outside of work. He almost gives a self-deprecating laugh at that. It isn't long before he's changed and closing his door behind him, a fresh pack of cigarettes in the fold of his yukata. He goes to Kondo's room and doesn't even have to knock before the Commander is hurrying them outside.

“Sougo comin'?”

“You know, I haven't even seen him today, so nope! Just us!”

“T'ch – I haven't seen him today, either. Didn't show for his patrol.”

“Ah, well you know how he is! No work talk! Tonight is for fun and food!”

Hijikata doesn't fight it, he lets Kondo take him out and pick a place for them to eat. They've been to this place before, but that's okay because Hijikata remembers liking the place and they have good mayonnaise. Kondo orders them drinks and Hijikata doesn't shy from emptying his sake glass every time Kondo refills it for him. They talk – well, mostly Kondo talks – but it feels good to be out with him, it really has been too long.

Though, as they eat, Hijikata will catch himself staring at men sometimes. He's not checking them out, per say, but he can find some attractive things about them. Well, maybe not attractive, but what he sees doesn't put him off. And it's not like he's thinking he'll request a man the next time he's in the mood for a fuck, he's just... curious, but only a little. He's subtle about it, too, even when he gets tipsier. Really, it's probably because he's tipsy that he's furtively glancing at different men that come in with or without people.

It gets him thinking.

Like, the way he's interacting with Kondo now is so different than the way he is with Gintoki. They used to bicker, it used to almost be amicable, one of those 'I know you're not a bad guy, you know I'm not a bad guy, so let's tolerate each other for a bit' kind of things. They can fight together, as in work together, when they need to. But... they're so hostile now, so angry, so hateful, that he's not so sure they can even do that anymore. If they had to they'd probably just be beating each other up instead of fighting the attackers.

So, what? Are they just going to spend the rest of their time avoiding each other and fighting when they can't? Hijikata wants to think that maybe it'll blow over, but he knows it won't. They were led to each other by a string around their pinkies, there's no way it'll blow over or they'll forget no matter how hard they try. Like adultery, it'll always be hanging between them and they'll both _know_ it's there even if they don't say anything about it.

Hijikata hates to admit it, but he kind of wishes things could go back to the way they used to be. Back when they just bickered and could fight without needing to bloody each other up. They once went a whole day in handcuffs and managed to even fight like that like together. There's just a strange sense of loss about the change in their acquaintanceship, he blames this sudden rush of thoughts and feelings on the alcohol that he's now realizing he probably had too much of.

As the meal comes to an end when they're both full and content and have talked about a whole bunch of things, Kondo gets the bill. He pays it, ignoring Hijikata's objections, and they lapse into a quiet.

“Tosshi,” Hijikata squints up at him, he'd been distracted using his finger to fish out the rest of the mayonnaise from the container, “you know you can talk to me, right?”

“Yeah.”

“If anything is bothering you....”

“Ah,” maybe he hadn't been as subtle as he thought he'd been, “if – ah, I've just been distracted lately.”

“I've noticed, just don't work too hard, okay?”

“'Kay.”

They stand to leave when the change gets returned and Kondo slaps him on the back. “You alright to head back no your own? Someone should probably hunt Sougo down.”

“You just wanna stop by that Shimura girl's place,” Hijikata accuses and gets the satisfaction of seeing Kondo jerk.

“You never know, she might need something!”

“This late at night?”

“It's never too late for a helping hand!”

“Or a stalker outside her window?”

“Now, now, Tosshi, don't be like that!”

Hijikata gives him a little shove. “Get outta here, I'll be fine on my own.”

Kondo waves and they part ways, going different directions down the road. There are several people out, but they're mostly blurry to him unless they're close enough for him to focus. He had way too much to drink, he's not even sure if he's walking in a straight line. He doesn't bump into anyone, so he assumes he's doing fine, and he knows he's going in the correct general direction of the barracks. He has had enough to drink that he can't really think about anything except staying on his feet and keep moving.

But he sees a shock of white in the corner of his eye and that stops him in his tracks.

Figures, the first time in weeks that he's out at night and he sees Gintoki. All he has to do is look at the bastard and within seconds, Gintoki's gaze shifts and they're looking at each other. Hijikata glares, it's his automatic response, but Gintoki's face goes blank and bored. He sticks a finger in his ear and picks out some wax, it's surprising there's no drool falling from his mouth he looks so unintelligent.

Hijikata hates this, literally just _hates_ it. The only thing worse than getting a reaction out of Gintoki is getting no reaction at all. Gintoki's standing off to the side near an alley and leaning back against the wall. He's not looking at Hijikata anymore, but Hijikata swears he sees him glance over beneath his fringe. Hijikata knows he must look stupid standing in the middle of the road unmoving, but he's too drunk to care. He's debating on what to do, he knows he's fucked up, he knows the string has gotten to him, he knows curiosity is a bitch.

Rigid and uncomfortable, Hijikata shuffles his way over, prepared for a fight. Being drunk is a bad time to be doing this, his senses are totally off, but the alcohol also gives him courage – it makes him stupid. Gintoki doesn't move away, but does look at him when he gets closer, close enough that they can talk and not be overheard. Hijikata's hands are in fists at his sides, just in case he needs to throw a punch or block in self-defense, but Gintoki remains aloof and bored.

“You reek of booze,” Gintoki says, “how unlike you.”

“Shuddap.”

Gintoki watches him and Hijikata stands there, he has nothing to say, nothing he _can_ say because he doesn't know how to put it into words. He wants to ask why, _why_ Gintoki? That's always what he comes back to, every single time he thinks about it, he can never puzzle out why the string led to Gintoki. He'll drive himself insane if he doesn't figure it out, if he doesn't at least _try_.

“You free?”

“What? You came here thinking you could buy some time with Gin-san?” Gintoki chuckles. “How pathetic.”

Gintoki moves closer and Hijikata stands his ground, he refuses to back down, though, his eyes do cross with how close Gintoki is. It's close enough to see the redness of his eyes and how there's dark flecks of black like tiger stripes within the sea of blood red. This close, he can smell more alcohol, but it's not coming from himself. It's not sake, the scent is too sharp to be sake, and it crosses his mind briefly that Gintoki had just been standing out here with no way of knowing Hijikata was out as well. So... had he been waiting for someone?

“M'not gonna ask again.”

They glare at each other and for a second it really does look like Gintoki is _angry_ and about to lash out. The muscles in his cheeks twitch as he clenches his jaw and his nose curls ever so slightly, but all he does is let out a huffed breath through his nose, like a bull preparing to charge. Instead of attacking, Gintoki grabs Hijikata's wrist and yanks him back into the alley. It's dark and dank and smell of rotting bananas, which for a wild second makes him think that Kondo has been here before. He'd speculate more on that, but Gintoki shoves him into a wall and he tenses.

“First sample is free,” Gintoki says in a low tone and Hijikata's eyes bulge.

This is not... this isn't at all what he'd expected! Gintoki doesn't kiss him, just gets down on his knees and pulls and tugs at Hijikata's yukata with fumbling hands. Fumbling only because he has had something to drink tonight too, though he's better at hiding it than Hijikata himself. He doesn't know what to do with his hands, so they lay flat against the bricks to his back and his fingers dig in, probably cutting them, but he can't give a shit. His boxers get pulled down and Hijikata's hips jerk away out of reflex. Either Gintoki doesn't notice or doesn't care because both his hands touch Hijikata, one on his hip with a hard grip and the other on his cock.

Hijikata has to bite his lip and immediately thinks this shouldn't feel that good. He's half-hard and doesn't know when that had happened, but under the ministrations of Gintoki's hand, he can feel the blood rushing to his dick to make him harder. It has been so long since anyone has touched him that his head falls back against the brick and his back arches into the friction. His head is swimming and he catches glimpses of thoughts telling him to push Gintoki away or that he should be furious, but what he does instead is moan in the back of his throat. His face is all scrunched up and his legs feel weak, he can't connect this pleasure to Gintoki, it doesn't make sense.

“ _Ohhh, fuck_ ,” Hijikata moans and jerks his head down to look, which is a big mistake.

There's suddenly so much heat and his jaw drops open with a choked noise. Gintoki's using his mouth. Holy _shit_ Gintoki is licking the head of his cock and his eyes are glazed as he opens his mouth wider and slowly starts taking Hijikata in. What the _fuck_? Who would have thought he'd have Gintoki on his _knees_? But then Gintoki's mouth wraps around Hijikata's length and his eyes cross as his face twists up. His hands go right for Gintoki's hair, but the second he touches the _soft_ strands, his hands whip back to the wall for him to grasp at the brick. He knows he's cutting his fingers this time, but it's better than touching the bastard, why had he touched? He shouldn't be touching!

Hijikata's legs shake and tremble and with the alcohol and how long it has been since he has had any physical contact of the sexual kind, he knows this is going to be short lived. Gintoki's mouth is so _hot_ and there's a sweat on Hijikata's brow despite it being a cool night out. This is every kind of fucked up, but god, it feels incredible. Gintoki sucks and Hijikata groans, hips bucking. Hands squeeze his hips, fingers holding so tight it hurts, but fuck everything if this doesn't feel good. He can feel his orgasm looming and mounting, sliding down his spine in the form of heat so potent he can feel it in the back of his skull.

“F-fuck, hngg –”

He's trying to be quiet and he thinks he's managing okay, but he can see stars behind his closed eyes and _knows_ what's coming. Gintoki takes him down so deep, all the way to the hilt, and Hijikata can't get over the heat. It's everywhere, all around him, it feels like his world is spinning behind his closed lids. It centers in his belly and when he cums, his cock is down Gintoki's throat. His hips jerk and he lets out a strangled whine as he empties himself into Gintoki's mouth. He feels the bastard swallow, feels his throat contract and add to Hijikata's pleasure. This is the hardest Hijikata can ever remember cumming and he knows he's flushed up to the tips of his hair.

When he stops cumming, Gintoki gives one last suck as he pulls off and Hijikata can hear him panting. It takes a lot of willpower to slit his eyes open and look and he wishes he'd kept them shut. Gintoki's lips are swollen and plump, there's some sweat dampening his brow as well, and staining his high cheekbones is the subtlest hint of a flush.

Gintoki doesn't say anything as he stands, he just gives Hijikata a look that he can't even begin to decipher, then walks away. Hijikata is left shaken and still twitching, though he does get himself to pull up his boxers. He closes his yukata and stands there trembling in post-orgasm bliss feeling more uncertain than he had before. He doesn't try to follow Gintoki, he literally just stands there to try and pull himself together before walking back to the barracks where he'll collapse in bed, sleep, and wake up even more of a mess than he was before.

**To Be Continued**

 


	6. Sometimes the Smartest People are the Ones That Don't Think at All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sex

Gintoki wakes up slowly to the sound of Kagura and Shinpachi fighting over something in the living room. He doesn't move at first, just listens to them and ah, Shinpachi wants the remote that Kagura has. That's definitely something they'd fight over... and so early, too. Kagura is probably spilling bits of food all over the place for Sadaharu to lap up as she fights to defend the precious changer of the sacred channels. He smiles sleepily to himself at the thought and stretches, arching his back at such an angle that it cracks pleasantly.

He doesn't want to get up yet, so he settles back down and doesn't look at the clock, it doesn't matter what time it is. He's under his comforter in his favorite pair of green pajamas while his kids squabble about something stupid just outside the door, there's not much more he'd ask for in this situation. Except, maybe the latest Jump with some sweets, but now he's just being greedy.

He drank quite a bit the night before, but he's not feeling it too much this morning. He's used to it, he thinks, and he only really has a bad hangover when he spends the evening drinking with Hasegawa. They tend to stay out longer than Gintoki does when he's by himself since he knows what he's out for and it's only ever one reason. He hadn't been with Hasegawa last night, so there's just a very dull ache at the back of his skull. It actually doesn't bother him at all, he feels well enough to get up and go outside if he needs to, but he doesn't need to, so he's going to lay here as long as he can.

“Gin-chan! Ketsuno Ana is doing a special report!”

Gintoki flies out of bed and flings his door open. “ _Hah_? She is?”

His voice is rough enough for him to have to clear it and when he looks at the TV, there's his perfect weather girl standing there with her microphone preparing for an announcement. Kagura pats the sofa next to her and Gintoki goes to it, only taking his eyes off the screen once during the journey. The story is about a pet that got trapped inside of a building that collapsed and how it miraculously survived the ordeal. Gintoki instantly gets wrapped up in the way she smiles and speaks and interviews the owner. He reaches over and steals some of Kagura's food, though she bats him away with the remote she has clutched in her other hand.

“Gin-san?”

Gintoki flaps a hand at Shinpachi. “Shh! Wait until she's finished!”

“But we have jobs today!”

“Jobs can wait! Look who's on TV!”

“I can see her just fine!”

“Good! It'd be weird if glasses couldn't see!”

He hasn't taken his eyes off the screen and he doesn't close them when he yawns big enough for him to use a hand to cover his mouth. He blinks only once as his eyes water a little and he really does find it annoying that eyes do such a thing every time there's a yawn. He rubs at one eye with the back of his hand and keeps his other eye trained on the TV so he doesn't miss a second.

“Gin-san.”

“Hm?” He tries stealing more of Kagura's food, but she bites him. “She's still talking. Why're you talking to me?”

“Because we have two jobs today, we need to leave soon for the first one.”

“ _Two_?” He has to clear his throat, it's still somewhat hoarse and scratchy “Whose idea was that?”

“Mine, we need the money.”

“Do we?”

“Only if we want to eat.”

“Ah, yeah, we might want to eat, huh?” He picks some precious boogers out of his nostril with his left pinky... he won't use his right one. “What's the jobs?”

“First one is roof repair and the second one is to find a stray dog. We can do the roof one at any time of the day, but I put it first because we can look for the dog while we're up there. Try and spot it, you know? And you and I could always work on the roof while Kagura takes Sadaharu on the dog search.” He holds out a collar. “Owner gave me this, apparently the dog slipped out on a walk and took off running.”

“What's the dog's name?”

“Coco.”

Gintoki's nose twitches. “Like the stuff in chocolate?”

“No, that's cocoa.”

“They sound the same.”

“They're spelled differently, just read the text.”

“Would you be quiet? My angel is still on!”

Shinpachi gives Gintoki's shoulder a little friendly push and stays leaned against him as they watch. Kagura finally caves and offers some of her food to them and they split it amongst themselves, not caring who gets more or less.

-o-O-o-

“ _Hijikata-san._ ”

Hijikata's having the worst dream in the history of dreams and he really wants to wake up.

“ _Hijikata-saaaan._ ”

God, that voice is familiar, make it go away.

“ _Are you dead? Hijikata-san!”_

A sharp pain stabs Hijikata in the gut and his eyes fly open to the familiar face of Sougo. Immediately, his head starts pounding and he groans, grabbing his face with a hand.

“Wha'da fuck?”

“Oh, so you _are_ alive, I was beginning to wonder.”

“Hn... go 'way.”

“I can't!” Sougo raises his voice on purpose. “Kondo-san wanted me to make sure you'd made it back okay last night.” He's almost yelling now. “Said you two drank a lot.”

Hijikata tries to punch him, but he's out of the way before the hit can land.

“Ohh... I'm gonna puke....” That sharp pain is still kind of twinging on his gut and he lifts his head to glare at it. “B-blood? Did you really fuckin' prick me, you ass?”

“You weren't waking up.”

Hijikata makes the sound of a dying animal and starts to get up, but each movement is pain. “M'up now. You can go.”

Someone must be looking out for Hijikata because Sougo's phone rings and he leaves in hurry. It's not anything important, he's sure, if it were, then Hijikata's phone is the one that would be blaring right now. There's probably just a sale on food or torture equipment somewhere. Hijikata knows he needs to get moving, he has to start his recovery process as soon as he can to get himself back into working condition. He has something he needs to see or check or... find out... and he needs to do it before he can change his mind. Rather, before he can talk himself out of it.

He won't even think about how nervous it makes him or how stupid – ridiculous! – it is. He just needs to do it or it'll drive him crazy, he knows it. Getting out of bed is the first step, showering is the second. He'll guzzle water all day and order the new recruits around because they need to be broken in more, they're still far too useless. Then, he's going on patrol and he's not coming back until he has some kind of answer to what's burning at the back of his mind – besides a terrible headache.

-o-O-o-

Hijikata has been on patrol for two hours and he has completed his route, now it's time for his extracurricular activity. He has almost lost his nerve several times, but he won't be happy with himself if he doesn't follow through, this much he knows about himself. His patrolling has narrowed to Kabukichou and he has passed Gintoki's apartment at least three times. He doesn't think anyone has or will notice, cops come through this area a lot since it has a high crime rate. There doesn't seem to be any movement from the apartment, so Hijikata widens his berth and moves down toward the nearest dango stand.

No luck, so Hijikata deviates his path and lets his legs take him where they will. It's later in the evening, but not late enough for him to think Gintoki has wandered into that other district he'd found him in before. The sun isn't even down all the way, but it's moving there and giving the streets a more golden glow. Hand on the hilt of his sword for comfort, Hijikata keeps walking and finds himself back at Gintoki's apartment just as the guy emerges from an alley across the street from it. Gintoki looks right at him and Hijikata makes it obvious that he's walking toward him with no intention of going by him.

“Been runnin' into you a lot lately,” Gintoki remarks passively.

Hijikata stops in front of him and glares. “H-how much?”

“What?”

“How much!” Hijikata repeats and nervously glances around. “For... ya know.”

Gintoki smirks and rubs his chin like there's a beard there for him to stroke. “Well, well, well, was it that good for you, Oogushi-kun?”

“That's not my name! Just answer the damn question or I'm leavin'!”

“It depends on what ya want.” His hand drops and he rests the arm across his stomach. “Full service, more of what you had last night, a quick one off with my hand, one fuck, there's –”

“Shut up!” Hijikata snaps, his eyes wide and every part of him is hot with anger and embarrassment. “O-one.”

If Gintoki's surprised, he doesn't show it and only shrugs. “Five thousand yen even.”

“That's....” Cheap. That's so fucking cheap, Hijikata had expected to be paying ten thousand at the very least. He'd also thought Gintoki would name some ridiculous figure that no man could ever pay, but this? Five thousand yen? He eyes Gintoki, looks him up and down, and it doesn't seem like a trick, but how can he know when he can't tell what Gintoki's thinking? “Fine.”

“But you pay for drinks and room expenses too.” He shoots a look behind him at the alley. “Unless ya wanna go back there.”

“No!”

Gintoki nods and heads down the road, calling back in a sing song voice, “This way!”

And Hijikata follows.

He keeps his head down and can't find back his blush while his eyes flick to everything all at once. It feels like everyone is watching him, like every person knows what he's about to do. They make one stop at a convenience store where Hijikata buys them both a medium container of sake. Gintoki opens his and drinks it on the way and after a moment, Hijikata breaks down and does the same. He doesn't think about anything, he knows that if he does, it'll only get worse for him. The alcohol is a blessed burn down the back of his throat and he can already start to feel it after the first few gulps.

Gintoki throws his empty container away as he turns down the path of the hotel he picked. It's by no means a nice hotel, but it's not a drab, decrepit looking place that might be infested with bugs, either. They walk inside and Hijikata knows his part is to go up to the counter and pay and pick a room. Gintoki waits on the other side of the room and Hijikata gets them a small regular room, no theme. The price for an hour is no much at all and he doesn't make eye contract with the girl behind the counter as he forks over the money. He's given the key and he goes right back to following Gintoki who leads him up a flight of stairs. The stairs are grimy, Hijikata doesn't touch the railing, it looks weirdly sticky.

“What room?”

“Two-oh-two.”

Gintoki stops on the second floor and Hijikata downs more of his sake because he can feel himself starting to panic. Why had he done this? What does he hope to gain from it? Gintoki's treating him like _just another customer_ and there's so much in that statement, too much for Hijikata to even know where to start.

“Which one of us is gonna...” he trails off, he doesn't actually know how to ask this.

“What?” Gintoki glances over his shoulder. “Who's gonna top or bottom?”

Hijikata nods and goes with it. “Yeah.”

“Does it matter? Fucking is fucking.” Gintoki holds his hand out for the key and when he gets it, he opens the door for them. He walks inside and Hijikata hesitates before gulping and following in after him – the door closing behind them sounds so final. “You're paying, so you decide. I don't care.” He takes off his bokken and sets it by the door. “You ever slept with a man before?”

“N-no.”

Gintoki shoots him a look at that, but Hijikata can read absolutely nothing out of it, it's void of every hint of emotion. “Should probably top then, you'd freak if I shoved my dick up your ass.”

Hijikata's face flushes and he grits his teeth, refusing to comment. Gintoki takes off his yukata and lets it fall to the floor. He's unhurried, doesn't seem bothered by this at all, meanwhile, Hijikata feels like there are worms crawling underneath his skin. The longer he stays in the room, the more anxious he gets, and the closer he comes to bolting. He's second guessing himself, this has to have been one of his worst ideas – he's not the spontaneous type! He doesn't do shit like this, this is more Gintoki's department, making decisions on a whim and going with them blindly. Hijikata's a strategic straight man that plans shit out before acting!

“You gonna undress or stand there like a dumbass?”

Indignant, Hijikata glares and starts taking off his clothes, but not before finishing off his sake. He feels like he _needs_ it to get him through this and he wishes he'd bought more than one each. He takes off his sword and jacket, keeping them close together where he props his sword up along the wall. Every few seconds he finds himself glancing over at Gintoki and he's all the way down to his boxers when he goes into the bathroom. Hijikata's able to breathe a little easier once he's gone and also smash his face into the wall to get his head together. It feels like all his thoughts are scattering and he doesn't think he has ever been more grateful to be such a lightweight because he can feel the booze working to keep him relaxed.

His fingers catch on the button of his pants and he cusses, but shimmies out of them. He leaves his boxers on because Gintoki had still been in his, but then Hijikata doesn't know what to do with himself. Gintoki's still in the bathroom doing god knows what and if Hijikata has to wait much longer, he's going to flip his shit and leave. He puts his phone on the nightstand, just in case it goes off – he might secretly be hoping it rings right now with an emergency so he has an excuse to leave – then sits on the bed. Right away his right leg starts bouncing up and down and he doesn't know what to do with his hands so he clasps them together.

“Put the money on the nightstand!” Gintoki calls through the door and Hijikata literally jumps to get right to it.

It's something for him to do and as he gets his wallet out of his pants to pull out the bills, it strikes him again that it's only five thousand yen. For a fuck. _One_ fuck. He gets what he needs and puts it on the nightstand and looks around the room. It's all dark colors and clean, though he refuses to think about how gross the sheets might be. He sits and stares at his phone for at least a minute, hoping, hoping, hoping it'll give him an excuse to get out of this. But the bathroom door opens and Hijikata's shoulders pinch up as he freezes and goes absolutely still. Gintoki walks out as nonchalantly as he'd walked in and he's still wearing his stupid strawberry pink boxers.

“How d'ya wanna do it?”

“H-huh?”

Gintoki kicks his clothes into a pile. “The fucking, you bastard. You have a preference?”

“Oh... no.”

“Fine, sit in the center of the bed.” Hijikata doesn't like to be bossed around, but since he's so out of his element, he moves and sits with his back to the headboard. “You understand this is just a fuck right? I'll get you off and we're done, got it?”

“M'not fuckin' stupid!” Hijikata snaps. “I know what I'm payin' for, hurry your ass up!”

Gintoki snorts and goes over to the light switch. “And one more thing, lights off.”

“Good. Don't wanna see your ugly mug.”

The lights go out and the darkness is a relief, such a goddamn fucking relief. He can't see a damn thing, there's no light source anywhere in the room, it doesn't even have a window. The bed dips as Gintoki gets on it and Hijikata jumps a little when a hand touches his leg. It doesn't feel right to speak, it's like the darkness has become their cover, their illusion, and talking will break that to smithereens. He gets nervous as Gintoki crawls between his legs, but understand why when his mouth presses to Hijikata's groin. He spreads his legs a little more and Gintoki starts mouthing at him through his boxers, his breath warm and teasing.

Hijikata's not going to be still and useless this time, so he sinks his hands into Gintoki's hair. The curls are as soft as he remembers and he guides Gintoki's mouth to where he wants it along his hardening cock. He can't not react to this kind of stimulation and if he doesn't think of it as him and Gintoki, his body responds faster. He closes his eyes and bites back the noises trying to bubble up for the same reason he won't speak. Some sounds do escape though, he really can't help it, this feels... really good.

Gintoki's hands, his touch, is experienced and turns Hijikata's body into a pliable instrument. His boxers get pulled down just enough to let his cock out and Gintoki takes Hijikata into his mouth without a pause. He takes him down deep on the first swallow and sucks on his way back up – this brings the first loud sound out of Hijikata's throat. His fingers tighten in Gintoki's hair and push him down, getting Gintoki to take him even deeper, all the way down his throat until Gintoki's nose is buried in his pubes. Hijikata gets louder and his legs spread as wide as they can with his boxers still around his hips. His cock is hard in Gintoki's mouth – already, so soon – and he winces every time he throbs.

“ _Nngg_ ,” Hijikata groans, pulling at Gintoki's hair until his mouth releases his cock.

The hard weight of it hits his lower stomach with a wet slap and his gut somersaults at the sound. Gintoki's panting, Hijikata is too, and it's a little awkward that that's the only noises between them. Thankfully, before the awkwardness can become too stifling, Gintoki moves and Hijikata lets go of him. Hands pulls at his boxers and he lifts his hips to allow them to be taken off and thrown to the side. He hears them hit the floor and Gintoki is nothing but a dark shadow in front of him, a shadow that could be anyone if he uses his imagination.

There's a lot of shifting and a tearing sound that confuses Hijikata until Gintoki's mouth descends on his dick again. It's just a quick down and up and when Gintoki pulls off, there's a condom on him. It makes Hijikata shudder – he doesn't want to think about where or how Gintoki might have learned that little move. After a bit of minute shifting, Hijikata's legs are pushed together and to his surprise, Gintoki straddles him. The natural perm doesn't waste any time with it either, he takes Hijikata's cock in hand, braces his other hand on the headboard, then slowly sits.

“A-ahnn....”

That noise had been Hijikata as well and he can honestly say he can't help it at this point. Gintoki's so fucking tight and the _heat_ even through the condom is scalding. He just keeps going down, down, down until he's fully seated and Hijikata has such a firm grip on his hips that his fingers are without a doubt leaving indents. His eyes are fucking crossing it feels so good and his toes are curling against the bed – this is _not_ what he expected it to feel like at all, it's _better_.

Everything inside his mind shatters and becomes fuzzy like he had too much to drink. Gintoki's hips roll and Hijikata groans, his hands holding tighter because he can't get them to move. He can hear Gintoki breathing near his left ear and feel his breath against his shoulder, but he doesn't turn his head. Gintoki's hand remains braced on the headboard and he starts moving his hips faster, his breaths catching in his throat. Gintoki's so fucking tight, Hijikata can't get over it! This isn't like having a woman! This is so different, Gintoki is heavier, bigger, demanding. Hijikata can feel the muscles of Gintoki's thighs working, expanding, and he can feel the _power_ in him. That's maybe the most astounding thing, that he can feel how strong and all-consuming Gintoki is even in the dark and he doesn't want to give the guy too much credit, but _damn_.

Hijikata doesn't think about the fact that Gintoki is a man – even the press of Gintoki's dick between them doesn't exactly register – it's all about feeling. It becomes hot in the room and Gintoki's skin hitting his own is loud and wet – god, he's _tight, so fucking tight_. Hijikata's legs tremble and his toes curl so hard it feels like he might get a cramp at any moment in his calves. Gintoki's hips twist and Hijikata makes a sound that's a cut off shout before he's biting his tongue and letting out a heady breath through his nose. The heat in his belly is coiling, he's getting close just from this, that's how long it has been since he has had a good fuck, any fuck, really.

Suddenly, Gintoki leans back and holds himself up with both hands back on the bed and moves his hips faster and Hijikata knows he's done for. Everything is too hot, it's too tight, he hasn't felt this way in such a long time, and he can't stand it. His hips jerk up and he cums with a long moan and Gintoki just keeps moving, bouncing up and down on his dick. Hijikata's head clunks back against the headboard and his fingers squeeze down harder, his legs jerk, his back arches, god, it feels good to orgasm. Little white stars explode behind his eyelids and his lips stay parted, if he closes them he knows he won't get enough oxygen.

But then it's over.

Gintoki's ass milks Hijikata for everything he's worth, then the heat is gone, Gintoki has pulled off him. It happens so fast, his mind is so muddled, Gintoki's just there and then he's not. There's no light switch near him, so all Hijikata can do is sit there and try to come to grips with what's going on.

“T-turn on the mm – fuckin' light, asshole.”

When it comes on, Hijikata closes his eyes, his face scrunching up. The brightness is harsh, but he can still hear Gintoki moving around, probably putting his clothes on. Hijikata doesn't want to drag this out anymore than Gintoki does, he just wishes his mind weren't so slow in processing everything. He blinks his eyes a few times and, sure enough, Gintoki has his black outfit on and is just getting his yukata straightened out. How he managed to do that so fast in the dark... Hijikata isn't sure he wants to know, it's not like he cares, either.

“Gotta get back, was kinda on a job when you showed up.”

“Job....”

“Missing dog.”

“Ah.”

It's awkward again, Gintoki isn't looking at him, he just looks bored as he slips his bokken into his belt. Hijikata grabs a tissue from off the nightstand and removes the condom in the cleanest way he can, though some of his cum gets on his thigh. He's flushed beet red and can feel the latent rush of embarrassment mounting and getting ready to slam into him, but he takes deep breaths to ward it off as long as he can. Or at least until Gintoki leaves.

Gintoki comes over when he has his second boot on and grabs the money off the nightstand. “Keep it real, Mayora!”

It's amazing how there's an upbeat undertone to him as he leaves and Hijikata is struck so stunned he can't move. He stares at the closed door and his mind is blank, like... what? He can hear Gintoki whistling his way down the hall....

He just fucked the Shiroyasha.

“Oh my f-fucking god.”

And then it hits him – Gintoki hadn't cum. Had... had he even been _hard_? Hijikata wants to think so, but it's all such a blur in his mind that he can't remember. He only remembers the feel of Gintoki's body, of his _insides_ , holy fuck, he just fucked Sakata Gintoki and the fucker is whistling about it. Panic and embarrassment and something else he can't identify ensconces Hijikata all at once and he shoves his face into his hands and yells. That had gone all wrong! He'd cum too fast, Gintoki hadn't even gotten off!

“What the _fuck?_ ” Hijikata exclaims into his hands and then there's _anger_.

Had Gintoki been mocking him somehow? Using him maybe? Does the guy turn tricks often or what? Had he even enjoyed that at all – no, fuck, Hijikata doesn't care about that! Does he?

“Fuck!”

In less than an hour, Hijikata's everything has changed and he doesn't know where to even fucking start to figure it out.

**To Be Continued**


	7. Pull the Wrong Thread and the Whole Thing Unravels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gay things

Gintoki wakes up to a ticklish feeling on his face around his nose and he _almost_ smacks at it. However, it occurs to him just in time that if he does that, he'll be smacking himself in the face and that will not help his headache. Grumbling, he opens his eyes and his glare tempers to a stare. There's bring blue above his right eye and... oh, it's a wing.

There's a butterfly on his face.

He sits up slowly and it takes off, fluttering away only to land on his knee. He pays it no mind – but holds still for it – and yawns behind a hand. The cardboard box he's on is right next to Hasegawa's, both boxes are flat against the ground since they'd be too small for them if they were still standing. They'd had a long night of Pachinko and drinks since Gintoki had had some money and in their drunken stupor, they'd decided to be box buddies. Not that Gintoki remembers much, mainly the parlor and then dancing around the boxes to see who could stay on their feet the longest.

He'd... won? Lost? He vaguely remembers them running into each other, then after that it all gets fuzzy. Where are they even? He scans around with squinted eyes and ah, they're in the park, that makes sense. Yawning again, he closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose in the hopes that it'll make his headache less like a spear through his skull. It doesn't really do much, but having his eyes closed makes him feel less dizzy and that's always a good start.

What the hell time is it anyway? It's bright, his retinas fucking burned when he'd opened his eyes, but he hadn't seen any blurry outlines of people. That means it's early and he's not too fond of that idea, he just wants to sleep. But not in a cardboard box anymore, he has aches and pains now, he can feel them in knots in his back and there's a cramp in his right thigh that's entirely unwelcome. He wants his bed, his nice warm futon with his blanket and his comfortable pillow. It's times like these he wishes he had the ability to teleport, but no, he has to walk.

Gintoki pulls out the rest of his change and starts counting it there on his palm, moving the little pieces around as he adds it up. When he's done counting it up, he putters happily and starts to get up – he's having parfait for breakfast today! He shoos the butterfly away as he gets up and winces once he's on his feet. The alcohol had numbed the pain before, but a hangover didn't hide any pains, it only added to them. He'd feel better once he got his parfait, everything was always better after a parfait.

He glances over at Hasegawa and snorts, the Madao is spooning the empty bottle of sake they'd finished off together. He's snoring and his sunglasses are askew and that's how Gintoki leaves him. He knows Hasegawa will be fine on his own, it's not like there's anything Gintoki can really do for him anyway and he doesn't have enough money to get them both something.

-o-O-o-

Hijikata has lost his fucking mind.

It has been three days since the _thing_ with Gintoki and it's the only thing Hijikata has had on his mind. He can't escape it, like a thorn in his side, it comes with him wherever he goes and it's suffocating. Using work as a distraction is ineffectual, it doesn't matter how many showers he takes, he never feels like himself again, everything is fucked up. He doesn't know how to make things right, the only thing he has some idea about is what move he should make next, but at the same time, he doesn't know _how_ to take that step.

A knock on his door has him looking up from the paperwork he should have been doing, but has been neglecting for... he glances at the clock and cusses, it has been over a half hour. He hasn't been able to do his work properly and feels like dirt because he hasn't left the sanctity of the barracks since that stupid night.

“Come in!”

“Tosshi!” Kondo walks in bearing gifts of food and drink. “You missed dinner, so I thought I'd bring it to you!”

“Ah, thanks. I've been... distracted. Paperwork and such.”

Kondo hands him a glass of water and a bowl of rice and beef. “I understand! Feels like there's a lot more work these days.”

“Everyone's busy, doesn't help that Sougo keeps disappearing.”

“He does his work.”

“Not when he's supposed to.”

Kondo sits across from Hijikata and crosses his legs. “I'll have a talk with him. Another reason I wanted to stop by was to get your input on the new recruits.”

“Oh.” Hijikata shoves the bundle he has gathered with his chopsticks into his mouth. He chews quickly and tries not to make a sour face, but he knows he's failing. “Susumu is the weakest of the three. From what I can tell, Jun has the most promise and Arata is somewhere in between. They all follow orders well, but they're lacking a lot of experience. I still think we shouldn't have given them uniforms right away and made them earn their right to wear them.”

“You never would've given those to them then!” Kondo laughs and slaps his knee, his grin making his eyes squint shut. Hijikata shoves more food in his mouth, inhaling it after realizing that he is, indeed, quite hungry. “Do you like them though?”

“They're alright,” he takes a gulp of water, “I dunno, I haven't really ah... gotten to know them. Why do you ask?”

“Just wanted a general feel for how they're doing, if they're fitting in okay.”

Hijikata nods as he chews and swallows. “They get along with everyone. Zaki and Arata have proven to be pretty decent together, so I pair them up the most. I keep them all away from Sougo as much as I can, don't want them picking up any bad habits.”

“Like eating dango and disappearing?”

“Among others.” His gaze hardens. “Like attempts on my life.”

“Oh, Tosshi! Don't be so dramatic!” If Hijikata hadn't just filled his mouth with rice and beef, he'd be defending himself, but as it is, food is more important. “But do you think the recruits are ready to expand their duties? I'm sure they're all tired of just cleaning and training.”

“They go on patrols too,” he replies, using his thumb to push a stray piece of rice from the corner of his lips into his mouth. “None of them are ready for raids, not even Jun. Their swordsmanship is clumsy, they're not ready to arrest anyone. Susumu would just take someone out for the sake of his own pride and Jun would be too quick to draw his weapon, it doesn't take much to provoke him. Arata gets distracted by any woman that walks by, it makes me wonder why he gets along with Zaki so well, but whatever the case, he's not ready for much.”

“So don't give them their handcuffs yet,” Kondo surmises and Hijikata nods.

“Let them train some more and we'll see where they're at in a month or so, that's my opinion.”

“Then that's what they'll do, I trust you know what's best. I feel bad I haven't gotten the chance to really work with them personally.”

Hijikata shrugs. “You're busy, they get that. Is the Shogun coming for a visit anytime soon?”

“Not that I know of, but you know how fast that stuff can change.” He pauses and Hijikata focuses on taking a drink of water so he doesn't have to meet that gaze he can feel him on. “You seem different.”

“How so?”

“Still not like yourself. You forget to eat sometimes, but I haven't seen you in the mess hall at all today.”

“Things... get busy.”

Kondo sits up straighter and crosses his arms. “Is it this whole thing with the red strings?”

Hijikata chokes on his food and has to chug the rest of the water or risk dying by throat blockage. He thumps his chest and takes a ragged breath as he coughs, all while Kondo watches him on the verge of coming over to hit his back. Hijikata waves a hand when Kondo makes a move and it's so awkward, he just wants to be absorbed by the floor. He can't lie, he refuses to lie to Kondo, but he doesn't know how to answer this one when he doesn't want to tell the truth!

“W-what,” he coughs a couple more times behind his hand, sure that there's a piece of rice lodged in there, “do y-you mean?”

“It is, isn't it?” Kondo sighs. “It must be so hard watching all these people get matched up while you remain unattached.”

“Uhh....”

“I understand! You get your heart set on someone and you wait and wait and wait, but the red string doesn't connect you to her.”

It finally clicks and Hijikata's relieved enough to let out a stilted breath. “You're talkin' about the Shimura girl.”

“Tosshi! What if she gets matched up with someone else?” Kondo's serious expression breaks to panic and distress. “She's so empowering and sweet, I can't bear to have someone else have her! I want to be the one to make her happy!”

“There's still time,” Hijikata soothes, “no one knows how the strings even work.”

Kondo sniffles and his lips wobble. “It is strange, isn't it?”

“A lot of odd things have been known to happen since the Amanto showed up.” Hijikata clears his throat and nervous twiddles his fingers, moving the glass on the bowl on his desk for something to do. “What do you think about it?”

“I think it's beautiful!” Kondo bursts with the largest grin and Hijikata doesn't have a clue why he hadn't anticipated that answer. “To be led right to your soulmate, what could be better than that?”

“Finding the entrance to the mayonnaise kingdom.”

“This is for real! I can't help but be a little envious of everyone that it has happened to, they're so lucky.”

“Are they?”

“Of course! Meeting the person they're destined to be with,” he sighs wistfully, “there are sayings about that stuff! Like how your soul is made of the same stuff as the person you're meant to be with. And isn't there something about how you choose who you love, but you have no choice in your soulmate? That kind of stuff just _is_ , I think. It happens, like... like the first time I saw Otae-san! It felt like something slammed into me, I couldn't breathe!”

“So you don't think that the string only leads to a possibility, you think it leads to the only person that's meant for you?”

That brings Kondo up short and he grabs his chin in thought. Hijikata can feel his heart hammering in his chest and he does his best not to let his nervousness show, Kondo will pick up on it pretty quick if he sees any of it. He wants this answer, he even finds himself straining his ears while he waits. He can't name the significance of it and he doesn't really think the answer is going to change anything – how could it? – but Kondo's opinions have always carried a lot of weight to them.

“Hmm... I hadn't thought of that.” He strokes the little stubble on the end of his chin. “I personally like to think that if a string appears it leads you to the person that's meant for you, but....” Hijikata is hanging on his every word. “Maybe they only lead you to the person that's best for you at the time?” Kondo makes a face and shakes his head. “No! No, no, that doesn't sound right! That makes it seem like someone else could be better for you later on and no! I like to think that it leads you right to the one person that's best for you!” He crosses his arms again and nods, but then his smile fades and his brows furrow in concern. “Why do you ask?”

Hijikata hides his panic as best he can and shrugs jerkily. “T-that kinda stuff is everywhere these days.”

“Does it bother you?”

“At times.”

“I've worried about that. I'm sorry, I don't know how to bring this up and I've been avoiding it because you seemed okay, but now I'm not so sure. You've been working yourself so hard, you haven't even remembered to get something to eat, you're in your room more and more often, it feels like the longer this string stuff sticks around, the worse it gets for you.” Hijikata's gaze has skittered down to his desk and his fists are clenched on his knees, he thinks he knows what's coming and it's dread that fills his gut. “It'd make sense if you were upset believing that the...” Hijikata hears him shift, “the person you think a string would appear for is –”

“D-don't say it.”

The room goes quiet and Hijikata's mouth is dry, he doesn't look up from the desk.

“I'm sorry, Tosshi. My point is, if there's anything I can do to help, promise me you'll say something.”

“Okay.”

“I need you to promise, otherwise I know you won't say anything.”

Sighing, Hijikata looks up at him and nods. “I promise.”

Kondo's mouth is sunken into a frown and there's real concern in his eyes and in the lines of his face. “Thank you. Try to at least make it to one meal a day.”

“I'll do my best.”

“Good,” he takes a breath and tries a smile, “glad to have that out of the way! And thank you for your input with the recruits.”

“It might be good to put together some practice situations so we can see how they'd react if they got ambushed. Fake weapons, of course. Just somethin' to keep them on their toes and test their instincts.”

“That's a good idea! I'll put you in charge of organizing something!” Kondo gets up and grabs the empty dishes. “I'll leave you to your work, don't stay up too late!”

Before he's all the way out the door, Hijikata calls after him, causing him to pause in the frame. “T-thanks.”

Kondo smiles and waves the empty glass in a wave. “Anything, Tosshi!”

The door closes and Hijikata falls heavily onto his back, throwing an arm over his face. That had been brutal and his heart is still thundering away in his chest, so fast it feels like he can't breathe right. He knows Kondo means well and he's grateful to the man, especially grateful that Kondo hadn't asked something specific, like if Hijikata had gotten a string. Still, his chest aches and it feels like the food he just ate is going to come back up.

Mitsuba.

He misses her, everything about her, but he can't say that if she were still alive, a string would connect them. He'd... want that if she were still... but it can't be. To this day, he still wonders if he made the right decision to not let himself reciprocate her feelings the way she wanted. He doesn't regret anything he has ever done for the Shinsengumi, but had he known her time was so limited, had he known she'd be taken away from the world too soon... would that have changed things? They could have found a way to make things work, but he'd been young and naïve and single-minded.

Despite his reservations, despite not feeling good enough for her... he could have made her happy.

Hijikata digs a hand into his hair and tugs, his teeth gritting. Now isn't the time to be thinking about this, but just having Kondo edge toward the topic has sent him into a downward spiral. He can't afford to think of all that would have been and could have been, it'll tear him apart and put him in a place he doesn't want to be. He's a strong man, but god, he loves her still. The way she smiled, her laugh, her kind and gentle heart. Even after he hurt her, she forgave him and understood – she always _understood_.

Having that stupid string lead him to Gintoki, it made his stomach tumult and it filled him with dread, but it also did something he didn't expect: it gave him hope. Ridiculous, stupid, _useless_ hope. He feels like a complete fool for even considering it, but it has already taken hold and what had happened with Gintoki that night... what the fuck had that even been? Hijikata had gotten so caught up in the whirlwind that is _natural perm_ and he can't so much as begin to explain the outcome.

They'd fucked, clearly, and after thinking about it over and over, he's positive Gintoki hadn't cum. It'd just all happened so goddamn fast! He never thought he'd say that about sex! How many times has he run it through his head? All the things that went totally wrong, all the things he hadn't expected, all the things he would have done differently if he could, it has kept him up at night and plagued his waking thoughts. Anything that can preoccupy him so much has to mean something to him and he needs to figure it out, that's why he already knows the next step he wants to take and the conversation with Kondo, unbeknownst to him, helped some. 

It's fucking  _ weird _ to think the way Kondo does, that the string leads to the  _ one _ person someone is meant to be with. The whole concept is hard for Hijikata to grasp, he isn't the type to think about this stuff at all, but when a literal string appears on his finger, it's kind of really hard to ignore. He'd wanted to ask Kondo if he'd heard of any cases of people being unhappy with the results, but the fear that asking would draw unwanted attention to himself had kept him quiet. He isn't ready to say anything about this to anyone, not even Kondo, it's too new and foreign. That, and he doesn't want the added pressure of anyone asking question and what if nothing works out? Then he'd have to answer more questions he doesn't want to even think about and if Sougo hears about it... no, not touching on that idea, Hijikata has enough problems.

And he still doesn't know _why_ and he wishes he weren't so damn curious. Gintoki doesn't seem to care at all and Hijikata can personally only see everything ending badly, in a blazing fire or a fight that leaves them both beaten to bloody pulps even worse than before. They'd rip each other to pieces at the first opportunity, maybe not because they actually want to, but because it's what they're most familiar with. Fighting, hitting, covering up the root of the problem with bluster and misdirection, he and Gintoki know how to do that. What they don't know, or at least when Hijikata sure doesn't know, is how to deal with or approach someone like Gintoki.

He doesn't really know anything about the man, well, he _does_ , but he doesn't. He knows Gintoki is a Joui patriot, he knows Gintoki reads Jump, he's addicted to sweets, he's annoying, he's a natural perm, he's good to his kids, he protects what's important to him, he's a _good_ man... he and Gintoki are a lot alike, they've established that already. But knowing Gintoki and being with Gintoki are two totally different things. It's not the physical things Hijikata's stuck on, it's the emotional things, it's the same things he felt before with the woman he still loves.

“This is gettin' me nowhere,” Hijikata says to the darkness behind his eyes and lets his arm fall away.

Hijikata has absolutely no idea how to handle the enigma that Gintoki is. Does he really sell himself or was that just a ruse? Gintoki has certainly known what he's doing when it comes to anything sexual, at least that's what Hijikata can gather, and being with another man hadn't slowed him down at all. Hijikata can't identify the feeling that keeps welling up in his chest every time he thinks about it, so he doesn't let any of the thoughts take hold.

Sitting up, Hijikata rubs a hand over his face and he feels so tired.

For _five thousand yen_ , the _Shiroyasha_ had let Hijikata fuck him.

“Goddamn it.”

Scrubbing his face with both hands, he angrily grabs his pen and starts back in on the paperwork left unfinished on his desk. He needs to finish it quickly, there's an extra patrol he has planned for himself later.

-o-O-o-

Three days later and Hijikata is once again out on patrol, leaving the paperwork situation with Yamazaki for the time being. It's an unwise decision, but after considering his options, he came to the conclusion that it's best to leave it with Zaki now and make up for it later. He can take a whole day and get it done right if he needs to, but for right now, this is what he needs to do. It's what his gut is telling him is right despite everything screaming at him that it's not going to go well.

He and Gintoki, they're not so different and hope is a damning thing.

The first two days had been a bust and for all Hijikata knows, today is going to be a bust, too, but he's still going to try. He understands nothing of what's happening and hates not knowing where it's going to lead, but he wouldn't – he can't _not_ try. What he's trying for, he can't say, he can't even say he wants any kind of relationship, but... but he just doesn't _know_.

Hijikata's making his rounds, they're familiar now, though he makes sure to switch it up. He takes the same routes, but never in the same order so he doesn't draw attention to himself. He wants to look natural, not like he's looking for anything or anyone. He's still doing his job, of course, he just has a secret second agenda coinciding with it. He'd never slack off his job for this, but he has to find a way to do both, so he's doing his best with what he has. He's not ready for it, whatever might come, that much he's all too aware of. So, as much as he wants to run into Gintoki, the desire to not run into Gintoki is of equal fervor.

“Oi! Watch – oh.”

Hijikata has a lit cigarette between his fingers and he stares at Gintoki who's staring right back at him. He can read nothing from the look and he's so surprised to actually see him that he can think of nothing to say. A flush rises up into his face and he has to fight off the urge to just punch the asshole right in his stupid face. A sudden pain makes Hijikata flinch and cuss as he tosses his cigarette down before sucking on the place where it had burned his finger. The sting gets his mind working and he grabs Gintoki roughly by the bicep and hauls him to the side, out of the busy street.

Gintoki goes with him willingly enough, though there's grumbles at being handled. Hijikata isn't listening, he wipes the spit off his finger on his pants and blindly yanks Gintoki behind him into an alcove. They're in Kabukichou still, though barely, and the place he takes them is barely an alley and there isn't much room. His mind is reeling, he should abandon this right now, he's much too unprepared for any of this. Some strategist he is, jumping in without even a half-assed plan, he's doomed! He lets go of Gintoki once they're off the street and turns on him, his fists clenched on both sides.

Gintoki looks him up down with a blank expression. “What do you want, mayora?”

“Another.”

“Oh?” His eyes dead fish as he picks his ear with a pinky. “Another what?”

“Y-you know.”

“What'd I give it to you so good you're after seconds?”

“You call that a decent fuck?” Hijikata sneers, prodding, looking for a reaction and not getting one.

“Well you sure didn't last very long,” he takes his finger out of his ear and flicks it nonchalantly to the side, “you tell me.”

The blush slams into Hijikata's face so hard it feels like instant sunburn and with his lashing temper, he blurts, “Five thousand yen says you can't do it again!”

The both stare at each other and Gintoki's head tips to the side, but his expression gives nothing away. The words had left Hijikata's mouth without thought, Gintoki just gets him so riled and it doesn't help that he really _doesn't_ know what he's doing or what he wants to get out of any of this. Hijikata's eyes skitter away – this is stupid, he's so _stupid_ , what had he been thinking? All they do is annoy and pick at each other, no good can come from this, he should never have gone looking.

“Can you pay right now?” That gets Hijikata to look back over and Gintoki is the same as he was before, blank. Actually, no, he's mildly agitated... maybe, it's hard to tell. But there's anger between them, anger and friction just waiting for one of them to snap to set it off. Hijikata can sense it, it's the only thing that's clear regardless of Gintoki's cool demeanor. “C'mon, I gotta pick something up.”

“H-half,” he clears his throat, “half before, half after.”

Gintoki holds his hand out. “Pay up.”

Hijikata pulls out his wallet and extracts the right amount, saying, “We can't be seen together.”

“No duh,” Gintoki responds and turns to leave after taking the money, “I'll lead, you follow. You wanna real _decent_ fuck, I'll give you one.”

Gintoki steps out into the street and Hijikata waits a few seconds before trailing after him, his stomach in knots. He's waiting for Gintoki to take off or suddenly vanish, but he doesn't do either. What he does do is stop at a convenience store and come out with a bag before resuming his trek. Gintoki makes himself easy to follow and before long he's walking into the same hotel they'd gone to before. Hijikata gives it a solid minute before following him in and he finds Gintoki waiting to the right of the front doors. He's leaning against the wall and Hijikata passes him to go up to the counter to get them a room.

Soon they're on their way up the stairs and once again, Hijikata doesn't touch the railing. The sounds of their steps is hollow and there's so much static accumulating, it's even more unnerving that Gintoki isn't talking. Hijikata glances over his shoulder and the perm isn't looking at him, he's fiddling around with the plastic bag around his wrist. They get to the right floor and Hijikata uses the key he got to get the door to their room open, that's where things change.

It's all anger between them right from the start, so much so that the very air feels charged. The second they're through the door, Gintoki has come up behind him and grabbed hold, his bokken falling to the floor along with the bag. Hijikata almost goes on the defensive, but then Gintoki's kissing him and pressing him right up against the wall of a room almost exactly like the one they had last time.

The kiss is entirely unexpected.

Hijikata doesn't have any experience kissing a man, but the way Gintoki's kissing him is unlike any woman. Gintoki's mouth is demanding and rough, his tongue forceful and questing. There isn't anything reserved about Gintoki at all, no pause like he's second guessing himself, he asks permission for nothing.

Hijikata kisses back as best he can, but the biggest thing is that he doesn't know what to do with his hands. Gintoki's are all over the place, touching and grabbing wherever he wants. One tangles in Hijikata's hair to tilt his head to the side so their noses don't bump as much and the other hand slides along his shoulder under his jacket, pushing it to the side. Gintoki's pushing him into the hard surface, making him feel surrounded and just fucking overwhelmed.

His hands land on Gintoki's hips and he feels so goddamn lame because that's all he could get himself to do last time! He's not a passive kind of person! But Gintoki comes at him so fast and he's so out of his element with this that he gets blindsided. His fingers curl in Gintoki's clothes and he yanks Gintoki into him, but he doesn't expect him to move so easily. He does though, he molds right up against Hijikata's body so they're chest to chest, so close that it's harder to kiss.

Gintoki bites Hijikata's bottom lip and tugs it out before saying, “I need a shower first, it won't take long.”

Hijikata can't question it, he's left flushing and breathless with anger he has no outlet for. Gintoki goes into the bathroom and Hijikata doesn't know what else to do other than undress. He carefully removes each piece and folds them all neatly while the sound of water running permeates through the door. He knows he can leave, knows he _should_ leave, but he's not going anywhere, he knows that more than anything.

He finishes taking off his clothes, puts the rest of the money on the nightstand, and has his sword leaned up against the wall where it'll be out of the way. He pulls back the covers and gets under, grateful for the cover and from here, he refuses to think. The water turns off and Hijikata's stomach turns over, his fingers tighten where they're gripping the blanket. Gintoki comes out moments later with a towel around his waist and and another one on his head as he scrubs his hair dry. He's either half-asleep or bored, Hijikata can't tell and god, this feels like a terrible idea still.

“Surprised you're actually still here.”

Hijikata's teeth grit. “I paid for this.”

“So you did,” Gintoki agrees and ambles over to the bag that's still on floor. From it, he pulls out a box of condoms and rips open the top to pull a little packet out before moving over to the light switch. The towel is still on his head, though he's not actively drying his hair anymore so it's just draped over his head stupidly. “Ready?”

Hijikata nods and the room goes black, putting him on edge immediately. It's instinctual, taking away one of his senses when he's in the presence of a man he doesn't trust creates an imbalance. He hears the thump of a towel hitting the floor and a second later there's a following thump. He has never been this out of sorts just for sex and he can't believe he's seriously half-hard already.

Gintoki's easy to spot in the dark, not the details of him, but his outline because of his pale skin. So Hijikata isn't surprised when the bed dips, but as Gintoki crawls on, Hijikata _pulls_ him over. He grabs hair and shoulder and yanks him in to smash their mouths together, which fucking hurts. He cusses and Gintoki grunts, but kisses him anyway as he straddles one of Hijikata's thighs. Like this, Hijikata can feel the weight of Gintoki's cock though the blanket and he's a lot more aware of the goddamn thing than he was the last time. It's weird as fuck feeling another man's cock, but he's not revolted by it.

“What do you like?” Gintoki asks against his ear and then takes the lobe into his mouth, sucking lightly and reminding Hijikata of just what that mouth can do. He releases it with a quiet pop and noses at Hijikata's hair, his breath hot against his ear. “You like'em loud?”

Gintoki moans long and low and the sound goes straight to Hijikata's dick. He has no alcoholic courage right now, but like hell is he going to use that as an excuse.

“F-fuck,” he growls and turns his head, capturing Gintoki's mouth for another kiss.

-o-O-o-

Gintoki comes out of the bathroom fully clothed and goes over to pick up his bag and bokken. Hijikata has managed to get his pants on and he'd taken the used condom off, it's wrapped in some soiled tissues in the trash. His hair is askew, he can feel it, and there's a deep bite mark on his shoulder along with red lines from scratches on his back. Gintoki takes the rest of the money off the nightstand and slips it into his a fold of his yukata, his eyes never straying to Hijikata.

“That pass for decent?” Gintoki asks as he puts his bokken into place.

“Coulda been worse.”

Gintoki snorts and gives a backwards wave that turns into him flicking Hijikata off, then he's gone and out the door. Once the door clicks shut, Hijikata's face is in his hands and he's using every cuss word and variation of cusses he knows.

 _Coulda been worse_ – what a fucking joke.

He'd cum with Gintoki on his back, arms and legs wrapped around him, and that bite to his shoulder is what had pushed him over the edge. Nails had raked along his back, leaving their marks, and after he'd cum, his cock buried in Gintoki's ass, their breaths loud, Gintoki had detached his mouth and slid a hand between them. Hijikata had flushed feeling Gintoki jerk himself off between their stomachs and he flushes anew just remembering it. He hadn't touched Gintoki's dick during, he hadn't built up the nerve and hadn't really thought about it because he'd been so preoccupied with everything else going on.

But then Gintoki _came_ and Hijikata will never forget how it felt when Gintoki's whole body shuddered or how the muscles of his backside had rippled. Gintoki hadn't made much noise, but just the _feeling_ of it, having Gintoki beneath him, feeling his toes curl against Hijikata's skin as he came undone. His back had arched up off the bed, pressing their chests more firmly together, and Hijikata can still hear the hitching of his breath and the choked gasp so clearly in his head.

 _Decent_ doesn't even begin to cover what that had been and Hijikata is more than ready for the floor to open up and swallow him whole now. If he didn't know what to do before, he has even less of an idea now.

**To Be Continued**

 


	8. Bend Every Light in the City, Let the Shadows Dance Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jealous Hijikata

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wanted to get at least one more update for this before I leave and I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned how much this fic means to me, but… this fic really means a lot to me =A= Like, it really gets into Gintoki’s mental state in later chapters and his totally fucked up perception of himself and everything that happens in this fic is just GUHHH it breaks my heart! But then slowly puts it back together. Like, all my fics mean a lot to me, I love each one, of course, but this one has really just kind of struck me. Updates are able to come a little faster now because actually writing my babies having passionless sex… OH MY GOD I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR HOW HARD THAT WAS! Those early chapters really just fucked me up and took me so long to write out because I had to be in a certain mood to do it right //sobs// Things will be a lot easier now because I have roughly 40+ pages already written and I’m gonna shut up now, but I hope you all enjoy!!

**Intermission**

This intermission will be a short one, time is precious and shouldn't be wasted on the yammering of a writer with no fashion sense to speak of. So, to the point, some of you may find it beneficial to perhaps consult the intermission in chapter three. A lot has happened since then and there's some fairly pertinent information there that won't hurt to have a refresher on.

See, that wasn't so bad, was it?

**Now Back to Your Irregularly Scheduled Update:**

**Bend Every Light in the City, Let the Shadows Dance Alone**

He's running.

Actually _running_.

He sprints up the steps, takes two at a time, trips, crawls his way up them, and dashes to the door.

It's not too late!

He doesn't take his shoes off, he just zooms inside and bolts to the living room.

He turns on the TV and falls to his knees as he waits.

“No!” Gintoki screeches, pawing at the television. “I missed her! Pattsuan, this is your fault!”

“Mine?” Shinpachi keeps dusting. “You picked that job!”

“You're the one who said we needed one!”

“Because we did! And now we can buy food for a few days!”

Gintoki's shoulders slump and he grouses, “I'd rather see Ketsuno Ana than fill my belly.”

Shinpachi gives him a dubious look. “I doubt that. And anyway, Otose-san was looking for you earlier.”

“She's not after the rent or anything, right?”

“Didn't seem to be.”

Getting to his feet, Gintoki stretches and yawns, he'd had to get up way too early. He sifts a hand through his hair and cracks his shoulder, it has been stiff since he woke up. It's a mild pain, but the job had exacerbated it some, so now it's a constant ache.

He takes _one_ step back toward the door and Shinpachi yells, “Oi!”

“Hah?”

“Turn off the TV, you're wasting electricity!” Gintoki shuffles back and flicks the switch to make the screen go blank. Shinpachi is wearing his cleaning apron and has his arms crossed, the feather duster clutched tight in one hand. They stare at each other, Gintoki barely breathes, and Shinpachi slowly holds out a hand, palm up. “Give it.”

“Give... what?”

“You know exactly what, Gin-san.”

Sighing, Gintoki pulls out the money from the job and relinquishes it. “Shame, I could have gotten the things we need with hit.”

“We don't need a kitchen full of parfait.” Shinpachi counts carefully, then pockets it and goes back to cleaning. “Or chalk all over the walls.”

“That was _one_ time!”

“We still don't know how that happened,” he replies, shooting Gintoki a subtle leery look.

Monotonously, Gintoki picks his nose as he starts for the door and remarks, “It remains a mystery to us all.”

He's a lot slower going down than he was about going up and he flicks his booger over the railing once he's outside. His boots clomp on the wood with each step and he likes the sound, so he sings a tune to go along with it as he descends.

At the bottom, he pushes his way through the flaps of Otose's Snack House, announcing, “Yo!”

She's standing behind the counter and narrows her eyes at him. “Sit.”

“So serious! Not even a hello in return, this must be good!”

“I have a job for you.”

“If it involves anything haunted like that bathhouse count me out.”

Otose turns her back and he hears the clinking of glass before the sound of liquid being poured. She comes over and sets it in front of him, but not before putting a piece of paper underneath it. Her lips are pursed as she pulls out a smoke for herself, her demeanor nothing to indicate that she's actively upset over something. It's just business as usual when she needs him, so that's a relief.

“No, nothing haunted... this time.”

“That was really rude, you know? I don't think I've forgiven you yet.”

“I don't care, you'll get over it eventually.”

Pouting, Gintoki picks up the glass and has himself a sip, but immediately pulls a face. He expected alcohol, but the taste on his tongue is bitter with a terribly artificial mango flavoring.

“The amber color is misleading,” he grumbles, his nose still skewing up.

“It's meant to be.”

Annoyed now, he moves onto the paper, trusting that it, at least, won't be something that it isn't. He reads it over once, then twice, a slow smirk spreading across his face.

“Ah, time for the dog to be let off his leash for a bit.”

“Don't make a spectacle of it.”

“Of course, of course,” he flaps a hand, “for three months rent not even the Shinsengumi will catch wind of it.”

She takes a drag. “A month.”

“Three! It should be three for this!”

“No.”

“C'mon! This'll take me more than one outing to complete!”

“Don't care.”

“They're all in different places, consider it travel expenses.”

“Still one.”

“Two? Meet me halfway?”

She looks at the drink, he quickly downs it, then she nods. “Two it is.”

He grins and pushes the empty glass forward. “Wanna fill that with something good this time? You know, to seal the deal and make it official.”

Catherine comes in and he gives her a cheesy wave, which she glares at in distaste.

“Thought I saw you pawing through the garbage this morning,” she says, her arms crossed.

“Nah, that wasn't m – oh... never mind.” Otose finishes pouring him a _real_ drink and raises a brow at him, which compels him to add, “A valuable coupon got thrown out on accident. Yorozuya Gin-chan saves those in need... that coupon was in need of saving... so stop staring at me like that.”

“No, this is how I stare at morons.”

Otose has poured him a healthy amount of sake and he drinks it in one big swig. It burns as it goes down, but it's a good burn and already the stiffness in his shoulder has begun to ebb. With the alcohol, it soon won't bother him at all, he'll probably barely even feel it.

He's disappointed that Tama isn't around, he'll have to track her down, he actually hasn't seen her for awhile. He knows she has been around, but as for getting to spend some time with her, that hasn't really happened. She has such a nice smile, he misses seeing it. Maybe he can ask without actually asking....

“These floors of yours are starting to look kinda dirty and this counter,” he runs his pointer finger over it and inspects the tip with a loud hum, “filthy, filthy, filthy.”

Catherine does the honors of coming over and smacking the back of his head. “You stop that!”

“She's with Gengai getting a routine checkup is all,” Otose supplies, though she looks like she wants to hit him as well for daring to insinuate the bar could be dirty.

“Ah, that explains the... added charm then,” Gintoki says, fending off a second hit from Catherine.

A routine checkup, that's good... and that goddamn Leukocyte King had better be protecting her.

“What are you still doing here?” Catherine shoves at him a little and motions to the door. “Damn Yorozuya should be out doing your job!”

He gets up and slips the paper in his yukata as he heads outside with a backward wave before he's scratching aimlessly at the back of his head. He yawns again, his shoulder no longer giving him any issues, and goes for the stairs. It's close to four, maybe a little after, and nothing sounds better than a good nap right now. He barely slept the night before and it finally feels like he'll be able to doze himself into a solid couple hours of decent slumber. He needs the sleep, but every time he goes to bed he starts to get restless and ends up tossing and turning, it isn't like him at all.

Trudging up the stairs, he gets into the apartment and takes off his boots at the door. It's a slow walk into the living room and he can hear the kids in the kitchen, but he doesn't pause on his way to poke his head in. He goes right to the first sofa he can get to and falls face first onto it. His bokken digs into his side, so he pulls it off and tucks it under his arm before closing his eyes and hoping the mixture of elixir and booze will sail him off to Hushabye Mountain.

-o-O-o-

Over the next three weeks, Hijikata sees Gintoki twice. Well, he sees him several times, but _sees_ him, as in sexually, it's only two times. And every other time he has seen him, he's certain Gintoki never saw him in return. It's always a glimpse of permy hair or catching sight of Gintoki's broad back before he disappears around a corner or into a building. They don't really see each other and quarrel anymore, like the happenstance behind them running into each other has somehow lessened in frequency.

Each time they've met up it has been the same thing with little variance.

They meet.

Gintoki goes into the bathroom.

He comes out, once after a shower, the other time not.

Lights off.

Condom.

Sex.

Pay.

They go their separate ways with barely a word.

Hijikata has only ever asked for one round of sex, which Gintoki now calls, 'the usual.' At least that's what he called it last time.

“ _Here for the usual, mayora?_ ”

He'd hated that.

He doesn't ask for anything else because he doesn't want to know. The services and their prices, so he doesn't ask, he can't ask. Both times he saw Gintoki, the sex was angry each time and Gintoki treats it so dispassionately, like it's just another day and like Hijikata will lose interest soon. Most of the time it doesn't seem like Gintoki feels anything at all for it, especially when he says something generic just before each parting.

And yet, for Hijikata, the sex is great.

He gets off fast and each time he cums hard enough to make his whole body sing with it, like every cell is alive and on fire. Gintoki has never cum first, but he gets off too and it's only one of the times that Hijikata was still inside him when he came. Since it's always dark when they have sex, he doesn't see much, but he can feel everything.

The sex is different each time, so it only makes sense that Hijikata notices and learns something new with every encounter. Gintoki is never expressly loud, but his breath catches in his throat and hitches in all the right ways. When he cums, his back arches and he tends to turn his head away while his hips buck and legs squeeze. Hijikata... likes being inside him when he cums – cue heavy blush – the way hot, velvety walls ripple around his cock spasmodically... it feels like he's cumming a second time.

Hijikata has gotten a little more bold as well, he'd even kissed down Gintoki's neck once when he'd been fucking into him and the sounds had been _nice_. Really, Gintoki isn't all that vocal, a lot of his sounds are bitten back and come out as grunts, but... they're sexy. They make Hijikata's stomach flip flop and that's why he'd tried kissing his neck – to get more sounds out, if at all possible. Gintoki never pushes him away when he tries things, but it's fairly obvious there's something missing with it.

It's all still so confusing to him, it really is, he has literally nothing figured out about the whole thing.

Something happened in the middle of the three weeks, too, something that still has Hijikata feeling uneasy and embarrassed. Kondo had wanted to go out and while Hijikata had known it probably wasn't a good idea, he'd gone for Kondo's sake. One thing led to another, they were near Yoshiwara and drank way too much. They weren't in a brothel, but a couple woman who were waitresses there, both beautiful, had come over to them. Hijikata doesn't remember much, but he remembers being angry and wanting to prove something to himself. He's a man, he doesn't need Gintoki for anything, all thoughts that seemed so rational at the time.

He'd let the young woman, mousy and blue-eyed with soft hands, pull him aside and he'd kissed her. That's really about the time things just went all wrong for him and being drunk is no excuse for anything. He'd grabbed onto her and _kissed her_ with all the many myriad of thoughts swirling through his head as drunkenly as he was swaying.

_“Ouch! You're hurting me!”_

Hijikata had snapped back into himself so fast he nearly fell and his hands had flown off her hips as if he'd been burned. After that, things are a bit of a blur. He knows he left a hefty tip and fuck, even now he's still so ashamed of himself. He hadn't meant to hurt her, all he'd done is kiss her! But he'd been too rough and he wishes he could apologize properly... he's honestly glad he hadn't seen the look on her face when she'd said that.

What's worse, because of course there's something worse, is that he hadn't felt anything for the kiss. And the worst part of that worst part is that he'd gone out looking for Gintoki the very next day, that's one of the times they have sex.

_“Oo, angrier tonight, are you?”_

_“Too much?”_

_Gintoki hums, it's more of a moan, and shakes his head. “Feels good.”_

That's something about Gintoki that has proven to be helpful – he doesn't shy from telling Hijikata what feels good. It's... strange. Gintoki doesn't openly teach things, he lets Hijikata figure things out on his own, but Gintoki is also never discouraging to the things Hijikata tries. Sometimes, Gintoki will guide Hijikata's hand so it's holding him better or shift subtly to make an awkward angle or movement seem and feel more natural. Despite never having had sex with a man before, nothing about what Gintoki does makes Hijikata _feel_ so terribly out of place and inexperienced. Gintoki never berates him for doing something wrong and he doesn't mock Hijikata for anything, not even when Hijikata tries to kiss him and they under up smashing their noses together.

It's weirdly the most comforting thing to know he can mess up entirely and Gintoki won't even think twice about it. That kind of behavior also doesn't fit the tone that their carnal meetings are set under and that makes things all kinds of confusing. Gintoki is full of contradictions and that makes him the most difficult person to read, Hijikata can't predict much of anything when it comes to the moron.

He'd really like to be able to say that this stuff isn't on his mind very often and in his defense, most of the time it really isn't, but it's more of an issue than he'd like it to be. He's still really busy and never lacks for something to do, he doesn't need release. Two times in three weeks is enough, it's even more than what Hijikata used to consider normal.

But....

But, what?

“Vice-Commander!”

Hijikata startles and instinctively grabs the hilt of his sword. “What?”

Yamazaki has his badminton racket poorly hidden behind his back. “Ah... Harada at something bad early, so he's... sick. He doesn't think he'll be able to do his rounds tonight.”

“T'ch, fine, send him to the infirmary.”

“Yeah...” Yamazaki shifts and smiles sheepishly, “it's not that kind of sickness.”

“Meaning?”

“He's in the bathroom.”

Hijikata facepalms and sighs heavily, saying with a cringe, “That's disgusting.”

“Agreed! Would you like me to take his rounds for him?”

“Mm, no, you have yours early tomorrow morning. It won't do if you're too tired to actually pay attention to what's goin' on. I'll do it myself, let Kondo know.”

Yamazaki salutes and departs in a hurry, everyone is in a hurry to get away from him except Kondo, however, no one is in more of a hurry than Sougo. Hijikata has finally figured out where the little twerp has been taking his naps when he's supposed to be working and ever since, Sougo has been slipperier than an eel. That's just another problem Hijikata gets to deal with on his long list of things that only gets added to.

Leaving the post he'd been keeping watch at near the river, he shields his eyes against the sinking sun as he looks for a place to eat. He's not going to return to the barracks for dinner, he doesn't have time, so he searches for something he's in the mood for. Too bad he's not really in the mood for anything even though his stomach is growling. In the end, he settles on an udon stand and gets something cheap before he slathers it in mayonnaise – to which he ignores the strange looks sent his way. He eats slowly, so that by the time he's done the sun is half gone and he can begin the night rounds.

It's pretty routine, the later it gets, the more people drift off until the streets are nearly barren. Some areas are quieter than others, he can hear groups of people inside bars laughing and having a good time, things of that nature. Of illegal things, he doesn't really see anything, so it's a good night. His phone goes off once – it's Kondo giving him an update on Harada and assuring him that everything is in order there.

In short, it's a good night, though Hijikata wouldn't mind if he got some criminal action. Chasing someone down and arresting them after a fight sounds appealing, especially because things have been so quiet for so long. There haven't been any big busts, no stakeouts, no raids, mostly it has just been petty theft. Sometimes Hijikata doesn't even feel right arresting some of the people, who is he to tell a starving man he can't eat? In those cases, Hijikata orders they get fed a good meal after they're turned in, but he still never feels wholly justified about it. It's one of those ethical issues where it's his responsibility to arrest people for their crimes even if he feels like their crime isn't meant with ill intentions. That kind of controversy comes with the job though and Hijikata will never hesitate to uphold the honor of the Shinsengumi.

Near midnight, Hijikata begins to yawn and is tempted to stop and get something caffeinated to drink. He has gone through half a pack of cigarettes and unfortunately, the nicotine isn't doing anything to help keep him alert. This is what he gets for waking up before his alarm, a problem that has been happening with annoying frequency. He can never get back to sleep after he wakes up, so he either lays there for an hour or more or gets up and begins his day to start getting things done.

Hearing the thrum of music, Hijikata looks to his left into a bar and he freezes.

His reaction is delayed a solid four seconds before he's slipping into the mostly full bar. Hijikata stays on the outskirts, the edges where he won't be noticed unless someone is looking for him specifically. Gintoki is perched on the armrest of a chair where another man is sitting and they're talking. The man – dirty blond hair, dark eyes – is smaller than Gintoki and so interested in him he might as well be drooling. Really, the way he keeps looking up and down Gintoki's body, he looks half-starved, like he'll lean forward and bite a chunk out of him or something.

They both have drinks and since Gintoki's sitting on the armrest, he's a good hand or so taller than the other guy. Though, were they standing, Gintoki would still be the taller of the two. Hijikata watches as the guy kisses slowly up Gintoki's neck and the really shitty part, besides actually seeing it, is that Hijikata can _hear_ in his head from memory the sound Gintoki's making. He has kissed Gintoki's neck before, he knows how much the bastard likes it and knows Gintoki makes a low, rumbling sort of sound that comes from somewhere deep within his chest.

The guy's a fucking glutton for attention, that's what he is!

Red – he's seeing red, he's livid, he's fucking furious.

He's Angry.

It only gets worse when the man slips some money inside of Gintoki's yukata and very obviously spreads his hand around, feeling down Gintoki's stomach a little bit. Gintoki finishes his drink and says something that gets the guy to turn his head up eagerly, too eagerly. Hijikata knows what's coming, he can see it in the way the man slides a hand up over Gintoki's shoulder and pull at him, so fucking desperately, it's disgusting.

Storming forward, Hijikata grabs Gintoki by the back of his shirt and hauls him away. He very literally takes Gintoki and drags him outside while shouting at people to get the fuck out of his way. His uniform is enough to get them to do it, but he knows there's not a soul in the vicinity aside from Gintoki himself that's willing to mess with Hijikata when he's like this. He's so absolutely fucking furious his hands are shaking and he can't see straight, nor can he name the poison that's twisting in his gut.

He gets them outside and two buildings down before Gintoki is able to struggle out of Hijikata's hold, snapping, “What the fuck is your problem?”

“Mine?” Hijikata rounds on him incredulously and wants so much to punch him. “What's yours?”

“Nothing! I was just having a good night till you barged in!”

“I s-should arrest you!”

“For _what_?”

“Soliciting, sexually harassing an officer, whatever I want!”

“But you came to _me!_ ”

“N-not in that alleyway!”

“Yeah, but you weren't pushin' me away, either!”

They're facing off, Hijikata's panting he's so angry and Gintoki is just watching him, his yukata farther down his shoulder than usual. Because it'd been pushed that way, someone else had moved his yukata down and pulled his shirt open enough to show off more of his chest.

“Why the fuck are you here?” Hijikata seethes, his anger plateauing to something calm and deadly.

Gintoki rolls his eyes. “I'm looking to fuck, not be fucked!”

“How much?”  
“What?”

“You heard!”

Gintoki shrugs a single shoulder lamely, somehow it's one of the most irritating gestures. “Same.”

“Fine! Fuckin' fine, let's go!”

Like always, if Gintoki is surprised, he doesn't show it and Hijikata's fury stews. He's the one that leads the way this time and he doesn't even care which hotel they go to. He goes to the first one he sees and doesn't give a shit about how much it costs. He walks in and goes right to the counter, aware that Gintoki follows him in and stands along the wall behind him. Hijikata is so furious and he knows the guy at the counter is intimidated and most likely terrified if the look on his face is anything to go by.

But there's now another reason behind Hijikata's intense anger – more than one reason, really. He has put himself in a vulnerable position, not only is he nervous about offering to bottom when he has no experience, he's also uneasy because he basically made it obvious that he wants them to be exclusive. He can't stand – he can't fucking stand the thought of Gintoki having sex with anyone else for money. God, the way that little weasel had slipped the cash into Gintoki's yukata and used the chance to touch him – Hijikata sees red all over again. He wants to cut the fucker down about as much as he wants to tear Gintoki a new one.

However, with Gintoki he knows he can't, they never specified anything, never agreed to be mutually exclusive – Hijikata has literally been buying him every time.

That only makes the sour taste in the back of his throat even more bitter as he leads the way down a hall to the right since they're on the first floor. He doesn't feel like he's doing any of this right, not a damn thing, and it's so maddening and frustrating. The second they're in the room, Hijikata rounds on him and just – fuck! He punches the bastard in the face, his stupid, annoying, handsome face. And the fucked up part? The really goddamn fucked up part? It's that Gintoki doesn't even try to dodge or block it and they both know he could have.

Instead of giving Gintoki the chance to speak, Hijikata is on him. He shoves him and kisses him and digs his fingers in so hard his nails probably bite even through the clothes. The good thing about being angry is that he doesn't pause, he just _acts_ and so he's able to get Gintoki's yukata pushed the rest of the way down and his shirt off in little to no time at all. He can taste beer when he kisses Gintoki, beer and something sweet, he doesn't think about it. Gintoki returns his ferocity, kisses him just as hard, pulls at his clothes just as much until they're both without.

The lights get flicked off and Hijikata finds himself picked up and carried the few steps to the bed. He gets put on his back, Gintoki's body following and covering him as their mouths clash together for a brutal kiss. His cock is hard between them and he can feel the weight of Gintoki's against his hip, a feeling he doesn't find to be unpleasant. After a bit, Gintoki pulls away and leans over, there's the sound of fumbling, then a quiet pop. Hijikata gets scooted farther onto the bed and his legs are forced apart so Gintoki can hunker down between them. It'd be a lot more embarrassing if the lights were on, but even though they're not, Hijikata's face blooms into a heady blush and he grabs onto the blanket on either side of himself.

His legs are bent and his feet planted, he really doesn't know what to expect this to feel like, but he's in too much to tell Gintoki to stop now. Maybe this is another one of those fucked up things, but he's not really sure he wants Gintoki to stop anyway. A hand slick with lube wraps around his dick and he moans, his hips twitching. There's no preamble to equally lubed fingers touching his ass and his body jerks, his teeth grit, and he waits.

A finger presses into him and it's easily one of the weirdest feelings. It doesn't feel right, but the hand pumping his cock feels every kind of right. He's torn between wanting to pull away and press closer and he wishes he'd had an actual drink before this, then he'd have an easier time relaxing. He's given time to get used to one finger and feeling it move slowly in and out has Hijikata's face twisting into something that's probably really unattractive. He concentrates on how good Gintoki's hand feels and after a few minutes is able to spread his legs a little wider on his own.

Gintoki must take that as a cue to continue and everything changes when a second finger enters him. It stings this time, more than the first, and he hisses, though doesn't speak. It really is so fucking weird and unnatural, he really doesn't see how anyone could get pleasure out of this. The hand on his dick pumps him harder and a little faster, Gintoki's thumb gliding over the head every so often. It keeps him hard, otherwise he's sure he'd have a semi or be completely flaccid, that's how weird fingers in his ass feels.

Those fingers start to move in and out and it's _so_ not sexy to think it feels like taking a shit, but it _does_. He's tense and rigid, not trusting the feeling at all, and he's beginning to think he made a huge mistake here. His anger hasn't ebbed very much, but uncertainty starts to feed on it and like always these days, he feels torn. Gintoki's fingers move in an odd pattern and it's not very comfortable at all....

“Ahh!” Hijikata has reached down on reflex and grabbed Gintoki's wrist hard enough to leave bruises. He's panting harder and his eyes are blown wide, his fingers shaking. “F-fuck! What d-did you just do?”

“You know,” Gintoki's fingers are still, “for a cop, you sure didn't investigate this properly.”

Hijikata uses the reprieve to catch his breath. “H-haah?”

“Sex with a man,” Gintoki explains, his mouth touching Hijikata's inner thigh. “It can feel good if you do it right.” Teeth nip at Hijikata's skin and he clutches the covers harder with his hand. “Pay attention, Oogushi-kun, you might learn something. Like this right here,” Gintoki's fingers curl again and Hijikata chokes as his body jolts and seizes up, “is your prostate.”

_Prostate._

It makes sense, he'd known the damn thing existed, but he hadn't thought about anything like this... _why hadn't he thought of anything like this?_ Outside of when they're actually having sex, Hijikata doesn't think about where his dick goes. He's a goddamn strategist and he hadn't thought this through at all, it's impossible to think anything through with Gintoki! Had he known – had he fucking _known_ – the prostate felt like this when stimulated, he'd have gone about things differently. The worst part though, the even more embarrassing thing, is that he really doesn't think he has ever stimulated Gintoki in this way. He can't recall Gintoki shuddering like Hijikata's shuddering or trembling as he himself is right now.

It's like he has unknowingly committed some kind of crime.

“What do you think I do in the bathroom? Make faces at myself in the mirror?”

“That...” Hijikata's face scrunches and he groans as Gintoki's hand starts jerking him off again, “sounds like s-somethin' you'd do, yeah.”

Gintoki nips his thigh. “Shut up.”

From there it's very literally a rush of things Hijikata never could have expected. It hurts when Gintoki adds a third finger, but it feels so good to have his prostate stimulated that the pain is quickly mingled with the pleasure until pleasure wins out. It feels so good that Hijikata almost cums just by having Gintoki finger him and jerk him off. The bastard must have known it because he stops just in time and Hijikata isn't even given time to be nervous about the next part. It really just happens so fast and so smoothly that it feels like one minute he's writhing and the next he's holding on tight as Gintoki slowly pushes into him.

It's painful, Gintoki's size isn't really all that relatable to three fingers, but Gintoki's going slow enough that it's not overwhelming. A hand wraps back around his cock and that helps, but he still bites Gintoki's shoulder really fucking hard. He's aware he's making a lot of different sounds, but he can't stop himself, he really can't, he has lost control over this completely. And when Gintoki starts moving, an experimental in and out, it's almost the same as with Gintoki's fingers – pleasure slowly mounts until it rivals with and overtakes the pain and discomfiture.

There are no proper words for just how bizarre this is.

There are also no words to explain why Hijikata cums so fast.

It's all a rush of feeling, Gintoki moving, sweat on their brows, a new kind of pleasure when Gintoki kisses him as he fucks him. His prostate gets stimulated as Gintoki adjusts his angle appropriately, nails dig into Gintoki's skin, his cock gets delicious friction between them. It's everything at once, new things and things he knows, it's too much. He cums with a loud noise and the pleasure hits a whole different level because Gintoki's _still moving_ and somehow that heightens the experience. Cum shoots out over their stomachs and Gintoki's thrusts quicken until he slams in and stays put, a grunt catching tight in his throat.

Hijikata's a mess by the time Gintoki pulls out and all he can do is say where he is and try to catch his breath. He really just... doesn't know anything and can't connect his thoughts together. He hears Gintoki take off the condom, he doesn't remember him putting one on, and his entire body is still twitching in the aftershocks of such a satisfying orgasm.

He had a dick up his ass, that shouldn't have been anywhere near satisfying.

Gintoki gets up off the bed and turns on the lights, forcing Hijikata to close his eyes against the brightness. There's movement as Gintoki starts gathering up his stuff like he usually does and Hijikata gets himself to reach for the nightstand to get a few tissues. He wipes his stomach off, his face still hot, especially in his cheeks and ears, and... really, _what just happened?_

Hijikata moves to sit up and winces. “Ack – fuck.”

Gintoki snorts as he pulls on his second boot. “Yeah, by the way, you're gonna be sore for a bit. It's worse the day after, but not by much.”

“Thanks for the warnin', bastard.”

“I shouldn't have to warn you that having someone fuck your ass is gonna make you ache, shit like that should go without saying.” He slips his bokken into place and looks to Hijikata. “Well?”

“Whazzat?”

“You gonna pay up?”

“Oh.” He'd completely forgotten and his stomach overturns as he motions toward his pants until Gintoki hands them to him. He clumsily rifles through them until he gets his wallet and hands what he grabs to Gintoki without looking up at him. “Here's part of it. It's all I've got right now, I w-wasn't exactly expectin' this.” Gintoki takes a couple steps toward the door, but pauses when Hijikata adds, “You'll get the r-rest next time.”

One heartbeat.

Two.

“Don't bother, this is enough.”

The door slams shut with Hijikata suddenly feeling sick and two thousand yen poorer.

**To Be Continued**

 


	9. This Whole Thing is a Sad Song On the World's Smallest Violin Translated into Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> //sobs

“Gin-san is very poor, if you think you're going to get to run away from the bill this time, you're wrong.”

“Same to you.”

Gintoki snorts. “You said the same thing last time.”

“So did you,” Sougo replies, examining his stick of dango. This is their second plate of ten, the first one wasn't eaten so much as it was inhaled, and it's likely they'll get a third. “It's so strange seeing danna in work clothes, what job was it today?”

“Roofing, but I'm not done yet. Only about halfway right now and the kids are running a few errands for some family, I forget their name.”

“Getting a lot of money today, all the more reason for this to be your treat.”

Gintoki steals the next stick of dango Sougo is going for and smirks. “You don't get paid for a half-finished job. Besides, you're the one with the steady income, it's just luck I even have a job to pay my many, many bills!”

Sougo gives him a flat look, but then his eyes flick to a man passing by. “Oi, how about this guy?”

While munching on the dango, Gintoki surveys the man in question. He's tall, there's obvious strength in his arms and upper torso, but he's thick in the middle. There's nothing openly appealing about him, no scar or feature that will make him memorable. His legs are big around at the thighs, but they're not muscular, he's just a big guy. He's not carrying anything in his arms and there isn't a sword or weapon at his hip, it doesn't look like he's concealing anything, either.

“Nah, he looks more like a blacksmith or a iron worker. He could probably knock you out if he punched you straight on, but he wouldn't be able to run after you longer than a few seconds.”

“And that woman?”

Gintoki's eyes slide to her and he chews slowly as he contemplates. “Pretty, but not the desperate housewife Gin-san needs.”

“We need another plate.”

“We're out already? These are going faster than usual for us.”

Sougo gets up to get them another plate and Gintoki picks his teeth with the stick he still has in his hands. He genuinely enjoys his little meetings with Sougo at the dango stand, but this time he's not going to the let the brat stick him with the bill. He'd had to do dishes and help the owners out for a whole week to pay off the tab. They're good people, so he didn't mind helping them, and now he knows them.

Gintoki passively watches people as they go by, he's on the lookout for... he's not sure. He doesn't know why, he never asks when it happens, but Sougo sometimes wants his input on some things. Today it's opinions on men who look like they're fighters or could be carrying weapons. Sougo also told Gintoki to keep an eye open for anyone who looks suspicious or nervous like they're transporting or using drugs. Gintoki never questions that stuff, he just does it and helps out. He likes people watching and he has a pretty decent feel for what to look for to judge if someone is packing or not. The inquiries about woman is just for fun, neither of them are serious about that part.

Reaching over to put the dango stick on the discard pile, he has to fight back a wince, he has been doing that a lot today. Roofing really isn't the best job for him right now, he'd rather have something less active that doesn't require much movement, but it is what it is. He slips a hand inside his faded work yukata and touches the bandage to make sure it's still in place on his side. It doesn't feel like it shifted, the shittiest thing would be if he bled through his clothes, that would piss him right off. Seeing Sougo coming back, he removes his hand and acts like he'd only been scratching an itch.

“The only thing that could make this better is a drink,” Gintoki says after Sougo sits back down on the bench, a replenished plate now between them.

“I doubt that would be productive for roofing.”

They each take a stick.

“Well, I doubt napping during your shift is productive to your work.”

Sougo shrugs. “There's a lot of late nights these days, a guy has got to sleep sometime.”

“Indeed. How's it going with those recruits you mentioned?”

“Mm... one of them is interesting to me, but Hijikata-san mostly keeps me away from them. Something about me being a bad influence.”

Ah, Hijikata.

Gintoki hasn't seen him in awhile, more than a week, maybe two, he doesn't know, he's not keeping track.

“He has been weird lately,” Sougo continues, munching dango with his eyes on the crowds passing by. “No, actually, not weird, just working more. Something has him stressed or irritated, I think.”

“He's always stressed and irritated.”

“Yeah, but this is different. I've only ever seen him do this much paperwork one other time.”

“If I happen to see him I'll be sure to tell him how worried you are about him.”

Sougo stabs him with one of the dango sticks. “Do that and next time it won't be a stick I'll poke you with.”

“I hope you're referring to your sword and not your...” he gives Sougo's crotch a long dead fish stare, “Shinsengumi sausage.”

He gets stabbed again. “You have nothing to worry about.”

“Bet I wouldn't feel it anyway.”

Smirking, Sougo starts replying, but someone catches his eye and he instead says, “This guy's packing.”

Gintoki picks his nose and follows his gaze, but it isn't the man with the beard Sougo's watching that garners his attention, it's the clean shaven one behind him. The first is large, a brute, but the man behind him is younger and fairly average in height and weight. He's dressed in casual clothes and looks like he could be on his way to the store for groceries or maybe going back to work after a quick lunch somewhere. His build is somewhat slim, but the way he walks, there's a confidence to his stride and it's one that Gintoki recognizes.

“Both of those guys are a threat,” he says and idly eats the dango he has in hand. “I'd say the smaller guy is the one you want to go after, that bigger one is just his guard.”

“They won't have anything on them right now though.”

“No, they'd be in more of a hurry.” They both keep watching them while eating their treats. “Be more nervous, too, I haven't seen them glance around once.”

Something strange about being watched is that sometimes such a thing can be sensed and with both him and Sougo staring the men down, it isn't a huge surprise it's noticed. It's the lissome one that looks over first, then he taps on the larger man, and it's without a signal that Gintoki keeps staring right alongside Sougo. He flicks a booger and keeps his expression flat and Sougo casually snaps one of the dango sticks in half with his teeth.

With a few words muttered to each other, the two men take off and disappear out of sight. There hadn't been anything candidly hostile about them, but to Gintoki, that's actually more of a warning that they're shady. He doesn't need to tell Sougo that, the kid is younger, but he's smart and can pick up on things quicker than most. Gintoki's sure his consultation isn't really needed, but he can't deny that it feels good to be useful for the punk, even if it's only a fallacy. Good old Gintoki, useful for something, at least.

“Interesting reaction.”

Gintoki takes the second to last stick of dango. “I'd remember their faces.”

“The big one is easy, but the other one....”

_Smug_ , Gintoki thinks,  _and proud, like he knew that if he got arrested right then he'd be safe because the cops wouldn't be able to find anything on him._

“Scar,” he says alternatively, “he had one on his right arm just below his elbow. And don't be looking for the other dude to have that beard if you see him again, it's likely he'll shave it by the end of the day.”

Sougo takes the last dango stick. “Danna?”

“Hm?”

“Keep an eye on Kabukichou.”

Gintoki keeps staring at the ground and swallows his last dango ball. Sougo doesn't have to tell him that whatever he's investigating has to do with drugs, he gets that. There's probably a rise in drug distribution and those kinds of networks can be large enough to spread through the whole of Edo, maybe even beyond. He's being given a heads up and he appreciates it, but he is  _the_ dog of Kabukichou and no one is going to fuck with his district.

“I always do.” Standing up, he ruffles Sougo's hair and then heads out on his way back to the rooftop awaiting him. “Thanks for the grub!”

He's back off to his roofing job, he really needs the money and the kids need to eat. He might even make enough to take care of rent from three months ago. Or is he four months behind? He doesn't remember, he keeps losing track. He'll keep an eye on any activity in Kabukichou, but he has his own list of things he needs to keep taking care of for Otose, so he's quite the busy guy. He hasn't gotten everything done yet, but he's a good third of the way through the list. For the time being, his district is safe and that's the way he intends on keeping it at all costs.

-o-O-o-

“I'm so glad I could get you out of your room!” Kondo says, giving Hijikata a slap on his back hard enough to make some of his drink spill onto his hand.

He doesn't care, he just wipes it up and nods. “It was time for a break.”

“You've been doing so much lately, I barely see you!”

“There's a lot goin' on right now,” he downs his drink and holds it out for more, “which means there's also a lot of paperwork.”

“Yes, yes, I don't mean to take you away from that! It's very important! But I've missed seeing you!”

“You've been busy, too.”

“This case is a huge problem.” He sighs and Hijikata understands the sound right down to his bones. “Seems like we snuff out one issue and three more come up right after. The newbies are getting some good experience at least.”

Hijikata pulls a face. “It's too much too soon for them in my opinion.”

“The best way to get experience is by being out in the field.”

“I'm not denyin' that, I just know they're overwhelmed. Jun is doin' okay, but I'm startin' to think Susumu will wanna back out soon.”

“Aww, have some faith, Toshi! They're all doing well and we need them to keep our numbers up. Now, enough about work things, let's eat and drink and enjoy ourselves!”

Hijikata goes along with it, that's what he's meant to do and he's not going to disappoint. They're in one of the larger conference rooms in the barracks, but for the evening it's doubling as a small party room. There's a bunch of food, plenty to drink, and a majority of the faction filters through, even the recruits. He drinks more than he eats, but because Kondo wants him to stay for awhile, he keeps it slow since he's such a goddamn lightweight. Sougo spends too much time pestering him, too bad for him Hijikata is dedicated to follow through and stay, otherwise he'd have left after Sougo gave him a wet willy.

He mostly keeps to himself, but he interacts when he's engaged and he spends a lot of time listening to different conversations. It's relaxing, kind of, and nice that all Kondo wants is for him to enjoy himself. He does feel like he's going through the motions a little bit, but work really has been busy, so it's not as if he's hiding behind that as an excuse. He's glad it's busy, he's sure he'd lose his mind otherwise. The drug syndicate is a huge problem right now, Hijikata isn't happy about that, but he's pleased about the work. Hijikata's whole equanimity has been off for weeks, the only thing that keeps him somewhat in line is work, of course he'd be grateful for a lot of it.

All around him people in his faction are talking and he's drifting in and out of the conversations. No one is really paying much attention to him, he's the Vice-Commander, none of them know how to act around him. A majority of the time, Hijikata winds up getting excluded from certain things with his faction because half of them are afraid of him and he other half doesn't know how to approach him. He doesn't mind, he never thinks about that stuff and he prefers to be left alone than bothered with too many social things. Even now he's thinking about all the paperwork and leads sitting in his room waiting to be sorted through and investigated.

_Don't bother, this is enough_ .

Those words ring through Hijikata's head more often than he'd like for them to and this is not the time he wants them on his mind. He doesn't know what Gintoki means – does _this is enough_ refer to them sleeping together or had he actually been talking about the money. And _don't bother_ , is it don't bother with Gintoki anymore, don't bother with the money, sex, the string, what is it Hijikata isn't supposed to bother with? He can't figure it out, it's way too open ended with too many possible variables.

More and more he comes to realize that there really isn't hope for them, they're too fucked up. Individually, together, there isn't much for them to go off of except that string that they've obviously both chosen to ignore and pretend doesn't exist. They would have never slept together if it weren't for the string, they never would have so much as kissed if Hijikata hadn't been a goddamn idiot and provoked Gintoki into it.

It's a useless thing to think about.

“Fukuchou! Your drink!”

Hijikata holds his cup out so Yamazaki can fill it up and he doesn't know how many drinks he has had at this point. He's still conscious, so the answer of _not enough_ screams through his head to try and drown out that _this is enough_ loitering in his subconscious like an unwanted guest that won't leave. He drinks over half of his beverage while he absently eats a small piece of fish smothered in mayonnaise. He's not really hungry, but he can never get enough mayonnaise and he knows he needs to eat things to keep his strength up to be able to manage his workload. He now goes through over a pack of cigarettes a day, too, but with everyone confined in the room, he keeps his half-finished pack tucked safely away in his yukata. 

Kondo laughs, it's such a loud sound, but not annoying. Some laughs are annoying, most things are annoying to Hijikata, but there are a select few things that can't ever be annoying to him. Maybe he's used to them, he doesn't know how all that works, and he has for sure had too much to drink. He can feel it in the way different thoughts are coming in and out and how his vision is getting blurry. It's almost like there's gunk in both of his eyes, but he knows that if he rubs them, he'll only irritate them and make them more red than they probably already are.

Someone bumps into him and it nearly knocks him over, but Kondo catches him and pulls him back upright. They're joking around about something and when he tunes into the conversation, it's about women. Drunken admissions, that's all it is, so Hijikata isn't at all invested. He just listens and drinks and fades in and out of his own thoughts and the chatter of his faction. Some say they like tall, some like short, some like curvy, others like flat, everyone has their own preferences.

“I like big,” Hijikata slurs quietly, but no one is listening, he's sure no one even heard him say anything because they're all lost in the waves of noise.

It's true, though, he likes big. What about Gintoki isn't big? Without uttering a single word, Gintoki's mere presence is known. Even without that stupid natural perm, he's big, he can be _felt_. His personality, annoying though it may be, is expansive. His hips, chest, and shoulders are all bigger than Hijikata's, more broad, wider by the smallest of margins. Yet he somehow remains narrow, lithe, stupidly agile despite his stupid size. Altogether, the bastard is stupid and it's a stupid amount of unfair.

He can't be thinking about this right now.

“I've had 'nough,” Hijikata tries to say as clearly as he's capable and waves a hand toward Kondo to get his attention. “M'goin' t'bed.”

“Night, Toshi!”

Others yell goodnight to him and he flaps a hand their way to shut them up. He staggers to his room and he knows this is bad, he has been trying to keep himself away from everything even remotely close to this, but now he's drunk and it's too late now. He runs into the frame when he reaches his room and he's kind of amazed he even gets here without falling, he's that inebriated. The sad part is that some people back in the conference room drank twice as much as him and they're only tipsy – why does he have to be such a goddamn lightweight?

He closes the door behind himself and clumsily pulls out his futon, he has barely used the thing in the past week. He spreads it out on the floor and he's already wearing one of his blue yukatas, so that's just going to be what he sleeps in. Fumbling badly, he pulls at his boxers until he's able to kick them off. He has enough presence of mind to double check to make sure the doors are closed, which they are, but he wishes he had locks for them. It's not the first time he has wanted a more secure privacy for his room, but he always talks himself out of it because he's convinced Sougo would just destroy them right after they're installed.

Falling to his knees on the futon, his face heats up and he's glad he's too far gone to really give this any thought. He sucks some fingers into his mouth and leans forward until he falls with his cheek against his pillow. Rarely does he masturbate and to do it like this? Never, this is a first for him. With his fingers thoroughly coated, he reaches his hand back and slides his fingers between his ass cheeks. It's lewd, he's disgusting, but right now this is what he wants, what he has been wanting.

He wraps his other hand around his dick and gives himself a squeeze as he crudely pushes a finger inside himself. It's fucking weird doing it himself and doesn't feel even a fraction as good, but he keeps going. He starts stroking himself and probes with his finger, searching for that little button. His usually dextrous fingers are primitive and parts of him are numb, but there's a slow pleasure building.

 _Big_.

He likes big.

He adds a second finger and imagines hands on his hips, firm, fingertips pressing into his skin. His first time bottoming could have been awful, could have hurt, but his hadn't, it'd felt good. It stung – it stings having two fingers in his ass now, but then there's that _pleasure_. It hits the base of his spine and tingles upward and into his gut. His eyes close and he strokes himself faster, fuck, he wants to cum.

A hot mouth on his, a hard body showing him what to do, telling him without words, making him feel good with every touch. He moans in the back of his throat and knows he's usually louder, he never knew he was loud at all, but now... now he knows a whole new side of himself. He digs his fingers in deeper, still searching for his prostate and his hard cock pulses against his palm as he strokes. He bites at his pillow and his brows scrunch, that pleasure inside him building up higher and higher. He tries to find the right angle and spreads his legs wider to bring his ass down lower so his fingers can go deeper.

 _But not as deep as a cock_.

He groans at the thought and he's not sure if the sound is because of annoyance, pleasure, or sheer frustration. His yukata pools in the slope of his middle back and his toes curl when his hips buck into his hand. Precum slicks his palm and makes it easier to stroke, he's getting close, but it's still not enough. Just a little more, that's all he needs, one last small push to get him over the edge. He's panting shallowly and tries different angles with his fingers to no avail. He keeps fingering himself until he cums, the release not as potent as he has felt before, but still satisfying.

He cleans himself up with a tissue and curls up to sleep, his momentary satisfaction already gone.

_Don't bother, this is enough._

-o-O-o-

The next day, Hijikata is hungover, angry, and out on a patrol by himself. No one wants to be around him today and that's just fine by him, his head has been pounding since he woke up. He's smoking a cigarette, he doesn't even know what number it is for the day, and keeps his eyes open for any unlawful activity. He would so enjoy a good robbery or something right now, anything to let him blow off some steam toward something constructive.

But then Hijikata stops at the corner and pulls out a new cigarette as a cover to make it look like he's doing something. Gintoki's farther down the street with his kids and China is clinging to his back like a damn little monkey. Four Eyes tugs on Gintoki's sleeve and they turn that way, heading out of sight, the mutt nowhere to be seen. Hijikata keeps watching even after they're gone, but then he turns away to continue his trek in a different direction.

He doesn't look back.

**To Be Continued**

 


	10. Gave it All You Had It Hurts So Bad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crime rates are spiking, Gintoki's activity remains questionable, and with Mitsuba on his mind so often, Hijikata doesn't know if he's making any kind of progress with... anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HUGE THANK YOU TO AGA FOR DOING OFFICIAL ART FOR THIS

The thing about being a man like Gintoki is that he can last as long as he needs to on the barest minimum. He ate yesterday, he doesn't need to eat today, he doesn't feel like eating, either. Strawberry milk would be nice, but he knows there isn't any in the fridge and going out to get some would be a waste. Gintoki doesn't really remember getting up, though, he remembers staring up at the ceiling for a long time. Putting on his whole outfit was too much work, so he's only wearing his black pants and shirt.

He should shower, but he can't bring himself to do it, it's too much effort. Not to mention a waste of water, which is a waste of money, and so much money has already been wasted on him. He'll just get dirty again, anyway, so showering would be pointless. Fuck, he's tired, he wants to go back to bed. Can he? Why can't he sleep some more? He just wants to sleep, that's all, it doesn't cost anything and he'll be out of the way.

“Gin-chan, my mouth. It hurts,” Kagura whines, standing right in front of where Gintoki's sitting on the sofa, her mouth open wide right in his face.

He squints, then shoves her face away. “You look fine.”

“You're not a dentist,” she quips, holding the left side of her mouth.

“Let me see,” Shinpachi says, sitting down next to Gintoki.

Kagura goes to him, shooting Gintoki a wounded glare before opening her jaws for Shinpachi's four-eyed inspection. He turns her head this way and that, looking from all angles and humming occasionally. Gintoki just rolls his eyes and tries to watch his show, which is no Jump, but it'll suffice to get him through until the release of the next issue. This is just a rerun, he knows what's going to happen, and he absentmindedly scratches his empty stomach while fastidiously ignoring the hunger pains.

“I think you have a cavity.”

Kagura stares at him innocently, mouth closed and a hand back on her jaw as she whispers, “What does that mean?”

“You're gonna lose all your teeth!” Gintoki yells, pushing her out of the way again because he likes the part where the heroine realizes she almost kissed her own brother.

“Shin-chan!” Kagura wails. “I don't want to lose my teeth!”

Shinpachi glares at Gintoki and pushes him off the sofa. “You're not going to lose all your teeth.”

“Then what's going to happen to me?”

Gintoki doesn't care that he's now ass to the floor, he can see the TV just as well from this vantage point. The lead lady is both a mixture of grossed out and curious, her acting skills a bit drowned out by the performance of her larger than average breasts. He sticks a finger up his nose and mines a booger, a little treasure that he stealthily wipes on Shinpachi's leg in revenge.

“Nothing,” Shinpachi's saying, “we just need a trip to the dentist, that's all.”

And that's where Gintoki zeroes in on the conversation, snapping, “No! No dentist!”

Shinpachi's eyes roll, all four of them did. “Just because you had one bad experience --”

“It's more than that!” Gintoki interrupts earnestly. “We don't have the money! Just punch the cavity out!”

Kagura tips her head to the side. “Will that work?”

Shinpachi snorts. “No, that'll make it worse.”

“Then let's punch _your_ teeth out, Gin-chan!”

“This is what you get for not brushing like I always tell you to!” Gintoki replies, pointing a haughty finger at her. “You deserve to get your rotten tooth punched out!”

“You're my rotten tooth! So punch yourself, stupid!”

Gintoki leaps to his feet. “You're the stupid one, stupid!”

Shinpachi face palms and shakes his head, muttering, “Gin-san, _why_?”

“Because this is important!” Gintoki declares, lowering his arm. “This is about more than just a cavity! This is about life, it's a life lesson! You!” He pins Kagura with narrowed eyes. “You must endure the pain, learn from it, and overcome it! Don't rely on superficial means to relieve the pain!” His arms spread wide and his voice gets louder the more he speaks. “You did this to yourself,” Gintoki goes on in his deep tenor, “so you must find the strength from within to overcome that which you have done to yourself!”

“You just don't want to get a job and pay for it,” Shinpachi accuses flatly.

“That's not true,” Gintoki replies archly, putting his hands together in front of him like he's praying. “I am simply trying to pass on my divine wisdom to arghhghgagha –”

Kagura has a foot on top of one of his own and she's squishing his poor toes into the floor. Gintoki screams and wriggles until he can get his foot out from under hers and hop away. He almost trips over Sadaharu's tail and screams again when he gets snapped at, narrowly missing a set of teeth that have imbedded into his skin too many times.

“Kagura, was that really necessary?” Shinpachi asks.

“Yes,” she says, holding a hand to her cheek.

“Does your tooth feel any better?”

“Well... no... but,” she looks at him, her blue eyes big and bright, “it _was_ necessary.”

Gintoki simpers when Shinpachi looks at him, but Pattsuan only sighs and says, “Yes, I guess it was, wasn't it?”

“Shin-chan, my tooth still hurts....”

She sounds like she's in pain, well, more discomfort than pain. If she were in _real_ pain, they'd already be out looking for a job. If Gintoki were to guess, he'd say that she bit into something she shouldn't have in a search for food and hurt her tooth in the process. They haven't had money for much of anything these days, things have been slow business wise, and so everything in the kitchen is barren. That means there's no strawberry milk, no sweets, no _nothing_ , Sadaharu has even taken up the liberty of sniffing out all the crumbs.

Gintoki's stomach growls and he's aware of how cranky everyone is, himself included. True, this is their first and only day without food so far, but he'd skipped out on dinner the night before since he'd been... out. Kagura has no excuse, she's always hungry, and Shinpachi gets fed at his sister's since he technically lives there. If it were up to Gintoki, he'd just send them downstairs to snack on whatever Otose has in stock or find a coupon for something, whatever he can scrounge up for them.

However, that won't work right now, they need actual sustenance and apparently they need to get money together to get Kagura's teeth looked at. Otose wouldn't mind feeding them, he knows, but he doesn't want to face her just yet, not until at least tomorrow when he'll have more to tell her. He's definitely going to have to be more strict about getting Kagura to brush her teeth from now on, maybe get her a cooler toothbrush that will make her excited to brush her teeth. Aren't there ones with flashing lights that also make noise when used?

He'll have to look into that.

“Kagura, no!”

Gintoki gets tackled to the floor and goddamn does that hurt.

It had happened in a blur, he hadn't seen it coming, just – _wham_. The table gets hit and pushed aside as Kagura and Gintoki grapple on the floor, rolling around with fingers up each other's noses.

“Stop movin'!” Gintoki cries just before he screams as Kagura bites him.

She lets go almost right away complaining about how her mouth hurts and Gintoki tries to dislodge her, but she's clinging to him too tight.

“Let go!”

“No! You let go!”

Gintoki's so focused on Kagura that he doesn't see Shinpachi until he's part of the fray trying to break them apart. He leaps onto Gintoki's back and puts an arm around his neck, pulling back with all his strength. Too bad for him that Gintoki can get himself to be made of nothing but stubborn muscle in random moments like these, the moments that count. He arches backward only a little bit as Shinpachi pulls, wrapping his legs around Gintoki's waist for better leverage.

“Shin-ack-chi, you're – erk... choking me,” Gintoki gags out brokenly, yet still his body won't bend or give way and he keeps most of his concentration on Kagura.

“Break it up!”

“No! She's – grrgggg... s-she's attackin' _me_!”

Shinpachi pulls harder, gritting out, “B-both of you, let go!”

Gintoki tries to push, but Kagura just rolls all three of them. “I'm – ack... t-trying!”

“Quit it,” Shinpachi yells and kicks at Kagura, who grabs a fistful of his hair.

Gintoki opens his mouth to reply, but Sadaharu bowls into Shinpachi just to bite onto Gintoki's head. The momentum sends all three of them rolling and Kagura gets pulled along and trampled on. Gintoki screeches and Shinpachi clings to his back while Sadaharu crushes them all, tail wagging so hard it shakes them. With a strangled noise, Kagura wriggles out of the mass, then picks the rest of them up and throws them.

“My tooth hurts!” Kagura yells, the sound an amazing boom from such a small body. “Get. Me. _Money_!”

So lethal is her voice that Sadaharu lets go of Gintoki's head – leaving some drool and blood behind – and the rest of them freeze to stare. Kagura's holding her cheek and glaring, her lips pursed in a pout. Gintoki doesn't think her eyes could get any bigger and he's sure that the sheen of wetness covering them is just for show.

All the same, it doesn't take but three seconds for Gintoki to collapse against the ground and look up at Shinpachi who's still clinging to his back, the two of them remaining squished under Sadaharu. “What jobs are available?”

See? Gintoki always pulls through in the end, sometimes it just takes some pushing and prodding... or being squished under a dog and a boy – that apparently works, too.

Gintoki does his best to conceal a wince, it doesn't exactly feel good to be squished under so much weight. He doesn't think any of his wounds have opened up, but it feels like a few of them are under enough strain that they might.

“Otose-san hasn't been coming around lately asking for the rent.”

“Guess the old bag has been too busy, lucky us.”

Kagura makes a frustrated sound. “Mother doesn't like it when you lie to her.”

Gintoki looks up and they're both watching him with a mixture of worry and annoyance. He sighs, he's not surprised by this at all, he's actually surprised it didn't happen sooner. He can try to hide some things all he wants, but no matter how careful he is, there's always some little detail he'll overlook and his kids will be on it right away. They've probably known something was up long before now, they were just waiting for him to tell them himself – too bad for them he'd never planned on saying a word.

“I ain't lying, now let's find us some jobs before I change my mind.”

The kids don't press – good thing, too, because Gintoki would just avoid everything and it's likely they know that – and Shinpachi goes to grab the stack of papers that has been accumulating. Kagura whines about her mouth and sticks close to Gintoki's side, but it feels more like she's trying to be a reassuring presence more than anything. Strangely enough, she is, and by the time Shinpachi comes back, Gintoki's feeling somewhat better about having to do go out and do things.

But only somewhat.

-o-O-o-

Hijikata's face-palming so hard that it's actually hurting him, but he doesn't care. He just watched the absolute worst display of reaction to a crisis that he has honestly ever seen. As he'd talked about with Kondo, he set up a mock situation for the new recruits and they'd just failed miserably. One of them had even attacked the wrong person in retaliation, that was how bad this had gone. No one had been injured, thankfully, but he'd been proven right that the recruits were nowhere near ready to be given full rights and proper swords.

He has so much he needs to teach them still, they're almost worse than novice. He has to wonder why they even wanted to join the Shinsengumi, what drive do they have? From what Hijikata has seen, there's nothing that gets them going, nothing that gives them the motivation to do their best at their job. It's like they want it, but don't want it enough to give it their all. Most everything they learn flies right over their heads and they don't retain anything unless it gets beaten into them over and over and over again.

Susumu had been the absolute worst of the three, his reaction time had been slow and he was the first to be killed. Granted, he hadn't really died, but it was a simulation and so they could either fight for their lives and protect the civilians or be killed. Susumu had not only gotten a red stripe across his chest first, but he'd attacked one of the planted civilians, which had been someone from the faction in disguise.

Jun had lived the longest, but had utterly failed to protect a single civilian. From what Hijikata had seen, Jun hadn't given the civilians a second glance, much less a passing thought. The worst thing about that is that the entire idea of the Shinsengumi is centered around protecting the people of Edo and Jun couldn't have done a worse job of that. There's another flaw in the way Jun fought and that's found in the way he hadn't considered that just because the civilians weren't dressed as the attackers, that doesn't mean they couldn't also be a possible threat.

Last, Arata had done... fairly. He's the only that had tried to protect any civilians, but his fighting skills aren't up to where they should be. He couldn't protect anyone and could barely fight off the attackers, that's why he was killed second. Hijikata knows Arata had done his best, they all had, but their best just hadn't been good enough for this simulation.

He's not disappointed in them, how can he be? He asked that they do their best at all times and they had, they just have a long way to go before Hijikata will feel comfortable making them full members. They'll have to stay paired up with someone for awhile longer and their combat training is going to be more rigorous than before. Overall, the ambush simulation had been a success in that he now knows what he needs to set up for each recruit since they all need more in different areas.

Their attitudes after finding out that it had only been a simulation tells a lot about them as well. Arata had laughed and had gotten excited about the prospect of a new element to their training. Susumu had been close to terrified that he now has to watch his back even more closely – Hijikata thinks he's realizing just how out of his depth he is right now. Jun, the smug little shit, had been angry and has been snappish since it happened. Hijikata had watched the whole thing from an area above the target spot, so he saw everything that had transpired. Later on, once he returns to the barracks, he'll be collecting reports from every member that had been there. That way Hijikata will have all the information he'll need to write his own report, one that he'll give directly to Kondo.

Hijikata quits face-palming and turns away to head back to finish his route, then head back to the barracks. No sooner does he turn, he hears a commotion, one that doesn't sound friendly, and deviates his path to follow the sounds. It's only after a few more steps that he recognizes one of the voices and walks a little faster.

By the time he rounds the corner, Kagura already has three men motionless on the ground and she spits in the fourth one's face so hard he cracks his head back before falling. The fifth one takes off when he sees Hijikata walking down the alley, a cigarette now between his lips that he's about to light. Kagura doesn't let him go though, she fires a couple shots from her umbrella so debris falls on him from above.

“Damn brat, can't do my job if you're doin' it for me.”

Kagura glares at him. “So do a better job, mayora.”

“What'd they do?”

“Throw rocks at my dog.”

Hijikata eyes one of the guys that looks like he got rocks showered all over him. There are a bunch of large bumps and welts, these men didn't stand a chance.

“Where's the dog now?” Hijikata asks and looks around, expecting to be pounced on or have teeth sink into his skin.

“Probably taking a shit on the one that ran off right away.”

“Oi! Language!”

Kagura spits at his feet and opens her umbrella to rest it over her shoulder. “Men are scum.”

He takes a drag of his cigarette and starts figuring out how he wants to handle this. He recognizes two of the men as some low level offenders that have been arrested a few times prior, but the rest he can't recall ever seeing. They're probably some kind of loose gang that find power in numbers or something. They must be pretty fucked up and bored if they're choosing to spend their time harassing a girl and her animal, Hijikata kind of wants to give them an extra kick for it.

Seeing Kagura is a little shocking, only because it forces him to think about the one person he has been avoiding at all costs. How long has it even been since the last night he and Gintoki were together? It has to have been weeks, but all the days have blurred together for him. Hell, he can't even remember what he ate for breakfast earlier, if anything. He can't ask outright how Gintoki is or what he's up to, that would be too weird. His girl would know something's up right away, to her and everyone else, he and Gintoki hate each other. They _do_ hate each other, nothing has changed.

 _Nothing_ has changed.

The lie gets less convincing by the day.

“The natural perm not with you?”

“No, he's on a job.”

The look that passes over her face is one of worry. She's worried about him, has _reason_ to worry about him – what reason is that? There are plenty of reasons coming to Hijikata's mind and not one of them is good.

“By the way, if you're looking for that no good sadist, I know where he's at.”

“You've seen Sougo?”

“Passed by him napping by the bridge, you probably won't see him for awhile.” She smirks and a shudder runs down Hijikata's spine – she _had_ to have learned that one from Gintoki. “Or he won't see you, I should say.”

“O-oh? Why's that?”

“I glued his stupid sleep mask to his stupid face.”

This girl is terrifying, but he can't say he's not impressed. No one in his faction would ever dare do something like this and yet this girl is proud of herself over it.

“You like sukonbu, right?”

Kagura narrows her eyes at him and twirls the umbrella. “So what if I do?”

Hijikata lets out a puff of smoke and reaches into his pocket for his wallet. He pulls out some yen and holds out enough for a couple of boxes. He doesn't know why he's doing this, he's being stupid, this is dumb, where is this weak hope coming from? He can't arrest Kagura, she'd hate him even more and won't be apprehended easily, so he can't use that to see Gintoki. The only thing he can think of is this, to give Kagura a reward for pulling a prank on Sougo with the vague hope that she'll mention something about it to Gintoki. It might not amount to anything, it's likely Gintoki will just ignore it, but it's an attempt.

“'Bout time someone taught Sougo a lesson for skippin' out on work.”

Kagura's eyes get big and brighten, but she still scowls at him as she snatches the yen.

“Finally, a reward for my good deeds,” she says before turning away.

“Stay outta trouble, brat!” Hijikata calls after her and she fires a shot from her umbrella that explodes just in front of his feet.

“Don't tell me what to do!”

She's definitely Gintoki's spawn, so much of her is reminiscent of the natural perm that they could be related by blood if they were any more alike.

And now Gintoki is on his mind again.

Fantastic.

The thing is, though, Gintoki isn't the only person Hijikata has been doing his damnedest to avoid, there's one other thing that has become something of a problem. Well, not a _problem_. It's just... okay, the problem is that Hijikata had a chance with a gorgeous, kind, wonderful woman and he blew it. He loved her, he _still_ loves her, but he'd been a fool. At the back of his mind he'd always thought she was there, he'd childishly believed she'd always be there, he'd told himself that even if he can't be with her, at least he'll get to watch her live and be happy. But like a cold bucket of water over his head, the relentless realization that she's dead pounds him into the ground. He'd lost his chance, she's gone and he blew it, there are no second chances with this.

Or so he thought.

The string is telling him a different story, it's telling him he _does_ have a second chance. Not with Mitsuba, but a second chance at what he could have had. He'd be stupid to throw it away, to give up and not try when his dumbass doesn't deserve a second chance, but he's still getting one. Gintoki's being uncooperative and maybe they're just really not meant to work in any capacity, but Hijikata can't let himself quit. He can't drown out the sounds of all the happy couples, he can't get the knowledge of the string out of his head and sometimes he swears he can even feel the weight of it on his finger, always gently tugging.

It's suggesting that he can, in theory, be happy with Gintoki, but as of right now, he doesn't see _how_.

He wants to find out.

He has said it before, but the want is still there despite all that has transpired. He keeps trying to bury it deep and deeper, but it keeps finding its way back to the surface and that's really telling him something.

What he has been thinking a lot about after he came to this decision is how to handle Gintoki. _No one_ handles Gintoki. He lives life by his own rules, he does what he wants when he wants and doesn't listen worth a damn. He's protective of certain people and will go to ridiculous lengths to keep them protected when he needs to, but overall he's a loose canon. There's no telling what he'll do next, it's impossible to ever know what's really on his mind, he's an enigma if there ever was one.

Thinking about it even for a short time is enough to give Hijikata a headache, so he lights up another cigarette since he finished his prior one. He has started lining the men up to arrest them when they're conscious and texts Yamazaki to bring a car around to haul them away. They'll get minor fines, but goddamn it they're going to get _something_ for their behavior.

Back to his problem – the only thing Hijikata has to go on right now is sex, that's the singular viable opening he has to work with. It's the one thing he knows Gintoki wants from time to time, so it's up to Hijikata to figure out how to utilize that and make that work. The whole thing has gotten him thinking about what it's like to be in love with someone already since a large part of him will always continue to love Mitsuba and what he remembers of her.

Love is many things and as a man who has experienced love before, he knows that one form of love is wanting more for someone than they want for themselves. That's why he'd left Mitsuba, mainly, because he believed and still believes that she could have done better than himself. He'd wanted a better future for her than he could have provided and though his leaving may have seemed cruel, he had the best intentions.

He's honestly not very sure where this intense resolve he has is coming from. He doesn't have time for it, not really, with all the work and things he has going on. Maybe he's just wanting to do things differently since he has this miraculous and inexplicable second chance, if that's what Hijikata should even call it. He knows Gintoki is a good person, but he doesn't know at all if they're good for each other. So far, they haven't been. Have they ever been? No, but that doesn't mean anything.

He can admit that it bothers him more than he can possibly say that their last romp ended the way it did. It's embarrassing – extremely so. Hijikata learns fast and he's a quick study, but the very raw fact remains that he hadn't been able to give back in pleasure. He'd gotten Gintoki to cum, but he _knows_ it hadn't been very good, especially anally. His face is stark red just thinking about this and it makes his stomach sour something awful, but it's the very sad and pathetic truth. He doesn't have enough experience in bed with a man to be even halfway decent at it and now he can't even keep learning. He hates to admit Gintoki is good at anything, but the man _is_ a good teacher when it comes to sex and there are _a lot_ of things wrong with that.

It all always comes back to what Hijikata should do next and he never knows. He's so fucking clueless and all he does is get frustrated, which makes him throw himself into his work even more. It's an endless cycle that Hijikata can't seem to break free of. He can't ask anyone for advice, he's just at a constant dead end with nowhere to go.

He's Trapped.

Finishing his cigarette, he lights up another and gets back to his business. He has spent enough time mentally toiling on things he can't do a single goddamn thing about.

Yet he knows this will be on his mind all day.

Just like the day before that.

And the one before that.

And the one before _that_....

-o-O-o-

Gintoki's finished for the night and he's almost exhausted.

Almost, but not quite.

Now that the kids know he's up to things, he let them know he'd be going out, but hadn't given them any details. Kagura had threatened many imaginative things to try and force it out of him – she's feeling better now that her mouth got taken care of half a week ago – but he'd refused and ducked out before things escalated. He'd told them he'd be back by morning and he feels bad that Kagura had been upset enough to want to stay with Shinpachi, but that's how it went down. He'll make it up to the both of them, however, that'll happen later. He needs some time to think of something good, he can't half-ass this one since he really hurt their feelings.

He's tired, so tired, and ready to be completely done for the night, but he wants to lose himself for a bit. He needs to. There's still a fire in his blood and he needs to direct it at something before he goes insane. It's like a living being inside of him, thrumming with a life and energy of its own. He's used to the feeling, but that doesn't make it any less all-consuming.

He finds some hole in the wall place that he has been to before and slips inside where there's a small mass of people. He goes right to the bar and gets himself something strong, which he quickly downs before ordering another right away. He wants to get good and plastered for this, chances are he'll only remember bits and pieces and not much else. He'll make sure he's sober enough to ensure he uses a condom – he's not bottoming tonight, he rarely ever does – but that's about it.

Once he has his third drink in his hand, he turns around and casually leans against the counter to peruse. His eyes scan over all the people in the crowded room and there's nothing he feels for any of them. He's just looking for someone he can be a little rougher with, that won't mind being bitten or scratched or otherwise handled. Like always, he just wants something quick and easy so he'll be back at the apartment before dawn.

Downing his drink, he slams his glass onto the counter, then heads off into the throng.

**To Be Continued**


	11. Fracture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To say Gintoki is struggling is an understatement and Hijikata is nowhere to be seen.

Gintoki stumbles from the bar a couple hundred yen richer and a great deal of impairment poorer. His vision is blurred at the edges and he has to laugh wondering just how much he had to drink, he doesn't recall it being more than... he has no idea. Never mind.

He's certainly not walking in all that straight of a line on his way back to the apartment. The only good thing is that his feet seem to know where they're going because he's pretty much blindly following his instincts on this one. There's a buzz in his ears and he should be pleasantly sated, but he's not. Physically, he's exhausted, mentally, there's snakes in his intestines. Actual snakes, he can feel them squirming.

Or maybe he just has to take a shit.

It's right when he enters Kabukichou that his mouth starts watering with something sour and he has to stumble his way over to the nearest trashcan so he can vomit. He dry heaves three times before it comes spewing up, the smell tangy and acrid, and the worst part is that it always lingers. He hurls a few times, a sizable amount of liquid and half-digested food coming out with each seize. It hurts his stomach and throat, puking usually does, and it wakes him up a little bit. His vision is still blurry, but not quite as muddled as before.

And it isn't until he's done and spitting the excess saliva from his mouth that he realizes he's not puking into a trashcan, but someone's flower pot that's mounted on a barrel. He can now add that to his long list of today's failed accomplishments. The flowers, all the yellow and purple smudges, look like they would have been pretty prior to being coated in his gooey innards. Gooey and chunky, though, he can't quite remember what food he ate today. Did he eat? He scowls – does that matter?

Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he starts on his way again and lets out a pained hiccup turned burp. It's a strange sound and he winces against the sore rawness of his throat. Walking is much easier now and he doesn't lose his balance as often or as spectacularly. In fact, he's proud to say that by the time he gets back to the right street, he's walking in what could _almost_ pass as a straight line. If any of those Shinsengumi assholes showed up, he'd be able to put on quite the sober show for them.

He wouldn't have to put on a show if he hadn't had so much to drink and he's aware that a lot of bad shit happens when he's inebriated. Hell, the last time he'd been this drunk he'd ended up on his knees for one of those aforementioned Shinsengumi assholes and _that_ had definitely been one of his least favorable decisions. He... really doesn't do good things when he's this piss drunk, he needs to maybe reconsider the next time he reaches for a glass.

He stops mid-stride and snorts on what might have been a laugh. He brings his hand back to his face and rubs at his mouth again, harder than before, to erase the weird twist of his lips. Think before he drinks, he must really be fucked up right now if he's entertaining such strange thoughts. He'd only had _alcohol_ , right? Not some other mind altering whatever the fuck that's making him slightly batshit? He's always some level of batshit, isn't he?

Up ahead, he sees the stairs and just out of sheer habit, he straightens his back and walks taller, more proper. He hasn't passed very many people on his journey and honestly, he hasn't been paying any attention to others. He runs a hand through his hair to make sure it doesn't feel too _after sex disheveled_ and his eyes flick to the light coming out of the door in the front of the building. Otose must be just closing up for the night or... no, it should already be closed, he thinks. He always loses all track of time on nights like this and it doesn't help that the moon is covered, he could have fashioned a guess at the hour that way.

As he nears the entrance, he slows and listens, but doesn't hear anything. It's like the place is deserted and that has him frowning because if the light is on, then someone should be there – it isn't safe otherwise. He stands to the side of the door, positioned just well enough that he can't see in and anyone inside can't see him outside. His head is cocked as he listens and he only sways once, which he steadies with a silent hand placed against the wall.

Glasses clink softly together then and he lets his shoulders lower, unaware that he'd become so rigid. He chances a subtle glance inside and sees Otose's back as she puts the dishes away. He moves back quickly, but only steps out of sight and presses his shoulders to the wall, listening. His tired legs shake slightly, it's not an uncommon thing after he gets sick, but they don't give out. He's able to stand there and listen in peace as Otose moves around in the bar, her clothes making the softest rustling noises. There's water as she washes whatever, that _tink_ of glass on glass, and that rhythmic swooshing sound as she dries the objects.

He wonders for a moment where Catherine and Tama are, but it's a passing thought, fleeting. He doesn't know how long he stands there just listening, drinking in the warmth coming from inside. It's not cold out, but it's certainly not warm and he wriggles his fingers as he begins to stir to make sure he still has feeling in them. He hasn't moved for however long and it has made him a bit more stiff, not that he cares.

He takes one single barely audible step away –

“Stop.” He freezes. There's a lengthy silence where he hears her prepare her smoke and light up. “Get in here.”

Gintoki stays put awhile longer, staring at the ground, but without his say so, his legs move him toward the doorway.

He hesitates before entering.

He shouldn't go inside, but it's too late, he's already here.

It's with a careful practice that he runs through a checklist in his head and takes a deep breath before going the rest of the way in, pushing the flap aside and ducking his head slightly. He grins at her and she scowls at him, her smoke curling upward like languid fingers. As is custom, he takes a seat at the bar and she sets a small tumbler glass in front of him that she fills partially with amber liquid.

More alcohol.

Just what he needs.

What better way to wash down the taste of vomit than with liquor?

He downs it one go, it'd be unlike him if he doesn't.

She fills it back up to the same height when he places it back down and he's almost grateful for its burn. It doesn't feel good on the back of his throat, but it does supply a rather fastidious numbing effect that he can't bring himself not to appreciate.

“How are things going?”

He shrugs. “Fine. I'm almost done.”

“With everything?”

“Yeah.”

“That seems a bit quick, even for you.”

Gintoki raises his glass in a mock toast. “Gin-san just got lucky!”

“How are your wounds?”

“Wound,” he corrects and it's a bit of a slur that he hopes she doesn't notice, “just one. Uno. Like the game.”

Her brows rise almost imperceptibly. “And is it healing?”

“Uh-huh!” His enthusiasm is a little overdone, he blames his beverage of choice. “One on my stomach is healed already.”

“Your shoulder, then?”

“Hasn't been givin' me any problems.” That's a lie – he downs the rest of his drink and she takes the glass away. “Why're you alone in here?”

“Things got rowdy earlier, both Tama and Catherine are escorting a couple drunks home.”

Gintoki snickers, he can imagine how rough Catherine is being with hers and how to the point Tama is treating her charge. It makes for an amusing mental image, he even feels his lips tip upward at the corners. The familiar smell of Otose's tobacco lulls him and he finds himself leaning on the counter with his elbows, the taste of bile still lingering.

“Kagura stopped down here earlier.”

“That so?”

“She was upset.”

“I can imagine.”

She eyes him coolly. “Fix it.”

Gintoki scratches at the back of his neck and runs that same hand through his hair a few times. He knows his hair is a mess, but he's thinking that if he makes a show of mussing it up that'll explain why it's in such gnarls. The hair on the back of his neck rises as he remembers his smell – he probably smells of sex and sweat. Something so pungent and putrid doesn't belong in the bar, already his nostrils stings as if he can smell it even though he can't.

“Right.”

That's all he says, it's all he needs to say. Otose tells him to do something and she expects him to do it – he's sure as fuck going to do it. He'd planned on doing it anyway, he needs to patch things up with the kids, it's just the _how_ and _when_ that's stopping him up. Among... other things. He sways to the right in his seat, aware that Otose is watching him as she smokes. It's little wonder how she knew he was outside, she doesn't miss things like that, perceptive old bag.

What little is left in his stomach churns.

“How many are left?”

“Just one.”

She nods. “I never wanted it to come to this.”

“Yeah, yeah, what do I care? Quit bein' so,” he flails a hand at her as if that finishes the thought for him, “I've got you off my back about the rent, that's good enough.”

Her scrutiny finally breaks and it's easy to fall into some banter that he can rattle off like clockwork. She smokes, calls him a name or two, he makes quips of his own – albeit, his brain isn't working very fast, it's painfully alcohol sluggish. She won't keep him long, it's already late, so Gintoki absorbs what time he has with her. It almost feels like old times – before Tama, before Catherine, before the kids, before the dog, it's just them. It's bittersweet, but it's an easier pill to swallow than it used to be.

As much as he enjoys being in her company where it's warm, he has to make a conscious effort to stay his jittering hands. It's hard to keep his legs from moving up and down and from tapping his fingers against the countertop, nervous movements that will make Otose _look_ again. He shouldn't be here right now, he should have slipped away earlier, pretended he hadn't heard her speak to him.

He's fracturing.

Being tense and making it look like he isn't is a difficult task when he has all his mental faculties, which makes things more problematic when he's operating on a fraction of that. His unease is mounting, he has to keep himself from glancing at the door, and he hates that it's a relief when she says it's time for her to get to bed. He bites his tongue to stay in his chair a second longer, paranoia has him making it look like he doesn't want to move, he even groans in protest at having to get up.

He smiles for her.

He calls her an old hag.

He does what she expects him to and he walks that path of routine with careful grace.

He does everything except say that he doesn't want to leave yet.

He's so fucked up that he doesn't want to go.

Still, he stands and feels the serpents in his guts wrap themselves up tighter. The second he's outside, the smile drops from his face and he's cold. He mechanically goes to the stairs and starts to climb as if there aren't heavy weights pulling on the bottoms of his boots. He's lost in thought, caught in a mental black box that has every side of his world curling down on him in the same way waves crash against the beach.

Gintoki stumbles in the middle of the first set of stairs, but it's less that he skims his boot and more like he doesn't lift his leg high enough and so jams his foot beneath the step. It hurts like shit and it doesn't help that he twists his ankle in his attempt to right himself in time. Pain shoots up both arms as he comes down hard on his wrists and his head doesn't hit the wood until he lets out a cuss and sets his forehead down as his body deflates.

His leg is at a weird enough angle that he's stuck, but heedless of the repercussions, he yanks his foot free. He doesn't realize his mistake until the abruptness of his kick to free himself sends him tumbling down the steps he'd managed to climb. He can't even feel ashamed as he lands on his back in the dirt with a grunt and a hard thud. All he does is stay right there hoping his noise doesn't attract any attention or bring anyone out to see what the sound was.

All remains silent and he gives a rueful smile – he likely deserves this.

To think, he'd gone into Otose's bar, touched her things, drank her booze, sat in her chair, and had taken up her time without so much as a shower. He's filthy, covered in every manner of sweat and dirt, he's fucking caked in it, but he'd still gone inside. He'd answered her call and that should be good, but all he feels is bad. Despite his efforts, she knows, he knows she knows, there's no way she can't. She probably saw right through him, knows what he'd been up to, why he'd reeked like two day old garbage, but she hadn't said anything.

She'd let him keep pretending.

She does that. She likes to let him go about his ways until he decides on his own to come to her. She'll watch, keep watching, and say something only if she believes he's getting out of hand – too out of hand for himself to handle on his own any longer. The sad part is that he lets _himself_ pretend that he's fooling her, that he's fine, that he's in control of himself, that everything is okay.

It's pathetic.

The only reason he can think these things right now is because he's at least sixty percent alcohol and won't remember most of it in the morning.

He's staring up at the sky in the dim light of a nearby lamp and like before, clouds obscure most everything. The moon is nowhere to be seen, but there's a small hole parted enough for him to see the blue-black void of space. The stars seen through the pocket do that odd flickering thing, but he finds no comfort in it. He stares at the sky a lot, he muses. Though, there's probably a lot to be said for how often he ends up on his back with nothing but the sky to look at. He always ends up outside somehow, be it in the trash, on a bench, in a pile of cardboard, it doesn't matter.

Even now, he knows he should get inside, but the door is suddenly too far away and he doesn't have the energy to make it there. To go inside would feel... wrong, somehow. No one is there, Kagura is at Shinpachi's because she's upset with him and she more than likely took Sadaharu with her. That's probably for the best, maybe now they'll realize what a mistake they made keeping company with him. They're just kids, they're bound to figure it out sooner or later and he'd prefer it to be sooner rather than later.

The fresh alcohol in his body feels heavy in his gut and there's an intense bitter tang starting to form at the back of his throat again. It feels like he's going to throw it all up once more and he can't think that that will be too bad. He could just stay on his back and let himself choke on it, that seems almost like a fitting end. The only person that can kill him is himself, so why not go down with a mouthful of vomit? Die as he lived... or something like that.

He snorts at the notion, but there's no humor in the sound and he doesn't feel anything, either. His wrists don't hurt anymore, he wishes they did so just he'd feel something. He feels himself fracturing some more, splintering like the fragments of broken glass, and the fucked up thing is that he knows he could go back inside. He could sit outside Otose's room and stay there until the feeling passed. He could ask her to keep talking to him, to keep him company.

He _could_.

But he won't.

He has taken up enough of her time tonight, more than he feels he has any right to.

Gritting his teeth, he turns over on his stomach and crawls back behind the stairs to a dark corner. His shoulder protests the whole way, but he ignores it and keeps moving. He seats himself in the wedged right in the meeting of two walls with his back to the building where he's put in the dark by the shadow of the stairs and overhang of the apartment. He pulls his knees to his chest and wraps his arms around them to keep them in place. His shoulder gives an aching throb as if it has been wrenched and maybe it has, he doesn't really know. He disregards it all the same and even laughs under his breath about it because somewhere in there something humorous is lurking.

The stairs are a mountain he can't climb and he doesn't know what he'd do if he even made it to the top. He'll truly suffocate if he goes inside the apartment, the emptiness will swallow him whole. The fractures are starting to widen and a headache blooms behind his eyes with a sharpness that has him sucking in a startled breath. Even to his own ears, the breath is silent, he won't make noise and he doesn't think he could if he tried.

Frowning, he glares at the light coming from the street, it repulses him. It's too bright and though he's in a place where the light can't touch him, he still feels exposed. He gives the light, the street, that _direction_ and everything out there, a fiercer glare, but then it melts into a painful grimace that he hides in his knees. His next breath is harsh and gasping, it's hard to breathe, his lungs aren't big enough to hold any air. His shoulder gives a pinch and he hisses into his knees having the urge to rip his whole arm off.

It's just his right arm, what good has his right arm ever done?

If he got rid of his right arm, perhaps the string would go with it.

His head whips back and strikes against the wood sending a lance of pain through his skull and down his back. He sucks in air as a wheeze, sure now that his throat is collapsing in on itself, which is apparently amusing enough to tear a scoff out of him.

He will do a lot of things, but think about the string is not one of them.

Gintoki squeezes his eyes shut and remains still, face buried in his knees and fingers gripping tightly to his clothes. He'll move upstairs later, no one will find him here or notice him in the corner. In the silent hours of the early morning, he's alone. A tremor shakes through his body and he's sure he might puke, but he only gags. There's still not enough air and while he breathes harshly, he does so quietly.

It's cold and he shakes.

His bokken digs into his side and his shoulder gives a piercing throb.

Behind him, a wall, before him, an endless oblivion – morning is a long way off.

**To Be Continued**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, this chapter was kind of a surprise LOL I just sat down with the intention to edit and add to the actual next chapter, but then this happened as kind of an interlude. Or rather, I had an idea about this written out to happen at the beginning of the next chapter, but then it just grew and got a chapter of its own. Hope you enjoyed!


	12. But What's the Point of Screaming Into the Void

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pain. You might chuckle every so often because goddamn it, I like jokes, but this will hurt. I'm sorry.

“Gin-chan!” Kagura calls from where she's perched on Sadaharu's back. “Let's go!”

Gintoki grumbles and scratches at his head, but follows along. They're on a job and they're in desperate need of money, more so than usual. Gintoki hadn't wanted to get up this morning, but Shinpachi had persisted and pestered until he'd started moving. He hasn't been very motivated to do anything the last few days and so, they're shorter on money than they have been in a long time.

Now that he's up and going, though, he regrets leaving his futon. The warmth he'd accumulated over the night has now left him entirely and also, he aches. He hurts sometimes, he's so used to it that he doesn't think twice about it anymore, but this morning, he aches more than he has in a long time. It's a pain that rests right along his shoulders, a lot of it is centered at the base of his neck, and while he's doing his best to ignore it, it's rather dogged. He's not concerned and simply rolls his shoulder a few times in the hopes of dispelling it.

“We've got a busy day ahead of us,” Shinpachi says from Gintoki's left.

“Does any of it include dango?”

“No.”

“Parfait?”

“No.”

“Strawberry milk?”

“No.”

“Then _why_ are we out here at all?”

Shinpachi shoots him a disapproving look. “To get money enough to pay for those things.”

“What kind of jobs did you pick out?”

“A bunch of small ones. Considering the options we had, it seemed in our best interest to take a lot of easy ones to get them all done in a single day than it was to spend all day on just one or two jobs that wouldn't have given us as much money as all the these smaller ones.”

“None of these involve chasing after a cat, right?”

“No, haven't seen that request show up for a few months now.”

“It's a miracle! You'd think after losing your cat more than once you'd get a leash or something for it.”

“At least it's easy money.”

“Nothing about getting your skin clawed off by a feline is easy.”

Shinpachi laughs and absently pushes his glasses up higher on his nose. “It wouldn't claw you so much if you didn't tackle it.”

“That's the only way to catch it! We've done it enough times for us to know that.”

Kagura slows Sadaharu and comes to walk on Gintoki's other side. “One of the jobs is rodent control!”

Gintoki shoots Shinpachi an unhappy look. “Rodents?”

“Just a minor infestation.”

“Infestation of rodents....”

“Yes, the owners said they'd be grateful if we could help them with their rat problem. It shouldn't take us long at all!”

“I have a rodent problem of my own,” Gintoki mutters and pushes Kagura's foot away from trying to poke his face. “Old men like me shouldn't have to deal with rodents.”

“You can't get out of this one,” Shinpachi informs him, “so don't try.”

Gintoki grumbles and continues to dodge Kagura's persistent foot as they head to their destination.

-o-O-o-

A pain, sharp and quick, rolls down Hijikata's arm from his shoulder. He ignores it, he'd spent hours training the recruits yesterday, so he doesn't think it's anything to really be concerned with if he's a little sore. He'd run them through drill after drill, spared with each one again and again, and he'd done that on top of his usual work load. It'd been a concern by some that he was going to kill the recruits via too much exertion, but having checked on them this morning, he found them alive... just unconscious and unmoving. He has sent Yamazaki to tend to them and get them going, like hell the three of them are going to get the whole day off just because of a little workout.

Hijikata can't say he's disappointed in any of them, they'd worked as hard as they could, but how much they actually need to improve makes him apprehensive. Recruits are a big deal and he's not sure all the time and energy that are going to go into the three of them will be worth it. He can't complain too much, though, because it's giving him something to do and he's in no way against that.

Reaching the door he wants, he knows, entreating, “Kondo-san? I've got a new layout for you to look at.”

“Layout?” Kondo asks as the door opens.

“For the recruits.”

“Ah! Yes! You think you've come up with something good for them?”

“I'm hoping so, won't know until we've tried it out.”

“Sure, let's find a good spot and go over this.”

Kondo takes the folder from Hijikata and leads the way down the hall to an empty conference room. There, they sit and Kondo goes through each page in the folder, carefully skimming over the materials without losing focus once. Hijikata sits quietly and rolls his shoulder a couple times when that annoying twitching comes back. He can't explain the twinge of pain, it's like there's something pinching a nerve, but he can't figure out why it's hurting. It seems like it hurts more when he's not moving and that doesn't make sense at all to him.

“Something wrong with your arm?”

“No, just stiff, I think.” He immediately starts ignoring the feeling. “How does everything look?”

“Great! There's a few things I'd like to change, though.”

“Like what?”

“Just some of the match ups and I want you to take on a little less with it.”

Hijikata crosses his arms. “Less?”

“You have yourself scheduled back to back to back with everything! When are you going to take a break?”

“T'ch, I've got some nights off.”

“Two,” Kondo says and points to the schedule, “you have _two_ nights off.”

“That's enough.”

“Enough for _what_? Sleep?”

“Yeah! I've got an afternoon set aside, too!”

“Tosshi!” Kondo bursts in exasperation. “That's not enough and you know it! I'm rewriting some of this and you're not going to fuss about any of it!”

Left with no choice, Hijikata nods and lets Kondo jot down some changes he wants made. He refrains from doing anything about his shoulder and rests his elbow against the table to make sure he doesn't move it. Scant minutes later, Kondo sighs and Hijikata quickly studies the fleeting expression on his face.

“What's that look for?”

Kondo shakes his head and gives him a smile. “Oh, nothing!”

Hijikata watches him and pulls out a cigarette with a quiet sigh. His lighter comes out next and he lights up to get himself a solid drag as Kondo continues his editing. 

“She turned you down again today, huh?”

Kondo's body twitches. “It was my own fault.”

“How so?”

“I offered to carry her groceries for her and then dropped them all.” He grimaces. “First I dropped the banana, then I slipped over that.”

Hijikata exhales a cloud of smoke and rubs the back of his neck thoughtlessly. Did it  _ have _ to be a banana that he slipped on? Really?

“At least offering to carry her groceries is better than waiting for her underneath her porch.” Hijikata reaches out and claps Kondo on the shoulder. “I'd say you're doing better.”

A tentative smile creeps across Kondo's face and he looks up hopefully. “You think so?”

“Maybe try giving her flowers next time?”

“That's a great idea!”

“Just a few!” Hijikata quickly clarifies. “A dozen at  _ most _ ! Don't go crazy and fill her house with them or something!”

“But what kind of flowers does she like? I need to get a lot so she has variety! There aren't enough flowers to show her how beautiful she is to me!”

“A dozen!” Hijikata yells over Kondo's rising voice. “Just a dozen, that's it!”

“But –”

“Put it in the schedule! Set aside a time and we'll go get flowers!”

Kondo lights up. “Really?”

“I gotta make sure you only get a dozen! Knowing you, you'll buy the whole store!”

“When? Today? Right now?”

“No! Later this week sometime, look at the schedule!”

Kondo spreads the pages out flat and eagerly searches for a good time, thinking out loud with, “We need to pick a good store, too! A nice one! With the best flowers! I want a big selection, do you know of anywhere?” Amused, Hijikata shakes his head and continues smoking. “Hm... what about that place in Kabukichou?

Hijikata's no longer any shade of amused.

“No, I think there are better places....”

“You don't have yourself going there at all,” Kondo comments as he skims each page, “I thought you liked it there. You used to go there several times a week.”

“It's more important that I be closer to the barracks for now.”

“I guess. So, do you have any suggestions for other flower shops?”

Hijikata swallows to wet his dry throat and flicks some ash into his portable pouch. “I'll have someone collect a list of places.”

“Good idea!”

“Could you finish going over the schedule? I'd like to get that finalized and posted before lunch.”

Kondo goes at it with renewed vigor and Hijikata quickly reaches for a new cigarette.

-o-O-o-

Several days pass and Hijikata can't believe he's actually breaking down a little bit. He can't do this anymore, ignoring the pain isn't helping anything and if it's something serious, the sooner he gets it looked at, the better. Everyone is preoccupied with their assignments, so he's able to slip away unnoticed to encroach on someone he knows he can intimidate into keeping silent. He doesn't knock on the door and he's pleased to find his subordinate actually working like he's supposed to be.

“Fukuchou!” Yamazaki about falls over himself standing up to salute. “Y-yes? I mean, what do you need?”

“At ease, just gimme a quick once over.”

“A... once over?”

Hijikata sits down across from him and keeps his head mostly ducked so Yamazaki can't get a good look at his face. He's already thinking this is a bad idea and he doesn't know how he talked himself into it. Too bad it's too late to back out now without looking completely mental, then that'd get back to Kondo that he's acting weird and he's already somewhat on Kondo's radar.

“You heard me.”

“Am I looking for anything in particular?” Yamazaki grabs his med kit and retakes his seat, however cautiously. “If you've got a stomach ache, that flu is still going around.”

Hijikata sighs and holds out his right arm. “Nothing like that.” Which isn't entirely true since his stomach has been wonky for weeks. “I've got some pain here.”

“Where?”

“All along my arm. It starts somewhere back here,” he reaches up to grab behind his shoulder, “and goes all the way down to my wrist.”

“How long has it been going on?”

“Almost a week, I think.”

“Is it constant?”

“Wasn't at first, but it's getting there. It was annoying enough last night that I barely slept.”

“You haven't been sleeping very much, have you?”

“Not for awhile, no.”

“Is it related to this discomfort?”

Hijikata has to really think about that. “I really don't know. It's possible? I only just started noticing it here recently.”

“How recently?”

“I dunno, just _recent_.”

“Recent, as in, the last few days or recent, as in, the last few weeks? I don't know what your sense of recent is.”

Hijikata's fingers drum against his thigh. “The last week or so.”

“Have you been doing anything differently?”

“Not that I know of.” Except maybe reconfigure most of his schedule. “Enough questions, just get this over with.”

Hijikata sits still to allow Yamazaki time and space to do what he needs to do. It's really the most basic of checkups, but Hijikata still refuses to look directly at him the whole time. He has never been good at hiding what he's feeling and he doesn't know what exactly his face is showing right now. He can feel that his brows are pinched and he probably looks pissed off because that seems to be the norm for him, more so than usual.

Everything is going fine for the most part, but every time Yamazaki touches his skin, his arm seems to hurt more. It's not quite discernible, but the pain goes from a dull throb to a quick jab and it feels like it's centering from within his veins. He has to really concentrate on keeping still, too, because if he doesn't, he'll be yanking his arm away and he won't know how to explain that. He also notices that he doesn't like the way his skin feels and he's unsure if there's a correlation between the pain and Yamazaki. It could just be that he's not feeling well and contact with his skin, no matter the source, is triggering it to get worse.

Does that mean he accidentally got into some sort of dermal pathogen? Some people experience side effects like this to allergens, don't they? Hijikata's lucky enough to not be allergic to anything that he's aware of, but over the years he has seen some of his subordinates break out into hives, swell up, have difficulty breathing, lose cognitive ability, the list goes on... but he can't recall anyone suffering through what he's experiencing. The idea itself is farfetched to begin with, but it's _something_ and he's going to look into every possibility.

“All your vitals look good, your blood pressure is steady, your heart rate is healthy, and by some miracle your cholesterol is fine.”

“What d'ya mean miracle?” Hijikata asks with a warning glare, daring him to say anything about his mayonnaise consumption.

“N-nothing!”

Nodding in satisfaction, Hijikata bites his lip and starts thinking over other possibilities that could explain the pain. It's still not so terrible that it'll get in the way of his job, but if it gets more persistent, it very could and he can't have that. His nose curls at the thought of having to stop and take time for something as stupid as _bed rest_.

“Umm... Hijikata-san?”

“What?”

“Are you alright?”

“Just peachy.”

“I don't believe you.”

“I'm not asking you to believe me.”

“But you're –”

“One more word and it's seppuku for you,” Hijikata yells, cutting him off.

Yamazaki stares at him, then his face drops into a bemused squint. “You're a lot more believable when you're actually angry.”

“If you don't think I'm actually angry, then what am I?”

“Tired,” Yamazaki replies carefully, “and distracted.”

Hijikata glares and the floor and he can't deny that both of those are correct, however, he does grumble, “And angry.”

He's angry, he's always some degree of angry, and right now, he has every reason to be angry considering he has a string he never wanted connecting him to a person he wants nothing to do with. It wouldn't be so bad if he hadn't made a huge mistake in sleeping with the bastard, it's even more offensive that he did it more than once. He hasn't gained anything out of the venture except more questions, suffocating regret, insecurity over his sexual performance, and he doesn't even know how to begin explaining his sexuality, not even to himself.

Is he gay, bisexual, or just curious? He's not exclusively straight anymore, he can't call himself that after sleeping with a man, but he can't say he's gay, either. Bisexual, to him, would mean that he's interested in both sexes, except, he's not. He loves Mitsuba and finds no man attractive, not even Gintoki. They might have had sex, but he can't say he's attracted to Gintoki. That Hijikata got any pleasure at all from their sex is based purely on just that, pleasure, and nothing more. Having no passion behind the act, no connection, it hadn't meant anything and that it was with a man is irrelevant in the end. It had honestly been no different than if Hijikata had gone to Yoshiwara and paid for a woman to help him get off.

His previous decision in wanting to pursue the meaning of the string now feels more distant than ever.

“Fukuchou?”

“Hm?”

“You've zoned out again.” He blinks back into the room and looks at Yamazaki. “You do that a lot,” he continues with a slight crinkle in his brow, “I've never seen you act like this before.”

“It's nothing, I've just got a lot on my mind.” He gets up and prepares to leave. “The recruits have been keeping me busy.”

“How much longer are you going to use that excuse?”

“It's not an excuse.”

“It is. Lying is against bushido code and is worthy of seppuku around here, you know.”

Hijikata snorts. “Yeah, remember that the next time you tell me you were on patrol while you have a badminton racket hidden behind your back.”

“That's different.”

“How do you figure?”

Yamazaki crosses his arms and glares. “I'm not lying about being unhappy.”

Hijikata's eyes narrow and his stomach sinks down into his intestines. If it were any other subordinate, he'd be ripping them a new asshole and ordering them to get back to work. It's different with Yamazaki, though, and Hijikata blames it on him being older, but regardless, it rings true that Yamazaki is his most trusted subordinate. He's not perfect, but he does his job to the best of his ability and Hijikata knows he's loyal to the Shinsengumi above all else. Yet even after all they've been through, just like with Kondo, Hijikata finds himself reluctant to say anything.

How would he even start? He can't just regurgitate everything and admit the string, Gintoki, and his failed sexual exploits coupled with the fact that he actually _paid_ that slimy asshole for bodily gratification. He'd never live it down! It's best no one knows, it's private, and he doubts Gintoki will ever say anything, so that's _one_ good thing.

“It's nothing to concern yourself with,” Hijikata eventually grumbles.

“Just promise me you'll say something to someone if it gets worse.” Hijikata stares him down and since Yamazaki isn't budging, he gives a hesitant nod. Satisfied, Yamazaki gathers his things together to put them away. “I'll anpan spark you in the face if you don't! Remember that!”

Hijikata growls under his breath as he leaves, the pain in his shoulder dull once more, but still very much present.

-o-O-o-

Gintoki takes a swig of his beer and silently curses Hasegawa for jumping ship at the last second. They could be out playing Pachinko or drinking at a nicer bar than this one. He'd already planned on an evening out, so even after Hasegawa gave him some excuses, Gintoki had gone out anyway and he found himself in one of the shit holes he visits when he's on the prowl. It's darker than a normal bar, there's a strong oaky scent in the air to mask a muskier undertone, and people frequently filter in and out through a shady door in the back. He isn't bothered by any of this and he's not sure why he chose this bar in particular, but here he sits right up at the counter slowly drinking himself into a stupor. After his horrible experience with giant rodents less than a week ago, he still feels that he has every right and excuse to drink excessively.

No one has approached him, but then, he hasn't been inviting anyone, either. He has gone through about four beers, he's working on his fifth, and he's finally feeling a nice buzz that's slowing his thoughts down little by little. He has all the exits pegged, he knows where everyone is at, and he's being ignored for the most part. It's nice to not exist for awhile and just have time to himself as he steadily slips closer toward an alcoholic oblivion.

“I've seen you around here before.”

So much for not existing for awhile.

“Can't say the same about you,” Gintoki replies with the briefest of glances to his right.

“Heh, yeah, I usually keep to myself and you're usually surrounded by people.” The man quietly takes the seat next to Gintoki and flags down the bartender. “My name's Kyou, by the way.”

Gintoki actually halfway turns toward him and takes a good look at him. His hair is short and black, it doesn't even reach down to his ears, and his skin is several shades darker than his own. He'd say it's a tan, but he more gets the feeling that Kyou was born with such an olive complexion and probably tans really well. Those kinds of people piss him off just a little bit, only because he very violently _doesn't_ tan and the people that don't burn tend to irritate him because they'll never know what a pain it is. 

“Do you know my name?”

“Yeah.”

“Creep.”

“It's not my fault!” Kyou defends and goes quiet long enough for the bartender to give him a beer. “I just happened to overhear it, I wasn't looking for it or anything.” Gintoki hums and Kyou wriggles again. “If it makes you feel any better, I don't even want to be here.”

“No? Then why are you?”

“You see that suspicious mash of limbs and body parts in that corner?” Kyou points across the room and Gintoki leans closer to him to be able to see it. “I'm here with one of those people. I'd tell you which one, but I don't know what belongs to who over there and I'm not about to walk that way just to find out.”

“Understandable,” Gintoki remarks and can't decide if Kyou's lying or not.

He sighs and gives his attention back to his drink, which is starting to dwindle down to the dregs. It has been one hell of a week and he vaguely has an idea as to what time it is, but he can't bring himself to double check. It's either later than he thinks or earlier than he wants it to be, another beer and he won't care anymore.

“I can't tell if you're pissed or annoyed or... what you are.”

“Yeah? You and everyone else.”

Kyou fidgets. “Am I bothering you? I can go, if you want.”

“No, you're fine. I'm just a grouchy old man, don't take it personally.”

“You don't seem that old.”

“I am. Old and salty, that's me.”

“Well, your cheeks look soft.”

Gintoki pauses with his drink halfway to his mouth and a brow pops up. “Excuse you?”

“Sorry! I know that's weird! It's just... this close, they look really smooth.” A finger gently pokes Gintoki's cheek. “You have cheeks as smooth as a baby's ass.”

Despite everything, Gintoki lets out a loud laugh and swats the hand away from his face. Kyou sheepishly chuckles and Gintoki blames the booze in the biggest way for finding that humorous at all.

“You're gross,” he says and calls the bartender for a refill.

“Maybe, but at least I don't have inexplicably soft cheeks.”

“So, are soft cheeks a bad thing, then?”

“Not at all, I like them.”

Gintoki squints at him and finally asks, “What do you want?”

“A way to pass the time.”

“Which would include what, exactly?”

Kyou shrugs. “This is fine. I'll even buy you the next round since I'm imposing.”

“I never turn down free booze.”

“Good,” Kyou replies and calls out to the bartender again. “And I feel like I've seen you somewhere before.”

“Didn't you say you've seen me here before?”

“Yeah, but I'm thinking someplace else. Where do you work?”

“Not saying, but it's freelance, so I'm around.”

Kyou snaps his fingers. “Pink! That's how I know you!”

“I'm... not a color.”

“No, you're not, and now I'm afraid what I'm about to say will offend you.”

“Try me.”

“I've seen a girl that sorta looks like you, but she's way cuter. She wears a pink kimono, but I've never actually talked to her to know her name. I've only seen her twice before and it's always from afar, like I'm constantly in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

Kyou's staring at his drink intently and his face is red... Gintoki has the very distinct feeling that he's being asked a veiled question here. Modesty is refreshing and someone being nervous to come onto him is kind of nice in its own way. Usually, if someone wants him, then his personal space gets invaded and there's a brief exchange of words about money or whatever before the next step is enacted. He either decides against it and leaves the person with a bloody nose or he does whatever is agreed upon in some hole in the wall be it a dingy hotel room or an alley, depending on the deed itself. That also has a lot to do with how drunk he is at the time and he can say from experience that Kyou's approach is quite the uncommon occurrence. Not only because he rarely has anyone say or know anything about Paako, but the inquiry itself also feels genuine, in a sense.

Gintoki smirks into his drink and subtly rolls his shoulder to get his arm to quit acting up again. “Oh, her? Yeah, I know her.”

“You do?”

“Sure, she works every now and then down at Saigo's place. Do you wanna know her name?”

Kyou's cheeks tinge with a deeper blush. “I wouldn't be opposed or anything.”

“It's Paako, she'll be working next Tuesday after hours.”

“I see.” Kyou's lips twitched in a smile. “Saigo's can get really busy, what if I want her to notice me?”

“She likes money, but if you charm her with sweets, I'm sure she'll give you a good show.”

“Sweets? Really?”

“She's a bitch for chocolates.”

Kyou laughs and dimples appear on either cheek. “That's kinda cute.”

“It's not, believe me, and it goes right to her ass.”

“Will chocolates get me a conversation with her?”

“You'll have to find that out for yourself next Tuesday.”

A hand slides across Gintoki's shoulders and he has his elbow ready to drive into the body next to him, but the scent stops him. His tense shoulders relax for the first time in days – weeks? – and not even the pain that shoots down his arm is enough to upset him.

“Not interrupting anything, am I?”

“Yes,” Gintoki says, “you always are.”

“Aww, don't be like that! After all we've been through and you still treat me like this?”

Kyou shifts in his seat. “Do you know this guy?”

“Unfortunately.”

“Want me to get rid of him?”

Gintoki is _so_ tempted to say yes just to watch Kyou get his ass handed to him because he's way out of his league with this one. Except, seeing as how he likes Kyou well enough, he decides to spare him the severe embarrassment.

“Nah, he usually goes away on his own, thanks.”

Fingers sift into Gintoki's hair and pull lightly on some strands. “Why're you so mean to me?”

“Zura –”

“It's not Zura, it's Katsura!”

“Right,” Gintoki tilts his head back to look at him, “what do you want?”

“Do I need a reason to bother you?”

“Yes and it better be a damn good one.”

“Does the pleasure of your company count?”

“No, that just sounds weird coming from you.” He looks up at Katsura and sighs. “Lemme just finish this.”

The glass is pretty much full, but he has no problem chugging the whole thing down. He slams it down on the counter when it's gone and lets out a loud belch that he can't keep in – beer makes him burp, he can't help it. He stands up and stumbles a step, but doesn't tip over because Katsura's body cushions him.

“Woah, must'a had more to drink than I thought.”

“You going to be okay getting home?” Kyou asks and he looks like he's about ready to stand.

“Pshaw! I'll be fine! This guy might look shady and frail,” he pinches Katsura's cheek and squishes his face up, “but he can carry me if it comes to that.”

“Only if you're sure....”

“'Course m'sure!”

He pats himself to find his wallet and when he finds the skimpy, deflated thing, he opens it and shows it off to Katsura. He gets glared at, so he pushes his bottom lip out and puts on his best pout. Katsura glares at him a bit longer, but eventually caves and tightens his arm around Gintoki's waist so he can reach for his own wallet.

“What exactly were you planning to do if I hadn't come along?”

“Doesn't matter now that you're here, does it?”

Bemused, Katsura tosses some yen onto the counter and tugs Gintoki toward the door. As an afterthought, Gintoki gives Kyou a backward wave and he thinks he gets one in return, but it's all too fuzzy to tell.

“Who was that?”

“Dunno, some guy I just met.”

“I'm surprised you weren't drinking with that one guy, the one without a job.”

“Oh, Hasegawa-san? Yeah, he bailed and I wanted to drink anyway.”

“Clearly,” Katsura grunts and hefts more of Gintoki's weight. “At least help me out by putting your arm over my shoulder.”

“I'm not even that drunk, you know.”

Katsura abruptly shoves him away and Gintoki has to do several quick steps to keep himself on his feet. “You should've said so!”

“You used to be able to tell!”

“I can still tell!” Katsura snaps defensively and he suddenly looks miffed.

“Of course you can, I was only teasing. Where're we going?”

“I thought I was taking you back to your apartment.”

“Oh, sure, but what do you want?”

“Nothing, I just happened to see you and decided to drop in.”

“Sounds more like you were being chased and happened to see me when you slipped into the bar in your escape.”

“Is it really so shocking that I wasn't running for my life for once?”

“Yeah.” Gintoki glances over his shoulder and scans around. “The Shinsengumi aren't around here, are they?”

“Not that I know of.”

“Good.”

“Why? You at odds with them or...?” One of Katsura's brows goes up slowly. “I thought you got along okay with them.”

“Don't assume things,” Gintoki says dismissively and waves a hand to dispel the topic.

If they talk about it too long, then Katsura will pick up on something with his stupid intuitiveness and Gintoki will be bombarded with questions. Not just random questions, either, but the _right_ questions, because once Katsura has a hunch, he knows exactly what to say and do in order to see whether that hunch is correct or not – he's absurdly correct nine out of ten times, which is both uncanny and annoying as fuck.

“Should I be the asking _you_ if you're in trouble?”

“I'm always in trouble,” Gintoki grouses. “I'm also drunk in public with a terrorist, can you maybe see the problems that might arise should the Shinsengumi show up?”

“They still don't trust you?”

“I'm an ex-Joui patriot, of course they still don't trust me.”

“That's... surprising.”

“How so?”

“I thought you were okay with them after the whole thing with the Mimawarigumi.”

Gintoki blinks, he'd forgotten about that thanks to the string acting as a deterrent. In fact, everything he has been through with Hijikata has fallen to the wayside because all he can think about is what he can do to _not_ think about the string and subsequently, Hijikata. It's really a mess when he thinks about it, especially considering what he _does_ know about Hijikata and what he chooses to ignore, and that's why he works so hard to avoid it, it's not worth the headache and confusion.

“All that did was get them to stop stalking me for a bit.”

“It had to have done more than that.”

“What makes you say that?”

“You don't just blab that you're the Shiroyasha to just anyone, least of all the police themselves.”

Gintoki grimaces, he's just drunk enough to have foregone that delicate little detail.

“How do you know so much about it, anyway?”

“The Shinsengumi has their intel and I have mine.”

“Ah, right, terrorist things.”

Katsura gives him an odd look. “You really don't remember?”

“Remember what?”

“ _You're_ the one that told me.”

“Wait, I was?”

He thinks back and his face scrunches up as he fights his way through his mental drunken haze. Katsura has been coming around more and more over the years and it's to the point now that having Katsura randomly show up at a bar isn't strange at all. Well... maybe that wasn't strange before, either, but having Katsura walk back to his apartment with him isn't odd and it's likely he'll come inside, too. Gintoki isn't against having Katsura around more often, but it's clear that things will never be like they used to be. Sure, they can hang out, fight together, maybe drink from time to time, but Gintoki will always be the person that took from the world the one person that mattered the most to all of them.

He should have grabbed a drink to go.

“I never said anything to you,” Gintoki concludes because that's the most logical answer.

The two of them are close, but not as close as they once were and it's unlikely they'll ever be that close again. Once upon a time, Gintoki used to rely on Katsura a lot more and, under enough cajoling, would relent and tell Katsura whatever he wanted to know. Gintoki would let Katsura hear a vague idea of what bothered him, what scared him, what lurked on the edges of his consciousness and kept him up at night, but not anymore. He can't even bring himself to let his kids in and despite his history with Katsura, there's a wall there, too.

“No, you didn't,” Katsura replies, “but you did just confirm what I'd heard.”

“That was awhile ago, why're you bringing it up now?”

“Seemed like a good time.”

“Weird guy.”

They round on the apartment and Gintoki leads the way up the stairs, unsurprised that Katsura follows him. It really must be late and Kagura is probably already asleep, so he takes care with taking off his boots even as he sways. He's struggling with his second one and as he fights with it, he absently glances at Katsura, who isn't paying attention to him. He looks solemn and subdued, maybe even tired. Dropping his boot now that it's finally off, Gintoki steps up onto the landing and shuffles over so he's in front of his friend.

Gintoki tips Katsura's head up by his chin. “What is it?”

“I may need your help with something.”

“I thought so, you shoulda just said that from the beginning.” Gintoki pulls Katsura down the hall to the sofa and sits him down. “What've you done this time?”

“Why do you always assume that _I'm_ the one at fault?”

“Dunno, there must be something about you being the leader of a terrorist faction that always leads me to believe you've done something stupid somewhere.”

“I'll never understand how you can be this drunk and still be able to string sentences like that together.”

 _Don't say string_ , Gintoki mentally hisses.

“It's a talent and a gift,” he replies airily instead.

“How close are you to keeling over?”

“Probably one good punch in the face.”

Katsura crosses his arms. “I'll be sure to refrain, then.”

“It'll be difficult for you, I know.”

He sits down next to Katsura and tries to make himself comfortable, it's just too bad the room is spinning a little at the edges. Gintoki leans back against the sofa for more stability and frowns as his shoulder bugs him once more. He raises an arm and absently massages it as he waits for the pain to subside, but it's taking its time.

“Hurting?”

“Nah, it's just a tweak.”

Katsura stands up and comes around the other side of the sofa to push Gintoki's hand away.

“If it's bothering you enough to get you to actually do something about it, then it's not just a tweak.”

“Whatever.”

Both of Katsura's hands press into Gintoki's right shoulder and he gladly lets his friend do it. He doesn't typically let anyone touch him like this, he's really rather finicky about that, but it's Katsura and having someone else knead the ache sounds nice. He also blames his willingness on how drunk he is, which he kind of hates, but again, it's Katsura, so it's okay. He's okay so long as it's Katsura, he's in good hands, hands he trusts, and he can relax.

Except, he's not relaxing because he has realized right away that he's not going to be getting any relief from this. Katsura's fingers are being gentle in feeling him out, but it's like the ache is embedded in his skin and the more Katsura touches, the deeper the ache gets pushed in. It goes from feeling like a mere splinter to feeling like a small knife and it has him shifting his weight just to see if he can _make_ it feel good like he wants it to.

“Not helping?” Katsura asks.

“It usually does,” Gintoki replies evasively.

“Hm....”

Katsura pulls at his clothes and reaches around to unzip his shirt for him. Gintoki lets him do what he wants and yawns as his shirt and yukata get pulled aside to bare his shoulder.

“Huh, no bruising.”

“I coulda told you that.”

“I wouldn't have believed you.”

Katsura presses his fingers into Gintoki's shoulder and he hisses, then pushes the hand away. It surprises them both, he doesn't usually do that, but he's getting cranky with this whole thing.

“I think I'm gonna take a shower.”

“You do reek pretty bad.”

“Been marinating for days.”

He gets up and starts pulling his clothes off as Katsura asks, “You sure you'll be alright in there?”

“You offering to wash my back for me?”

“No.”

“Will Elizabeth do it instead? Where is she, anyway?”

Katsura trails after him toward the bathroom. “Out keeping watch.”

Even as buzzed as he is, that one stops Gintoki up short and he runs it through his head a couple more times. He drops his shirt on the floor and lets his yukata hang off his waist, then turns around. He faces Katsura and leans against the door frame, his head tilting until it's resting along the wood as well.

“Keeping watch?” Katsura nods and Gintoki blinks a few times. “You're really in trouble, aren't you?”

“Not in trouble just yet, but I would like your help with something.”

“Gonna tell me what that something is?”

“Yes, just not right this second.”

“Shower first?”

“Shower first.”

“'Kay.”

“Wait,” Katsura grabs him as he's turning and touches a tender spot on Gintoki's lower stomach, “what's this?”

“Ah, nothing.”

“It's new, not nothing. It's barely even healed, what've you been up to?”

“Mahh, just helping the old hag downstairs with something.” Gintoki pushes him away and heads into the bathroom. “All these years later and you're still a nag.”

“With you especially, everyone else had at least _some_ sense.”

“Takasugi was just as reckless.”

Katsura chokes. “I – did we fight the same war? If so, you're remembering it way differently than I am. Takasugi wasn't nearly as reckless as you, not even by half.”

“He did stupid shit.”

“We all did, but no one else went off on their own to take on battalions by themselves without telling anyone else.”

Gintoki has the button of his pants popped open and he turns back toward Katsura. “I didn't do that on purpose, it just happened!”

“Things like that _just happen_ to people only once, if that, we've been over this! For the amount of times it happened to you, I just – you know what? No, I'm not getting into this with you right now, I doubt you'll even remember it.”

“I'm not _that_ drunk, I told you.”

“Yeah, I've heard that one before, too. Just take your shower, I'll be out here when you're done.”

Katsura closes the door and Gintoki shimmies out of his pants, then unties his yukata. Why he did things in that order, he's not sure and blames it on being tipsy. He makes quick work of his shower and goes through the motions with nearly all of it. The water helps to wake him up some more and do that gross sobering up thing that he doesn't want, but if he's going to keep talking to Katsura, he needs to be more alert. He doesn't know why Katsura wants to have this conversation now at this hour, but he's not going to ask.

After he shuts the water off, he dries himself and wraps his towel around his waist before gathering his clothes and heading to his room. There, he dumps the dirty stuff into a pile and changes into his green pajamas so he'll at least be comfortable. He notices that his futon has been made and he knows he's not the one that did that, which leaves only Shinpachi. His lips twitch up on the right side and he's tempted to just crawl into it because Shinpachi probably washed them earlier, so they'll smell nice and fresh. It's really _so_ alluring... maybe he could talk Katsura into having their chat in his futon? It wouldn't be the first time they've done something like that, but then, it's not very likely Gintoki will actually stay awake if they do that.

Sighing, Gintoki walks out to the sofa and flops down on it so his head is resting on Katsura's thigh. When Katsura's hands come up, one rest on his chest and the other sifting into his hair, he knows he's forgiven. It doesn't make him feel any better, but it's a comfort to know Katsura's going to keep putting up with him for awhile longer. His shoulder gives a painful twinge, but he ignores it, he'd rather deal with the extra discomfiture than move away right now.

“So, what kinda trouble are you in?”

“I told you, I'm not quite in trouble yet, just... getting there.”

“Quick question.”

“Yeah?”

“Does it have anything to do with the Shinsengumi?”

Katsura gently toys with some of Gintoki's perm curls. “No, I actually think we have a common enemy for this.”

“Oh, so you're talking like another terrorist group?”

“Of sorts. I'd say they're assassins, but that doesn't seem right, either.” Gintoki can feel his eyelids getting heavy and he'd probably be snoozing if his shoulder issues weren't so obstinate. “I don't want to interfere with whatever you're doing for Otose-san.”

“Don't worry about that, I'm almost done with it. Will whatever you need be kid friendly?”

“For normal kids, no. For your kids, of course. I always get more done when Leader is around to motivate me.”

“You and me both.” Katsura gives him a skeptical look. “What? It's true! Nothing motivates a man quite like a hungry Yato on the hunt for more sukonbu.”

Katsura chuckles and Gintoki relaxes to the best of his ability as they begin their chat.

**To Be Continued**

 


	13. Just Get Out and Take Your Bad Vibes With You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a mess, really, but the plot is starting to show itself and Hijikata bursts a snot bubble or two. There’s flowers, cat shit, and undefinable squirmy brown things. I can’t get much clearer than that.

Hijikata's crouched down uncomfortably and all of his limbs are disagreeing with this idea. He's on an unplanned stakeout and he's pissed off about it because he doesn't necessarily have _time_ for it. Within the next hour he has to be with Kondo to help him pick out flowers for the Shimura girl and while he has his phone so they can communicate, he doesn't want Kondo to get antsy. If he decides to get a head start and begins picking stuff out on his own, then Hijikata's going to have a mess on his hands by the time he gets there. Kondo will have picked out way too many flowers or he'll have bought the whole store and Hijikata isn't sure he has the temper for handling that today.

As for the stakeout, Hijikata's pretty much stuck until someone can come to relieve him. They hadn't planned on one of their high alerts, who hasn't been seen in months, to show up at his house that has been vacant all this time. Everyone else is busy doing their pre-assigned duties and it's up to Hijikata to pull up the slack and make things work. He's fine doing that, but the flower issue is pressing on him a lot since it can go south quickly. He keeps trying to reschedule it because of the circumstances, but Kondo continues to insist that this is the best time to get it done.

That's not all, either, because now Arata is sick and he's spreading that around through the faction. It's not a severe sickness by any means, but watery eyes, indigestion, and a lot of coughing and sneezing causes too much dysfunction within Hijikata's ranks. He knows he's coming down with it, too, because he can feel it festering in his throat. His head feels like it's getting fuller and he has started that really disgusting sniffling thing that he absolutely abhors. He denies it, Yamazaki has hedged broaching the conversation with him, but he's not ready to admit anything.

There's too much work to do for him to be sick and if he has to slow down and take time to recover, he's not going to handle that well. He doesn't have time to stop, he can't afford it, and if he can't get out and keep busy, he won't be able to continue on as he is. Which, obviously, is unacceptable.

So, he's not sick, and he's not going to _be_ sick until there's irrefutable evidence that he can't perform his job to the highest standard. A runny nose and clogged up head isn't cause for concern and what's a little coughing here and there? Sneezing is the same, who cares? He has taken note, however, that Arata had been the first to get sick. It happens sometimes that people with weaker immune systems are more susceptible to illnesses and if Arata is one of those types of people, then Hijikata will have to adjust his responsibilities to keep him indoors more often at certain times of the year.

Kondo hasn't shown any signs of getting sick yet and for that, Hijikata's glad. There's still time for him to develop symptoms, but for now, Hijikata's trying to keep Kondo as far away from anything contaminated as possible. He shudders to imagine how Otae would react if Kondo went up to her and sneezed boogers and mucus in her face as he tries to spew his love for her.

Honestly, Hijikata doesn't get what the big deal is about her. He hasn't interacted enough with her to know her and considering who her little brother is connected to, he doesn't _want_ to spend any time getting to know her. That sounds terribly selfish, but Hijikata's getting sick and it's making him extra bitter. Otae's pretty and Hijikata knows she's strong, but when that aggression is so often turned on his own Commander, it's hard to _not_ rub Hijikata the wrong way with it. It would also help if Kondo could court her _properly_ , but nothing is really working in his favor with this.

He does respect her, though. She's strong physically, but when Hijikata had had a background check done on her to make sure she was safe for Kondo, he'd found out a lot of things that are worthy of respect. Being only eighteen, having lost both parents at a young age, and working to revive her family dojo while also being fully trained in the craft, that's impressive. The circumstances made her working as a cabaret girl make a lot more sense since a night job is really all she has time for and her brother definitely isn't pulling in much money, if any, as one of the Yorozuya.

The word, that _one_ word, has Hijikata's nose curling and he pulls out a handkerchief to wipe some snot away. All he can feel bleeding into him is shame – shame for... everything. He doesn't care so much about the money he wasted, it's more about all the things he's ashamed for and how he allowed things to happen. He can spend hours upon hours evaluating his own behavior and reading too much into Gintoki's responses, but he gets nothing out of it except a headache and a hefty blow to his confidence.

Forget about it and move forward, that's what he keeps repeating to himself. If he finds himself starting to dwell on the wrong things, then he starts up his mantra and tries to push it from his thoughts that way. The only problem is that with right now, he's literally stuck in one spot and he has very little else to do than think. He's watching, he's smoking, he's doing his job, but he's trapped waiting with nothing to distract him.

He can't have that.

Opening up his phone, he dials Harada and pulls out a new cigarette.

“ _Sir_!”

“Where are you?”

“ _Finishing up, I'll be on my way soon_!”

“What's keeping you?”

“ _I'm going as fast as I can, there was just a hold up in the filing, I'm sorry_.”

Hijikata chews on the end of his cigarette. “Hold up in the filing? Explain.”

“ _The room is a little messy right now with all we have going on and it looks like some of the documents have been misfiled._ ”

“How bad is it?” Hijikata asks as he exhales a cloud.

“ _Bad enough that I think you should take a look at it. I was going to say something when I saw you_.”

“Hn. What's your ETA?”

“ _Twenty minutes, I don't have a car today_.”

“You could make it fifteen if you ran.”

“ _Yes... sir, I probably could..._.”

“Leave the files as they are, I'll deal with them later, and get moving.”

“ _Is there a reason for all this urgency_?”

“I have to meet Kondo-san soon and I need time to get there.”

“ _On my way now_!”

Hijikata grunts as a goodbye and checks the time before he puts it away. He can last fifteen to twenty minutes on his own in one place with nothing to do, he knows he can. He continues to watch the house and he can see a light on in the window, just one, but there's no signs of life right now. He knows someone is in there because periodically there will be movement, a shadow drifting around, and he has photos to prove it's the right person. They still have no idea where this target had disappeared to and his reappearance can't spell anything good. Hijikata's not worried about it just yet, but there's a heavy feeling in his gut telling him that nothing positive will come of this.

Bringing up his binoculars, he tries looking in through the windows again, but everything is quiet. It's very peculiar to him that there's a light on in the middle of the day and he can't see any shades drawn, it's all really open. From his vantage point, he can see a bookshelf that's sparsely dotted with an array of tomes of different sizes and that's about it. The house itself is small, like all the houses along this road, and it's excessively modest for someone of such a high profile.

Minami Daiki has been connected to a number of felonies, but actually catching him and getting enough evidence to warrant an arrest on him has proven to be a challenge. In any business, there's a hierarchy or a pecking order, even the Shinsengumi has one. Just at the barracks, Kondo is the highest command, then comes Hijikata, then Sougo, then a smaller, more stringent, order based on seniority. Criminals have the same basic concept and Daiki is one of the top dogs, which makes the Shinsengumi's job harder. Daiki's involved, but proving that any orders came from him or that he instigated anything beyond a doubt is difficult.

They've tried to get pictures and recordings in the past, but the first had proven to be too difficult since Daiki does all his business in secure rooms and the recordings hadn't given them anything. Hijikata's trying a different approach this time and he has a plan to get the evidence they need, but it isn't going to be easy. Daiki is one of those assholes that's so far up on the food chain that all he does is issue the orders, let others do the work, and then collect a majority of the payout. This guy is so filthy, he has a hand in robberies, drug trafficking, money laundering, arson, fraud, and Hijikata has reason to believe that manslaughter is also on the list.

Now, Hijikata has enough information and details to arrest and detain Daiki for awhile. He can potentially rattle and badger him through interrogation methods or even turn him over to Sougo for awhile to extract what he can. However, that's not how Hijikata's going to play things since there's no guarantee they'll get anything out of it. They need to do things right because if they fuck up, they could lose their chance to not only get Daiki, but any leads to others like him. He has connections to a whole ring of people that the Shinsengumi want and there's no way they'll manage getting to them if they botch things up too soon.

Hijikata taps out a fresh cigarette and lights up, unconcerned that the smoke will give him away. He's situated in a small housing space across the street and they're in the process of finalizing an indefinite rent deal. They have to be careful with this, so the name they're renting the place under is of a person that doesn't technically exist and they're using Jun's face as the ID since he's not yet associated with the Shinsengumi. The paperwork has already been put into motion by Hijikata himself, so hopefully those will go through soon and that'll be one less thing for him to have to do.

The room he's in is bare and smells like moldy cheese, he doesn't think anyone has lived here in years. It's dank, he can hear the pipes groan under the flooring or within the walls whenever someone uses any water in the building, and there isn't much insulation, which means they have to be extra quiet or anyone sharing a wall with them will be able to hear them. It's questionable that a place like this is right across from such a wealthy man, but for Hijikata, that just means he's on the right track. If someone with that much money is trying to blend in, then he's definitely up to something and wherever he has been for the months prior is much nicer and where he's spending his big bucks at.

Hijikata's plan is still in the works since they literally found out Daiki had returned to the scene just this morning, but what he has in mind is fairly labor intensive. He wants to get this bastard by the balls and rip off any shred of manhood he might have, figuratively speaking. He berates himself for not being on the lookout for Daiki sooner, what with the rise in drug activity and the sudden spike in black market weaponry, Hijikata should have seen this coming. This is why he can't afford to be distracted by stupid things or his own emotions, his job requires him to focus. Something's brewing somewhere and Daiki without a doubt has his hand in the pot, so Hijikata needs to piece this all together sooner rather than later.

Keeping surveillance on him is just phase one, but that sort of goes without saying. Phase two is a lot trickier and will include an abundance of trial and error since he wants to get visual and auditory proof against Daiki. They'll be setting up a series of small video cameras in various places to try and get such incriminating evidence and Hijikata has already started plotting which hotspots he wants to tap. It'll be dangerous trying to be covert and inconspicuous about this, but if they can manage it, then the reward will be well worth the risk.

It's way too early to be thinking about phase three, but something he has considered is direct infiltration. Putting someone undercover and getting them in the fray could yield a copious amount of solid leads. Though, there are quite a few downsides Hijikata can think of and there's a very real chance that the person who goes undercover won't be coming back. The Shinsengumi, especially someone of Hijikata's rank, are well known amongst gangs and affiliates. Plus, undercover work can take months, sometimes years, just to get close to someone like Daiki and they don't have that kind of time. It's really so fucking frustrating that the guy is literally right across the street and there's nothing Hijikata can do yet.

He sniffles and brings out his handkerchief again to wipe his nose as he finishes off another cigarette. He vaguely wishes he hadn't smoked anything because that scent mixed with moldy cheese isn't a good one and it's not helping with his watery eyes in the least. The floor he's sitting on his hard and uncomfortable, his ass fell asleep after the first fifteen minutes, and when he rolls his stiff right shoulder, pain zaps him to the tips of his fingers. It's a quick little _zing_ that has him cussing under his breath and pushing both his shoulders back in the hopes that that might loosen him up.

He very pointedly ignores moving after that and gets himself another cigarette for his troubles. He can't say the pain has gotten worse, but it most definitely hasn't gotten better and he's much more worried about getting sick than he is about some aches. Well, really, his whole body aches because of the impending sickness, so he has just been lumping the shoulder pain up with the cold and calling that the cause.

“Fukuchou?”

Hijikata looks over his shoulder and asks, “You used the back door, right?”

“Affirmative!”

“Good, I'll have someone assigned to replace you by evening. Do you know what to do if he leaves the house?”

“Yes, I went over the protocol earlier.”

“Let me know if anything changes.”

“Yes, sir!”

Now that Hijikata's up and moving, he's hurting in just about every joint and ligament. His ass is all tingly, too, because the circulation is steadily going back to it and he doesn't like the way that feels. He uses the back door to leave and navigates his way through the dirty alley until he ends up on a busy street behind the building. Daiki's place is on the other side of the building, so Hijikata can't be seen going or coming. Before setting up, he'd scanned the whole area for cameras or any surveillance device, but he hadn't come across any. He's going to keep checking in case something gets planted, but for the time being they appear to be in the clear.

He walks through the crowds and he does enjoy it just a little bit when he narrows his eyes at people and they get out of his way. He has a very important reputation to keep up and since he naturally gives people nasty looks, this works out. It almost helps that he's sick because he's fairly certain no facial expression he has right now can be taken or even mistaken as friendly. He feels nasty, he looks nasty, he's just all around nasty. Another person that's nasty is the man he sees trying to sneak something off a sales cart and into his yukata.

“Oi!” Hijikata calls. “Put that back!”

The middle aged guy spins around and freezes like a startled deer, but the second Hijikata takes a step toward him, he bolts in a flurry of his white and yellow yukata. Hijikata wastes no time in chasing after him and he does his best not to run into people as he goes. The streets are so crowded at this time of day, which makes it hard to move, and it'd make the Shinsengumi look really bad if he accidentally took out some innocent old lady while in pursuit of the culprit. He chases after the man for two streets and he has closed the gap between them by a considerable amount. The snot in his nose and throat aren't making it easy to breathe, but he's making due with it.

With a sharp right, the guy disappears down a narrow alley and Hijikata doesn't think twice before following. He turns the corner and all he sees from his peripherals is a shock of white and black. His whole body freezes, just stops up, and so he trips, falling face first in the dirt. He slides form the momentum and slams into a couple trash cans that, obviously, have to be full to the brim. Trash cascades down on him and with the way he falls, the most he can do to protect himself is get his hands up over his head. Something wet splats onto his lower back and he yelps in surprise as his body seizes. His shoulder is killing him and for once, it has a cause that he can diagnose.

Slamming his shoulder into a trashcan is a good reason for it to hurt like a motherfucker.

He's slow to get up, he knows the criminal has found someplace to hide by now, and Hijikata's face is red with anger and embarrassment. He's furious with himself! Especially when he looks up and sees that what he'd seen had been nothing but paint that had just... caught him off guard, he hadn't been expecting it. He stands up carefully and brushes trash off himself, but he's afraid to touch the wet spot on his back. He'd pulled a cloth off himself and he hates to think about what that might have been saturated in.

So, not only does he feel nasty and look nasty, he now gets to smell nasty.

Sighing, Hijikata does the best he can to make himself presentable and then heads off to the flower shop. He's really close to it now after all the running and so within ten minutes he's honing in on it. Kondo isn't standing out front like he said he would be, but Hijikata can see the top of his head moving around inside the place. Most traces of anger have left Hijikata, but the embarrassment remains, it just isn't showing in his face anymore... he doesn't think. He walks inside the shop that's a decent distance away from Kabukichou and immediately sneezes – he barely manages to get his handkerchief up in time to catch it.

“Bless you!” Kondo says, then recoils and shoves a bundle of flowers under his nose while he stares at Hijikata with wide eyes. “You smell awful, Tosshi! Where have you been?”

“Our stakeout apartment smells like moldy cheese,” Hijikata supplies with a deep frown as his cheeks heat.

“You don't smell like that! You reek of,” Kondo removes the flowers and takes a sniff, “rotten eggs and cat poop.”

“Cat... poop?”

The rotten eggs he can understand, but the cat shit is bringing him up short. With no small amount of trepidation, he lifts his left foot and bends his leg back to look at the bottom of his shoe. There, plastered to the ball of his foot, is a thick chunk of something light brown and flakey.

“You've gotta be kiddin' me.”

“Are you having a bad day?”

Hijikata lowers his foot and sighs. “It's not the best.”

“Well! Helping me pick out flowers is just the cure you need!”

“I've been thinking about this, actually. Instead of giving them to her directly, you should send them to her.”

“You mean have someone deliver them?”

“Yeah.”

“But what if it's another guy and he acts like the flowers are from him and Otae-san falls for the wrong man?”

“Request that a girl does it.”

“No! That's the same issue!”

Hijikata sighs. “Then let's take them back to the barracks and have someone of your choice deliver them for you.”

“Yamazaki,” Kondo says without hesitation. “He's already infatuated with someone else, he won't go after her.”

“There you go, it's settled.”

“Now, let's pick some out!”

It literally takes an hour for Kondo to decide on which group of twelve – _only_ twelve, Hijikata has made that crystal clear – he's going to send to Otae. Hijikata's proud of himself for not losing his patience even once, though, he does admit to coming close many times. Kondo pays for his bouquet and he gets a nice vase for them as well as a yellow ribbon to tie them all together. It's then a surprise when Kondo pulls a red flower out from behind his back and slips it into one of Hijikata's front pockets as they're leaving.

“For the smell?”

“And as thanks.”

“Please don't ever get me flowers to thank me for anything, mayo will get the gratitude through just fine.”

“Of course! Just this once, though, put up with the flower.”

“For the smell. Got it.”

They start walking back to the barracks and Hijikata keeps some space between them. He's sniffling more now and he has started keeping his handkerchief in his hand at all times so he can wipe himself with it. The coughing hasn't started up yet, but he can feel a tickling in the back of his throat, so he's sure all the nasty sneezing and hacking will begin soon.

“We need to amp up the nutrients in the cafeteria.”

“I've noticed everyone's getting sick.”

“Hasn't hit you yet, so make sure you eat right and get a lot of vitamins.”

Kondo laughs. “Thanks, Tosshi, I will, but since you're already sick, how about you focus on yourself for now? Maybe you could even take some time off?”

“Not likely,” Hijikata replies and his aches get achier. “One day at a time.”

-o-O-o-

“Can we take Sadaharu?”

“No, he should stay here.”

Sadaharu pushes toward the door and Gintoki has to grab onto him and physically heave him back. They take Sadaharu whenever they can, but Gintoki doesn't feel like this is a good time for him to join them. He has a vague idea where Katsura wants to meet up with them and it doesn't seem to him like Sadaharu would do well there. The kids are looking forward to seeing Katsura and they're excited about being able to go out and do something. They've just been doing regular jobs and while those can be fun for them all, doing something bigger has a special allure to it.

Gintoki himself isn't one hundred percent clear on all the details, but it'll be nice for him to get out and... flex. He hasn't gone out for anything since he saw Katsura, he hasn't felt the need, and he's done with what Otose had asked him for. He'd actually gone down the day before to let her know and she'd been pleased – that had felt good. He's glad to have all that done, there had been quite a few names on that list and Kabukichou is secure once again. He doesn't regret leaving the kids out of that mess, but he does feel somewhat bad about not telling them anything. At least now they'll be able to stop worrying, he knows they have been, and they can all move forward together into whatever Katsura has in store.

“He really wants to come with,” Kagura whines and Gintoki smooshes her nose with his thumb.

“He's staying here!”

“He'll be good!”

“We'll ask Zura tonight if we can bring him next time.”

She grudgingly nods and helps Gintoki move Sadaharu farther away from the door. Shinpachi is gathering some last minute things for them and Gintoki already has his boots on with his bokken slipped into place. When they've closed the door behind them, Sadaharu can be heard making whimpering little growling sounds, but they ignore it. Sadaharu has actually broken down the door to follow them before, but it doesn't seem like he'll be doing that this time. He'll settle down eventually and take a nap, then bombard them with tail wags and arfs when they get back later.

Kagura opens her umbrella and Gintoki puts his right arm across his stomach so he can rest it in his yukata. His shoulder is still giving him problems, so he has taken to casually resting it whenever he can. They head off with Kagura twirling her umbrella and Shinpachi has his money pouch out as he counts what they have. Gintoki eyeballs it for a moment, but as if sensing him, Shinpachi takes a small step away so he's out of reach.

“Are we going to get dinner while we're out?” Kagura asks.

Shinpachi puts the pouch away. “We have enough for it in our budget.”

“Can we get something now?”

“We should wait until afterward and see what's open.”

Gintoki picks wax out of his ear and scans the area for any uniforms. He has seen exactly one Shinsengumi person in the last week and it wasn't Sougo, he hasn't seen him since their last meeting at the dango stand. He's not worried about running into any of them, but he does keep an eye open for them, especially right now when his activities can be taken as him consorting with the enemy. He's pretty sure Yamazaki still does stakeouts on his apartment from time to time and he'd tell them to cut it out if it wouldn't make him look so suspicious.

“It's really nice of Otose-san to let us take a few months off from rent,” Shinpachi idly comments.

“Guess the old shrew can be nice after all,” Gintoki replies.

“You'd think there's a reason she's letting it slide.”

Gintoki flicks a ball of his wax at him. “You'd think.”

“Mm... well, anyway, sister wants you and Kagura to come over next week.”

“What for?”

“You haven't been over in awhile and she wants to see you.”

Gintoki snorts. “She can come to the apartment.”

“Gin-san!”

“Alright! But we're taking food over! She always tries to cook for us and if we go over there, I wanna at least be able to eat.” It'll be nice to see Otae, too, but Shinpachi already knows that. “What day is she thinking?”

“Whatever works.”

“When are we free? I have no idea.”

“I haven't committed us to much for next week, I wanted to see what tonight's all about first.”

“You know I'm working Tuesday night, right?”

“Yeah.”

Gintoki nudges him with his elbow. “You gonna come along as Pachi? We could pull in twice as much.”

“No! Saigou only asked for you, not me!” Shinpachi nudges him back. “Be the responsible adult and bring us enough money to live another day!”

“Don't wanna, too much work.”

Shinpachi elbows him one last time and Gintoki calls out to Kagura to get her back since she missed their turn. The next street is busy, too, but that's normal and Gintoki almost wishes they'd brought Sadaharu. People tend to move out of the way to make room for a giant Amanto dog that isn't afraid to snarl at them or bare his teeth if he feels like it. They see someone go sprinting passed them while screaming that everyone needs to get out of their way and Gintoki narrows his eyes at the way the guy is looking at his hand.

“This whole string situation is really interesting, isn't it?”

Gintoki grunts. “It'll only be interesting when I'm connected to Ketsuno Ana.”

“How long do you think this phenomena will go on?”

“Hell if I know.”

“Do you ever think about it?”

“Not really.”

Shinpachi kicks a tiny pebble as they walk. “I think about it sometimes.”

“You do?”

“Who wouldn't? Something like that could change a person's life and it'd be nice not having to worry about finding someone.”

“You're way too young to be worrying about such a thing.”

“But I'm not too young to be the man of the house?”

Gintoki grinds his hand against Shinpachi's hair. “Stop being so cheeky! You two are really becoming a pain in the ass!”

“I didn't do anything!” Kagura says and slows to walk with them.

“Just this morning you almost threw the sofa out the window!”

“I couldn't find the remote!”

“Exactly my point! Anyone that loses the remote is a pain in the ass!”

Kagura swings her umbrella at him, but he ducks and it's Shinpachi that gets the hit. From there, they alternate between fighting and running from each other and because of that, people stay well away from them. Eventually, Gintoki leads the kids into the specified building and his nose curls right when they walk in. Something smells rancid, like there's something either dead or dying nearby, and it's so sour even someone like himself recoils. Kagura gags and Shinpachi puts a hand over his mouth with a slap.

“It's a trap,” Kagura coughs out.

They turn to leave, but Elizabeth is now blocking their path and she holds up a sign, reading, _Not a trap. Come this way_.

Kagura's almost blue in the face from holding her breath and Gintoki sends a silent prayer out to whomever might be listening that she won't puke. Sometimes, if she pukes, then Shinpachi pukes, then Gintoki pukes, and it's just a wreck of a situation. It's like a chain reaction, but it's not like that every time, Kagura just has a weak stomach. Which is a weird concept because Gintoki's convinced that if she were hungry enough and had to eat something terrible for her, like wood, then her iron stomach would digest it just fine.

“Leader!”

The three of them look up at a small staircase consisting of exactly four steps and Katsura jumps down over the railing. Kagura calls the greeting back to him and runs over to crush him in a hug.

“What's up with this, Zura?” Gintoki asks and waves a hand in front of his nose. “It reeks in here.”

“It's not Zura, it's Katsura! We won't be staying up here, we need to go down.”

Katsura takes them through the door at the top of the four steps and he leads them down a hall that leads to a set of stairs. They descend and the stairwell feels too small and only gets smaller the farther they go down. The smell gets left behind and they can all breathe easier, but it's more of a relief when they get out of the stairwell and enter a large room. There's two obvious exits, but then there's a third one that can be opened up after a few minor adjustments. Gintoki rotates his arm as he subtly scopes out the place and Katsura gives him a knowing look as he does it.

“We've got a problem in the sewers,” Katsura explains. “At least, we think it's in the sewers, we're not totally sure yet.”

“Is that what that smell was?” Kagura asks and sticks her tongue out.

“No, this place used to be a slaughter house.”

“Bleh!”

“That's uplifting,” Gintoki mutters and looks around, fully expecting the ghost of whatever animal to appear.

“Yes, well, look at this.”

Katsura lifts a grate from the floor and turns it upside down so all of them can see it. There's nothing special about it, it's just a round sewer top that's obviously dirty and has some grime on it. Along the ridges of the metal, there's tiny tufts of green and brown moss, but that's common when something is exposed to moisture for extended periods of time.

Kagura's nose twists up and she steps over to Gintoki so she can tug on his sleeve. “ _Gross_! What are those things?”

“What things? The moss?”

“No, the sludge!”

Gintoki leans in closer and now it's his face that's twisting in disgust. “Are those things... moving?”

What Gintoki had mistaken as grime before are actually round, fat _things_ that look like slugs, except they're not. They can even be made of mud for all Gintoki knows and just seeing them squirming around, separating, flattening out, it makes his stomach churn over. Each one is really tiny, no bigger than his pinky nail, and there's only about six that he can see patrolling around on the grate. He knows they're not slugs or any type of _normal_ living creature because of the way they keep separating and coming back together. They don't move very fast and it doesn't seem to him like they're eating, but Gintoki honestly can't tell.

“Yes, they're moving,” Katsura answers.

“Get away from them, Leader! Don't let them get on you!”

“They won't, they're too slow.”

Gintoki lets Kagura use his arm as a shield as he asks, “Do you know what happens if one does get on you?”

“Not yet and I don't plan on using myself to find out.”

Shinpachi steps closer and squints through his glasses. “Are they some kind of Amanto?”

“They could be, we're not sure.”

“Does that have to do with this being a slaughter house?”

“I don't think so, this place hasn't been used in at least a year and this stuff is showing up all over this area.”

“What do you need our help for, then?”

“Gathering information,” Katsura says and sets the grate down. “There's quite a few people in my ranks, but for something like this, I don't think it's enough.”

“Are these things in the water?”

Leave it to Shinpachi to ask the good questions, Gintoki can't help but puff his chest out with a little bit of pride.

“I've looked into that, but I haven't seen anything. The water was shut off from this place when it was abandoned, so I checked the closest buildings on either side and it looked clean.”

“They could be really tiny, though.”

“Could be.”

Gintoki hasn't taken his eyes off the living grime. “How did you come across these things?”

“Being a fugitive can sometimes put me in weird places, you know that.”

“And weird disguises.”

“None of my disguises are weird.”

“Maybe if you dress up like one of these sludges they'll mistake you for one of them and spill all their secrets to you.”

Elizabeth crosses her arms and her sign says, _Ha. Ha._

“We came across them by accident,” Katsura says and Gintoki wilts a little at the look he receives.

“This might not mean anything, though,” Shinpachi says. “They could just be harmless dirt Amanto of some kind.”

“Maybe, but I don't think so.”

Gintoki and the kids then get to listen to _why_ Katsura doesn't think so and by the time he's done, Gintoki doesn't think so, either.

-o-O-o-

Sougo's lying on the porch drifting in and out of sleep while the noon-high sun acts as an unofficial blanket that silently encourages his early afternoon doze. This is one of his favorite spots because it's mostly secluded and much quieter than of areas within the Shinsengumi Headquarters. It's also keeping him lower to the ground where he won't be seen as he... diligently works. Pft, work – overrated. Sougo sees no reason why he should waste his time traipsing through Edo when nothing has been happening lately, it's all so dull. Sure, Daiki has shown up again, but Kondo isn't letting him go in as he wants. They're all about waiting, keeping watch, and setting up cameras or whatever, Sougo isn't interested. He'd have that bastard singing like a canary if they'd just let him go in and do what he does best, but no, he's here, stuck, and he's going to take a nap.

“Oi! What're you doin' over there?”

Sighing, Sougo slides his two eyed sleep mask up onto his forehead. “Maa, you're interrupting something very important.”

Hijikata stomps over and nudges his side with his shoe. “T'ch, no. I'm interrupting your insistence to break protocol.”

Sougo sits up, then stands as he silently sizes Hijikata up. The Vice-Commander has been off his game lately, but only subtly so. His usual irritability is there, but it's magnified to the point where even the smallest things are getting him to tick. On that same note, he gets over things quicker, he forgets about them faster than he usually does, almost like he forgets them in favor of other things on his mind. It's an oxymoron in that Hijikata is the same person he typically is, but at the same time, he's different.

He's also really sick.

His nose is red and puffy, he's congested, his eyes are watery, and his voice is raw and gravely from coughing so much. It hadn't started out this bad, but in the last couple days he has only gotten worse and it's disgusting. It's easy to hear the sickness in just his voice, but actually looking at him is so much worse. The dark circles under his eyes make him look like death, never mind the gross red nose and bloodshot eyes.

“Ne, Vice-Commander, haven't you heard that you should let a sleeping cat lie?” Sougo asks as he formulates a plan for his next move.

“You're no cat.”

“Yes, I'm far worse,” he replies, grabbing a small pocket knife from his jacket and flinging it at Hijikata.

The weapon is barely dodged and the blade singes off a few strands of Hijikata's hair. Had it been aimed just a little lower, it would have gotten Hijikata right in the neck below his left ear.

“Argh, are you trying to kill me?” Hijikata sputters furiously.

Sougo pulls out his bazooka and rests it on his left shoulder. “No.”

“Where did you even get that?”

“An assassin never reveals their secrets.”

“Assassin... so, you _are_ trying to kill me!” Hijikata shouts and a snot bubble erupts from his nose.

“Not kill,” Sougo corrects, “just end your life.”

“What the – t'ch, that's the same thing!”

Sougo just tips his head and smiles as he pulls the trigger.

“Yeah, I guess you're right,” he says softly to the resultant cloud of smoke and debris as he lowers his bazooka.

Suddenly, through the aftermath, a large wooden post comes hurdling toward him. He tries to get out of the way, but it still hits part of him, skimming against his face and railing the bazooka off his shoulder.

“Why must you always survive?” Sougo asks, rubbing his sore face.

Hijikata walks out of the fading cloud of dirt glaring and looking more pissed than he usually does when Sougo pulls a stunt like that one. Sougo smirks when Hijikata grabs the front of his uniform with one hand and lifts him up a little until they're practically nose to nose. Any normal person probably would be shitting themselves to have the demon Vice-Commander's wrath upon them, but Sougo feels no fear.

To him, this is just amusing and... informational.

“Get. Back. To. Work.” Hijikata enunciates, gunmetal blue eyes narrowing dangerously.

Sougo yawns, knowing that that will tick Hijikata off, and shrugs indifferently. “Fine, fine, but only because you survived.”

“Get going, then,” he replies, shoving Sougo away.

“Leave it to you to get worked up even when your own shift is over.” Sougo pauses and straightens out his jacket, his face still smarting. “Say, Hijikata-san, this is the first shift you've actually taken off in awhile, any special reason?”

Hijikata pulls out a cigarette, still looking peeved, but, as is usual lately, the bulk of the anger has already passed and has been substituted with something else.

“It's not a shift off, but it works in my favor if Kondo-san thinks it is.”

“Oh? What'll you being doing?”

“That's really none of your concern,” he answers, lighting his smoke. “And didn't I tell you to get back to work?”

“You did, but since when do I ever really listen to you?”

“Oi, oi! Stop fighting you two!” Kondo calls, appearing from around the corner of the building. “You,” he points to Hijikata, “go take a break. And you,” he points at Sougo, “come with me, you've got work to do.”

Hijikata makes some kind of grunting noise and meanders off with a backward wave. Sougo watches him go, curious at his strange behavior and what might be the cause of it. Things like this don't just happen for no reason. Maybe it's nothing, maybe it's something, Sougo really doesn't know and he'd follow if he thought he could get away with it.

But what he _does_ know is that he needs to get a better bazooka, a more powerful one that Hijikata won't be able to survive a blast from. He smiles deviously to himself as he follows Kondo, mind filling with ways to dethrone the demon Vice-Commander.

-o-O-o-

“Gin-chan!” Kagura calls from outside his closed door.

There's no answer, it's after one, and that's just weird. Gintoki sleeps in a lot, but noon is the latest he usually emerges unless they've stayed up all night, which they hadn't. She knows because they'd both gone to bed early the night before since their job during the day had tuckered them out. It had been a simple job, but with a lot of manual labor – building houses is never easy no matter how many people are working.

Knocking on the door, she coerces loudly, “Gin-chan! Gin-Gin-Gin-Gin-chan! Wake up, Gin-chan!”

More silence follows and this is really getting to be just... odd. It isn't a day for Jump and they don't have any jobs, so... why isn't he answering?

“Maybe he drank too much last night,” Shinpachi suggests, poking his head out of the kitchen where he's making lunch.

“Maybe... but he didn't drink...” she trails off, rapping on the door once more. “Gin-chan?” Still, no reply, so she tries a different approach. “There's food! Parfait and dango and... sugar! Everything is really sugary! It's a sugar wonderland out here!”

When things remain silent on the other side of the door, she decides to open it up and check to make sure he isn't dead or something. Kagura pokes her head into Gintoki's room and, finding it empty with the blanket on the futon skewed haphazardly, she puffs her cheeks out in frustration. He has been acting so weird for the past few weeks, mostly distracted, and Kagura has never seen him like this before. For as long as she has known him, nothing has really bothered him. He's lazy and cursory, but he cares and works hard when he was needed.

Gintoki rarely gets upset about things for prolonged periods of time and when he does get upset, he's quick to get over it and move on. But this time is different for whatever reason and what Kagura can't figure out is why. She doesn't even feel like Gintoki's necessarily upset about something, it's more that something's bothering him and has been distracting him for all these weeks. He never says anything about it, but that's no surprise, he's always keeping things to himself.

“He's not here?” Shinpachi asks, sounding confused.

She shakes her head and turns around to face him. “Where do you think he is?”

Shinpachi shrugs and points to the front door. “Maybe he went downstairs to see Otose?”

Kagura perks up at that and heads that way, but before she gets there, the door slides open and Gintoki walks in.

“Gin-chan! There you are! Where have you been?”

Gintoki blinks and pulls a small envelope out of his yukata before lightly tapping her on the head with it. “Went to go pick up the money for our job yesterday. What else could get me out of bed so early?”

“Welcome back,” Shinpachi greets, taking the finished food toward the kotatsu. “Just in time for lunch.”

“Mahh, Kagura can have my share,” Gintoki replies as he goes to his desk to rustle around in one of the drawers. “I'm taking my share to go play Pachinko.”

Kagura frowns and shifts a little. “Okay, but... Pachinko doesn't take all day.”

“No, so I'll be back later.”

She bites her lip. “When?”

In response, Gintoki just hums, the sound entirely noncommittal.

“We need money for groceries and other things,” Shinpachi says and sprints over to nab the envelope. Gintoki makes a grab for it, but Shinpachi ducks and holds it out of his reach. “I'm out of detergent, too! You want clean clothes and bedding, don't you?”

“Leave me enough for some fun this time! You took almost all of it last time!”

“We need to _live_ , Gin-san!” Kagura dashes to him and grabs the money he holds out to keep it away from Gintoki. “There! You can have the rest.”

Gintoki takes the envelope and frowns down at it, but stuffs the yen into his yukata without a word. He heads for the door and Kagura safeguards the money with Sadaharu between herself and Gintoki, but he makes no move towards her. Sometimes he'll chase either herself or Shinpachi around, but it doesn't look like he's in the mood for that today. He tells them to take it easy as he puts his boots back on and then he's out the door. Kagura's tempted to go after him and drag him back so she can ask him what has been up with him lately. She's  _so_ tempted, she even takes a step forward when – 

“Give him time.”

Kagura startles and looks over at Shinpachi. “Time?”

Shinpachi smiles and slides a huge amount of food across the kotatsu toward her. “I don't think this is a situation to push him, you know how he gets. Let's give him a little more time and if he doesn't tell us what's up soon, we'll confront him.”

“But he's done with what he was doing before!”

“I think this is somehow bigger than that.”

She scowls and goes over to the kotatsu. “What could be bigger?”

“It might have something to do with the strings.”

“You think he got one?” Kagura asks through a full mouth.

“I don't know, but I'm guessing he either got one or he's bothered that he hasn't gotten one. I tried talking to him about it when we went to meet Katsura, but he was as forthcoming as always.”

“He doesn't need a string, he has us.”

“That's not the same thing.”

“We can keep him from getting lonely way better than some stranger!”

Shinpachi smiles. “Right. He'll be back later, he hasn't stayed out late in awhile, so let's think of something fun to do when he returns.”

“Yes!”

Relieved now, Kagura fills her plate up more and starts bouncing ideas back and forth with Shinpachi.

**To Be Continued**

 


	14. Sometimes Breaking a Routine Can Be Just as Difficult as Starting One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's mischief afoot, I'm up to something here

Gintoki makes his way down the road and he has a bag thrown over his shoulder. It's one of Kagura's, so it's decorated and not exactly his style, but he doesn't care. He gets to Saigou's and goes in through the back to get to the changing room. Sometimes he'll just get ready at the apartment and walk here so he's good to go when he arrives, but that hadn't worked out today. He undresses and puts on his pink kimono, then sits in front of a mirror to put the rest of himself together. He puts the clips on and inexpertly does his makeup, but he has to redo his left eye twice. No matter how many times he does this, he doesn't feel like he gets any better at it. Katsura is the one that has an easier time of it, he can actually make himself look good while Gintoki goes through the motions.

“Paako-chan! You're here!”

“I am.”

“And you're not late!”

Gintoki gives an irritated twitch. “Did you need something?”

“Yeah, there's someone here to see you.”

“I'll be going out there soon, don't rush me!”

“No!” Hands land on his shoulders and urge him out of his seat. “Someone's asking for you.”

“Ew. You know I don't do that.”

“But when you – what's wrong with your eye?”

“Nothing! I'm not finished!”

“Here, let me fix it.”

Gintoki grumbles, but lets himself be done up all nice and pretty. It's easier to have someone else do it and this way, he won't poke himself in the eye so much. While he's being instructed where to look, he subtly reaches up to mess with his shoulder. He makes it look like he's only moving his kimono into a more secure place, but really he's messing with his shoulder. It doesn't hurt right now, but it's doing that dull aching thing that makes him want to just chop it off to relieve himself of the constant nag.

“All done, gorgeous.”

“Yeah, yeah, thanks.”

Gintoki gets up and forces himself into the mood for this since that's the only option he has. He's always doing that, faking it, making people think he's feeling something even if the emotion itself is far from his grasp. He can put on a smile, he can bring in some money, he can do whatever he has to, but that doesn't mean he feels it. He's not in the mood for this tonight, but he's already committed to it and Shinpachi will be expecting to see some kind of payment. True, he can get money by other means, but he's already here and it's less work to do it this way.

He walks out onto the floor and when he spots Saigou, he goes that way. He's at least confident that his makeup is done well and aside from the pain in his shoulder, he feels fine. Gintoki calmly looks around the room just to scope things out, a habit more than anything, and he doesn't see anything out of the ordinary.

“Yo,” Gintoki greets.

Saigou grins and gives him a firm slap on the back. “Yo, yourself!”

“I heard someone was asking for me?”

“Yeah, who'd have though, right?”

Another slap on the back and Gintoki's glaring. “Right. Where's he at?”

“Over there in the corner. Do I need to go over some things with you?”

“I dunno, do you?”

“I think I should, just in case.”

“Like...?”

“Like don't pick your nose in the middle of a conversation.”

“I only did that once and I had a perfectly good reason to do it.”

“I remember,” Saigou replies flatly. “You told me you had to extract a blockage or risk suffocation.”

“I was telling the truth, you should've seen that thing!”

“Color me unimpressed. Which brings me to no digging wax out of your ears while you're in this room.”

Gintoki deadpans. “Do you even know how itchy wax is?”

“Unlike you, I keep my ears clean.”

“Maybe I just produce more wax than most people.”

“That!” Saigou points a stern finger at Gintoki's face. “That's another thing you can't say to anyone while you're here! Don't talk about things like that with people!”

“But it's part of my charm.”

“You need to be a different kind of charming while you're here, understood?”

Gintoki waves him off and starts toward the corner. “Got it.”

“I mean it!”

With a thumb's up over his shoulder, he heads toward the table and stifles a yawn behind a hand. It's not like he really chooses when he picks at himself, he just sort of does it without thinking. He has an itch? He scratches it, it's really that simple. Booger in his nose? Pick it out, that's the simplest solution. Sighing, he singles out the table and walks up to it only to pause when he sees who's sitting there waiting for him.

“Oh.” Gintoki blinks a few times. “It's you.”

Kyou smiles. “It's Tuesday, right?”

“Yeah, I guess it is.”

“Did you... forget?”

Gintoki sits down across from him and awkwardly scratches at the back of his neck. “I might've, sorry.”

“You were pretty drunk when we talked about it.”

“I wasn't _that_ drunk, how many times do I have to keep saying that?”

“If you weren't drunk that night, then what're you like when you _are_ drunk?”

“Ah, that's something you'll have to experience for yourself, it can't be put into words.”

“Is that an offer?”

“Might be.”

Kyou pushes a cup full of sake Gintoki's way. “Start with this and I have something else for you.”

“You do?”

“I remembered the chocolates.”

Kyou sets a box on the table and Gintoki groans into his cup because that is the single most amazing thing that has happened all day. He swallows the whole damn drink in a quick gulp and makes a grab for the box to see what's inside. Are they milk chocolate? Dark? White? He lets out a tiny scream – it's a squeal, but scream sounds better – at the sight of all the variety facing him. Each one is perfectly circular and there's two of each color: milk, dark, white, and _pink_. Glorious, seductive, sexy as fuck _pink_.

“Is that what I think it is?”

“I don't know, is it?”

Gintoki selects one of the pink ones and holds it up to the light so he can see it better. He admires it, then takes a bite and he swears it's a little bit of euphoria. It's strawberry flavor and on the inside is a nice chunk of actual that tastes fresh, like it was put together just earlier today. He savors the bite, it's like a chocolate orgy in his mouth and it's such a delicacy because he never gets to eat stuff like this.

“I don't know what to call the face you're making.”

Gintoki peeks an eye open – he apparently closed them at some point – and raises a brow. “What? You've never seen someone enjoy good chocolate before?”

“Not like this, no,” Kyou replies and he's a little red in his cheeks.

“Well, first time for everything.” Gintoki keeps the partially eaten chocolate between his fingers and tilts his head. “Lemme ask you something, do you have a kink or what?”

“A kink?”

“Maybe it's a fetish?” Gintoki points to himself. “Guys in drag? Is that what you're into?”

“O-oh! I... don't know. I'd just seen you here before and thought you were pretty.”

Gintoki's face flattens. “Pretty.”

“Yup, pretty.”

“That's not the most masculine thing I've ever heard.”

“You're not exactly dressed in the most masculine way right now, either.”

“Oi, I could kick your ass.”

“I'm sure you could! I've never seen you turn anyone down before, but I've heard stories.”

“Been asking about me?”

“To be honest? Not really.” Kyou gives a shrug with one shoulder. “Some people just talk about you. I know one guy was pissed because you'd told him no and he hadn't liked that, but he was too much of a coward to confront you about it, so he just talked shit.”

Gintoki's touching his chocolates and puts his head on his free hand. “That so?”

“You don't care?”

“What's there to care about?”

“People talk shit about you and you think there's nothing to care about?”

“Let me ask you something,” Gintoki says and keeps running his fingers over his precious hoard of chocolates. “If that guy sitting over there were talking shit about _you_ , would you care?”

Kyou follows his line of sight and frowns. “Maybe? I don't know him, so I don't know what he'd be saying.”

“Bingo!” Gintoki drawls. “People that bother talking mindless shit most of the time don't even know the person they're talking shit about, so what's the point in getting worked up over it?”

“I've never thought of it like that.”

Gintoki snorts. “Do you really even think someone that just sits around talking shit about people they don't know is someone you wanna get to know?”

“No.”

“There you have it, that's why I don't care.”

“Makes sense when you put it like that.”

Gintoki shrugs again and pops the other part of the strawberry chocolate into his mouth. He waves the empty glass around until he gets a refill and he catches Saigou giving him a narrow look from across the room.

“Does a look like that mean you have to leave?”

“It means I should _probably_ do what I'm being paid to do,” Gintoki replies and quickly gulps up his drink.

“Would it be weird if I waited?”

“You're really gonna stay?”

“If that's alright, yeah.”

Gintoki closes the chocolate box and gently slides it over to him. “Then safeguard these until I'm done. I'd put them with my stuff, but I don't wanna risk anyone getting into them.”

“In that case, consider them safely guarded.”

“I'll be back,” Gintoki says and makes his way up to the platform.

He goes into autopilot and does what he's supposed to do for a few hours. He doesn't look at anything or anyone in particular and he probably doesn't look like he's having very much fun, not like the others, and he only takes one break to go back and reset his makeup. It gets hot out there after awhile and sweating doesn't ever make him all that appealing, especially when he has makeup that wants to run. He doesn't ever think much of working here and after the initial protests so long ago, he doesn't mind it. He meets some creeps here every now and then, but it's never anything he can't handle on his own.

“You did good today,” Saigou says when Gintoki's in the back collecting his stuff.

“Why? Because I didn't scratch my ass when I felt like it?”

“You just had to make it vulgar, didn't you? Here's your pay, I'll let you know when I need you again.”

“It's always nice to be needed,” Gintoki jokes monotonously and swipes the envelope.

He shoves it into his kimono and Saigou doubles back to add, “Oh, that guy from earlier is still out there.”

“I'm well aware.”

“You're... interested in that?”

Gintoki can't blame Saigou for being surprised, he has never shown interest in much of anything, much less someone from here.

“There's chocolates involved.”

“Say no more! But be careful or that sweet tooth of yours will get you in trouble.”

“I appreciate the concern, but I'll be sure to keep my ass in good condition for all the dancing and shaking.”

“That's not –”

“We're done here, aren't we? It's late, I should probably get going.”

He pushes by Saigou with his clothes slung over his shoulder in the bag and heads out to where Kyou is. Sure enough, he's still in the same seat and he has a hand on the box of chocolates like he's personally protecting it.

One look at him has Gintoki snorting. “You've had more than your fair share of drinks tonight, haven't you?”

“I saved some f'you, though,” Kyou replies and motions to the four shot glasses lined up across from him.

Gintoki sits down and takes up a glass. “That sounds really good right about now.”

He shoots one and then another to chase it, leaving only two sitting in front of him. The sake is pure and strong, but he doesn't mind the burn, it feels good. Kyou's watching him, but it isn't the stalker kind of watching that some people do, it's an, ' _I've had way too much to drink and I'm having trouble deciding which face to look at because there's at least three of them.'_ Gintoki understands that look and it's amusing only because it's obvious Kyou isn't used to doing things like this.

“Do you usually drink so much?”

“No.” Kyou hiccups and Gintoki's mouth twitches because at least he's with an honest amateur. “But was th'only way I could stay in my seat.”

“You coulda left if you wanted to, you didn't have to stay,” Gintoki replies and tips back a third shot.

“Nooope, di'n't wanna leave. These,” he flicks an empty glass, “were what kept me here,” he pats the table, “instead'a goin' up there.”

When he points to the platform, Gintoki chuckles. “What? You like to dance?”

“Not really.”

“No?”

“You're r'lly pretty.”

“You're definitely drunk,” Gintoki deadpans and takes the last shot.

“All of'em?” Kyou asks incredulously. “ _How_?”

“I can hold my liquor better than you can, don't worry about it. C'mon, let's get outta here, I've had enough of this place.”

He puts his chocolates into his bag and helps Kyou up so they can leave. He feels a light tug on his on his hair and he grabs Kyou's wrist to bring it down to his shoulder for more stability.

“It's a clip on,” Gintoki explains.

“I fig'red. Still soft as it looks.”

“Where do you live?”

“Couple blocks from the Embassy.”

“Ooo, fancy.”

“Ooo, inherited,” Kyou slurs.

Gintoki gets them walking that way and he's a little annoyed that his night is going to be extended because of this. He's only cranky that his feet hurt and he could really use more booze, but he'll have to wait until he gets back to the apartment for that. Kyou is terrible conversation during the walk since most of what he has to say is spoken in partial slurs and grunts, most of which Gintoki can't make much sense of. It's a relief when the Inuisei Embassy can be seen as a dark shadow looming in the distance. Any housing is quite a ways from it, but the top is still recognizable and it brings back some memories.

“Oi, which way from here?”

“Uhhnn...” Kyou squints and looks around, “left.”

It takes an additional fifteen minutes and quite a few prompts for directions to make it to Kyou's place. It's nice, this part of Edo is less of a shithole than others like the red light district, but the house itself is small and humble. It looks to be one floor and all the buildings are packed in tight, but they're not unkempt or in the least bit shoddy.

“You good to get inside?”

“Yeah, I'll b'fine.”

Kyou takes a step away and Gintoki's brow raises. “That's it?”

“Wha'?”

“You didn't want anything from me?”

“Mm? Want? I wan' a lotta things....”

“It's late, but you can have something quick.”

“You'll lemme kiss you?”

That's it?

Gintoki shrugs. “Sure.”

“Jus' like that?”

“Why not? You brought me chocolates.”

Kyou's eyes are glazed and wide and his posture is leaning slightly to the right since he can't stand up straight. Gintoki's taller than him even when he's standing at his full height, but it's not a huge difference. Kyou takes a step toward him and Gintoki just waits. Sometime it feels like he should take control of situations like this, but for now, he's just going to let Kyou do what he wants.

“Mm... fuck.”

Gintoki lets Kyou lean against him as he sways. “Something wrong?”

“This s'gonna sound so dumb,” Kyou says and shoves his face into Gintoki's shoulder.

“I'm sure I've heard dumber things before, try me.”

He's also sure he has said dumber things, too, but he's not going to admit that.

“I wanna be sober when I get'a kiss you.”

That works.

Gintoki would like to be _more_ drunk.

“Fine, some other time, then,”

He helps Kyou to the door and then hikes his bag up higher so he can roll his aching shoulder a few times before heading to Kabukichou.

-o-O-o-

Hijikata is snot.

Everywhere, on everything, it's all just snot. He's so sick and feels so terrible, he's miserable all the time. If he's not sneezing, he's coughing, and on the rare occasion that he's not doing either of those, then he's wheezing. The only thing he can say for a certainty is that he's not the only one. At least half the faction is sick and the other half is on the opposite side of the building staying far, far away to avoid spreading this. It was on the news earlier that a lot of people are getting sick all over Edo, but it's just the season for it.

He grabs his shoulder and takes a moment to turn his head up to the ceiling. He takes some deep breaths and hopes the pain ebbs, but it doesn't. Like so many times recently, he presses his thumb into it and pushes it in a circle to massage the ache out.

“You look worse than you did an hour ago,” Kondo says and Hijikata jumps.

There's so much congestion in his head that he hadn't heard Kondo coming. Startling makes him cough and he sees Kondo shrink back out of the corner of his eye. He's wearing a face mask, everyone in the facility has one, and Kondo's wearing one, too.

“Have you puked at all?”

“Not yet, but I'm probably not far off,” Hijikata says miserably once he has some breath back.

He reaches out and taps a bowl to show Kondo that he has something read for when that time comes. He's not far off, he can tell, because there's a sour bile that keeps collecting at the back of his throat. He's running a fairly high fever and he's constantly wiping sweat off his brow, but he has to give himself credit and say he's handling it pretty well. He's still getting work done and he's doing it at a decent pace considering his ailments.

“Tosshi, you really need to rest.”

“I'm not going outside,” he replies and winces at how raspy his voice sounds.

“You really don't look good and don't sound good, either.”

“I'm fine enough to work.”

Kondo touches Hijikata's shoulder and he stiffens so much it doubles the amount of pain he feels. He doesn't mean to flinch away from Kondo's touch, he never has before, but he finds himself shying away against this will. He doesn't want to be touched, not by anyone, and the mere thought has him recoiling.

“Sorry,” he says hastily, “just don't want you to get sick too.”

“Are you sure you're alright?” Kondo asks with his hand still raised.

Hijikata almost recoils again as guilt sinks into him, even beyond the mask the look on Kondo's face – caught between shock, confusion, and worry – is difficult to look at.

“Yeah, it's fine,” Hijikata replies and sniffles before snot drips down his face. “This cold's just kickin' my ass. You really shouldn't stick around, don't want you gettin' sick.”

“I'll be back in a bit to check on you.”

“'Kay.”

“I'd like to see you showered and in something more comfortable than your uniform when I return.”

“I'll be sure to do that.”

Kondo nods and leaves and Hijikata... goes back to work.

**To Be Continued**

 

 


	15. Like a Phoenix, One Must Rise From the Ashes of Otae's Cooking or Perish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how to summarize this properly ヽ(ー_ー )ノ

Gintoki's feeling good, mostly, and on such a nice day, how can he not be? They worked some jobs throughout the week and they're not doing anything today except eating and relaxing. He'd slept well the night before and overall, it has been a pretty quiet week. Now that his deeds for Otose are done things are fairly back to normal and the kids aren't giving him those searching looks anymore. He doesn't have to disappear at night and he hasn't felt the need to go out for awhile, so things are looking up for the time being. There's still the matter of the pain in his shoulder, but it's getting to the point that he only really notices it if he overexerts himself or when he moves too quickly.

They're not alone, Sadaharu is trailing behind them and Gintoki has to hand it to him, he hasn't acted out in awhile. Usually, he's taking massive Amanto shits all over the place and sometimes he'll lunge at strangers he doesn't like, but he's being good and while Gintoki isn't going to hold his breath that it'll last, he's enjoying the calm. He reaches a hand back and pats Sadaharu's forehead a few times, but quickly retreats when a wet tongue slides over his palm. He gives Kagura a companionable rub on the back with his soiled hand and she doesn't seem to notice that he just deposited a sizable amount of dog slobber onto her.

“Lunch, lunch, food, lunch, food, food, lunch,” Kagura sings in time with each step she takes.

“Wait...” Gintoki slips his arm across his stomach to rest in his yukata, “she's ordering out, isn't she?”

Kagura abruptly stops singing. “I think so?”

“Not that I don't have any faith in Otae, but maybe we should get something to take over? Just in case, of course.”

“Of course,” Kagura echoes, “just in case.” Gintoki pulls out his wallet and turns it over to dump out its contents into his other hand... except, nothing but dust blows out of it. “We just got paid yesterday! Where'd all your money go?”

“I used it!”

“Then why'd you bother pulling that useless pouch out?”

“I thought I had some left! I don't remember using all of it!”

“A likely excuse!”

“It's not an excuse, I really don't – oh, wait, never mind.”

She leers at him. “You remember now?”

“Yeah, that sale from yesterday.”

“Oh, I'd forgotten about that, too. Do we even have anything left from it?”

“Not unless you saved something.”

Kagura frowns and twirls her umbrella. “No. I tried to make it last, but it didn't work.”

“Same.”

“Shin-chan's already there, he'll take care of us!”

Gintoki doesn't share her enthusiasm, but replies anyway, “Let's hope so.”

They get to the Shimura residence shortly after that and Sadaharu trots ahead to sniff Shinpachi out once they let themselves inside. Gintoki knows when Shinpachi has been found because there's a thunk and a scream – it makes Gintoki smirk. Gintoki takes a seat at the kotatsu and Kagura dives into the spot directly to his right. There's nothing out, no food, no plates, but there's a vase of flowers in the center. They're wilting a little at the edges, so they're no longer fresh, but they still smell good and look nice despite the slight browning.

“Anego!” Kagura yells into the house. “We're here!”

“I don't smell any food,” Gintoki mutters.

Kagura inhales loudly through her nose. “All I smell is flowers.”

“Hey!” Shinpachi greets with a smile as he enters the room with Sadaharu nosing at his back like he's pushing him along. “Sorry, Kyuubei stopped by earlier, so we're a little behind with dinner.”

“What're we having?” Kagura asks.

Shinpachi laughs nervously and Gintoki taps his fingers against the tabletop. “Answer the question.”

“I think I can hear my name being called!”

“No one is calling your name!”

“Coming,” Shinpachi calls to _no one_ and then tells them, “I'll be right back!”

Kagura wraps an arm around her stomach. “We're going hungry, aren't we?”

“Looks like it. Kyuubei coming over must've gotten in the way of them getting real food.”

“Maybe there's still time for us to grab Shinpachi's wallet? I could sneak out and get us food and be back before I'm missed!”

“Do you know where his wallet is? Would he even still have money?”

“Drinks!” Otae announces when she walks in and Gintoki and Kagura sit up straight. “I brought out some appetizers, too! I'll be with you in a bit, I just need to finish up the main course!”

She breezes out of the room again and Kagura clutches her stomach with both arms. The piles of burnt ash situated in a circle on the platter before them are the least most appetizing looking things. They're just mounds of black flakes and Gintoki can't even begin to guess what they were before Otae got to them or what they're supposed to be now.

“At least the water is okay,” Kagura tries feebly.

“I don't trust it.”

She leans forward and sniffs the dark piles. “Well... they've smelled worse before.”

“I'll give you control of the remote tonight if you try one.”

“No way, you try one.”

“What'll you gimme if I do?”

“Nothing! Take one for the team!”

“ _You_ take one for the team!”

“I told you to first!”

“I told you second, so what?”

Kagura pulls on Gintoki's sleeve and he gives her a shove, but she doesn't budge and instead yanks his arm. It hurts his shoulder, but he does nothing more than grunt before hauling her forward toward the ash.

“Try one,” he goads and pushes her face toward the plate.

She wriggles one of her arms free and scrambles to get her hand near the plate. Gintoki tries to stop her and he hears someone enter the room, but he doesn't look up to see who it is. He gets a knee delivered right to his gut and he wheezes as he keeps trying to keep her away from the plate. It's really no use, she gets her arms free time and time again and when her fingers curl around one of piles, his stomach turns over. Kagura shoves a handful of the black ash into Gintoki's mouth and his scream is silenced by her hand. While she holds him captive, he shoves some ash into her face and forces it into her mouth for her.

“What're you two _doing_?” Shinpachi screeches in his quietest voice. “Stop that! She'll be in any second!”

He waves his hands around them, but Kagura isn't letting up and just from stubbornness, Gintoki doesn't give up, either. He can't breathe and neither can Kagura, they're both probably starting to go blue in the face. Shinpachi's flailing around trying to get them separated and Gintoki can hear Otae coming closer. They mutually break apart just as she enters the room and since they can't spit the ash out in front of her, both of them are left suffering in silence.

“Shin-chan?” Otae inquires after she sits across from Gintoki. “Why're you standing over them like that?”

“N-nothing! No reason!” He laughs and both Gintoki and Kagura shoot him a dirty look because of how hysterical he sounds. “I was just sitting down, heh!”

Shinpachi goes around to sit next to Otae and Gintoki casually reaches for his water, but he feels like he's going to puke. Kagura looks closer to vomiting, so he sets a water in front of her first before grabbing his own. The ash has covered every part of his mouth and he can feel some flakes between his teeth like popcorn kernels tend to do. The taste has completely incinerated his tastebuds and he knows that it won't matter what else he eats today because he won't be able to taste it. The ash is so dry that he can't swallow it and his mouth isn't producing enough saliva to get it to go down easy, so his only hope is the water. He takes a large swig into his mouth and tries to drink the ash down, but he can feel it coating his throat.

“Sorry about that, Kyuu-chan kept us busy.”

Gintoki shoots Shinpachi a _look_ and he quickly takes the hint, saying, “Y-yeah! We were able to go into the dojo and do some training for awhile....” Gintoki still can't speak and neither can Kagura, so he motions subtly with his hand for Shinpachi to keep stalling. “Where... umm – oh! Where'd Sadaharu go? Shouldn't we find him and get him fed, aneue?”

“I left a bowl for him in the kitchen, you can bring it out here if you want.”

“But we should go find him, shouldn't we?”

“I don't see why, I'm fine with him wandering around. If you really want to find him, feel free.”

“Those are nice flowers,” Kagura blurts – her water is gone and she's red in the face from chugging all her water.

Otae smiles and rests her elbows on the table so she can thread her fingers together beneath her chin. “They still look nice, don't they?”

“Still?”

Shinpachi frowns. “They came from the Shinsengumi. She _said_ she was going to get rid of them, but they're still here every time I come back.”

“It'd be a waste to get rid of them, I told you that.” She reaches out and gently touches the petals of a blue one tilted her way. “They'll only last another day or so on their own, I might as well enjoy them while I can.”

“The Gorilla gave them to you?” Kagura asks, squinting at the flowers suspiciously.

“Someone else dropped them off, but yes.”

“Did you check them for cameras?”

“Yes.”

“Audio bugs?”

“There's nothing like that on them.”

Shinpachi pushes his glasses up. “Isn't it bad that we actually have to ask these questions?”

“Don't be ridiculous,” Otae chastises, “he might be weird, but he wouldn't do something like _that_.”

“I have to agree with her on that,” Gintoki puts in once his water is gone and he can find his voice.

Kagura glares at the flowers. “I don't trust them anymore.”

“Just appreciate them for what they are and they're only flowers.”

“They do smell good,” Kagura admits with a frown.

Gintoki's a shade impressed and he has to give Kondo credit for doing something actually good for once. Even having someone else deliver the flowers had been an integrity move and that's a step up from the things he has done in the past.

“I'm going to see if I can plant some of them out back, I think they'd look pretty there. I'm so glad you already got into the appetizers!” She picks up the plate and offers it to Shinpachi. “Want any, Shin-chan?”

“O-oh, no, I'm saving my appetite for the main course.”

“Don't be like that!” Gintoki says and puts an arm around Kagura's shoulders. “We ate some and it was delicious! Your sister worked hard to make food for you, the least you can do is sample each course of it!”

Kagura grins devilishly. “Be a good little brother! Support your sister's efforts!”

Shinpachi forces a smile onto his face and gingerly picks out the smallest of the dark mounds. A sweat breaks out on his brow, but Gintoki has to hand it to him, he very bravely doesn't hesitate before popping the abomination into his mouth. Otae, evidently very pleased, sets the plate back down and excuses herself to go check on the main course.

Gintoki sighs. “We're gonna die.”

“We should've planned ahead better. Can we go out this weekend and have a real dinner together?”

“This _is_ a real dinner together,” Gintoki replies and slides Shinpachi's glass down the table to him because he's starting to writhe.

“You know what I mean.”

“Yeah,” he puts a hand on her head and squishes her bangs down over her eyes until she squirms, “we'll see if we can pull the money together.”

“Let's find a buffet! All I can eat!”

“It might take awhile to find one we haven't been banned from yet.”

“It'll be worth the search!” She finally extracts his hand and by then, Shinpachi is half-passed out against the table. “Oi! You better liven up over there! She'll be back any moment!”

Shinpachi groans and Gintoki contently rests his head on a hand as he waits for the rest of the poison to be presented to him.

-o-O-o-

“At least I can say I no longer have an appetite,” Kagura says and she sounds cranky.

Sadaharu bumps his head into her and lets out a low _arf_. He's walking weird because he accidentally ate some ash as well and he doesn't seem to be feeling good due to it. Gintoki fully expects to find a pile of puke either tomorrow when he gets up or sometime tonight before he goes to bed. It'd be nice if Sadaharu could gack outside, but that rarely seems to happen.

“We should dump our stashes before we get back,” Gintoki replies.

Together, they go up to the first trashcan they find and pull out their hidden napkins. Gintoki had stuffed his in his yukata underneath one of his belts and it's particularly gratifying to slam dunk the wrapped up ash into the garbage. They'd kept the napkins in their laps during the meal and whenever Otae wasn't looking, they'd drop some ash down to make it seem like they were eating. There were times when Gintoki would bring the black bits to his mouth with his chopsticks, but the moment Otae averted her eyes, down the ash went. Shinpachi hadn't been so lucky – since he was sitting next to her, he couldn't hide anything and so actually had to eat it. Likely, Shinpachi won't be in the mood to clean or anything in the morning, he'll just come over and complain about his inflamed bowels.

“We'll see if the old hag has something we can steal.”

Kagura perks up. “She usually has a full rice cooker!”

They start on their way again, but Gintoki sees someone familiar and he taps Kagura on the shoulder.

“You take Sadaharu back, I'll be there in a little bit.”

“Where're you going?”

“Nowhere, there's just someone I need to talk to really quick.”

“Who is it? Let me come, too!”

“Not this time.” Gintoki grabs her nose and shakes her head with it. “Find us food and something good to watch, I'll be right behind you.”

“Okay....”

She clearly doesn't want him to leave her and she probably doesn't think he'll really be right behind her, but she takes Sadaharu and heads off. Gintoki quickly dodges through the crowd and heads into the alley he'd seen his quarry go.

“You there, stop! I've gotta question for you! Oi!”

“My name is Ena, not you there,” she says by way of greeting as Gintoki catches up to her.

She's the same as Gintoki remembers her, but instead of wearing a pink kimono, she has on a very plain gray one that looks almost black in the evening light. Her dark eyes sweep over him and Gintoki notices there's a bag around one of her shoulders with a piece of plastic sticking out of the top.

“Still collecting garbage?”

“Yes, actually. Was that your question?”

“No.”

“Spit it out! I have places to be!”

Now that he's here, he doesn't know how to word this and he's not sure he even wants to know the answer. He's not stupid, he knows his shoulder pain is more than what it seems. He has lived with aches and tweaks ever since the war and this goes beyond most of those pains that he's used to. There hadn't been anything big to trigger this pain, he hadn't wounded himself there and pulled muscles don't feel like this.

“My shoulder hurts,” he says and she tilts her head.

“That's not a question.”

“No, it's not,” Gintoki mumbles and taps the toe of his right boot against the dirt. “Do I still have a string?”

“Yes?” She looks to his right hand. “Of course you do, it's just as bright as before.”

“It's glowing? It _glows_?”

“It's _bright_ , I said. They only glow when they're... how do you say? Active?”

“So, wait, wait, wait, no, go back. Explain that! If a string is bright, then that means... what?”

“Hmm... I don't really know. I don't see them too often.”

Gintoki represses the urge to cuss and instead asks carefully, “What are most strings like?”

“Well, they're... red, but like a deeper red, darker. Yours is... hm, it's more like your eyes. Your eyes are very bright, very pretty, the string is like that. I've found that the string often emulates the people, you know, both partners. You are in this with another person and that person mirrors your... brightness.”

Gintoki's tempted to spin on his heel and bolt, that's not the kind of shit he wants to hear.

“What does a glowing string mean?”

“Just like with the brightness, there are different degrees of glow as well! It's very interesting!”

“For you, maybe.”

“Glowing strings are fun to see! The more powerful the glow, the happier the couple, I like to think.”

“Do you see a lot of glowy ones?”

“Yes and no, it all depends.”

“This thing isn't glowing, is it?”

“I see nothing... why would that be? Aren't you happy? Do you talk to your person?”

Gintoki shrugs. “I've slept with the other person a few times.”

“Sex doesn't equate to happiness, I know. Do you not like them?”

He doesn't want to answer that.

“I don't know.”

She frowns at him. “You're definitely different than any others I've seen. May I ask a few things? I'm just curious, is all.”

“I guess, but I may not answer.”

“That's fine.” Ena adjusts the bag around her shoulder by hiking it up higher. “Did you know this person beforehand?”

“Yes.”

“Were you hoping you'd get someone else?”

Anyone other than Ketsuno Ana?

“I don't know.”

“Have you tried making it work with this person at all?”

No, the exact opposite, actually.

“I don't know.”

“Did you enjoy having sex with them?”

Maybe.

“In a way.” Sex feels good, duh, but that's really none of her business. “Listen, I just wanna get this pain to go away. I've got enough aches, I don't need another.”

“I don't know how to help you, I'm not even sure your shoulder pain is even connected to the string or not,” she says and seems truly sympathetic. “I don't control the strings, I can just see them.”

Gintoki scowls. “So, you don't really know anything about this stuff, do you?”

“Sight doesn't give me insight. I have no guide for this, most of the things I've come up with are based on what I see. There's no way for me to prove that what I'm telling you is correct, it's really just my best guess and intuition.” Ena's eyes look at Gintoki's right hand, then flick left like she's following the invisible string and her brows slowly pull downward. “Well, this is... odd.”

“Odd?”

“I can't see where it's going.”

“Could it be... fading?”

“I suppose that's possible.” She looks from him to somewhere down the alley and squints. “I know I could see where it was going before, but I can't see it now. At least, I don't think I do... maybe it's the lighting. That's very strange, this is new for me.”

“To your knowledge, do the strings ever fade?”

“I don't think they do,” she replies and sees a recyclable that she goes to pick up. “Do you want yours to go away?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

“'Cause I do.”

“I've never known someone that wants to sever a bond with another person as bad as you do. I'm sure that if it _does_ fade, you won't be able to get it back.”

Gintoki's fists clench at his sides.

“That'd probably be in both our best interests.”

“Have you talked this over with the other person?”

“No....”

Ena sends him a disapproving look. “So, you're just assuming tha –”

“I'm not looking to be lectured!” Gintoki interrupts quickly. “You've answered what I wanted and now I'm gonna go watch TV with a brat and possibly eat something that my stomach can actually digest.”

He waves to her over his shoulder because he's already looking away and hurrying out of the alley. He's going to focus on watching TV with Kagura, he'll be busy in the near future helping Katsura with whatever is going on in the sewers, and he can live with the shoulder pain... it might even go away soon on its own.

**To Be Continued**

 


	16. Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hijikata's sickness is both a blessing and a curse.

**[Art By Aga](http://kvei.tumblr.com/)! **

**Please go give her love, she's an amazing person and such a talented artist!**

The apartment doesn't look as strange with Katsura in it as Gintoki had thought.

Katsura has been here before, of course, but never in the middle of the day like this. If ever he's here when the sun is up, he's just stopping by to pick something up or drop something off or he's jumping inside quickly to hide from any pursuers he might have. Right now he's sitting on one of the sofas and he's _lounging_.

Katsura doesn't lounge.

He sits primly, he moves with a certain air of assurance about him, and he certainly doesn't kick his legs out and sprawl on Gintoki's furniture. Yet, that's what he's doing and Gintoki can only think that he looks like he belongs here. They've sat and spoken inside the apartment in the past, but right now Gintoki isn't with him, not really. Katsura's letting Kagura mess with his hair and Shinpachi is across from him on the other sofa as they talk. They're not really talking about anything, just normal stuff as far as the Yorozuya goes, and it's... nice.

Gintoki is at his desk with his feet propped up and a Jump in his lap. He hasn't been paying attention to it for at least ten minutes now, which is fine because it's an older issue, he has been more invested in everyone else. Katsura has been coming by more frequently, but this is the first time he has stayed this long and stopped in just to be here. Gintoki almost thinks Katsura might be lonely, but he knows that's not it. What he feels more than that is that Katsura's here because he simply wants to be here.

They used to spend so much time together as kids and when they were teens, they'd see each other damn near everyday. What happened at the end of the war has given Katsura every reason to never want to see Gintoki again. The long absence and continued estrangement isn't something Gintoki has ever questioned, he has rather felt it justified.

Recently, though, Katsura has been coming around more and making time to stop in. Gintoki has no reason to mind it, but he _does_ think that it's too easy. Katsura has just naturally slotted himself into everything and it puts Gintoki at ease as much as it gives him pause. He doesn't say anything about it, he has no reason to right now, and honestly, the last thing he wants is to have any kind of heart to heart. He's just going to let things fall where they may and he's all for going with the flow on this one. If Katsura brings something up, then Gintoki might get into it, but even then... likely not.

It is what it is and things are good at the moment.

“Are we going out again tonight?” Kagura asks.

“I didn't have anything planned,” Katsura replies. “I'm just waiting to be fed right now, I'm hungry. It's only polite to offer guests food.”

“You should've brought your own then,” Gintoki scoffs.

“Not even people who live here get fed regularly,” Kagura grouses and glances pointedly at Gintoki.

“If anything,” Gintoki continues, “you should've brought food for all of us since we're letting you linger around here and take up space.”

Elizabeth, who's sitting over with Sadaharu, holds up a sign: _Let's go order food._ She flips the sign over and it reads, _You can fight over the bill_.

“Yes!” Kagura cries. “What're we waiting for? Why're we still here? Get up, get up! Move it! There's food waiting!”

Gintoki puts his Jump on the desk and pulls his legs down, he knows there's no talking Kagura out of it. He fully intends to stick Katsura with the bill and it'll be interesting to see what he and the kids will have to do to make that happen.

“You know a good place to go considering your... fame?” Gintoki asks.

Katsura smirks. “You'd be surprised how many people have no idea I'm what the Shinsengumi call a terrorist. I do have a place in mind, though.”

“Great, all this sitting around has worked me up an appetite.”

They walk to the door together and Kagura and Shinpachi are already there ready to go. Sadaharu and Elizabeth have already made it outside and Gintoki can only snort when helpful little hands assist him with his shoes. Shinpachi puts Gintoki's bokken in his belt and Kagura all but hauls Gintoki's feet up one by one to shove his boots on for him. Katsura gets much the same treatment and apparently, neither of them are moving fast enough because both kids take one of them and urge them along with little pushes from behind.

“Is this place you have in mind dog friendly?” Gintoki asks and purposefully walks a little slower.

Katsura catches on immediately and slows to match Gintoki's pace, replying, “I'm sure she'll allow it if he comes in through the back.”

Gintoki smiles to himself as Kagura shoves him and he and Katsura being walking so slow they're barely moving.

-o-O-o-

“They stole this one single collection? You're sure?” Hijikata asks and this information is so important that he's the one with the notebook today.

Usually, he can remember everything and can put it in a report later or he has someone like Yamazaki with him to take notes to save him the trouble. This, however, is a special circumstance and he refuses to let anything get recorded wrong or get misconstrued in handwriting that's barely legible even to the person that wrote it.

“We went through our inventory twice,” the man replies. “Still don't really know why anyone would be interested in a bunch of scrap metal.”

Hijikata's almost glad he has to sneeze at that exact moment because otherwise, he might not have been able to resist the urge to scoff. He wipes his nose with his handkerchief and schools his features to ensure he doesn't come off as scornful. It's his job to stay on this guy's good side so he can extract as much information as possible. Plus, this man, Haruo, doesn't seem to understand that the many sword fragments he managed to scavenge out of the sea are likely Benizakura prototypes and replicas.

The Shinsengumi had had to deal with the wreckage, but there's only so much they can do with a sunken ship in shared waters. They'd done their best to stake out the area _in the ocean_ , but that hadn't stopped people from foraging the haul for parts and stealing what loot or valuables they could. Some people had gotten really creative with it and there hadn't been a whole lot the Shinsengumi could do to dissuade them. They're not properly equipped for water based operations and they hadn't been able to rally enough funding to be thorough, so, now there are remnants of that disaster all over Edo.

For awhile, the Shinsengumi had tried to track some of it down and collect it as evidence, but again, they ran into a financing issue and so couldn't afford to purchase all the pieces floating around. Just tracking them all down had proven to be too much of a task with their limited resources and as a result, much of that had been abandoned. The Shinsengumi still have all the records and details they'd been able to collect and now it's finally going to have a use.

“And you said your shop was ransacked?”

“Destroyed completely! Look around! Glass broken, door shattered, art torn –”

Hijikata nods and half-listens as he makes a few more notes on his sheet while ignoring his annoying shoulder. He sniffs and even though his cold is still plaguing him, he's at least grateful that he's not confined anymore. He likes to think that he's getting better because Kondo isn't after him about resting as much, but he's also pretty aware that he still looks like hell. Regardless, he's working, he's neck deep in the field, and _that_ feels good.

This is the second robbery in the last week involving items recovered from that specific sunken ship and Hijikata knows in his bones that it's not a coincidence. A rise in the drug syndicate, Daiki's reappearance, and multiple instances of stolen Benizakura fragments all going on around the same time? There's no way the planets have aligned and made these series of events magically happen all at once without them being related. Hijikata just needs to string them together and connect everything to find out what the big picture is.

“What're you going to do about it?” Haruo demands at the end of his tirade. “My shop is ruined and where were you?”

“We're doing our best to track the thief down, we came as soon as we were notified –”

“Look at all these damages! All for some scraps of metal?”

“I've seen people do a lot more for a lot less,” Hijikata replies. “Do you remember who you got that collection from?”

“Why should I help you any further? All you've done is ask questions!”

“The more information you give me, the higher the chance we'll be able to track this robber down.”

Haruo grumbles and glares, but moves deeper into the shop. He opens a metal drawer and pulls out a large stack of papers that looks _a lot_ like the massive stack waiting for Hijikata back in his room. It takes Haruo awhile, but he eventually finds and holds out several sheets of paper that are stapled or bound together by a paperclip. There's receipts, lists and descriptions of each piece in the collection, and the amount paid for each fragment. At the top, there's a short of names indicating the people involved and there's also what Hijikata needs most: an insignia for the distribution shop.

“Would you like me to make copies so you can still have the originals?” Hijikata asks as he studies the papers.

“Of course! The last thing I need is you cops misplacing what's mine on the off chance you actually recover it!”

Hijikata has to commend himself, he doesn't react to the barb and not even his brow ticks in irritation. He does, however, allow himself to roll his shoulder once to ease the ache.

“Are you comfortable with me taking them now and returning them all to you tomorrow after I've had a chance to go through them and copy what we need?”

Haruo squints and then sighs. “Don't suppose you'll really give me a choice, so do what you need. If you don't come back tomorrow I'll be filing a formal complaint.”

“Thank you, I understand. I just have a few more questions, if you're willing.”

“Might as well,” Haruo huffs.

“How long has the collection been here?” Hijikata asks and slips the papers behind his notebook so he can write things again.

“Months. Maybe... six or so?”

“Had anyone shown interest in any of the pieces before now?”

“Oh, sure! That crash was huge and so mysterious, you'd be surprised how many people are curious about what was on that ship before it went to the deep.”

“Alright,” Hijikata jots some thoughts down, “anyone more recently?”

“How recent?”

“Within the last month, let's start there.”

“A few, but none of them wanted to buy, they just asked questions about the crash.”

“Okay, then how many pieces of the collection have you sold?”

Haruo runs a hand through his balding and graying hair, replying, “The odd trinket here and there, small fragments. Mostly people just wanting mementos and nothing has ever been purchased in bulk.”

“Do you have receipts or proof of purchase for those people?”

“This is a decent establishment! Sure, it's a little dirty, but I run a good shop! Of course I've got that stuff, don't patronize me!”

“I-I'm sorry if it came off that way –”

“Oh, shut your yammering cop mouth, I'll get your damned receipts!”

Hijikata does twitch this time, but Haruo doesn't see it because his back is already turned. If Hijikata didn't need his help, he'd be all over reminding him who exactly he's talking to so disrespectfully. He can't, though, so he bites his tongue and coughs into his handkerchief, then sucks some snot back to keep it from dripping out of his nose.

After fifteen minutes of curses and grumbles, Haruo hands over the desired paperwork. They talk for a bit longer and Hijikata asks some more questions, but mostly, he has what he needs at this point. A half hour later, he promises again to return all the paperwork tomorrow and excuses himself. He steps out of the dank shop and has all his notes and the borrowed documents tucked safely away into his uniform jacket so no one can see them. He has been yearning for a cigarette, so he pulls one out and smokes it on his way to meet Yamazaki.

Everyone not sick have been keeping their distance from Hijikata while he's sick and he attributes all the sick people keeping their distance as well to them just not wanting to get even more sick. He has been cranky and on a really short fuse, too, so he has no room to be upset with anyone for wanting to stay away. The only people that come near him are Kondo, Sougo, and anyone ordered to interact with him. Sougo, the little shit, hasn't gotten sick and hasn't even shown signs of slowing down, which is very frustrating. Hijikata can honestly say he wouldn't mind not having to worry about Sougo for a few days and watching him hack and sneeze would likely give Hijikata some enjoyment at this point, what with how many times Sougo has made fun of him by now.

Hijikata reaches the meeting spot and only has to wait five minutes and another cigarette for Yamazaki to arrive. It's a secluded spot Hijikata knows is safe since they routinely check it for bugs and it's just inconspicuous enough that no one gives it a second glance. He'd rather go to the barracks for this, but he has a patrol he needs to squeeze in since he's covering for two sick people today. He doesn't think they're too sick to work, but that's really not his call when they claim their heads and stomachs hurt too much to move.

They haven't had any mayonnaise elixir, so Hijikata's sure they're worse off than him. It's not his fault they refuse to try his miracle cure.

“You're late,” Hijikata states when Yamazaki enters.

Yamazaki nods sheepishly. “I'm not on time, I agree.”

“Be quicker next time. Now, take these papers and make copies of all of them, then give them back to me undamaged.” He shoves the stack into Yamazaki's hands. “I want everyone that purchased a fragment to be interviewed and I want a list of every place the original distributor sold any pieces or collections to. Are you getting all this?”

“Y-yes, Fukuchou!”

“I want to be able to get all this going tomor – achoo!” He barely catches the sneeze in his handkerchief; it doesn't escape his notice that Yamazaki takes a step away. “By tomorrow I want to set up some surveillance in other shops that have these Benizakura pieces. Whoever it is has come after two collections already and we can only assume that they're going to keep wanting more.”

“That seems like a gamble.”

Hijikata nods. “It is, but whether or not these incidences are connected to Daiki, it's worth looking into. You have to remember that this weaponry could potentially contain self-learning technology and any time someone takes an interest in that, it's worth investigating.”

“We looked at some of those fragments, though,” Yamazaki reasons. “We couldn't get anything out of it and the pieces didn't respond to anything we tested them with.”

“True, but we can't say what would happen if someone got enough of these pieces together and mended them. We also only ever found pieces of those weapons, but it's possible someone recovered a half of one from the ship. Maybe even a full one, it's hard to say.”

“It seems strange that they're making such a scene, it's like they want us to know what they're doing.”

“They might want exactly that,” Hijikata agrees. “It wouldn't be the first time we've had people try to provoke us like this. Some people get a thrill out of taunting us when they feel they won't get caught.”

“Or they're trying to lead us in the wrong direction.”

“Of course that's a possibility, but one possibility isn't enough to stop us from furthering our investigation to make sure we've got all our bases covered.” He pauses to hack into his stupid handkerchief that is probably the definition of disease after using it all day. “Have you set up the cameras for Daiki yet?”

“Yes! I finished that this morning with two of the recruits, like you ordered.”

“Good. And who's at the stakeout house now?”

“I believe it's Oka's turn and he has Arata with him.”

“Good. We're done, then. Let me know if anything changes.”

Yamazaki salutes and just like that, they're finished. It's best not to linger, anyway.

Hijikata steps out from their hiding spot and knows Yamazaki will wait a few minutes before going back to the barracks. This patrol he has to do should be an easy one and then he'll be able to get back to the investigations like he wants to. Right now, he can't even explain how grateful he is to have so many brilliant distractions and he's genuinely _enjoying_ the work. This is what the Shinsengumi is all about – keeping Edo safe – and he actually feels like he's helping to do that with so much going on. He'll feel even better about everything once they've gotten more headway with it all, but that'll come in due time.

At that moment, just as he's passing an alley and getting ready to pull out a new cigarette, he stops.

He only has to tilt his head slightly to the right to see more of Gintoki and while it's in his best interest to keep walking, he doesn't. A dozen things flash through his mind all at once and there's so much of it that he doesn't know which strand of thought to grab onto.

Hijikata has a decision to make and he's just... so tired.

Sighing, he slowly walks into the narrow alley and gets within Gintoki's line of sight to see what he'll do. If Gintoki's surprised to see him, he doesn't show it, he only smirks.

“O-ho! Oogushi-kun! Back for more, hah? Sorry, no discount today. Let the bidding start at one hundred yen!”

“Cut the shit, Yorozuya.” He can't deal with such a fake voice and expression right now, never mind the obvious antagonistic jibe. Gintoki doesn't react beyond lifting one brow slightly, but even that doesn't make him seem any less detached from the whole thing. Hijikata's tempted to tuck tail and leave, the uncomfortable twisting of his gut and the pain in his shoulder are telling him to do just that, but once more, he doesn't move. “What're you doing?”

“Hiding from a rampant blue ass with a spiral horn and a thirst for blood,” Gintoki replies flatly. “What're _you_ doing?”

Hijikata rolls his eyes, he really doesn't know why he ever bothers with this guy. It's clear Gintoki's hung over or he's working on getting fabulously drunk, Hijikata can't tell which – both make him look like utter shit. Gintoki's watching him and Hijikata can garner nothing from his expression other than that he seems tired, too. He has semicircles under his eyes, however faint, he's dirty, and he looks paler than usual, not that Hijikata actually knows how pale he typically is on a regular basis. Biting his lip, he leans back against the wall behind him so he's across from Gintoki and he adjusts his sword so it isn't digging into him.

“If you won't tell me, I'll guess.” He looks Gintoki up and down, frowning. “You're either still recovering from a night of debauchery or you're about ready to go out for one.”

There are no hickeys that Hijikata can see, but what does he know?

Gintoki snorts and rests an elbow on his thigh to run a hand through his hair. “What do you care?”

A valid question, that.

“I don't.”

“Then what're you doing here? I'm busy.”

“I can see that,” Hijikata says, unimpressed, and his shoulder is _aching_.

“And I can see you're sick.” Gintoki looks him over fully for the first time and dammit if Hijikata's face doesn't get warmer. “You've seen better days, mayora.”

“Can't argue with that,” Hijikata mutters. “But when I'm a little further away from my deathbed, I do believe I shorted you last time.”

There.

He did it.

He got the words out and he hadn't gotten flustered.

Gintoki picks his ear and looks a shade amused. “That so? Thought I told you not to bother.”

“Does anyone ever actually listen to you?”

“Sometimes. It depends on what I'm saying.”

“Whatever.” Hijikata swallows a glob of mucus that's lodged at the back of his throat and his fingers twitch with the urge to curl into fists. This is harder than he thought it'd be and Gintoki is as impenetrable as ever, Hijikata can't get a single read out of him. He'd thought a lot about what he'd say the next time they saw each other and being rational, keeping a cool head, and thinking before he speaks are all things he has been repeating to himself for this very encounter. He searches Gintoki's face and god, what he wouldn't give to know what's going through his mind.“I think... we got off on the w-wrong foot, I –”

“That's all you've got, asshole,” Gintoki smirks, flicking his pinky off to the side, “two wrong feet and fucking ugly shoes.”

Hijikata looks down at his shoes and gapes.

“You... y-you _bastard_! They're _shoes_! You leave them alone or I'll kick your ass with them!”

“I'd like to see you try.”

Hijikata takes a threatening step forward and _everything_ he'd planned for this conversation has completely flown right out of his head. Gintoki is unconcerned and Hijikata has every intention of changing that and making Gintoki _show_ even just a glimmer of what he's feeling. He can't feel nothing. He just _can't_. Not because of the sex, but yeah, okay, the sex has something to do with it, but Gintoki, with the things he does, he doesn't just not feel things. With the string, the sex, the possibility of potentially making something work with someone who's willing – Gintoki can't just _ignore_ it all, Hijikata won't let him.

Unfortunately, right at that second, there's a sudden murmur from out on the street and the noise gets louder so quickly it's impossible not to notice. Curious, Hijikata looks out and when he still can't see the source of the noise, he pokes his head around the corner. He barely manages to jump back in time to avoid getting hit and he stumbles against one of the trash cans in shock. One of the cans rolls out of the alley and the creature leaps away from it.

“You weren't kidding!”

Gintoki snorts as he stands and casually brushes himself off. “Nope, sure wasn't. You might want to step ba – ah! No, don't do that!” He comes up behind Hijikata and covers his eyes with his hand. “Don't make eye contact with her!”

“Let go of me!”

“It's too late!” Gintoki's hand disappears and Hijikata stiffens further – his shoulder hasn't hurt this much before. “Look what you've done!”

Now, Hijikata's truly a practical man, but when he's facing off against a blue horse-like creature that has four legs tipped in cloven hooves, a spiral horn coming out of its forehead, and long ears framing a pure white mane, he feels like his whole uniform has been stripped from him.

“What is this thing?”

“I'm guessing it's a cross between a donkey and a –”

“No, you _moron_! What's it doing here? Where'd it come from?”

“She's one of Prince Baka's new pets,” Gintoki explains softly where he's out of sight behind Hijikata. “He lost her this morning and we've had one hell of a day trying to catch her.” Hijikata moves right a step, Gintoki follows his movement, and the animal's dark, soulless eyes follow Hijikata brazenly. “She kicks like a son of a bitch, bites like a kinky fuck, and I'm gonna tell you right now that that horn isn't just for show.”

“What do we do?”

“Pray.”

Hijikata drives his elbow into Gintoki's gut for the stupid comment and also because he's way too close.

“Don't stand behind me! I'm not your shield!”

“You are right now!”

“Go use one of your damn kids!”

“I did! Why do you think I was sitting here on my own?”

“You were hiding and waiting for them to do all the work!”

“Well, you're not _wrong_ ,” Gintoki snaps and shoves Hijikata out of the alley completely.

“It's just an ass with a horn!” Hijikata yells and he certainly _sounds_ confident. “It can't be that hard to catch!”

Rushing forward, Hijikata decides to put an end to this right here and now. He doesn't have time for it and he can't have a wild animal or Amanto running around terrorizing the people he works so hard to protect. With his hand on his hilt, he sucks back some snot to keep it from running out of his nose and gets ready to strike. He aims for the neck and swings his sword with the sheath still on so he'll only stun it, but right before he makes contact, it disappears. Just – _vanishes_. It appears again on the other side of the street and brays at him, the sound seems vaguely mocking.

“I told you the horn wasn't just for show!” Gintoki calls to him. “You never listen!”

“I thought you meant it,” he shakes his head and amends quickly, “ _she_ uses it as a weapon!”

“She does, but hey! By the way! She can teleport, too!”

“You should've said so sooner!”

“I didn't think you'd be sticking around!”

“Where would I go when something like is this happening?”

“I don't know! Away?”

“Gin-chan! You found her!”

Kagura comes running in with Shinpachi close behind and both of them look roughed up, like they've been crawling all over Edo. Gintoki looking like filthy garbage is making a lot more sense now, oddly enough.

“I didn't just find her, I found a stray dog, too.”

Hijikata sends him a glare, but says nothing.

“C'mere, Zip!” Kagura cajoles. “We've got carrots!”

“That's not going to work!” Gintoki says urgently.

“We have to try!”

Hijikata watches the Amanto flare her nostrils and stamp one of her front hooves irritably. She's not a big creature, her shoulders come up to roughly above Hijikata's hip line, but she looks sturdy. Her tail isn't like a horse tail, it's instead exactly like a donkey tail and the tuft of hair at the end looks like white fire that flicks back and forth in her fury.

“How far away can she teleport?” Hijikata asks as he slowly backs up to where Gintoki's standing.

“Not very, but enough to be annoying. You think you've got her and then poof! Gone!”

“How long did you say you've been chasing her?”

“All day.”

“And how many times have you caught her?”

“At least six, but she just teleports away again.”

Kagura entices her with a carrot and she takes two steps in that direction before pausing. Hijikata watches closely and keeps his sword out at the ready, though, he knows he won't be taking it out of the sheath.

“Zip?” Hijikata questions and turns his head to raise a brow at Gintoki.

“Don't look at me, I didn't name her!” Gintoki glances away and shrinks back a step. “You probably shouldn't say her name.”

Hijikata looks back and Zip is watching him. She disappears and Gintoki tugs Hijikata aside just in time to spare him taking an aimed back leg that would probably shatter his knee if it made contact.

“I fell for that one earlier,” Gintoki explains darkly, his body tense. “She got my leg pretty good.”

If he's hurt in some way, it's no wonder he'd been sitting down before. Hijikata glances down and his eyes follow Gintoki as he cautiously makes his way closer to Shinpachi. He's not limping, but Gintoki is a master of disguising how he's feeling, so it comes as no surprise that he seems fine. Hijikata makes sure to keep an eye on Zip, too, he doesn't fully let her out of his sights at any moment. She has moved farther away, more towards Kagura and the dangling carrot now, but her head swivels often and her legs prance nervously even if she doesn't move in any direction.

“She bit me,” Shinpachi's saying and holds out his arm. “For the third time!”

Gintoki hisses in sympathy. “She got me once.”

“How're we going to get her?”

Kagura runs over and manages to tackle Zip, but a second later and her arms are empty. Zip doesn't run away, much to Hijikata's surprise, and instead sniffs around Kagura's body like she's looking for the carrot.

“We're tiring her out, at least,” Gintoki says. “Maybe she'll be more willing once she's hungry and exhausted.”

Shinpachi frowns skeptically. “Well, the plan was to chase her until she got too tired to fight back, but she only seems more angry to me.”

“Hunger can make you cranky.”

Hijikata moves away from the small crowd that's inevitably attracted to the commotion – never mind that they're blocking the street with this little show – and watches Kagura fend off Zip's advances. He doesn't know what to do with himself and it won't feel right if he just leaves. He has unfinished business with Gintoki, but he can't take care of any of that with the kids around and a savage donkey on the loose. He sucks back more snot and rattles his brain for a way to rein in an Amanto that can just teleport out of any restraints put on her.

“Oi!” Gintoki and Shinpachi stop talking and look over at him. “How'd Prince Ba – ah, Hata keep her as a pet before?”

“She can't do anything if she's kept in a box,” Shinpachi explains. “She has to see where she's going before she can go there. If she's in a closed box, she can't see where to go and so can't go anywhere.”

Gintoki adds, “We tried to get a blindfold on her, but she disappeared too quick every time and nearly stabbed us with that horn as she did.”

“Tosshi!” Kagura cries suddenly and Hijikata instinctively jumps aside, narrowly missing getting skewered by the aforementioned horn.

Zip gallops by him and all three Yorozuya are after her before Hijikata knows what's happening. He flings himself after them and watches as Zip tears down the street. She alternates between teleporting, leaping, and cantering like she's hearing a song none of them know. Her large ears and like beacons above her head and Hijikata clutches his sword tighter thinking she might turn on them any second.

“She got the carrot!” Kagura confesses. “I think she teleported it out of my pocket!”

“I doubt she can do that!” Gintoki replies and they all nearly fall as they make a sharp turn when Zip changes direction on them. “She's probably still mad at you for trying to ride her!”

“I didn't mean anything by it!”

“She obviously doesn't know that!”

“Shut up and focus!” Hijikata barks and his nose is so clogged up that he sounds nasally. “Bickering isn't going to help!”

“Who the hell invited you along?” Gintoki asks.

“No one! But it's my job to keep these people safe and I've seen that animal bite at least two citizens already!”

“Then call for her!” Gintoki suggests.

“Why?”

“She reacted when you said her name earlier! If you're gonna be here, then do something!”

Glaring, Hijikata takes a deep breath through his mouth since his nose is plugged and yells, “Zip!”

She comes to a skidding stop and whirls around to face them. They all stop as well and it's eerily quiet except for the sound of four people panting to get their breath back and hot air coming out of flared donkey nostrils. Her head is lowered and she paws the ground like she's getting ready to charge. The white of her tail flicks behind her and it does resemble a torch even in the sunlight.

“She _really_ doesn't like you,” Shinpachi whispers, his lips barely moving.

Gintoki nudges Hijikata with his elbow. “Call to her again.”

“Make it super loud and annoying,” Kagura says. “You're good at that.”

Clearing his throat, Hijikata pulls in as much air as he can and explodes in a drawn out, “ZIIIIIIIIIIP!”

Hijikata can feel a tickle at the back of his throat when he's done, but even as he fumbles for his handkerchief, he knows he won't be able to bring it out in time since one of his hands is occupied with his sword. Unable to stop the inevitable, he sneezes and the force of it sends an unholy mass of misshapen snot flying... right into the recently teleported Amanto's face.

He doesn't know who's more shocked – himself or Zip.

Probably Zip, he decides, because she rears back and tosses her head from side to side frantically. Her front legs slash out blindly at thin air as she brays loudly and then her whole body is covered by the entirety of the Yorozuya. Gintoki uses his yukata to cover her eyes while Kagura and Shinpachi put all their weight into keeping her on the ground. Hijikata yanks out his handkerchief and wipes up all the extra snot hanging off his face, but it's too late – the Yorozuya are _howling_. Kagura's laughing so hard she looks deranged, but Shinpachi, at least, has the courtesy to hide himself in his sleeve.

“B-blinded her wi-ith _boogers_ ,” Kagura chokes out.

Gintoki tightens his hold on the makeshift blindfold. “Why didn't we think of that?”

Hijikata's face is burning about as much as his shoulder is.

“You're welcome,” he manages in a clipped tone. “R-return her and quit bothering everyone for once!”

He has nothing more to say and quickly turns on his heel to get back to his patrol in what he hopes is a dignified manner.

-o-O-o-

It's a relief for Gintoki to be done for the day and he's so glad to be back that he can barely bring himself to grumble when Sadaharu bumps into him as he trots passed. The whole Amanto incident from two days ago still has him feeling a bit sore, but mainly in the places he either got bitten or kicked. His shoulder is another matter entirely and he's going to continue ignoring it.

He kicks off his boots and heads into the living room to relax. They were out all day today doing things with Katsura and some of those things involved squeezing into places too small for him and running over really uneven ground. He knows the sewers, he's familiar enough with them, but that doesn't mean he wants to spend time in them or anything.

With a happy sigh, he sinks into the chair at his desk and relaxes. He has to roll his shoulder a few times to get comfortable and it makes him think of things, but he pushes them away. He doesn't want to think right now, he's too tired to think, and on a belated note, his left ass cheek still hurts. Zip had only managed to bite him once, but _damn_ , she'd gotten him good!

“Gin-san,” Shinpachi says from the sofa, “there's a letter for you.”

“Hm? Who's it from?”

“Doesn't say, but it's addressed to you specifically.”

Shinpachi gets up to slide the letter onto the desk and Gintoki stares at it for a few minutes. He can hear Shinpachi going through the mail they'd missed while they were out and Kagura turns on the TV, so neither of them are paying him any attention. He gets letters sometimes, this _is_ his apartment, but this one gives him pause. Grabbing it, he flips it over in his hands and tries to recall the handwriting, but it's not coming to him.

He opens it up and the instant he does, he knows exactly who it's from.

**To Be Continued**

 


	17. We Keep Our Eyes Tightly Shut and Complain That There Are No Lights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you don't remember previous chapters very well, I suggest rereading because the plot is picking up and Gintoki and Hijikata can't go on like this much longer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @Silvia  
> @Aga  
> Let me love you forever, okay?  
> You're both so amazing and I'm so happy and lucky to know you OTL

**Art by:[Onegingek](http://onegingek.tumblr.com/) ((Kanapy))**

**[Tumblr post here](http://gintamajustaway.tumblr.com/post/145464074541/strings-chapter-16-art-by-onegingek)!**

“I saw scar guy again.”

Gintoki's brows scrunch in thought and he taps a dango stick against his chin. “Scar guy... the Ishvalan?”

“No, the one with the scar on his arm.”

“That guy had a scar on his arm, too.”

“I'm talking about the guy from this universe. Have you read the tags? This isn't a crossover.”

“Oh, right, _that_ guy with the scar on his arm. What about him?”

“I saw him again.”

Gintoki picks up a new stick and munches on a dango morsel, saying, “If he lives here, of course you'll see him.”

“The thug wasn't with him,” Sougo goes on, giving Gintoki's leg a firm warning nudge.

“What was he doing?”

“Staring at me.”

“You sure he wasn't staring over you? You're not exactly tall.”

“I'm sure,” he replies and Gintoki jumps when he gets pinched hard on the thigh.

Gintoki smacks his hand away and considers the information. He knows Sougo wouldn't be intimidated by something like that and he isn't telling Gintoki this because he's bothered by it, so that just leaves....

“What've you been up to?” Gintoki asks and he _dares_ Sougo to lie to him as he props his head on the palm of his hand.

“Just watching. I might have been putting in some overtime.”

“I don't think overtime counts when you're off the clock.”

Sougo's shoulders drop ever so slightly, but it's enough. “It doesn't.”

“How long have you been going rogue?”

“Ever since I last saw you.”

“You've obviously attracted some attention.”

“It seems so,” he says and eats a ball. “Which is why after tonight, you're going to take my place for a few days.”

“If I were to do that, where would I need to be?”

“One street east of Takamagahara.”

“Got it. Four days from now, be here.” Gintoki chews one of the sweets and rolls the given situation through his head. “How many times did you catch him watching?”

“Twice.”

“In different places?”

“Yeah.”

Gintoki nods to himself and they both eat through a stick of dango each in a contemplative silence. This is the first time Sougo has reached out to him in this way and Gintoki will be there for him. They have shared intel before, but not to this extent, and Gintoki wants to protect the chance Sougo is taking. There's probably something wrong with him since he isn't hesitating or thinking twice about what extra weight this might add to him, but things have been changing around here for awhile now. It feels right and that's all the incentive he needs, really. It just goes to show how much Sougo has grown on him and it helps, too, that he gets where Sougo's coming from by reaching for an outside source instead of someone within the Shinsengumi.

“What were you doing and where were you?”

“Once in the park when I was walking and again by the river where I was laying out. There was two days between each incidence, so I think he has been following me.”

“That'd make sense, but was he in plain sight?”

“He wasn't hiding on either occasion.”

“Bold move for a smug bastard.”

Gintoki subtly looks around and no one is paying them any mind. Part of him still thinks they should be talking in private about this, but they're speaking low enough and there's plenty of noise in the street that they can't be overheard. No one is lingering or acting strangely, so that puts him at ease for now. In the future though, they'll be talking about this in a secluded place, even if it means buying the dango and taking it somewhere else.

Sougo flicks his stick onto their growing pile. “Things are starting to get messy.”

“On your end and mine.”

“What've you been up to?” Sougo asks with a shifty look and Gintoki puts a finger to his mouth.

“Can't tell. I'm sworn to secrecy.”

That's actually mostly true, Katsura has recruited him and so Gintoki can't talk about the stuff they're doing. The only person he has clued in just a bit is Otose, but that's because she needs to know so she can keep herself safe and also so she knows what type of information to listen for. He might have mentioned something to Sougo just now about it, but seeing as Katsura is a wanted terrorist, that really limits what Gintoki can reveal.

“Captain!”

Sougo looks up and tilts his head. “What're you doing here? Where's your mentor?”

“Don't you remember? Harada's supposed to go to the stakeo –” Whoever this guy is doesn't see Sougo's leg move, but Gintoki does. He continues eating and watches in an amused hush as Sougo kicks the guy right in the stomach and sends him down on his ass. “Ouch! What was that for? I was just answering your question like I'm supposed to!”

“And where are we right now?”

The guy – he's a kid, really, can't be more than seventeen or eighteen – looks around and it's easy to tell when he understands what Sougo's getting at because all the confused lines on his face smooth out.

“Shit,” he snaps and his head falls back, “shit! I know better than that!”

“Obviously not,” Sougo says absently.

The guy stands up and frowns. “You didn't have to kick me.”

“Yes, I did. You'll remember to think twice before you speak next time. You can't go around saying sensitive information in public just because someone asks for it and if you do it again,” Sougo smiles sweetly, “you'll go down so hard you won't need to worry about messing up a third time.”

“Yes, sir!”

“Danna, this is Arata. He's one of the new recruits I've told you about.”

Gintoki uses his dango stick to give a little salute. “I can finally put a face to a name. How did you get trusted enough to train one?”

Sougo smirks. “Shortage of people. Half the force got sick and when there's no one else to help with training, then they go for the last resort. They still won't let me anywhere near Jun, but it's only a matter of time.”

Gintoki chuckles, but he only thinks that's partially true. Sougo may not have the most conventional methods and he also may not be the most consistent worker, but he knows what he's doing and he's good at it. That's something Gintoki has always taken to when it comes to Sougo. He's strong, he has natural talent, and he can give Kagura a run, not many people can keep up with her as far as humans go. Sougo has his flaws as well, but Gintoki can't bring himself to mind.

Distantly, Sougo reminds him of Takasugi and there are times when he wonders if that's part of why he'd taken such an instant liking to him. Well, that and the sadism trait, it's always nice to have someone around that can understand that part of him. Sougo has a good sense of humor, too, and that's not limited exclusively to being a sadist.

“What're we going to do today, Captain?”

“We've got a block of time setup in the dojo.” He looks to Gintoki. “Come with us.”

“You're not supposed to fight on a full stomach.”

“The only thing you're full of is excuses.”

Gintoki laughs and Arata asks, “Is he allowed to join us? He's not Shinsengumi, is he?”

“I'm inviting him, so he's allowed and –”

“Hell no to the second question,” Gintoki interjects. “The biggest hell no you can imagine.”

“But if you want to get better, this is the person to hang around,” Sougo says.

“By hang around, you must mean _bother_ ,” Gintoki replies. “Don't encourage him, I don't need more people getting in my way.”

“Either you pay for all this dango and get out of coming to the dojo or I buy and you come with us, your choice.”

“That's not really much of a choice, you know I lost my wallet.”

“It's settled, then.” Sougo pulls some yen out of his pocket and says, “I still don't believe you lost it. I bet you know exactly where it's at, but then tell people you lost it because you know it's empty.”

“Believe what you want, makes no difference to me.”

Arata raises a brow. “Captain, are you sure he's... capable?”

“Word of advice, kid,” Gintoki drawls, “ask questions like that when the person you're talking about can't hear you.”

“I'm sure,” Sougo answers. “We're paid now, let's go.”

Gintoki heaves himself onto his feet and he doesn't want to go to the barracks, but he can't say a spar doesn't sound good. It's not often he can really be bothered to do it and it's also not often that he has an opportunity like this one, so he's just going to go along with it and see where it takes him. Arata has a build much like Yamazaki's where he's of average height and thin, but he looks strong even though he's only in training.

There's only one incident along the way that involves Arata trying to talk up some women, but Sougo puts a very efficient end to that despite Gintoki's insistence to let the kid try to get some. It's nice being in this kind of company, it's what he thinks of as comfortable, like he has known Sougo for a lot longer than he actually has. This might be strange, but he finds himself sometimes feeling for Sougo as he does for Shinpachi and Kagura – he admonishes himself every time the feeling arises.

When they get to the barracks, Gintoki follows them to the empty dojo and he takes it all in. It's pretty big with plenty of space and Gintoki absently rolls his shoulder. It has been aching all day, but he's not bothered by it. He has had worse pains and he can only assume that the more frequent the pain, the higher chance there is of it breaking or disappearing. With that in mind, it's easier for him to ignore it and bear the inconvenience. He can relate the discomfiture most closely to a torn muscle and he knows from experience that he can keep that kind of pain from slowing him down.

“You'll want to take off your jacket,” Sougo tells Arata.

“You're not going to go first?”

“No, I want to see what he'll do to you.”

Arata looks back to Gintoki, this time with apprehension, and picks up one of the wooden practice swords. Gintoki grabs his bokken from his hip and lets it fit loosely against his left palm as he nonchalantly walks toward the center of the dojo. He inspects it more as he goes and compares it to the Shimura's dojo. There are some differences, but it really goes to show how much work has gone into the Shimura's since it looks close to as nice as this one. The floors are more polished here, though, and there are more signs of use, like nicks and scrapes in the woodwork. He also sees every available escape route, where extra weapons are kept, the thick beams used for support on the ceiling, and how high the lowest beam is from the floor.

Comfortable with all this, he tilts his hips in Arata's direction when he hears him coming and taps the point of his bokken softly against the floor. Arata takes a stance across from him and Gintoki stares at him, unimpressed. It's not even to throw Arata off or anything, he's honestly just unimpressed. Arata's stance is in good form, but he's collectively underwhelming and it looks like one strong breeze will blow him over. Yamazaki has more presence than this and would still even if he had a badminton racket in his hand instead of a sword.

“Rush him,” Sougo instructs and Arata does exactly as he's told.

He takes his sword and attacks Gintoki with no hesitation. He isn't intimidated by Gintoki's size and fearlessly tries to knock Gintoki off his feet with a well practiced maneuver. Gintoki blocks it, it's easy to do because while Arata attacks with heart, he doesn't apply much logic. He doesn't test Gintoki to see how his style is or wait for Gintoki to make the first move, he just goes all in with everything from the start just because of a simple order.

Arata falls after Gintoki side steps and hits him on the back, but he gets up right away and faces Gintoki once more. His eyes are bright, but this time, he pauses and seems unsure of himself. He has experience fighting, but from what Gintoki can tell, he doesn't have much experience against a live person. Or if he does, then he's used to certain members of the Shinsengumi, but his knowledge against others remains limited.

“Go easy on him, danna.”

Gintoki smiles lazily. “That's the only way I know how to go, I always take the easy way out.”

Sougo continues watching him and remains leaned against the wall – he doesn't believe a word of it. That's annoying, Gintoki doesn't like it when he can't fool certain people, even a fellow sadist that he shouldn't mind knowing him so well.

He lets Arata attack him a few more times and with each pass, he can see Arata's respect for him grow. Gintoki doesn't care about that, what matters is how Arata's demeanor changes and how he spends more time developing different ways to attack. Being able to adapt is a sign of a good fighter and based on this, Gintoki can say Arata has promise... but he's still going to get his ass handed to him. Sougo calls some things to Arata over the half hour that he and Gintoki face each other and never once does Arata lose focus or determination. He never gets frustrated, either, and almost seems to be enjoying himself even as Gintoki sends him down on his ass again.

“What's going on in here?”

Arata flies to his feet and straightens so fast he drops his sword as he salutes. “Practicing, Vice-Commander, sir!”

“At ease,” Hijikata replies and comes the rest of the way in to join them. “I don't remember the schedule saying anything about a Yorozuya being here.”

Gintoki shrugs. “I was bought and paid for.”

It's underhanded to say such a thing, but he _almost_ thinks it's worth it to see Hijikata's face twitch in what could be disgust. His shoulder gives a twinge, but Hijikata, like before, seems entirely unaffected by any kind of pain or discomfort. He'd been looking on the day they were chasing Zip and nothing about Hijikata had seemed in any way pained, with the exception of all the snot that had just oozed from him.

“How much did you cost?”

“Three plates of dango.”

Hijikata's face twists so much it looks like he's sucking on something sour and any words that are clearly building up never come to pass – likely because of the extra company. Gintoki almost wishes Hijikata would let it all out and tell him he's gross, cheap, a waste, and so on just to get it out of the way.

“I was just about to give Arata a rest from getting his ass kicked and give danna a reason to break a sweat,” Sougo says.

Gintoki snorts, snarking, “As if you could.”

Sougo steps forward with a smirk, but Hijikata holds out his hand. “Let me.”

“But –”

“I'll give you an extra day off tomorrow.”

“Al...right,” Sougo agrees slowly and his entire tone is mistrustful.

Gintoki can't blame him and while the idea of sparring Hijikata doesn't bother him, there's something about the situation that doesn't feel right. He also in no way wants Sougo to be suspicious of anything and Hijikata wanting to stay instead of reprimand Sougo for bringing Gintoki here... it doesn't seem like the right reaction. Gintoki doesn't think too much about it, though, he just switches his bokken to his right hand and waits.

“Captain,” Arata whispers, “why could he knock me down so fast every time?”

“I don't know where to start, you were so sloppy,” Sougo replies and Arata pesters him to give him a proper answer.

It's nice to see his eagerness to learn and Hijikata divests himself of his jacket and sword while they talk. Gintoki stands quietly and looks at nothing in particular, he even acts as though there's not a thing here that holds any interest for him. He keeps his expression very carefully blank and when his shoulder throbs, he glances at Hijikata, but he doesn't look like he has any shoulder problems at all. Arata and Sougo have started bickering – Arata insists there's nothing wrong with his form while Sougo very bluntly tells him that there most certainly is – when Hijikata approaches him with a practice sword in hand. He gets close, glances over to make sure Sougo and Arata aren't paying attention, then moves to stand with his back to them.

“If I win, we meet for dinner tonight.”

“And if I win?”

“We have drinks.”

“So there wouldn't be drinks with dinner?”

Hijikata appears to have an internal struggle not to rise to the bait. “You know what I mean.”

“Sounds like either way I have to meet you.”

“Yeah.”

“Don't I get a say in this?”

“Not this time, but you can complain all about it when we meet.”

“That sounds like a terrible idea.”

“You can complain about that, too.”

No.

No, no, no, no.

This isn't at all how Hijikata should be and he should absolutely not want to meet up with him for any reason. Outwardly, Gintoki only looks unimpressed and feigns a yawn, but that's the most he can bring himself to do. Why doesn't Hijikata _get it_? Gintoki doesn't want the string. Hijikata doesn't want the string. How can that be any clearer?

“Are you two going to spar or just stand there all day?” Sougo jeers.

Hijikata raises his weapon and Gintoki lightly taps their swords together with a soft wooden _clink_. The first few moves for both of them are generic, uncomplicated, and easy to block and keep up with. Neither of them are doing more than assessing the other and they barely move more than a couple steps in either direction for the duration. Arata asks Sougo some questions, but Gintoki isn't listening to hear what those queries are. He's watching Hijikata watch him back and Gintoki loathes the way he's being looked at like this.

Taking an extra step forward, he hits his bokken hard against Hijikata's weapon and forces him back a step. Hijikata meets him with an equally forceful hit and the sparring quickly goes beyond what _sparring_ is supposed to be. Hijikata's brows wrinkle lower and with each meeting of their weapons, he seems to get more and more pissed off. Gintoki's pushing, pushing, pushing – testing to see what's resting just beneath the surface. He pretends to be bored the whole time, like this is just a routine thing he does when he has nothing better to do, and he can tell that that gets on Hijikata's nerves.

Gintoki blocks the attack that comes toward his face and he pushes Hijikata off roughly. As they fight, Gintoki tries his best to work through what Hijikata's angle with this is. He doesn't understand what Hijikata _wants_ because surely it can't be something more with him. He considers that Hijikata wants to talk and work out options, like a good way to deal with each other and that's just no good. Anything they work out would just be artificial and done out of a moral imperative because of the string – Hijikata's only doing what he feels his duty is.

Hijikata lets out a single harsh cough the next time their swords meet and Gintoki jumps back in alarm, shouting, “No snotting in my face!”

“I don't have all that snot anymore!”

“You sound like you do!”

“I'm just a bit congested!”

Hijikata comes at him fast and Gintoki has to switch his bokken to his left hand and spin in order to block the assault. He drives his elbow into Hijikata's gut and gets the same treatment from the handle of Hijikata's sword. Gintoki lets this go on for several turns, but when Hijikata loses patience and tries harder, Gintoki's more than ready. He lets Hijikata rush him and he interrupts each and every attack that gets thrown his way. He remains detached and bored, he makes Hijikata feel like he isn't worth the effort, and he's hoping Hijikata will finally get it then.

Sparring can be fun when Gintoki's in the mood for it and he doesn't get the chance to do it as often as when he was younger. He'd originally been looking forward to crossing swords with Sougo and unwinding to something enjoyable. It's not the same with Hijikata and neither of them are enjoying this in the slightest. Their activity goes right by sparring, moves beyond fighting, and plunges headlong into venting. He can feel all of Hijikata's frustrations being poured into this and every rule of standard fighting has been chucked out the window. Arata won't learn anything from this, there are no lessons to be found here, it's just two guys that are stuck together with something they don't want and they're taking it out on each other. It's almost like being on the street again when they were fighting with fists, nothing has changed since then.

Soon, Hijikata has a cut on his lip from biting it after Gintoki had given him an uppercut to the jaw and Gintoki's nose has a trickle of blood coming out of his left nostril courtesy of an elbow. Gintoki has seen multiple openings where he could have ended this and sent Hijikata sprawling, but he hasn't used them and Hijikata knows it – Gintoki makes sure of it. He toys with Hijikata, prods at the weak spots instead of attacking them, and the thing is, Hijikata isn't a bad fighter at all... Gintoki's just doing his best to make Hijikata feel like he is.

It's a cruel thing to do, especially since the openings Gintoki's able to find are only obvious to him because of experience. Those openings only last a second and there are so few of them that Gintoki sometimes has to create his own with some well placed parries and jabs. Hijikata is a respectable fighter, but the fight they're locked in is ugly and gets taken way too far way too fast.

Having never seen them interact before, Arata must think they hate each other.

Another thing Gintoki can tell as they fight is that Hijikata would be talking if they were alone. Since they have an audience, they fight in silence with just a taunt here and there, and Hijikata's face is lined with all the words he can't say. It's in the force of Hijikata's attacks, it's in the way he moves, and it's definitely in his features. Gintoki does his best to be the opposite and pretend like he's only meeting Hijikata's exertion with the same amount because he's bored enough to find this charade entertaining. That's the best course of action that he can see for this and he sticks with it while having no intention to let the mask break.

On the next go, Gintoki slams his bokken against the back of Hijikata's sword and the pain that lances into his shoulder is so stark and sudden that his fingers go slack. His bokken clatters loudly to the floor as it falls from his hand, but his isn't the only one and the rhythm of their fight is effectively broken. Hijikata's sword is no longer in his hand, either, and he's actually on one knee with his left hand clutching his right shoulder. He's grabbing onto the exact same spot that's hurting Gintoki and his face is ashen, like he's in a lot of pain.

He's also staring at Gintoki's empty hand with wide eyes and Gintoki internally panics.

“I think that's a tie,” Gintoki rasps and quickly reaches for his bokken.

His fingers are still twitching from the throb coming down from his shoulder and he knows Hijikata is watching the whole thing. He's _seeing_ it and Gintoki can't hide it when it's unexpectedly right there at the surface without his permission. He wipes the blood from his nose with his sleeve to get his arm moving and make the tremors more difficult to notice.

“What just happened?” Sougo asks. Hijikata doesn't answer and he looks to Gintoki. “Danna?”

“Nothin', brat. That's just enough demonstration for one day,” he says and claps a hand on Sougo's shoulder as he passes, “I'll be seein' ya.”

Gintoki gets out of there and slips his bokken back into his belt on his way. It feels weird walking through the barracks by himself, he knows he's most likely supposed to have an escort, but he's not hanging around. Knowing that Hijikata's shoulder hurts just as much as his own... it makes sense, but... until that moment, he hadn't known for sure whether the pain was connected to the string. He'd assumed it was, but for him, it could have just as easily been coming from an old injury and Ena hadn't been able to confirm or deny his suspicions.

Seeing Hijikata clutch his shoulder like that, there's no doubt that the pain is related to the string and whatever Gintoki's feeling, Hijikata's feeling it, too. That's unsettling – him alone being the one going through it and both of them dealing with the same thing are two very different ideas in that one is okay and the other is not.

Unless... well, unless that means Hijikata doesn't want the string either and so it's breaking for him, too. In that case, they can both just endure the pain until it's all over and they're free.

-o-O-o-

Hijikata's surprisingly calm as he walks toward medical with a cigarette between the fingers of his left hand. He has left Sougo with Arata and he's rather proud of himself with how he'd sidestepped Sougo's looks and questions. It will be a disaster if Sougo figures out about the string, but Hijikata's confident he doesn't know enough to draw any definitive conclusions. Hijikata opens the door to medical and gets accosted by Yamazaki the second he steps inside.

“I hurried down as fast as I could, are you alright, Fukuchou?”

“Yeah, I just want another once over.”

“Another one? Is it because of your lip?”

Hijikata wipes his mouth with his handkerchief at the mention of it because he'd completely forgotten about it. His lips stings where he'd accidentally bitten it, but that pain is _nothing_ compared to his shoulder.

“No, it's just a little cut.”

“Is it because of the sickness going around, then?”

“Not exactly.”

Yamazaki pulls out a chair for Hijikata and goes for a kit, asking, “It's about your arm again, isn't it?”

“It is,” Hijikata replies and uses his portable ash pouch to snuff out his cigarette.

“I take it the pain is still there?”

“Don't ask those kinds of questions right now.”

Yamazaki frowns and sets the kit in front of Hijikata. “How am I supposed to know what I'm looking for if you don't tell me?”

“You're not looking for anything, you're just checking to see if there's something notably out of the ordinary.”

“That's very strange.”

“I've been sick, it's not strange at all.”

Yamazaki opens the kit and starts pulling things out to line them up on the table in the order they'll be used. Hijikata wants to smoke another cigarette and he has to think really hard about holding still, otherwise he'll start rolling his shoulder to try and loosen the pain. The same pain that hasn't left him since he sparred against Gintoki. It's not as sharp as before, not as enfeebling, but it's without question more prevalent than it has been all day. It was just an ache, something he's so used to that it was barely worth thinking about, then suddenly it hurts so much he can't move his arm or keep hold of his weapon.

Hijikata endures Yamazaki's examination and the only reason he's having someone else do it is because he's sure he'll miss something if he does it himself. He's so used to the ache in his shoulder that he might overlook a possible reason it's there due to his own familiarity with it. It's possible he'd ignore something important just because he's used to it and that's why Yamazaki's services are being employed. Hijikata knows that at this point it isn't necessary, but he wants just one more look before he'll officially confirm his own assumption.

Clearing his mind, Hijikata makes an effort to wind down from the sparring match and gets himself that cigarette he wants. He was flustered before, but he isn't now. Instead, there's a calm that has settled over him that truly has no business doing so considering the previous events. However, the calm allows him to smoke his cigarette and be patient as Yamazaki thoroughly checks him over with every rudimentary standard they have. He jostles his uniform when he needs to and takes his jacket off completely to make sure it doesn't get in the way – he doesn't know why he even bothered putting it back on. His handkerchief he keeps out so he can cough into it when he needs to, but that only happens three or four times before Yamazaki finishes.

“Other than that little sniffle and lingering congestion, you seem to be in good health.”

Hijikata nods and starts putting his uniform back on the rest of the way. Yamazaki's watching, he can feel it, but he lets him look and is careful not to do anything out of the ordinary as he disposes of his stub. He's quietly furious with himself for not relating the string to the pain, it seems so obvious now, and he's also angry at Gintoki for fleeing so quickly, but his feelings for that are somewhat unfounded since he doesn't know what Gintoki's thinking. That in itself is another reason Hijikata's irritability is coming back on the rise, but that can't be helped until he talks to Gintoki.

Which he has been trying to do – rather unsuccessfully.

Ever since that day with that _stupid_ Amanto pony, Hijikata has been trying to get to Kabukichou more in the hopes of catching Gintoki unawares. His luck has been varying and the only times he has ever seen Gintoki, he's always with his kids. Hijikata has no proof of this, but he suspects it's no accident Gintoki's always surrounded by people. He's using them as a shield, or so it seems, and Hijikata can definitely see Gintoki doing that on purpose.

At this point, Hijikata has thought about dropping in on the apartment to catch Gintoki off guard, but all the risks involved has stopped him every time. Kagura is a brat, but he won't be able to handle her well if he randomly stops by and there's such a high chance of her being the one to open the door. Shinpachi he feels he can deal with easily, he's a reasonable kid, but if it's both him and Kagura that are there, he can't see that ending well. It's mentally exhausting trying to think all this out, it should _not_ be this difficult to speak to someone like Gintoki one on one.

“Fukuchou....”

“Hm?”

“You're far away again.”

“You know how busy we are, I'm just distracted.”

“Yeah, we've certainly been stretched pretty thin. Where were you before this?”

“In the dojo.”

“Oh, I see,” Yamazaki replies and nods in understanding.

Hijikata knows exactly what he's thinking – he knows Sougo is scheduled to be there this afternoon and so Yamazaki's just assuming Sougo's the reason for the cut lip and rumpled clothes. Hijikata isn't about to correct him or say anything to make Yamazaki think otherwise.

“Anything new on Daiki today?”

“We now have pictures of him drinking a glass of water.”

Hijikata shakes his head. “ _Weeks_ of round the clock surveillance and he hasn't done anything or gone anywhere.”

“That we know of. There could be some underground passageway he's using or he could have a disguise.”

“Those are possible,” Hijikata grumbles drily and the sad part is that they _are_ possible. “Anyway, I'm getting back to my post and you should do the same.”

He leaves no room for Yamazaki to do anything except follow orders as he swiftly departs. His tongue flicks out to trace the line of the cut along his lower lip and his mind spirals out to allow the thoughts he had previously been keeping at bay to take over. The pain being string related changes _everything_ and he's floored he hadn't considered it seriously before now. Gintoki hadn't shown any signs of pain the last time Hijikata had seen him, but with the way he'd looked and how his bokken had flown from his stiff and trembling fingers, there's no mistaking that kind of reaction.

So, there's that revelation that has Hijikata's head spinning and then there's the fact that he miraculously managed to evade Sougo afterward. The fight had ended so abruptly and Gintoki, that bastard, he'd found a way to get out of everything and leave. A _tie,_ that's what he'd called it, and he thinks he gets to sidestep everything. Dinner or drinks had been fair! Hijikata had spent a long time trying to think of a good way to get Gintoki to at least take a moment and listen to him, but of course he'd found a way out of it.

Hijikata really doesn't know what the worst thing about all this is, but Gintoki's instant reaction to Hijikata grabbing his shoulder is for sure near the top of this long shit list that just keeps getting longer. Such a response tells Hijikata that he not only feels the pain as well, but he knows something about it that Hijikata doesn't. Or he could just be reading into this too much and the bastard knows absolutely nothing. He won't know for sure until he can talk to Gintoki and sort some things out, but that's apparently asking for way too much from the universe because he can't seem to make it happen in any capacity.

“I'm gonna give myself a headache,” Hijikata mutters.

A headache is without a doubt in his future because just thinking about that sparring match makes him cringe. He'd thought taking a different approach to Gintoki might help or at least make things easier for both of them to interact. Yet from the start of the session, Gintoki had just seemed so stultified and unable to be phased, Hijikata just wanted for that to break for once. Just _once_ , if he could get an idea of what Gintoki's thinking... that'd be such a big help.

So, now he gets to think about this stuff for the rest of the day and by the time he goes to bed, he'll probably have a whole armada of new regrets.

-o-O-o-

_Gintoki rolls them and Hijikata lets him._

_He puts no resistance against that, but he does kiss Gintoki harder and hold onto him tighter. This isn't any different than the other times they've had sex. Gintoki is impersonal, cold, jaded – he makes noise, but it doesn't feel like any of it is for anything other than basic pleasure. There's no connection between them whatsoever, to Gintoki, Hijikata is probably just another face... not that Gintoki's ever really looking at him. Every time Hijikata tries to get them to face each other and kiss, Gintoki's resisting and turning away or moving them._

_Rough is the word that Gintoki is in the darkness and Hijikata would resent it if he weren't already addicted to it. He hates that he has been craving this, that he does crave it, and so when Gintoki pushes his legs apart, Hijikata opens them and lets himself be positioned. An embarrassed flush fuses up his neck to his face because of it, but he puts his head down and endures._

_Lube._

_Prep._

_Condom._

_All part of the previously established routine, it's familiar and now makes Hijikata as uneasy as it gives him comfort. He wants comfort, but not the comfort of this kind of debasing pattern. He doesn't want to be like everyone else Gintoki has been with, he wants something_ different _._

-o-O-o-

Hijikata's eyes open and he sighs heavily before rubbing his face. He has been having dreams like this off and on for a long time and right when he thinks they're going away, they come back. They're not always the same, but the feeling of unease, dread, and bitterness when he wakes up never changes. Despite those negative feelings, he often, like this morning, has a hearty and enthusiastic erection waiting for him.

Rolling out of bed, Hijikata glares down at the tent in his yukata and decides to walk this one off. Sometimes he's so hard he has to take care of it, but this morning isn't one of those and he's _really_ not in the mood. The encounter with Gintoki two days before still has his stomach in knots and the ache in his shoulder remains an unvaried constant. He's a lot less concerned with it in terms of work now that he knows it has to do with the string, but on a personal level, he's even more unsettled by it.

He changes for the day and runs a couple quick errands within the barracks to get some things squared away. He's careful not to cross paths with Sougo, but that's a slippery slope because if he avoids Sougo too much, then the damn sadist will know something's definitely up. He saw Sougo the day before, but that had been in a meeting and he'd noticed Sougo staring at him more than usual, but beyond that there was nothing unusual about it. It's another thing for him to keep in mind and Hijikata's head is going to explode if this gets much more complicated.

The investigation on Daiki and all the sword fragments has slowed to a crawl. There haven't been anymore robberies and the tracking of the fragments and pieces is taking a lot of time and manpower. It's manpower they don't exactly have since they're still doing twenty-four hour stakeouts on Daiki's place. Progress is so slow in all directions and Hijikata's doing his best to deal with it. Kondo is pleased, so that counts for a lot. Usually, Hijikata isn't too bothered by taking things slow with an investigation, but since it's Daiki, that makes him anxious to bring the bastard in and get him off the streets for good.

The molasses paced progress with Gintoki is easily the most inauspicious thing right now.

With all things set at the barracks, Hijikata begins his morning detail. He hasn't been doing much of the stakeout work because it's important to maintain appearances that everything's normal. If he never shows his face in the street and doesn't do routine things like patrols, then the people they're after will know they're being investigated. Hijikata doesn't like leaving the stakeout in the hands of his subordinates since he likes to do the work himself, but he trusts them to do a good job with something they know is so important.

Hijikata enters Kabukichou and follows his now familiar path that will take him right by Gintoki's apartment. He can't believe he does this to himself almost everyday, sometimes more than once, but what's one more unsuccessful thing involving Gintoki? He's so used to walking through here and not being able to do anything that it probably just fuels his dreams at night even more. He can at least say he's getting more sleep than before and that helps out a lot with keeping everything together, including himself.

As he reaches Gintoki's apartment, though, this morning is already different than every single morning prior. He stops right in front of the building and stares back at the person watching him. He's tempted to glance upward or look around to make sure it's really _him_ that's being looked at, but he opts to remain perfectly still instead.

“You've been walking by here a lot.”

Hijikata taps out a cigarette and after a long moment, he decides to walk over to smoke with her. He should probably be more nervous than he is in the face of Otose, but his respect for her runs so deep that he can't brush her off simply because he honestly doesn't want to.

“My route has changed and it brings me here more often.”

“You have time to come in for a moment?”

“I – yeah. Are you sure?”

She spares him a flat and reluctantly amused look as she pushes through the flaps marking the doorway. “I don't ask such things unless I'm sure. Get in here.”

“Should I –” Hijikata waves his lit cigarette and she shakes her head.

“Does it look like I'm putting mine out?”

“Ah... no.”

“So don't worry about it.”

Despite this woman being decades older than Hijikata and looking so frail, she is easily one of the most intimidating people he has ever met. He follows her inside and he's so glad that no one else is around. The room he gets taken into is small and reminds him of a study, but what really dawns on him after he's invited to sit in an available seat is that he's in the place Gintoki lives. It's not the apartment, but it's still someplace Gintoki frequents and that Hijikata has been invited in like this feels like some kind of weird trap.

“This is for you.”

Hijikata takes the dark brown folder offered to him and curiously flips it open with his thumb. He reads through the top page and absently lowers his cigarette into the tray on the table without looking up. The idea he'd been entertaining that she might want to take him out for not being able to get along with Gintoki or something along those lines flies from his mind completely.

“How did....”

“Not long ago, there were some disturbances in the area that needed taken care of,” Otose explains and her voice is steady, calming. “Things were starting to get out of hand in the underground, so I sent my freeloader to do some damage control. He followed some of his own hunches while he was out and as you can see, there were some unexpected results.”

Hijikata lets that sink in and several things connect themselves for him.

“So... you're tellin' me that the Yorozuya is the one that flushed Daiki out from hiding?”

“Is that so surprising? He caused a lot of problems for them on my behalf.”

“I can see that,” Hijikata replies and turns over some papers to read more. “You sure you wanna be giving this to me? I can't see the natural perm being okay with it.”

“It's not his to give away and besides, he likes you, why wouldn't he be okay with it?”

Hijikata inhales so sharply that the spit in his mouth shoots to the back of his throat and mixes with the little remaining snot to choke him. He raises his arm and hacks into it, but there's no way to hide his embarrassment. He thumps his chest and wheezes, but it still takes him a long time to clear his throat.

“S-sorry,” Hijikata gasps as Otose sets a glass down in front of him.

He grabs for it and downs the water quickly to stifle the rest of coughing.

“Now I'm curious, why such a violent reaction? After what happened with the Mimawarigumi, I should think it would be obvious.”

Hijikata holds the glass in his hand on the table and swallows several times to make sure he'll be able to speak. For the first time in weeks, it feels like the universe might be finally giving him a chance and he _can't_ fuck this opportunity up.

“He's...” he swallows and chooses his words carefully, “not easy to read.”

“No, he's not.” Otose taps some ash from her pipe and leans back watching him. “Don't take it personally, he pushed the kids away, too.”

Hijikata goes still and the back of his neck prickles. The sudden feeling that they shouldn't be talking with such familiarity like this hits him and he should probably thank Otose and leave, but he doesn't move. He can't – won't.

“He did?” Hijikata asks tentatively.

“I was surprised they stuck around after he did his best to encourage them to leave, but they stayed.”

There's an opening here and Hijikata shifts uncomfortably as he makes his decision before the chance passes by.

“I wanna ask you something.” She looks at him expectantly and he takes a deep breath. “How did he e-end up here?” He thinks for a second and his brows scrunch slightly as he adds, “Where did he come from?”

“Are you asking for work or personal reasons?”

“It's not for work.”

Because he can't bring himself to say personal even though that's exactly what it is. The look Otose gives him is one of shrewd consideration and he knows instantly that she's either going to tell him or kick him out with nothing in between. He sits up straighter and clutches the folder he's still holding tighter, both of which are reactions out of his immediate control. Otose takes a drag and Hijikata forces himself to keep his eyes on her face instead of breaking off to watch the smoke float upward.

“I found him in a graveyard.”

It takes Hijikata a long few seconds to process that and formulate a response.

“What was he doing there?”

Hijikata sets the folder down and reaches for a cigarette that he's suddenly aching for to take the edge off. He makes sure to keep the folder open, though, because he feels like if he closes it, then he no longer has a reason for being here. He lights up his cigarette and crosses one leg over the other to ensure that neither of them will start bouncing.

This whole conversation is making his palms sweat.

Before, all he'd considered is that Gintoki was part of the war and that that makes him a rebel by extension. He hasn't ever thought about what happened to Gintoki after the war to bring him here or – _fuck_ – where he'd been before the war. He knows collectively _not much_ about Gintoki and that feels so _wrong_ when there's a red string connecting them. If the string weren't a thing, Hijikata knows he'd still respect Gintoki, but he doesn't think he'd be sitting here having this conversation if the string hadn't happened.

Suddenly, he's bizarrely grateful for the inconvenient thing and his pinky twitches.

“I'm not sure,” Otose responds and her eyes shift upward in thought. “It was snowing that day and he wasn't dressed for the weather. I remember,” her lips curve upward in a sad smile, “he was so cold he didn't start shaking until about an hour after I brought him here. No one wanted to go out on a day like that, so why he chose to sit in a graveyard is anyone's guess.”

That's so poignant that Hijikata can't reply right away. He lets that sink in and licks his dry lips as he smokes to give himself time to think.

“Where was he before you found him?”

“He never said and I never asked.”

It doesn't take long for Hijikata to put two and two together and he asks, “He was pretty beat up when you found him, wasn't he?”

“That's one way of saying it.”

There are no good alternative words for tortured and Hijikata doesn't need to ask to make sure Otose knows what he means – she knows perfectly well, he can tell.

“Why're you telling me all this?”

“You asked.”

Hijikata smashes the stub of his cigarette into the tray. “You wouldn't tell anyone that just up and asked.”

“No, I wouldn't.” Otose reaches down somewhere beneath her and brings up another glass in one hand and a dark bottle in the other. She pours a shot of amber liquid into each glass, then puts the bottle out of sight again. “Do you know how often he chooses to mention his past?”

“No.”

Otose takes a sip from her glass. “He doesn't, really. I've been told there are things he has related to because of a situation he's in, but to voluntarily supply information about himself? He doesn't do that.”

“I gotta tell ya, this isn't at all what I thought would happen when you invited me in here,” Hijikata says with a huff and takes a swig of the drink.

He doesn't expect it to be as strong as it is and it goes right to his head, faster even than tequila. It's kind of no wonder Otose keeps it hidden, it must be expensive as hell and Gintoki would likely guzzle it if he ever got his hands on it.

“What were you expecting?”

“Not this,” Hijikata replies and touches the folder, “and definitely not Yorozuya talk.”

“You're the one asking questions about him. Why are you?”

This question brings Hijikata up short and he takes a small sip to gather his thoughts. He briefly considers if Gintoki has told Otose about the string, but that idea gets dismissed quickly. He then wonders if Otose has figured something out on her own and that one he's really not so sure about. She's smart, but she has also been straightforward with him so far and if she knows about the string, his gut is telling him she'd have already said so. He's tempted to mention the string himself just to get it over with, to share this secret with someone else and not just a regular _someone_ , but a person that cares about Gintoki and can help him figure the bastard out.

“Because... he and I fought.” He cringes, that sounds so _bad_ and it isn't nearly enough to explain all that has happened. “No, it's not that. It's worse, it's... it's weird and it's not how it used to be. I just,” he pauses, thinking, “I don't know how to deal with him without him pushin' me away even more.”

He can't believe he actually said that and he leers at the glass in his hand.

“Has he ever told you to leave?”

“Not in those exact words.”

“Then I'd say that until he tells you something clearly, you can approach him any way you'd want.”

“It sounds easy when you put it like that,” Hijikata mutters and finishes off his drink.

“It is easy.”

Hijikata can't stop the disbelieving look from stealing over his face. “How do you figure?”

“You can't let him discourage you. He tried that with me, he did it with the kids, he'll do that with you and anyone else.” Otose sighs and brings the bottle back out to give them both a little more. “It's what people do when they think the way he does and don't know any better.”

Everything stops and Hijikata focuses on that one admission.

He doesn't know any better.

Hijikata sits back and lets that sink in even though it pretty much just slapped him in the face. Put like that, Gintoki's behavior makes a lot more sense, but that still leaves various things open to question. Like why he decided to give Hijikata a blowjob so randomly in a dirty alley when they were both drunk to the point of being pretty fucked up – _first sample is free_. Why give a first sample like that, why behave like that at all if his goal is to push Hijikata away? It still doesn't make complete sense, but thinking in terms of Gintoki acting out because he doesn't know better... that's a new perspective.

“You're tellin' me a lot of stuff... what is it you think I want from him?”

“I don't know, but whatever it is, it's between you and him. If I thought you were trying to hurt him, we wouldn't be having this conversation.”

“And you're basing all this on what? The situation with the Mimawarigumi?”

“That's part of it.” Ash gets tapped into the tray and she continues, “When you've had someone around for as long as I've had him, you start to get a second sense. You know when something isn't right and you can tell when that person is happy and when they aren't.”

Hijikata thinks of Kondo and he gets it, but Gintoki is far more complex than Kondo and a thousand times more difficult to read. If Kondo's upset about something, he typically just says so up front or holds it in until he's prompted, then lets it all out.

“Guess I'm still, mm... learning with him,” Hijikata says. “Learning badly. The last time I tried to talk to him... I don't think a single thing went right.”

“I heard about what happened with Zip.”

“God, I hated that thing.” But Gintoki had saved Hijikata from possibly getting his balls popped by a hoof, so maybe that meant something. Or maybe not. “Wait a second, is there anything you _don't_ hear about?”

“No, and you should remember that.”

Hijikata huffs under his breath and she clinks her glass against his before they both drink. This whole talk has his nerves strained and his head reeling – of course, that could also be this high end liquor – but as uncomfortable as it is to talk like this, he almost feels like he has an ally. It's clear she doesn't know about the string and that's relieving. He can't believe himself, but since he knows the type of person he is, he can tell he's protective of it even if it seems like a dead end at the moment. He doesn't want anyone to know until he's ready and he hopes Gintoki feels the same.

“I actually saw him a couple days ago.”

“I take it that didn't go well, either?”

“Not at all, no. He was at the barracks in the dojo sparring with a couple subordinates and I thought I might get somewhere if I sparred with him, too.”

The amused winkles that appear on her face show up as she smiles and reaches down again, asking meaningfully, “Would you like the bottle?”

“M'good, thanks. Just gettin' all the bad ideas out of the way first, that's all.”

“I don't think sparring is a bad idea.”

“If circumstances were different, it might've been more beneficial.” Hijikata shakes his head at himself and empties his glass for the second time. He turns his attention to the folder and shit, that drink is strong because he has to squint at the words to get them to focus for him. “Is there somethin' you want from me for this?”

“We want the same thing for Edo and nothing good will come from having the man you're after on the loose.”

“And if I find anythin' out, what then?”

“Then you should talk to my freeloading pain in the ass.”

“Why him and not you?”

“Because it was his idea to give this to you,” she says and motions to the folder. “It was more of a suggestion after he heard some things on an outing and he didn't name you, but I could tell what he meant. I can't tell you what he has been up to, but I can warn you that your investigation has attracted attention from the wrong kind of people. There's only whispers right now and I don't need to tell you how quickly those whispers can turn into something else.”

“I understand.” Somewhat sobered by the turn in the conversation, Hijikata gathers up the folder and tucks it safely into his vest to pour over later. “I should get back to work. If, ah, I don't know how to say this right, but if there's anything I can do for you, let me know.”

Otose smiles enigmatically. “I'll keep that in mind, have a nice day, officer.”

Hijikata darts back out onto the street and finally, if just for a moment, he feels lighter.

-o-O-o-

“Tama!” Otose lifts her head as Gintoki comes into the shop and she wants to frown, but doesn't. Gintoki looks around and asks, “Where's Tama?”

“I haven't seen her for a few hours.” She narrows her eyes at him. “Why?”

“I need her flamethrower,” Gintoki replies and keeps searching for something nondescript. “It's a long story.”

“You'll have to tell me later.”

Gintoki throws her a grin and it doesn't reach his eyes, he has had the same look for weeks now with no change.

“It'll cost you some booze. Like I said, it's a long story, it'll take at least... three glasses to tell you the whole thing.”

“We'll see about that.”

“Gin-san, hurry up!” Shinpachi yells from outside.

Kagura's voice quickly follows as she calls, “I've got that broken oven from the scrap yard!”

“I thought we were starting with the rice cooker!”

Gintoki's distracted and he rolls his shoulder, which is something he has been doing with more and more frequency. Whatever pain he has been in, he hasn't said a word about it and it's apparently not going away. The request for liquor has a different meaning in this context and the worry Otose already feels gets even stronger.

“The oven is bigger!”

Gintoki goes back outside and Otose hears, “The oven won't fit!”

“We'll make it fit! Leader will know what to do!”

“You give him _way_ too much credit!”

Their bickering fades as they walk away and in lieu of standing around worrying, Otose begins preparing the shop for customers.

**To Be Continued**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO! I just want to take a moment and due to a really rude and demanding anon, I'd like to remind everyone that this is a GinHijiGin fic, so both Gintoki and Hijikata will take turns topping and bottoming. If you have a preference, that's totally fine! But please do not try to force your preference on me and spam me in the hopes of getting what you want. Both of them will top and bottom. If that isn't for you, that's okay! Just be aware of what type of fic this is. Thank you!


	18. Once a Thorny, Always a Thorny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stringy things lead to the truth 

 

**(([My tumblr](http://gintamajustaway.tumblr.com/)//[My twitter](https://twitter.com/Aero_Sin19)))**

“The oven wasn’t the worst idea,” Gintoki grudgingly admits.

Kagura beams at him. “Better than the rice cooker!”

“Why would you choose a rice cooker over the oven?” Katsura asks.

Shinpachi laughs, saying, “He just didn’t want to carry the oven here.”

“Whose side are you on?” Gintoki looks to Shinpachi and Kagura in turn and clutches his chest. “You were going to be the ones hauling it around, I was looking out for _you_! Because I _care_!”

“If you cared, then you’d pay us,” Kagura deadpans.

“I pay you in laughter! And adventure! Memories are priceless!”

Kagura sighs and looks to Katsura. “Do you see what we have to deal with? Memories don’t get me sukonbu, Leader.”

“You have it so hard, I’m sorry.”

“We get by somehow,” Kagura replies and sniffles.

“Gimme a break!” Gintoki snaps. “Fake crying? Really?”

“Who’s faking?” Kagura asks and procures a large tissue to blow her nose in. Katsura pats her back and dabs at his eye like he’s tearing up, too. “My struggle is real, Gin-chan.”

“ _Your_ struggle? What about _mine_? I haven’t had a parfait in _days_!”

Shinpachi gives Kagura another tissue for her theatrical tears and points to the oven. “Can we get back on track now? I think we should roast this batch now.”

Katsura goes over and turns the oven on, then cranks the heat up as high as it will go. The four of them form a semi-circle around it and they watch the brown slugs writhe and burn. It’s pretty sadistic, but after a lot of testing, they’ve found that the slugs aren’t actually _slugs_. They have no eyes, ears, or mouths, and they don’t feel anything. They call the things slugs because they have no other name for them and slugs is just the easiest thing to say.

Gintoki recognizes them, he remembers them and what they are. The kids remember them, too, and Katsura knows their capabilities as well. They’re all on the same page with it and Katsura has informed his crew of the necessary details. These slugs… no one can touch them with their bare hands. So far, they’ve been using tongs to move them around and since they know that heat will destroy them, they’ve been using the oven to roast the bastards. Just seeing them makes Gintoki’s stomach churn and he knows it makes the kids uneasy. They have a rule that only Gintoki and Katsura will be using the tongs for now and neither Kagura nor Shinpachi have contested that.

Every time they go into the sewers, they find more slugs and they’re doing their best to figure out where they’re coming from, but they can’t track down the source. From what they can tell, there’s only one hotspot for them and they aren’t spawning anywhere else. However, they don’t know enough to be for sure, which means there are innocent people at risk and they have no way to thoroughly contain anything. They can find and roast as many slugs as they want, but if they just keep coming and start showing up in new place, there won’t be any way to get the situation under control, it’ll be too big for them.

Gintoki has discussed the whole thing over with Katsura at length — with the kids present, of course — and they’ve come up with the best plan of action they can think of. It’s a lot of work and Katsura’s band has taken up the majority of it since there’s a lot going on above ground for the Yorozuya, but they’ve got a good communication system going to make sure Katsura doesn’t get overwhelmed. The Yorozuya will check different sections of Edo everyday and they have everything broken up into segments so that no part gets overlooked. Gintoki isn’t the one that set any of that up, that’s all Katsura and Shinpachi's doing. Kagura had helped, too, but most of her help had been mimicking everything Katsura had done.

“Should we go try to find more?” Kagura asks.

“There are people out looking right now and we haven’t found any since this morning,” Katsura replies. “We’ve been fortunate that no one has touched any.”

“Hopefully it’ll stay that way,” Shinpachi says.

Gintoki doesn’t take his eyes off the now motionless and deteriorating slugs as they finish cooking. They burn nicely and only leave faint charr marks behind once they’re done. Gintoki still isn’t entirely sure what they’re made of and he doesn’t want to know, he just wants to obliterate as many of them as he needs to until they’re completely gone. It bothers him that citizens can potentially touch one and have to deal with the consequences, he doesn’t want that to happen to anyone. He keeps watching them cook even as his palms get clammy because he likes seeing them burn to nothing, it’s very reassuring and he’d openly flip them all off if he were by himself. Hell, one of these times he might just do it anyway.

“We need to get going soon,” Gintoki says. “It’s getting late and we have a job to do tonight.”

“What kind of job?”

“Nothing fun, it'll probably be really boring.”

Kagura and Shinpachi smile and Kagura cracks her knuckles as if gearing for a fight. Gintoki's glad they're so happy to be involved, but he's not kidding, he really doesn't think there will be any action. They'll just be doing some tailing and scoping, nothing special. Based on what Sougo has told him, Gintoki doesn't expect anyone to openly be making any moves because that would draw too much attention to them. Gintoki definitely has the feeling that something is going on and he's glad Sougo has brought this to him since he wants to be involved. He has an inkling as to what's happening, but he can't be certain with just hunches and gut feelings.

Overall, he doesn't feel _good_ about any of it and hasn't for quite awhile. He's glad Sougo has handed it off to him for awhile and if he's honest, it makes him nervous that Sougo is getting so involved by himself. He knows Sougo can look after himself, but if something happened to him, Gintoki won't handle it well since he's currently the only one that's aware of what's going on. It's a sticky situation... reminds him of Sarutobi's nato. He's not going to focus on that right now, though, he wants to get as much accomplished as he can so he can alleviate some of the burden off Sougo.

“If you need any backup, let me know.”

Gintoki snorts. “Should I blow something up to summon you?”

“That or set off some flares.”

“Would shuffling a deck of UNO cards work?”

“Try it sometime and find out.”

“I'd be both impressed and terrified if I did that and you appeared,” Gintoki says and laughs.

Katsura's smiling as he replies, “It never has taken much to scare you.”

“They're done burning,” Shinpachi says.

They look over to the oven and the only thing left of the slugs are some faint ashen lines on the bottom of the container inside. It'd taken them awhile to find a clear container that can withstand so much heat and have high enough sides to keep the slugs from crawling over them. Gintoki still isn't sure where Katsura had dug it out of, but whatever the case, it works and that's the point.

“If you need to go, I can handle cleanup,” Katsura says.

Gintoki rolls his eyes. “There's no cleanup.”

“You never do it, so of course there isn't any to _you_.”

“Children, stop fighting,” Kagura chastises. “Mother doesn't like it when you fight.”

“Come on, Gin-san, we need to get something to eat before we go out,” says Shinpachi.

They bid their goodbyes to Katsura and before the sun is fully down, they're fed and on the hunt.

-o-O-o-

“Hijikata-san! I've lost my recruit!”

Hijikata whips his head to look at Oka, snapping, “You did _what_?”

Oka skids to a stop, does a partial salute, and turns an interesting shade of white. “I – I – he was here! He was with me, then I turned around and he was gone!”

This is just one of the many things that has gone wrong today and Hijikata is close to ordering a mass seppuku. He issues a quick dismissal to Oka to get rid of him and he pinches the bridge of his nose to forestall the headache blooming there. The Shinsengumi are doing so much all at once that they're kind of a mess right now. Hijikata has everything organized start to finish, but when unexpected things arise, it sets them back, which additionally squeezes the schedule. Even with Sougo actually doing his job for a change, things still aren't going to plan.

However, Hijikata has been finding the time to pour over the information Otose gave him and it's some of the most useful intel he has ever gotten from an outside source. It's thorough, well organized, and all the information is relevant. There's slips of paper with Gintoki's larger handwriting on it and it's legible, just messy. Honestly, it's better than what some of his own subordinates give him and he's simultaneously annoyed and grateful for that. Grateful because he's always grateful when he can read what's written and the annoyance, that's just irrational because he thinks the Shinsengumi should be better at writing reports than they currently are.

He has the folder out whenever he's sitting down and he takes it with him whenever he has to leave. He doesn't want anyone else getting into it just yet and the only person he has shown it to is Kondo. They'd spent hours on it and a lot of the information has been copied, but Hijikata treats the original like a relic. How Otose and Gintoki have gotten so much information on Daiki, Hijikata has no clue. Not only is there a large quantity of useful information, but it spans over the course of several years, which gives Hijikata a solid timeline to go off of.

It's very apparent that Gintoki knows more about Daiki than Hijikata does. There's no way to prove that the people Gintoki got ahold of really said all the things written down, but Hijikata's very inclined to believe it because it makes so much sense. Hijikata can compare everything in folder to his own notes and it's amazing to him that some events actually match up, but Hijikata can't recall Gintoki ever being involved. It's like getting a movie from two different points of view and it helps broaden Hijikata's understanding of it.

Hijikata has also been thinking of ways that he might be able to approach Gintoki about this. He still hasn't been able to wrap his mind around Otose giving him the folder because _Gintoki_ had suggested it. That alone brings up so many questions, but he knows he can't ask those. He does, however, have questions pertaining to the content of the folder and though he doesn't question the validity of it, he does want to know more specific details about some of the things he's reading just to help fill in a few gaps. None of this information can be used in an arrest since a majority of it is hearsay, but it can easily help Hijikata get what he needs to nail Daiki to the wall.

He wants to talk about the string issue as well, but he highly doubts Gintoki will be open to that. So, easing in with something they can both discuss – the folder – without getting too close to a topic that might result in a fight seems like a good way to go. Then again, Gintoki might be so prickly that he won't talk to Hijikata in any capacity. Yet... even thinking that, he also believes that if he went to Gintoki needing to speak with him about the safety of others, he'd listen regardless of whatever fucked up thing is between them.

That headache threatens him again and he lights a cigarette to give the nicotine a chance to ease the ache away. There's an ache in his shoulder, too, but he ignores that completely and focuses solely on what's in front of him. Now that he knows the pain is related to the string, he's not so concerned with his health. Maybe he should be, but he can't bring himself to be. His cold is gone, there's hardly a sniffle left, and it just seems like a better use of his time to work and figure things out instead of worrying about something he can't do anything about yet.

Or maybe he's just putting it all off because he still very much doesn't know what to do.

Sighing, he pulls out some paper and puts together something he does every time he gets frustrated with this stuff. He doesn't know if it's working, but at the very least, he can say he's doing _something._

-o-O-o-

Gintoki slips down an alley and he knows Shinpachi and Kagura are nearby. Initially, he hadn't wanted to bring them on this excursion, but it'd be more trouble for him if he left them out. He hadn't taken them with him when he'd done Otose's list and he still feels bad for keeping them in the dark about his sneaking around even though it's obvious they've already forgiven him and forgotten about it. The whole situation is different this time, so he has two shadows as they tail Sougo's mark, who they now know is named Michi, to see what he's up to. Just to leave the Shinsengumi out of it, he hadn't told the kids about Sougo, all he'd said was that a friend had asked a favor.

So far, there hasn't been much activity and he knows he has gone unnoticed. Gintoki is hanging further back and the kids are closer since it'll be a lot less alarming to Michi if he sees a kid over a grown man – less threatening that way. There's no way for him to know that either kid can kick his ass and like most others, he'll have to learn that the hard way.

This is their last night doing this before Gintoki meets up with Sougo and unfortunately, he doesn't have much to report. One of the nights they hadn't even been able to find Michi and on the other nights, they followed him from place to place, but never saw anything suspicious. Gintoki has all the names of the places Michi went and he hopes that'll help, but there's nothing illegal about stopping for a drink or going to an onsen. Granted, being so active in the middle of the night is weird, but Gintoki hasn't seen any kind of exchange in goods or shady behaviors. What he's most concerned with is the guy just being a decoy, but Gintoki has been extra careful and knows no one has been tailing or watching himself or the kids.

All of this is really confusing and Gintoki can't put it together. So, what he can gather is that Sougo being seen has put Michi on edge and now he's being extra careful. It pisses Gintoki off since he'd rather have something more substantial to go back to Sougo with, but he can only say that Michi is an excellent lead. Well, he has more to say than that, but it still feels like what he's bringing to the table is meager at best.

A couple hours later, Gintoki signals to the kids and after a few streets, they converge in the shadows.

“I think we'll be cutting tonight short,” Gintoki says and gets mixed reactions.

Shinpachi, ever the practical thinker, nods decisively in agreement, but Kagura is clearly going to protest.

“I doubt anything will change tonight, he's being too cautious,” Shinpachi remarks.

“That's what I'm thinking.”

Kagura shakes her head. “We should still go after him! One of us could do something that'll force him to react!”

“Drawing attention to ourselves is the opposite of what we want to do,” Shinpachi reasons. “If Michi sees our faces, he'll know us if we ever get involved with him. By the looks of it, we'll be after him again soon.”

“That's exactly it,” Gintoki says. “If he were openly doing something, then we'd be intervening, but we have no reason to show ourselves to him yet. We should keep the element of surprise for as long as we can for this one.”

“I guess,” Kagura mumbles dejectedly.

“You'll get to kick some ass soon.”

She pouts a bit more as they head out, but in less than a block she's back to normal and completely over it. Gintoki thinks she's just extra cranky because she's tired and hasn't eaten since they set out roughly five hours ago at sundown. It can be disappointing to do so much legwork without proper compensation like money or food. They drop Shinpachi off at home, then he and Kagura make their way to the apartment. Gintoki thinks he's going to have to scoop her up and carry her for how much she starts yawning, but she hangs in there until they get back.

Except, there's someone sitting on the stairs when they arrive.

“Madao? What're you doing here at this hour?”

“Don't ask quesitons,” Hasegawa says as he jumps to his feet, “just look!”

Gintoki gets a handful of coupons shoved into his face and his jaw drops.

His head whips to Kagura and she snorts loudly just before she yawns again. “Get lost, mother needs to sleep.”

He waits until she's safely inside and then he takes off with Hasegawa to play some Pachinko.

-o-O-o-

Hasegawa is passed out on his cardboard and even when Gintoki pokes him, he barely makes a sound. They've been out for hours and exhausted all their coupons and winnings. He doesn't know how they managed to make it to one of Hasegawa's cardboard setups and he's barely aware of where they are. This kind of drunk is dangerous for Gintoki – he hasn't had enough to black out, but he's also too drunk to really go anywhere. It's like taking a shower without using any soap... you're rinsed off, but you're not really _clean_. He's going to analyze that when he's sober, if he remembers, because he's sure that makes some kind of sense.

His mind wanders as he studies his boots and there's nothing he can do to stop it. It's not a bad night, he hasn't had a really bad one in awhile, but now that he's drifting and he can feel himself starting to get worse. He has no money to buy more drinks and he's too far away from the apartment to make it there on his own, so that leaves him stuck in a place he doesn't want to be.

Gintoki is sure this isn't the best decision, but he gets to his feet unsteadily and starts walking. There's two of everything and lights split into three or more, but it doesn't matter, he has to move, he can't just sit and think. This hurts his eyes, which hurts his head, and that's a pain in the ass, but he doesn't stop, this is his last ditch effort. There's a wave of nausea, but it passes once he stops and holds his head for a few seconds. At least, he thinks it takes a few seconds, it could be as much as five minutes, maybe more. When he opens his eyes again, he sees a Shinsengumi uniform up ahead and he has to look – he has to see....

Stumbling, he hits some corner – maybe a shop? – and he knows even before he gets a clearer view that it's not Hijikata. The guy isn't tall enough, he doesn't stand right, and upon getting closer, Gintoki can see that all three bodies swimming in his vision are wrong, wrong, wrong. He ducks to the side quickly to ensure he won't be seen and he's not sure where he's at, but he can feel something vaguely sticky against his arm, which is pressed up against what he hopes is a wall. It's certainly solid and feels like a wall, so the odds seem to be in his favor.

He can't fool himself when he's like this, he can't hide, and he scoffs at himself for his behavior. Getting so worked up just seeing a Shinsengumi uniform, that's not right, that shouldn't be his response. He doesn't want to see Hijikata, he has repeated that so many times to himself, but it just won't sink in.

Unable to stay standing, Gintoki slides down the wall – because it does turn out to be a wall, thank god – and sits on the ground. People can see him, he knows this because he can somewhat see their blurred figures, but everyone keeps walking. He's just another drunk in the wee hours, there's no reason to stop, to them he probably looks fine, just smashed. Except, in all reality, he's suffering because he's now thinking about Hijikata and... this won't end well.

It won't end well because Gintoki has a secret.

He has many secrets, actually, but this one is so secret that he even tries to hide it from himself.

It's all thanks to that damn rooftop. That's where it'd all started for him, right when he'd told Hijikata he's the Shiroyasha. Gintoki remembers telling Hijikata that like it happened only yesterday. The night had been warm and all the fighting at the time had added to the whole image. Hijikata, already so battered and beaten with blood on his face and clothes, had never looked better. There had been such a fire in him that night and he's still that way, it's still there, Gintoki can see it. Sweaty and bleeding, Hijikata – passionate and fearless – had faced Gintoki and it had been like really _seeing_ him for the first time. Or rather like something that had been growing in his periphery finally came into focus and it was all Gintoki could look at.

It was on that roof that Gintoki's feelings for Hijikata had irreversibly changed.

His feelings for Hijikata were never something he'd ever planned on acting on. He has successfully buried them for a long time and it's easy to do when he knows nothing will come of it. He could have avoided ever having to really deal with his budding feelings, but instead, fate decides to fling him a curveball and give him a string. At first he'd thought he could play off of Hijikata's blatant dislike of him, but... but _god_ , he still can't believe he'd fucked up so quickly and kissed the bastard. He can argue he'd done it just to piss Hijikata off and that _is_ true, that _had_ been his intention... sort of. He'd also had an excuse to actually kiss Hijikata and he'd taken the chance because he's a fucking moron with impulse issues.

 _Three hundred is too much even for half off_.

Gintoki recalls the words so well and now, drunk and somewhat delirious, he laughs at them. He honest to fuck hadn't expected to see Hijikata for at least a month after that, but then hardly any time passes at all before he'd spotted Hijikata drunk and alone. Gintoki had been drinking that night, too, and he'd just – he'd fucked up is what he'd done.

Gintoki isn't a strong man, so even though he'd told himself over and over not to do anything, he'd still broken down. Finding Hijikata drunk and mostly defenseless had made Gintoki react. Gintoki hadn't been able to help himself, he'd wanted a taste so bad and his window of opportunity had been so small, it was either act right then or miss it. So, he'd acted and he hates himself for it, but... the memory of it... he can't bring himself to regret doing it. He'd thought for sure Hijikata wouldn't remember it, he'd been banking on that when he'd done it, but of course that's not what happened since Hijikata has brought it up.

Then, instead of being discouraged, Hijikata had shown up again wanting a fuck – an actual _fuck_ – and Gintoki, in all his stupidity, had agreed. Now he has the memory of what Hijikata feels like, what he sounds like, it's all trapped there inside his head. It'd been easy before to deny his feelings and bury them, but with all this new information, he can't escape from any of it. If anything, he feels _more_ now and he shouldn't.

And the _best_ part of all this is that Hijikata actually believes Gintoki sells himself for money. That hadn't necessarily been his intention, it had sort of just happened, and Gintoki had decided to play on it to push Hijikata away. It has gotten way out of hand, but he doesn't know how to reel it back in and he's not sure he even wants to. He doesn't know what's best right now and when he's this inebriated, he won't be coming up with any good answers.

He can recall the night Hijikata had pulled him out of the bar and the _look_ on Hijikata's face... Gintoki doesn't have a word for it. How can Gintoki even explain that the guy feeling him up had been someone on Otose's list and hanging off him was the best way to get him alone without raising suspicion of his actual intentions? He hadn't said anything and he'd let Hijikata assume because he's an asshole and a coward that couldn't say anything to the contrary.

After that, he'd been sure he could discourage Hijikata by telling him he was looking to fuck, not be fucked, and it hadn't worked. He'd really needed that to work and it _hadn't_.

There's one night he remembers where he'd gone out for a lay just to forget Hijikata and he hadn't been able to follow through with it. He'd had some drinks, he'd thrown himself into the mass of people, and no one had been good enough. He'd left the bar with some money, though, because he'd beaten someone at... something. He can't remember that part well, so it was probably some kind of drinking game that he'd placed a bet on and come out on top.

He remembers that night because that had been the night he'd fallen down the stairs and stayed underneath them until morning.

No more.

No more, no more.

He can't take anymore.

This is why it's a mess whenever he thinks about this.

He's so stupid.

The string leads him to someone he does actually like and his first instinct is to fuck it up. Hijikata doesn't like him, of course he doesn't, and everything Hijikata is doing, the way he's behaving, it has nothing to do with what he actually wants. He keeps coming to Gintoki because he feels obligated to. Hijikata's feelings aren't _real_. They're artificial and Hijikata's actions, every single one of them, are because of a string. The string must make him feel like he _has_ to do something and Gintoki isn't going to take advantage of that more than he already has. He won't drag Hijikata into something one-sided and synthetic.

If Ena were here, he'd tell her again that he wants the damn thing to break, get out, disappear, or whatever it takes.

The familiar sensation of bile at the back of his throat has him leaning his head between his legs. He should never have slept with Hijikata, that was such a big mistake. Regardless of whether or not he'd done it to push Hijikata away, he should never have gone through with it because now he's stuck with all the memories of it. He'd at the very least had the forethought to make the lights off thing a rule, but that only opened himself up to heightened sound and sensation. He now knows things about Hijikata that he should never have been able to find out.

He hates himself for that, too.

Gintoki hasn't ever been a relationship kind of guy. What's the point in that with the life he leads? He can never give himself to one person or meet any of the expectations that would be set for him. Settle down? Pop out some kids? Move in with someone or have someone move in with him? That all sounds awful, unlike him, and he knows he'd fuck it up. Not only is he not straight, but he already has kids and he can barely manage _them,_ so forget about poor kids with his terrible genes.

Gintoki also doesn't want a relationship where he'll always wonder if the other person is with him because they actually want to be. It's just like how he doesn't want someone to be with him because they feel they have no choice.

He buries his face in his arm and breathes through his mouth. He has done some really cruel things Hijikata and he still keeps coming back. The stupid hopeless bastard with the most messed up sense of duty _keeps coming back_ and Gintoki doesn't know how to get him to _stop_.

Gintoki does sleep with random people sometimes. Men more so than women since men are easier to deal with in that regard. He hasn't done that in a long while and any time he goes out anymore, he's more focused on drinking. It never makes things disappear forever, but it allows him to escape for a time. Except on nights like this when he fucks up about as much as he can and it all catches up to him at once. Then he just gets to wait, stuck, and _think_ about things he shouldn't.

Like sex with Hijikata.

Prior to the string, Gintoki had known he liked Hijikata and that Hijikata didn't like him back, so Gintoki had never imagined sleeping with him. No, that hadn't become a thing until Hijikata had made it a reality. Presented with the opportunity, Gintoki had tried so goddamn hard to make it as impersonal as possible and he'd succeeded... sort of.

The sex had been good and he'd wanted that since he was sure it'd never happen again. He hadn't expected to be allowed to take Hijikata's ass virginity, but he'd done it and it hadn't been fair – none of this has been fair. Hijikata should never have been put in a position where he had to give something like that up and Gintoki had taken advantage of him. It'd been so obvious that that was all new to Hijikata and Gintoki had just... he should never ever have gone through with it. Hijikata had been so nervous and inexperienced, he hadn't known what to do with any part of his body. Gintoki remembers taking it slow and he'd done his absolute best to make it as good and as painless for Hijikata as physically possible, but _still_... it's still like he stole something.

He reaches a hand down and it's truly pathetic that he's half-hard just thinking about it. Hijikata had been so responsive each time they'd done something, it was almost like he'd wanted it, but Gintoki knows that's not true. There's no way Hijikata went from tolerating Gintoki to wanting him just because of a string.

His shoulder aches and he doesn't mind.

He will take whatever the universe has to throw at him because of how he has treated Hijikata. He deserves way more than someone like Gintoki, he has known that since the beginning, hence why he never acted on his feelings. Hijikata has been through so much and Gintoki has only ever made things worse for him, which is typically what he does to everyone around him.

He hasn't even spent the money.

It's all hidden away in his room and he has never hated yen so much in his life. Any other money is great and fine, but _that_ money is dirty. It's taken from a respectable man because Gintoki had lied and helped himself to things he has no right to.

He's going to have to deal with Hijikata sooner or later and he's dreading it. He has somehow managed to avoid it this long and he has barely gotten by. He'd thought for sure Hijikata had him cornered at the barracks and the only reason Gintoki thinks he'd been able to get away is because Sougo had been there. It's clear now that Hijikata hasn't told anyone about the string and that, at least, is something they're on the same page with. Why tell others about something that will never go anywhere?

“Gintoki?”

His eyes narrow and he slips right into a mask that's familiar to him.

“What're you doing out here?”

Otae frowns down at him. “I just got off work.”

“You did?” He looks around. “Is this the way you usually go home?”

“No, but I wanted a walk.”

“You shouldn't do that alone.”

“I can't walk home alone, but you can sit in strange places drunk out of your mind?”

Gintoki wriggles to his feet and tests his legs before saying triumphantly, “I'm not _that_ drunk!”

She rolls her eyes and holds out her arm. “I've heard that one before. Come on, let's go.”

He loops his arm with her own and even being smaller than he is, he can still feel the strength she offers. He can lean into her a little and as they walk, he doesn't have to guess which part of his spinning world is the way to go because Otae won't lead him astray. She keeps him from deviating from their path and his footsteps grow in confidence with each step. The world even gets a little steadier, but there's still no way he'd make it all the way back by himself.

“Were you out with anyone?”

“Madao.”

“Did you lose him somewhere?”

Gintoki shakes his head, but stops doing that quickly once his brain protests.

“No, he made it back to his cardboard. Bet you were busy tonight.”

“It was how it usually is,” she replies and she sounds tired.

He notices the way her head tilts every now and then and it prompts him to ask, “What're you looking for?”

“I'm not sure,” Otae says. “On my way to work I saw someone running after a string. I guess I'm looking to see if it'll happen to anyone else.”

“Do you think it'll happen to you?”

“I can't say. I'd be fine if it didn't, but I'd be interested to see who's on the other end if it did.” Otae turns her head just enough to look at him and studies him for a moment. “What about you?”

She must think he's drunk enough that he might answer and a part of him is tempted, but that part of him is stupid and needs to shut the fuck up already.

“I won't get one.”

“There's no way for you to be able to say that.”

“Yeah-huh.”

“You're within the age range.”

“There are some things I just know,” he replies and taps his temple. “If I'm not with Ketsuno Ana yet, then it isn't meant to be.”

Otae elbows him and he laughs. “I'm serious.”

“So am I!”

“You're drunk.”

“I'm not sober, that's correct.”

They talk a bit more about various things on the way and Gintoki's grateful that it's mostly lighthearted stuff he doesn't have to be on guard to answer. The journey is a bit slow thanks to him, but they reach the Shimura house in a reasonable amount of time.

“Why don't you stay at the house tonight?”

“I want my pajamas.”

“I don't care about your pajamas, I don't think you can make it there on your own.”

Gintoki gives her arm a gentle squeeze. “I can. The walk woke me up.”

“Okay... but if I find out you didn't make it back, you won't like the consequences.”

“Understood!”

They say goodnight and Gintoki leaves for the apartment, which he actually does make it to. He doesn't fall down the stairs, either, he manages to get to the top and lets himself inside as quietly as he can. Wanting his pajamas had been a rouse, of course, what he really wants is hidden within his desk. He goes there and gets to his chair just before he wobbles so much he needs to grab onto something to keep his balance.

Opening one of the drawers, he reaches back to where he'd hidden what he wants and he pulls the stack of letters out. That Hijikata continues to send letters every so often tells Gintoki that he wants to make contact and get in touch, but he doesn't know what to say. Gintoki hasn't been acknowledging them or replying, but he doesn't get rid of them, either. He hopes that if he ignores them, then they'll stop coming and all this avoidance will pay off, but something – possibly his intuition – tells him he's a fool for thinking that.

Gathering up the letters, Gintoki takes them to his room and he's not sure yet where he's going to put them, but he's not going to keep them in his desk anymore.

-o-O-o-

Hijikata suddenly jolts awake and clutches his throbbing shoulder. It's hurting worse than it ever has before and he has had it: he's confronting Gintoki _tomorrow_.

No exceptions, no excuses.

**To Be Continued**

 


	19. Tapestries are Made of Thousands of Tiny Threads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Confrontational-ish~

“You're going to be late.”

“Yes, thank you,” Gintoki replies sarcastically.

Shinpachi begins shooing him toward the door. “Don't keep Katsura waiting! He has stuff to do, too!”

“Don't you have something to clean?” Gintoki snaps and flaps his hands to get Shinpachi away.

It backfires on him because he gets a feather-duster in his face and all the bristles make him sneeze. Kagura's out on an errand with Sadaharu, which leaves Gintoki on his own to spar Shinpachi back, feather-duster versus one of Gintoki's boots that he has yet to put on. They duel lasts a full five minutes and by then, even if Gintoki runs, he's going to be late. Once he has both boots on and his bokken in his hand, he gets summarily shoved outside and the door slams behind him.

However, Shinpachi doesn't see that he just bodily shoved Gintoki right into someone else. They get customers at all hours of the day and night, but Gintoki _really_ hadn't expected Hijikata to be waiting on his porch in broad daylight. He hits Hijikata so hard they run into the railing and Gintoki's gets a flash of panic when it feels like Hijikata might lean too far back. His right arm wraps securely around Hijikata's waist and his left hand braces firmly on the railing. For just a moment, Gintoki's face is buried in Hijikata's shoulder and he can _smell_ him. He knows he shouldn't allow himself to relish it, but he does all the same before he lets go and pulls back – which he does quickly.

“Sorry,” Gintoki says hurriedly, “kid just threw me out.”

Hijikata's eyes are wide and he clears his throat awkwardly. “Which one?”

“Pattsuan.”

“Would've thought it was the Yato considering we just about got flung off the balcony.”

“No, just an antsy bespectacled wonder.” The shock of seeing Hijikata so suddenly slowly wears off and Gintoki remembers how he's supposed to be behaving right now. “What do you want?”

“Oh, ah, can we talk?” Gintoki opens his mouth to tell him off, but Hijikata raises a familiar folder, saying quickly, “About this. Nothing else, just this.”

“I didn't know she'd given that to you.”

“She didn't mention it?”

Gintoki shakes his head. “Apparently not.”

“So...” Hijikata shifts his weight, “can we talk?”

Gintoki's mind is tumbling over itself and he wants to say no, he really thinks he should, but after glancing at the folder again, he feels himself immediately relent. It's a bad idea – terrible, one of his worst – but he can't say no, not to this. He can't even reason it out or give Hijikata any snark because he doesn't want Shinpachi to see them. It's so unusual for Hijikata to be here by himself, if Shinpachi catches them, he'll have questions, and Gintoki has no answers.

“Yeah, but not now, I'm on my way out.”

“Pick a time and place.” Gintoki starts walking, suddenly too aware that they're just standing outside the front door. Hijikata follows him and grabs his arm to stop him when they reach the top of the stairs. “I'm not leaving you alone until I've got a time and place.”

Gintoki shrugs him off and needs to get away _now_.

“At the end of this street there's a small bar on the corner, you'll pass it on your way to the barracks if you head that way.”

“I think I know which one you're talking about. What time?”

“Sundown,” Gintoki replies and they're halfway down the stairs.

He leaves Hijikata behind and he's not running away, he's just walking quickly in the opposite direction that Hijikata is. It's not a lie that he has somewhere to be and their current business is concluded, so there's no reason for him to stick around. Katsura is waiting for him and Gintoki, for his own sake, doesn't want to be around Hijikata for too long. He's fucked for tonight, he doesn't know what he's going to do, and with any luck, he'll manage to simultaneously answer whatever questions Hijikata has and also make it clear that there's nothing between them.

-o-O-o-

Hijikata is convinced that Gintoki isn't going to show up. He's already late and with every extra minute that passes, Hijikata berates himself just a little bit more. He has been a short tempered mess ever since he'd seen Gintoki and it's due to a mixture of not knowing how tonight was going to pan out as well as what happened this morning. Gintoki had been pressed up against him with an arm wrapped around him and Hijikata had just _let him_ because it'd felt... fine... and really, Gintoki had stopped him from falling to his doom, so he can't be upset about it.

Against his better judgement, Hijikata hasn't started drinking yet, but he definitely wants to. He has the first flask and two cups at the ready, but he doesn't want to start until Gintoki gets here. He'd had no trouble finding the right bar and he does know this is the right one, so Gintoki is for sure late... or not coming at all. It's not busy here and Hijikata has snagged one of the only tables in the building. He'd asked for a secluded spot and this is the best spot, apparently, since it's in the corner. At the very least, there's just enough light for him to be able to read, but not enough for the whole table to be illuminated. Hijikata thinks of it as a shady spot and all things considered, it's pretty perfect for what they're here for. Or what _he's_ here for since Gintoki is still missing in action.

He can smoke, too, which is helpful and he's already making good use of the ashtray. He's positioned so he's facing the door and if anyone wants to overhear their conversation, they'd have to move close enough to do so. That's what makes Hijikata comfortable here, he'll be able to spot any spies with ease in such a location and the bartender is busy doing his own thin, he's not paying much attention to anyone.

Boots thud against wood as Gintoki makes his entrance and Hijikata isn't prepared for it. Seeing Gintoki stops up Hijikata's breath for a moment and he has to hold it for a bit in order to get it back. It comes out in a rush when Gintoki approaches and he quickly inhales on his cigarette to ease his nerves.

“Better make this quick,” Gintoki says and sits.

“What, you got somewhere to be?”

“Maybe I do.”

Hijikata swallows his comment by taking a big gulp of the drink he has had on standby for just this reason and it tastes bitter as hell as it goes down. Maybe Gintoki does have something going on later and maybe it's with one partner or five, it's difficult to say. He might just be drinking the night away or reading Jump... he can do anything with his night after this. It's not any of Hijikata's business, he has no right to ask, but he wants to know and it makes him feel like shit that he doesn't.

“Sundown was half an hour ago.”

Gintoki does the same thing Hijikata had done and downs part of his cup. “I got held up, it happens. Now, no small talk. We're here for a reason, so stick to that.”

Gintoki is on edge, but he's hiding it so well that Hijikata can't pick out exactly which of his mannerisms speak for the edginess. Truthfully, he's just guessing about the edginess, but considering how wound up Hijikata is, Gintoki really can't be much better off.

“Fine. How long have you known about...” Hijikata trails and frowns. “I can't call him by his name, what should we call him?”

“Asshole?”

“Well, no, we're not doing that.”

“He _is_ an asshole.”

“Yeah, but we can't use that for this conversation.”

“We could call him ass for short.”

Hijikata opens the folder and shakes his head. “Let's just pick something easy and go with Akki?”

“That's disappointing and boring.”

“Akki it is,” Hijikata mumbles and taps the file. “How long have you known about him? Only some things in here are dated and I want to get a good timeline.”

“Mm... how long have I known about his activities or how long have I known about him personally?”

“Both would be helpful.” Gintoki gives him two different timeframes and Hijikata isn't even surprised at how long Gintoki has been keeping an eye on things. Hijikata jots down the dates and asks, “Do you know if he's part of the Harusame?”

“I can't say for sure if he's part of it right now, but I know he used to be affiliated with them and has connections with them.”

“How do you know?”

Gintoki scoots closer and pulls the file toward himself so he can flip through the pages.

“A long time ago –”

“How long ago?”

“Quite awhile,” Gintoki replies and continues to search for whatever he's after. “I had both kids by then, but they'd only been with me a few weeks.”

Hijikata writes it down. “Okay, go on.”

“We got involved in this drug thing,” Gintoki says and taps a handwritten receipt he has dug up. “A family came the Yorozuya about their missing daughter –”

“What family?”

“I can't tell you that.”

“Everything you say is confidential.”

“Doesn't matter,” Gintoki scoffs. “They're a client and I'm not gonna blab. If it turns out the information is essential later on for whatever reason, then I'll tell you, but right now, you don't need to know.”

“Alright, fine – continue.”

“Where was I?”

“Missing daughter of the mystery family.”

“Right! Okay, so, this family comes to us about their missing daughter and it turned out she'd gotten addicted to this really dangerous type of street drug that was being distributed by the Harusame. Long story short, we stopped them and returned the girl to her family, blah, blah, blah, but after that, basically right after, I caught one of Akki's underlings slinging the drug.”

Hijikata taps his pen against the paper as he thinks out loud, saying, “The Harusame would've staked the market for the drug, they wouldn't have given it to another supplier unless they knew each other.”

“Exactly. We tracked the drug for several weeks and it made appearances from time to time until the supply must've run out because it hasn't resurfaced since.”

“So, the Harusame didn't return after you busted them?”

“Not that particular ship with that specific shipment, no.”

Hijikata writes notes and shakes his head. “I can't believe I'm just hearing about this now.”

“To be fair, you'd barely been introduced by that point.”

“Still!” Hijikata adds a new bracket to his timeline. “You said the kids were pretty new to the scene when this thing with the mystery family took place, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Let's move backward for a moment, then. Between the point where you and Otose-san first discovered Akki and the point with the mystery family, how many encounters with Akki did you have?”

“Quite a few, but I don't remember an exact number. All the bigger things were written down,” he motions to the file, “though, I don't know if the old hag dated everything. I know I didn't.”

“Does Akki know you're watching him?”

“That's an excellent question and I'd really like the answer to it.”

“You don't know?”

“I think he'd have to be an idiot not to know someone has been watching him,” Gintoki says and pauses to have a drink. “He's so careful, he obviously knows people are keeping tabs on him much more closely now. He hasn't ever come after me or had anyone tail me and with the cops on him now, I think he's much more concerned about you guys.” He takes another drink with his eyes on the table as he thinks. “I'm sure he knew I was around, but whether or not he ever figured out it's _me_ , I can't say.”

Hijikata asks a lot of followup questions about that and tries to get all the details surrounding Gintoki's involvement with Daiki. That Gintoki has managed to track him and thwart his plans without Daiki figuring out it's him is pretty amazing. Gintoki's perspective and wealth of knowledge is precisely what Hijikata needs to further this case even more and Gintoki's memory is pretty damn commendable.

“He disappeared for a pretty long time, any ideas on that?”

Gintoki shrugs. “Not really. He has been so involved in a number of things, it'd be the smartest move to lay low for awhile every now and then. Being so involved in everything so consistently is like putting a target on his back.”

“I figured the same.”

“He wasn't inactive just because he was gone. He probably found more contacts and mules, the bastard.”

“And made a ton of money.”

“Ugh, don't even mention it.”

Hijikata takes a sip of his sake. “Why'd he come back?”

“Mostly because it was time,” Gintoki says confidently. “A boss can't stay out of the scene too long before people start losing respect for him, which is kinda what happened. And also because two of his key men mysteriously disappeared.”

“These two?” Hijikata asks and taps two photos paper-clipped together inside the cover of the file.

“That's them. They'd gotten involved in a side business that was getting out of hand, so they had to go.”

“Akki emerged because of that?”

“If Kondo were in hiding and you suddenly disappeared, would he stay in hiding?”

“Ah. No.” He stares down at the pictures and sees their names written neatly at the bottom in the right corner of each photo. “What kind of side business did they have going on?”

“Gambling, of sorts. They still did all the stuff Akki wanted them to do, but then they'd gone into business together and created this risky all or nothing kind of gambling ring. They also skimmed some product off the top of Akki's supply without getting his consent and they used that to help entice people in.”

Hijikata flips to a fresh page and starts making notations. “What kind of gambling?”

“All forms. Patrons could make suggestions and vote on what they wanted, so the type of gambling changed pretty frequently. The most popular were the fights. Sometimes the fights were against two seasoned fighters, but they were all about variety, so they'd nab two equally sized civilians off the street and throw them into a pit together.”

“I haven't had any reports about this....”

“Most fighters that were there against their will either didn't get to leave or would have their body show up in the wreckage of some freak accident that left their corpses too mangled to tell they'd been beaten to death. Since staging too many deaths would eventually draw suspicion, they didn't take people off the street very often, but when they did, it brought in quite a crowd.”

“I'm assuming there were other types of fighting, too.”

“Naturally,” Gintoki says and refills both their cups. “Like I said, they mixed it up a lot. Two human volunteers would take on a full Amanto, they'd hold tournaments, have animal fights and Amanto fights – there's no end to it. People like that get their kicks out of some really messed up shit, especially when they're drinking and hopped up on product.”

“Makes sense, but they couldn't have had fights every night.”

“They didn't and they never seemed to run out of ways to get people to come in.”

“Was it drug addiction?”

“Kinda,” Gintoki crosses one leg over the other and rubs his right shoulder – Hijikata doesn't miss exactly which shoulder it is – mindlessly as he thinks, “but I feel like it had more to do with the atmosphere. The drugs were there, but none of it was the super potent stuff. Since the two ring leaders were stealing it from their boss, they couldn't take any of the really good product. It was still dangerous if someone had too much of the stuff being distributed, but most people only wanted it to build their high, not knock them out. Gambling with their money, their assets, or even their lives, _that's_ the thrill that brought them back time and time again. The drugs and booze were a big thing, but most of those people would still be going back even without those perks.”

Hijikata feels goosebumps rise up over his arms and it's such a _peculiar_ reaction. He likes the sound of Gintoki's voice and hearing him talk about this like he knows it... Hijikata thinks he knows it, too. It's not so far off from the thrill of fighting, the adrenaline that comes with it, and Hijikata can easily remember the last time he'd fought with Gintoki – by his side, not against him – and that had been _thrilling_. He has to take a drink of his sake to get himself together and Gintoki stops rubbing his shoulder, but Hijikata's sure that he hasn't even realized he'd been doing it.

“Did you –” Hijikata has to clear his throat to recover from a slightly hoarse voice. It's only as he starts to say his question again that he realizes it's a really stupid question and drops it so he can make an observation he knows to be true instead. “You took part in one of the fights, didn't you?”

“Might've.”

Hijikata recalls the bandages he'd seen and he wants to ask if those wounds had been from the fight, but he knows he won't get a straight answer. Already Gintoki is getting dodgy and he's making it clear that any questions not directly related to Akki are going to be either blatantly or subtly deflected. How Gintoki became to be so good at that, Hijikata both does and doesn't want to know.

“It's dangerous to show your face in the middle of things like that.”

“I'm a master of disguise,” Gintoki replies nonchalantly. “I even took a few hits just to make it seem like I was some amateur fighter. None of those people would ever recognize me, especially since I covered up my natural perm.”

“I can't imagine your kids approving.”

“I didn't take them with me and they didn't approve of _that_ at all.”

Hijikata's frowning deeply. “That's no place for kids, obviously, but you shouldn't have gone alone.”

Gintoki deadpans. “You're kidding, right?”

“No! Only a moron would do something like that without backup!”

“Then that must make me a moron.”

“Why wouldn't you take your kids?”

“Too dangerous.”

“Hasn't stopped you before,” Hijikata huffs.

“Not most of the time, no. They can take care of themselves, but for this one, I didn't want them there.”

“Why?”

Gintoki doesn't answer right away and Hijikata's a little shocked he's pushing so much. For this whole conversation, Hijikata has been pressing Gintoki for more little by little and this silence is the first time he has hesitated. Hijikata doesn't want to argue and he's more than willing to drop any topics that might lead to a fight, but he can't avoid everything he wants to know simply because it might piss Gintoki off. Gintoki takes a deliberate sip of his drink, his eyes on Hijikata the whole time, and his face is inscrutable.

“We were in a similar situation when we were looking for that missing girl,” Gintoki finally says, his fingers skimming the rim of his cup. “We ended up in this dirty club that two kids like them should never have stepped foot in, but I let them come anyway. They ended up getting kidnapped. I found them and things ended up fine, but... anyway, I was trying to keep a low profile. Me by myself is a lot less memorable than two random kids waltzing into a gambling ring and hanging out.”

“It's good to know they didn't have kids fighting.”

“Not that I saw, but who knows. I couldn't go there too often or I'd be remembered.”

Hijikata snorts. “I'm sure they remember you.”

“I didn't do anything to draw attention to myself!”

“Except join one of the fights.”

“There were pretenses around that! I just went along with the way the night was going, I never signed up for it!”

“Which is exactly why they'll remember you!” Hijikata replies and barks out a laugh. “You've really gotta be a moron if you think you can walk into a room and _not_ be _noticed_.”

He shakes his head in disbelief and goes to pour himself some more sake, but the container is empty. Raising a hand, he motions to their tender and points to the empty flask. He quickly comes over with a refill and Hijikata only means to glance at Gintoki, but he ends up staring. Gintoki is already watching him and his brows are rumpled, his mouth drawn in a frown. Hijikata almost asks what his deal is, but then it dawns on him what he just said and he freaks out a little bit.

“You guys have been here for awhile, you sure you don't want any food?”

Hijikata's so grateful for the man's presence as he clumsily grabs his phone to check the time. They've been here a lot longer than he'd realized and he does have a pretty nice buzz going on. He hasn't drank enough to impede him, but apparently it's enough to allow him to say really stupid things without thinking.

“Yeah, I'll take something,” Hijikata says softly. “He will, too.”

“What would you like?”

“I should proba –”

“We'll have some karaage and if you have goma-ae, then some of that as well.”

The tender nods and retreats, leaving them alone once more. Hijikata pointedly pours each of them some sake and slides Gintoki's cup closer to him, encouraging him to drink. He fucked up in saying what he did, he knows that, but he's not going to let Gintoki leave just because Hijikata's an idiot. He'll be more careful from now on and getting some food to dilute the potency of the alcohol will help.

A change of topic will help, too.

“What'd you think of Arata?”

“The kid from the dojo?” Gintoki asks absently and he looks torn between leaving and drinking the entirety of the replenished flask.

“Yeah, him.”

“He was alright, I suppose. Still needs a lot of work.”

“All three of them do.”

Gintoki taps a finger against his cup thoughtfully. “It's weird seeing your group with new people.”

“It's kinda weird having them,” Hijikata admits, “but we need more members, there's no way around that. We can't be everywhere at once and crime rates have been escalating, especially recently, so we need more people if we wanna keep up.”

“You don't seem worried about it.”

“I'm not. Work can get hectic and sometimes there can be almost too much going on, but I like it, always have.”

Gintoki hums. “Is Arata the best of the crop?”

“I think he'd be a closer second if he didn't get so distracted by women.”

“He's quite the womanizer... or he tries to be. He's more successful at that than he is at keeping secrets.”

“What do you mean?”

“You sound like you already know.”

“I think I do, but enlighten me anyway.”

“When I met him, he nearly mentioned right out in conversation that... I think it was Harada was busy at a stakeout. I'm assuming you're staking out Akki's place, which is stupid, by the way, and Arata would've said it all in the open had Okita-kun not cut him off.”

Hijikata lowers his head and takes a drink. “Yeah, it's a problem.”

“Okita-kun seems to be handling it.”

“Violently.”

“He has his own way of doing things just like you have your own.”

“His way has a lot of room for improvement,” Hijikata says bitterly.

Gintoki rolls his eyes. “He thinks the same of you, I'm sure.”

“Could be....” Hijikata rearranges his notes and sets aside some items in the file so he knows what they've gone over and what they still need to talk about. He's dragging this out and making it last, but he's honestly quite taken aback by how much time has already passed. Hijikata steals another look at Gintoki and he looks less like he's about to get up and run away. “Why did you want Otose-san to give this file to me?”

Gintoki pauses and takes a drink, his eyes never leaving Hijikata the whole time. He's thinking, possibly calculating the best thing to say, and Hijikata gets an affirmation he hadn't been completely sure of until now. He hadn't been sure whether giving him the file had been Otose's idea or if Gintoki really had told her in his own way to give it up, but now he knows and his stomach flips over in what can only be excitement. He wants to know if Gintoki had mentioned him specifically or if Otose chose him. If Otose decided on him, then why him? Why not Kondo? He doesn't ask those questions, he may never know the answer to them, but it's a little thrilling to wonder... and that's how he knows he has had a bit too much to drink.

He drinks more anyway, if only because it's nice to be able to hope for a second.

“I don't think it's over.”

Hijikata's heart skips a beat and for just a moment he thinks Gintoki's talking about something else completely.

“...what...?”

“The gambling ring,” Gintoki clarifies and Hijikata wants to punch himself because _of course_ that's it, “I think it's still going.”

“I thought you said you made the two leaders disappear.”

“I did and then D – ah, Akki came back. I can't prove this yet, but I feel like once he found out about what his guys had been up to, he took it over instead of shutting it down.”

“What makes you so sure he didn't know it was happening?”

“Well, I did have a conversation with both guys before they disappeared. They told me Akki didn't know and I didn't have to prompt them or anything, they just started spilling. They thought Akki had found out and had sent me to dispose of them, so they just kinda started blabbing about everything, saying they were sorry and that they'd cough up the cuts they'd taken. One of them even said they hadn't meant for everything to get so out of hand,” Gintoki's voice changes to a dramatic and high pitched tone, “it was only supposed to be for fun! We never intended for it to be more than one or two rounds!”

They both go silent as the tender drops off the food and asks if there's anything else they need. Hijikata dismisses him and immediately starts nibbling on bits of both dishes – which he douses evenly in mayonnaise first – as he thinks. He stops eating just long enough to take some notes and he even starts making a list of things he wants to do or at least take into consideration the next time he's out on patrol.

“Huh... so you think Akki saw it as profitable and wants it to continue?”

“Again,” Gintoki says around a mouthful of mayo-free karaage, “I can't prove it yet, but that's my gut feeling.”

“And you think it's so important that the Shinsengumi is informed of this... because...?”

Gintoki fixes him with a glare. “Would you rather I kept it to myself?”

“No, no! I'm glad you – that's,” he pats the file, “this is huge. _Huge_. It's also not the kind of thing you've ever given up before. I'm just kinda curious what makes this so different. You couldn't have known we're staking out Akki's place, but, then again, you seem to know a lot of things you shouldn't know. Now that I'm actually saying this out loud I feel like an idiot because Sougo probably said something to you. Did he ask for this?”

Gintoki chuckles and shakes his head, replying, “No, and if he had, then I would've given it to him instead.”

“Oh,” Hijikata says flatly and takes a small swig of the sake to drown the momentary sting of Gintoki's jab. It's as he's swallowing that he snorts and shakes his head. “No, you wouldn't have! You'd help him, but you wouldn't give him something like this!”

“Okita-kun is a lot more trustworthy than you think.”

“Bullshit,” Hijikata says with a confidence he doesn't feel. “I call bullshit on this one! He can be trustworthy in a pinch, but you know as well as I do that if you'd given this to him he'd have gone off and tried to handle it himself.”

Gintoki smirks. “Alright, you've got me there.”

“I knew it,” Hijikata replies and his chest swells – he doesn't know why he's so damn proud of being the one to have been given this file, but it's important to him. “But I still wanna know why you've given this one up.”

“I haven't given it up, I'm just making sure you know about it.”

“ _Why_?”

Gintoki eats a mouthful of both dishes and finishes it with some sake. It doesn't seem to Hijikata like he's stalling or working out a way around the question, which is a thought he hopes is true. If they can just get through this without fighting, then they can get through other encounters without fighting, too. Before the string, they'd never been so unnecessarily violent with each other and Hijikata doesn't want to go back to that. He knows he'd reacted poorly to the string and his instant whiplash had been unlike him... he wants to think it's the same for Gintoki.

They hadn't had a bad relationship before the string and Hijikata wants to be able to go back to that, but he also wants to try for something more together eventually. He still doesn't have everything with himself totally figured out, but he wants to take a chance with Gintoki – he has to try, he won't let this opportunity pass him by without trying. At the very least, that's what he has resolved during his time away from Gintoki and so he just wants to spend time with him now. It's the best thing he can think to do. If they can spend time together without biting each other's heads off, then it'll give Hijikata a chance to adjust to the idea of seeing Gintoki in a different way and he needs that.

“It'll be worse than before,” Gintoki says, drawing Hijikata right back from where his alcohol addled thoughts were taking him. “The whole setup was bad when it was the two henchmen running it, but it wasn't as bad as it could've been. They were trying to hide it all from Akki and so they were taking precautions that Akki won't have to take if he really has decided to continue with the operation. You know this man, you know what he's like, so you know that if he really does take it over, he's going to raise the stakes and up the profit margin.”

“In that case, kids being taken might be part of the regime.”

“Kids, cops, women, there's no limit to what I think Akki would be comfortable carrying out.”

“He'll put new people in charge so it can't be traced back to him and it'll look like he has nothing to do with it while he rakes in the largest amount of money,” Hijikata says and then pours a mass of mayo on his food. “It's what he always does.”

“I wanna get him, too.”

“Bad enough that you're willing to clue me in on something.”

Gintoki shrugs. “Sometimes it's better to have more people on the lookout. The kids and I can't be everywhere at once and we've got time sensitive unrelated stuff going on, so we can't give this Akki thing our full attention right now.”

Hijikata burns to ask Gintoki what could be more important than this. If Gintoki has known about Daiki for so long and wants him off the streets this bad, then what's getting in the way of his investigation into the matter? He almost laughs, he knows Gintoki won't answer that one if he asks, so he doesn't bother.

“Alright then, I've got more questions,” Hijikata says and slides the food aside to pull the file and his notes closer again.

Gintoki motions for Hijikata to go ahead as he sips his sake and the interrogation continues. For Hijikata, it's so far so good and he hopes it lasts.

**To Be Continued**

 


	20. The Chapter Before Shit Hits the Fan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter and the next are brought to you by a commissioner that paid for two updates and wishes to remain nameless! I'd still like to give a shoutout to this person and thank them for their support! 
> 
> I'd also like to thank all you readers! I hope you all enjoy this chapter and I wish you the best and warmest wishes for the new year! Let's make 2017 a great one full of laughs and good memories! 
> 
> ((The title for this chapter is a warning, by the way lol))

((Art by: [Gintwaka](http://gintwaka.tumblr.com/)/[Gin-twaka](http://gin-twaka.tumblr.com/)))

Gintoki knew he was in trouble right around the second flask of sake, but he'll be damned if he cares at this point. He'd almost gotten up when Hijikata had ordered the food, he'd been ready to fling himself out the door, but he hadn't, he'd gotten sucked right back in. Hijikata stays true to their agreement and keeps the conversation centered solely on the file, which _would_ make things easier if Gintoki were a better man.

At the start, it had been simple sitting with Hijikata and answering his questions. However, as the conversation has deepened and Hijikata has gotten more absorbed, Gintoki has begun to lose focus. Gintoki can hide anything he feels, it's the one thing he's good at aside from fucking things up, so when he starts to pay more attention to Hijikata, he hides it so well he's sure Hijikata is oblivious. The alcohol helps, too, because the more Hijikata drinks, the less perceptive he becomes. It's sort of the opposite for Gintoki since the more he drinks, the more attuned to what's around him he is. There are times he drinks just to black out, but he's so used to being on edge that in certain situations drinking doesn't relax him, it does just the opposite until he reaches the point where he's too drunk to function.

This is one of those certain situations and so as Gintoki drinks, he's becoming more and more aware of everything that's happening. He can keep himself in check just fine, he's so practiced at that that it's natural, but everything else... Gintoki doesn't miss a thing. He watches the flush that has slowly spread over Hijikata's cheeks and he knows when that had first shown up as well as around what drink it became permanent. He has noticed that the more comfortable Hijikata gets, which is dependent on how many cups of sake he has, the more he shows how excited and ebullient working makes him.

Hijikata takes his jacket off and he's too busy trying to keep ash from the cigarette in his mouth off the paperwork that he doesn't notice Gintoki watching. In fact, Hijikata has had enough to drink that he's not as alert to his surroundings as he'd been earlier. It's something Gintoki is more than willing to take advantage of even though it's somewhat unfair. Except... it's difficult to ponder about fairness when Hijikata is loosening his cravat and showing off his neck. He's doing it mindlessly, he has no clue how sexual the gesture is, and the fucked up thing is that it's _not_ sexual, but when Hijikata does it, then it is – _because_ it's Hijikata doing it.

It's warm in the bar and Gintoki had thought it was only him until Hijikata started to undress. Gintoki isn't going to be opening his shirt to cool off or removing his yukata, he doesn't want Hijikata to get the idea that he's going to be staying. He supposes that he _is_ , technically, staying for the moment, but he doesn't want Hijikata to get too comfortable since Gintoki might just decide to get up and go any second.

He keeps telling himself to make an excuse to exit, but it never seems to happen.

“You have to finish the karaage.”

“Can't, I'm full.”

“You _have_ to! It's infected with mayonnaise, I can't touch it and no food should ever go to waste.”

“Is that you talking or your girl?”

“Me! In case you've forgotten, I'm poor! Any food is a blessing!”

“I...” Hijikata eyes the karaage longingly and sighs, “alright.”

Hijikata pulls the dish toward him and Gintoki watches him from beneath his lashes. He pretends like he's just inspecting his sake cup, but really, he's watching the way Hijikata eats. To his credit, Hijikata eats like a goddamn normal person, but Gintoki doesn't pay attention to other people like this and he certainly doesn't find it attractive when other people take a bite out of something. He watches Hijikata's mouth and takes special interest when Hijikata's tongue comes out briefly to catch a tiny smear of mayonnaise on his bottom lip. He's still studying the papers and he cusses as he accidentally transfers some grease off his fingers onto his notes. It's something Gintoki doesn't think he'd usually make the mistake of doing, but since he has had several cups of sake, small evidences of clumsiness are starting to peek through.

The wrong thing to do in this moment is think about how close they're sitting and how easy it'd be to reach out and touch him. Gintoki doesn't think he'd pull away. Hijikata would be surprised, but simple touches are somehow okay. They shouldn't be, Hijikata shouldn't let him do, should never let him do it, and that's what's known as temptation. Historically, Gintoki isn't so great with temptation, especially when it's sitting so close to him.

“Are we almost done here?” Gintoki asks, bored, with his eyes on his cup.

“Nearly...” Hijikata says and eats the last piece of karaage with almost deliberate slowness, “but I've got a different kinda question for you.”

“It'd better be file related.”

“It is,” Hijikata replies and Gintoki's sure he imagines the small wince. “What's gonna happen if Akki _does_ continue with what his men started?”

“What do you mean what's gonna happen?”

“If you notice something, you have to let us know, you can't just go in and investigate yourself without informing us.”

“I'm not a cop.”

“No, you're not, but you can see why giving us a head's up is important.”

Gintoki pats the file and their knees touch beneath the table. “That's what this is for.”

Neither of them break the contact.

“Yeah, great, but is this gonna update itself?”

“No, but the whole point of giving it to you is so you can update it yourself.”

Hijikata frowns. “I can't be everywhere at once.”

That's ultimately one of the worst things Hijikata could've just said. Gintoki's mind supplies him with every memory it can conjure of them kissing, fucking, touching – _bullshit_ Hijikata can't be everywhere at once. He's doing it right now without even knowing it!

“And you think I can?”

“I think you can do a lot of things I can't.”

“Illegal things.”

“I never said that.”

“Maybe not, but you're implying it.”

“Would you just –” Hijikata lets out a hampered breath and has a visible struggle with himself. It's fascinating to watch and it's likely thanks to the alcohol that it's so blatant for Gintoki to see. “Somethin' big is happening. Aside from Akki, there's more goin' on and I can't give each thing my full attention. It'd _help_ to know someone on the outside was keepin' an eye on at least this one thing.”

Something new bleeds into Hijikata's expression and Gintoki is sure he doesn't mean for it to happen. It's something akin to worry and it's buried beneath a thick layer of... maybe frustration... whatever it is, it's making Hijikata stare at the file with his brows deeply furrowed. Gintoki is tempted to ask because for all he knows, Hijikata has discovered a small army of slugs and has no idea what they are. That's... not a good thought at all. What if something happens to him? What if the slugs get a hold of him and they destroy him because he doesn't know to be cautious with them?

“What're the other things?”

“Hah? I can't really tell you, you're –”

“A civilian and all that crap, yeah, right. You're wanting this civilian to unofficially be your eyes and ears on a case, but everything else is off limits, is that how it is?”

“I don't know how it is anymore,” Hijikata replies, stricken.

Gintoki doesn't know if he's talking about the investigations or whatever the hell is between them. His skin prickles, his instincts tell him to _go_ , and he starts to rise from his chair for real this time. His shoulder gives an annoying jerk of pain and it makes his transition to standing somewhat twitchy. Hijikata is looking at him like he understands exactly what just happened and that makes Gintoki want to bolt even more.

“I'll let you know of any updates, if there are any.”

Hijikata grabs Gintoki's wrist to stop him. “Thanks, but I still have some questions.”

“You've got enough to get started.”

“But I –”

“Let go.”

He can easily get away.

Hijikata's grip is firm, but not crushing, and Gintoki has all the power within him to get Hijikata to let go. The problem here is that he doesn't want to break this contact and even such a simple thing is enough to mess him up. Hijikata's hands are weathered, they're calloused and rough in spots, and Gintoki _likes_ the feeling of them against his skin _so fucking much_. It's so tempting, but if they start this up again, if the simple touches are allowed, what then? Gintoki won't be able to go back to being without, he already knows this, he keeps telling himself this.

He can't keep doing this.

“I – I'll see you around,” Hijikata says and Gintoki _knows_ that's not what he wanted to say.

Regardless, Gintoki mutters a similar sentiment and he gets the fuck out. He has a long night ahead and it's just so damn frustrating to know that this will be on his mind for most of it.

-o-O-o-

Four days later finds Gintoki still shaken.

There aren't many things that can affect Gintoki like this and he's doing fine, he can hide it well, but it's a reoccurring thing that comes to mind. It's distracting and it has put him in a certain _mood_. Not that anyone knows that or thinks twice about his crankiness. To them, he's just tired or hungry, nothing to really be concerned with... which is true, in a way. This is just him being stupid and he has to work it out of his system one way or another. That's what he thinks about on his way to meet Katsura and it's not the best thing to mull over, but he can't get it off his mind.

He's also curious what's so urgent that Katsura called him all the way out here for. He'd been alone in the apartment when he'd received the call and the kids will probably be there by the time he gets back from dealing with whatever Katsura wants. Katsura had sounded strange on the phone, but that can be caused by any number of things. Gintoki half expects to walk into menial debacle over what to have for dinner, what piece of clothing looks the best on him, or which disguise is the most convincing.

Gintoki does a quick check to ensure that he isn't being followed, then ducks down into the shortcut to where he needs to go. It's not the cleanest route as it takes him through a large pipe that hasn't been used in half a decade, but it makes it easier to tell whether or not he's being surveilled. Ever since he and the kids helped Sougo out, Gintoki has been extra paranoid and he hasn't quite been able to figure out why exactly. With him, it can be so many things, he never knows which is a legitimate concern and which is just his past conjuring up things that aren't necessarily real. Some might call it mind games, but Gintoki just thinks of it as a headache.

Climbing a rusted ladder, Gintoki pops up near where he needs to be and he's able to navigate his way to Katsura within five minutes. He enters a familiar large room and Katsura sends away the only two men present once he arrives. Gintoki knows the news isn't good because Katsura waits for everyone except Elizabeth to leave. Not only that, but Katsura looks haggard and his hair is unusually unkempt; it's not in any disarray, but the top is shiny like he has run his hands through it too many times.

“These things are getting worse.”

Gintoki's shoulders drop. “Are there _more_ of them?”

“We found another spawn spot.”

“Where?”

“Half a mile from the first one.”

“There could be more of them, too,” Gintoki says woodenly. “You guys have to do extra rounds to make sure more aren't showing up when you're not looking.”

“I've got a feeling you've been helping us with that.”

Gintoki frowns. “Old habits die hard.”

“Is it just you or you and the kids?”

“Mostly just me for the last few days.”

Katsura nods and he looks tired. “Where did you go?”

“I looked all over the bay.”

“Nothing?”

“There's nothing to find!” Gintoki tosses his hands in full on exasperation. “I'm convinced there's nothing there, I've looked and looked, but nothing is going on!”

“We haven't looked in the water yet.”

“They're never in the water, they're on the walls and grates.”

“Right, but they could be coming from the water.”

“That wouldn't explain why they're only coming to certain spots.”

Katsura leans against the wall and stifles a yawn. “That's true....”

“Usually you have more ideas than this.”

“I'm thinking, but nothing I'm coming up with feels right.”

 _He needs a nap_ , Elizabeth's sign reads.

“Yeah, I know,” Gintoki replies.

Katsura looks over at Elizabeth, whose sign has vanished, and raises a brow. “You know what?”

“C'mon, this way.” Gintoki tugs lightly on Katsura's sleeve and starts leading him back toward the apartment. If the kids are back already, then he can just exchange Katsura for them so he can have some peace and quiet. “Your men all know what they're supposed to be doing, right?”

“Yes, but I can't just –”

Elizabeth's sign appears in front of them, _You can just!_

The sign flips over, reading, _It's taken care of!_

Before them, Elizabeth is dressed exactly like Katsura and Gintoki gets out of the way just in time for the two of them to have a moment. In the end, the real Katsura agrees to go with Gintoki and Elizabeth takes off to go do some commanding. Gintoki is easily able to guide Katsura toward the apartment and he puts up no resistance, all he does most of the walk is yawn and rely on Gintoki to lead him. There's a bit of nostalgia surrounding the journey as it's very reminiscent of many nights during the war where they'd have to corral each other to bed because they'd been up for too long. Gintoki in particular was and still is, at times, pretty bad about this, but Katsura must really be worked up about the slugs because of the four of them, he used to be the most sensible about finding time to sleep to keep his strength up.

“Hi, Leader!” Kagura greets when they enter the apartment.

Shinpachi sticks his head out of the kitchen. “Is everything alright?”

“Everything's fine,” Gintoki assures, “Zura's just gonna crash here for a bit.”

“It's not Zura, it's Katsura,” Katsura says and there's no gusto behind the words at all.

The kids don't ask questions, there's no reason they would when they can see how tired Katsura looks for themselves, and so the Yorozuya work together to get Katsura settled in. Gintoki rolls his futon aside and the kids bring out a fresh one for Katsura to use. All the windows get shut and once Gintoki closes the door to his room with Katsura already half-asleep, Kagura places Sadaharu in front of the door and instructs him to make sure no one gets in. Gintoki isn't sure that's going to work too well, but a little extra security can't hurt when they're housing a rebel.

“Are you two ready to go?”

Kagura punches her open palm. “I was born ready.”

“What're we doing today?” Shinpachi asks as they put on their shoes. “Don't forget we have that job with the paint this afternoon.”

“I haven't forgotten!”

Kagura scoffs, “Look at his face, he totally forgot.”

Shinpachi sighs and leads the way outside. “I reminded you three times yesterday.”

“It has been hours since then!” Gintoki snaps defensively. “What kind of painting are we doing?”

“Nothing fancy, just painting the client's shop a different color.”

“Sounds to me like we could be using our time better somewhere else.”

Shinpachi's glasses flash menacingly. “Sounds to me like it's a good job because we need the money.”

Kagura opens her umbrella as they walk and Gintoki has to dodge when she does it so he doesn't get hit in the face with the edge of it.

“Gin-chan, did you watch the news this morning?”

“You know I never miss the love of my life.” Shinpachi and Kagura share a mocking look around him, but he chooses to be the bigger person and ignore it. “Why?”

“Was there really a guy that ran into traffic when he was chasing a string?”

“There was.”

“I heard about that,” Shinpachi chimes in. “He got so excited that he didn't look both ways and got hit by a taxi.”

Kagura's nose wrinkles. “Gin-chan, if you ever get a string, don't be that stupid.”

“I won't, but you _will_ see me on the news.”

“Because you'll be with Ketsuno Ana, we _know_ ,” Shinpachi intones.

“You just wait! You'll see!”

Both kids make halfhearted noises of faked agreement and then they start in on other things, like how the weather will be changing soon and what Otae is up to. Gintoki commends himself for being able to sound hopeful about Ketsuno Ana and he's sure the kids don't suspect anything about his string. His shoulder hurts, so he rolls it, but anymore, he really can't tell if it's pain from an old wound or if it's string related. Sometimes he's sure it's because of the string, but then other times the pain is in the wrong place and reminds him of an ancient battle scar.

“Oi! Yorozuya!”

Gintoki turns to the familiar voice with a forced scowl and Hijikata is standing in the middle of the road with a sweat glistening on his brow. He's short of breath with lightly reddened cheeks and his clothes are somewhat rumpled from running. Not for the first time, Gintoki is struck by how attractive he is and these thoughts are intruding on him with alarming frequency. He can think of _plenty_ of other activities that will leave Hijikata flushed and panting and that is _not_ helpful.

“Hah?”

“Come with me, you're all hired!”

Shinpachi frowns and Kagura starts, “We don't work for –”

“I said you're hired!” Hijikata yells and points to each one of them in turn. “Hired!” Shinpachi gets a pointer finger jabbed at him. “Hired!” Kagura snaps at the finger pointing at her. “Hired!” Gintoki raises an unimpressed brow at Hijikata's finger when it lands on him. “You'll each be paid individually, just _hurry up_!”

Gintoki gets yanked by his yukata and Kagura's arm gets tugged hard enough to make them move. Hijikata lets go quickly and runs ahead and it's only natural for them to chase after him. It seems important, almost like an emergency, and Gintoki can see Shinpachi frowning deeply from the corner of his eye. Hijikata is uncharacteristically more like a _madman_ right now and that's definitely cause for concern.

The view running after him isn't bad, either.

“Is something wrong?” Shinpachi calls.

“Run faster and there won't be!”

“What does that mean?” Kagura asks Gintoki.

“I have no idea.”

They speed up and all three of them almost crash into Hijikata when he suddenly comes to a skidding stop. He dashes into a corner market store and they all crowd inside after him, but there doesn't seem to be anything amiss after the first cursory look around.

“Take this.”

Gintoki gets a basket shoved into his arms and he stares down at all the mayonnaise bottles piled into it. Kagura receives a similar one and seconds later, Shinpachi is clutching a basket that's also laden with unbelievably amounts of mayo.

“Did you have these waiting or...” Shinpachi trails and Hijikata, whose basket is filled highest of all, ushers them toward the counter.

“Doesn't matter, just take them up there. It's one basket per customer for this sale, so all of you are separate customers and I'll give you each money to pay for it all.”

“Great!” Kagura declares and smiles. “I'll go get in line!”

Hijikata shudders. “I just got a really bad feeling....”

“Bahh,” Gintoki grunts dismissively, “with all that mayo already in the basket she won't be able to fit too much sukonbu on top of them.”

“I think you're underestimating her willpower, Gin-san,” Shinpach replies and grips his basket tighter to keep his hold on it.

“I don't care, I'll just deduct whatever she wants to buy from her pay,” Hijikata says.

“That's pretty cutthroat,” Gintoki murmurs.

Hijikata rolls his eyes. “She has gotten enough sukonbu outta me as it is.”

Gintoki's brows furrow, but Hijikata isn't paying attention to him, he's too distracted by making sure all the mayonnaise makes it to the counter. This is something Gintoki is more than fine getting paid for seeing as it's a legitimate job and Hijikata isn't acting strangely with him, so it almost feels... comfortable.

It takes a good twenty minutes to get everything purchased and Shinpachi is very conscientious of the time, so he lets them know they're still doing good in terms of their job. Each of them have two bags, one for each hand, and the woman behind the counter had double bagged everything to make sure the weight of all the bottles doesn't break the bags.

“Alright,” Kagura says as they walk outside, “we've got your stupid mayo, mayora, it's time to pay up!”

“No way! You won't see a single yen until all this has been transported safely to the barracks!” Kagura's face grows darker and Hijikata stresses fervently, “ _Safely_.”

The face she makes even has Gintoki getting nervous, but Shinpachi curbs her and together, the two of them lead the way. Gintoki is tempted to catch up to them, but a more selfish part of him keeps him at Hijikata's side. It's extremely difficult to like someone as a person and simultaneously harbor a massive crush on them while also pushing them away thanks to a string that says they belong together or can do well as something more. If that's even what the strings are saying and Gintoki isn't convinced that any of the string business means anything – in that, he's trying not to _let it_ mean anything.

Yet, it's still as if he can feel the way their knees had pressed together under the table and the warmth of Hijikata's fingers on his wrist. There's no escape, no matter what he does or how hard he tries.

“I'm surprised you grabbed us instead of your subordinates,” Gintoki comments before his thoughts can go further wayward.

“What're you talking about?” Hijikata snorts, offended. “Every available personnel have been there already today.”

“So you were just running the streets looking for more people?”

“I wasn't running.”

“Jogging, then.”

“Walking brusquely, maybe.”

“More like trotting.”

Hijikata recoils. “The Demon Vice-Commander of the Shinsengumi doesn't _trot_!”

“This,” Gintoki holds up one of the bags of mayonnaise, “is going to damage your reputation more than any trotting ever will.”

“There's a _sale_! You freak out over dango and parfait sales, it makes perfect sense for me to take advantage of a mayonnaise sale!”

“I've never gotten anything in this quantity, though.”

“Yeah, you'd have to have money to do that.”

“He has you there, Gin-san,” Shinpachi says with a laugh.

“Mind your own business! We're having a conversation here!”

And they _are_ – they're having a conversation like they used to before the string ever happened. Gintoki has missed this and that's something Gintoki has come back to over and again. He has stayed up at night just thinking about the day they'd all gone after Zip because that had been _fun_. Seeing Hijikata dashing around with them, hearing his voice when he'd screamed at the blasted Amanto, and just getting to work with him like they'd done when things were as they should be.

Why can't they go back to that?

Once again, a traitorous voice in his head whispers, _There's no going back_.

“While you're here,” Hijikata says quietly to keep it between the two of them, “you have anything new?”

Gintoki blinks and falls easily back into conversation, replying, “Not that I've seen or heard, it's all pretty quiet.”

Hijikata nods. “We've been holding up a surveillance on his house, but he hasn't made any moves... he barely even leaves.”

“Watching him is a waste of time, you know.”

“It's better than nothing.” Hijikata glances around and adds with regret, “We shouldn't say anything more out here.”

“That's probably for the best.”

“When will you be available to meet with me again?”

“I don't know. I already told you I have nothing new.”

“Which is fine, but there's something else I wanted to talk to you about.” Gintoki glares at him and he glares right back. “There have been some robberies recently and I think you might know something about it.”

“I might be poor, but I haven't resorted to stealing yet.”

“That's not what I'm insinuating. I don't even want to bring you into this, too, but I've run out of options. You... can even bring your kids along, if you wanted.”

It's so easy to tell that Hijikata is offering for the kids to come, but doesn't actually want them there. He wants it to be just the two of them and it's like a knife is being twisted into Gintoki's heart.

“We'll figure something out, I guess. If it's that important.”

“It is.”

Hijikata suddenly jolts and the bag in his right hand drops to the ground, scattering bottles everywhere. Gintoki can tell what happened just by the look on Hijikata's face and something deep inside Gintoki aches.

“Go on ahead, we'll catch up,” Gintoki tells the kids when they turn back and he sets his own bags down to begin gathering the fallen mayonnaise.

Hijikata starts helping as his right hand fingers keep twitching. “That happens to you, too. That day in the dojo, I –”

“It doesn't matter.” He says it firmly, but with enough nonchalance that it sounds like they're discussing something irrelevant. He doesn't betray the way his heart has started pounding or how his own shoulder is giving him sudden fits. Gintoki just keeps picking up the mayonnaise one at a time and places each bottle into the bag with a carelessness built to hide how badly he wants to take off. “I think it's breaking, so it shouldn't be a bother for too much longer.”

Gintoki doesn't look up and instead keeps gathering the mayonnaise until it's all back in the bag. He can feel Hijikata watching him and he's such a coward that he doesn't want to meet that gaze. Will there be anger, confusion.... relief? He very much doesn't want to find out, so his eyes remain down and focused on the task at hand.

“Gin-chan! If you don't hurry we're going to be late!” Kagura calls and when he glances at her, he sees that her bags are gone.

“Better pay up soon, you wouldn't like her when she gets into collection mode,” Gintoki says and retrieves his bags once all the bottles have been put back.

He's very aware that Hijikata hasn't moved and he doesn't know what to make of that, but still, he doesn't look. Instead, he heads for the barracks since the compound is so close, just a street over, to dump the bags and then he plans on disappearing. He doesn't care about getting any money from Hijikata – from the start, all he'd really wanted is just a little more time with him. Not only has he gotten that time, but he has also offered Hijikata another way out of their predicament in the process and Gintoki hates himself a little more for it.

Where's a drink when he needs one?

**To Be Continued**

 


	21. As Promised, Shit Hits the Fan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mystery, mayhem, and misunderstandings!

**Art by:[Gintwaka](http://gintwaka.tumblr.com/) // [Gin-twaka](http://gin-twaka.tumblr.com/)**

Hijikata is staring at the packet of papers in his hands, but he's not reading them, he can't focus enough on the words to get them to make sense. His shoulder is hurting, too, and it's the most constant it has ever been. It hurt all night last night as well and Hijikata had gotten very little sleep. He doesn't actually remember falling asleep at all, but he does remember how his thoughts had drifted and they'd become... very strange. He doesn't want to think about that, though, it had been such a long night and he doesn't want it to drag on even longer.

“You're getting distracted again,” Kondo says. “I don't think I've ever seen you this absentminded before.”

“Not absentminded, just deep in thought. I feel like all of this should make more sense than it does.”

“Yeah, I've thought same.”

“It's like we're missing something big,” Hijikata goes on and at least he's no just spewing complete bullshit.

“What could it be?”

“That's what I've been trying to figure out... we've all been working hard on it. Well, all of us except Sougo. Has he come back yet?”

“I haven't seen him in awhile, but he texted me not too long ago.”

“When I find his new napping spot, I'm gonna destroy it.”

Kondo chuckled. “That'll only make him come after you even more.”

“At this point, I don't care. We need him to be working at a time like this.”

“Were you able to talk Gin-san into helping?”

“He agreed to let us know if he comes across anything new,” Hijikata replies with careful neutrality.

“I knew he wouldn't mind! I'm glad, too, I like working with the Yorozuya, don't you?”

Hijikata has to be careful here and he pretends like the papers are particularly interesting.

“It's not the worst thing ever.” He rustles the papers and blindly looks at the next one. “He thinks we're wasting our time staking out Daiki's place.”

“Well... we haven't made much progress with it, have we?”

“I'd still like to keep someone posted there for the time being.”

“Are you sure the places we picked for the audio bugs are the best ones?”

“No, we won't be sure of that until we try. Sougo was supposed to be in charge of investigating potential spots, but he never got back to me about it, so I had to make some command decisions before we made ourselves obvious.”

“When do those go live?”

“Tomorrow. We'll be putting them in tonight.”

“Good! I'm off to meet up with the recruits for some extra training, keep me updated as usual!”

Kondo leaves and Hijikata doesn't get up right away or go back to work. He's taking a moment for himself and it's what he'd intended to do when he come in here, but Kondo had come in with him. He just needs to breathe and clear his mind for a minute so he can continue on with his day without further distraction. His shoulder gives a throb and prior to this, it _has_ crossed his mind that the string might be breaking, but there have been no reports about it, so there's no way of knowing if that's a thing that can actually happen. How does Gintoki know? Does he actually know or is he just saying that?

Is it wishful thinking?

Maybe it is, maybe it isn't – it's impossible to tell such things with Gintoki. It's also impossible to _ask_ because Hijikata knows he won't get an answer that will make sense or clear anything up.

-o-O-o-

Gintoki yawns so big his jaw cracks and he reaches a hand inside his yukata to scratch at his stomach. It's not right for someone to be functioning on so little sleep, but manages now like he has in the past – by sheer force of will. He has just left the kids with Katsura for awhile and they've been spending the last two days trying to contain both infected spots. Each of them have gone off to see if they can figure out if there's anything calling the slugs to those specific spots, but so far, they've all come up empty.

“Oh, hello, stranger.”

“Kyou,” Gintoki says and he's surprised with himself that he can actually put a name to him. “You're looking sober.”

His face reddens slightly. “Yeah, sorry about that. I can pound them down pretty good, but I underestimated myself that day.”

“I'm sure you learned your lesson for that the next day.”

“I definitely won't be drinking like that again for a long time. I feel I made a complete fool of myself.”

“I wouldn't worry about it, I've seen worse,” Gintoki assures and glances down the road.

“Sorry, am I interrupting something?”

 _Yes,_ Gintoki thinks, but shrugs.

“Not really, just waiting for someone.”

“I won't hold you up then, just... while I've got the chance, can I have a redo? My behavior last time was unacceptable and I'd like to make up for it.”

Gintoki runs a hand through his hair and fixes Kyou with an appraising look. He goes through a brief debate and quickly decides how he wants to play this.

“Sure, but only if there are more chocolates.”

“That can certainly be arranged.”

“I don't know when the next time I'll be working as Paako will be.”

“That's okay,” Kyou says and nervously licks his lips, “just... as you are is fine. That is to say, I like you either way.” His face gets redder and he stares down at his feet. “When's the soonest you'll have time to come out with me?”

“I dunno, maybe next week?”

“Is there a number I can reach you at?”

“Look up Yorozuya Gin-chan and there's no way you'll miss me.”

Kyou looks up and smiles. “Really? Is that your business?”

“Yeah, and if a kid answers, especially if it's a girl, don't answer any of her questions, don't believe anything she says, and if you need to, hang up and call back later.”

“You've got kids?”

“In a sense.”

“Danna!”

 _Perfectly bad timing_ , Gintoki thinks drily and makes very sure that that doesn't translate onto his face.

“I won't intrude,” Kyou says with a smile and takes a step back. “I'll call soon to get some time of my own.”

“What do y –”

Gintoki throws an arm around Sougo's shoulders and overrides him, saying, “Alright, take care!”

Kyou waves and walks off and Gintoki pulls at Sougo to get him to turn so they can walk in the opposite direction.

“Who was that?”

“Just a guy,” Gintoki replies and keeps guiding Sougo away. “Might need you to do something for me soon, but for now I think you owe me something sweet.”

Sougo stares at him, but must know not to press because he points down the road.

“Something sweet? You already have your arm around me.”

Gintoki laughs and fuck, it feels _good_ to laugh.

“That is the most misleading thing I've heard in a _long_ time!”

“In that case, there aren't any dango sales that I know of, so lead me to a place with good parfaits. I think it's time for one of those.”

“It's always time for a parfait.”

Gintoki steers Sougo to the best and closest place he knows and they talk idly along the way. They sit across from each other and Gintoki doesn't need to look at the menu, he knows what his heart is set on. Sougo is more subdued today than he usually is and after they order, Gintoki kicks him under the table and raises a brow at him.

“What?”

“You're being less of a brat, it's weird. Whatever it is, out with it.”

“What's this about a file you gave to Hijikata-san?”

As soon as the question is out, Gintoki knows that that's not really what's eating at Sougo. It's just the look on his face, it's a little too careful and Gintoki distantly wonders if he ever went through a phase like this where hidden emotions still break through in an obscure sense.

“I didn't give it to him, the old hag did.”

“Yeah, but you two met up and talked about it.”

Gintoki doesn't ask how he knows and it doesn't matter, anyway. They pause briefly here as their orders arrive and Gintoki's mouth waters at the sight of his humongous parfait.

“We did, he had some questions.” Knowing what Sougo is getting at, Gintoki adds, “Nothing about what you're doing came up in conversation.”

“Is what I'm doing related to what was in the file?”

“Yeah.”

“In what way?”

“Both things are headed by the same person.”

Understanding flashes over Sougo's face and he stabs his own parfait so hard with his spoon that Gintoki almost wants to take it – he'd never mistreat a parfait in such a way.

“Do you have proof of that?”

“About as much as you do.”

Sougo sighs and a little frustration leaks through. “One man can't be this clever.”

“At this point it's not even about being extremely clever,” Gintoki says absently as he carefully selects the best looking slice of strawberry. “When you get to his level, he has so many other people doing all his work that he's not cleverly outwitting us all, he's cleverly staying out of everything.”

“Cleverness for the lazy.”

“Something I understand all too well.”

“The lazy part especially.”

If Gintoki didn't love his parfait so much, he'd flick a chunk of it at Soug's face. He's contemplating something equally devious when two women a couple tables over start laughing loudly and one starts waving her hand on the air with her pinky out. It's easy to tell what they're talking about and it's really strange to Gintoki to see people speak so enthusiastically about the strings. He can only stomach a couple seconds of watching them before he turns his attention back to his parfait. Unlike him, Sougo keeps watching them and a frown pulls his mouth down on both sides.

“With everything happening, I forget that that string nonsense is still going on.”

“You don't wanna know who'd get paired with a sadist like you?”

Sougo wipes his face with a napkin and shakes his head. “It really doesn't matter since I won't get one.”

“You never know.”

“I'm not really in the age range,” Sougo says and he's halfway through shrugging when he stops and squints at Gintoki. “You are, though.”

“People like to point that out.”

“I'm ready for the whole thing to end, it's getting annoying.” Sougo exhales sharply, almost in derision. “I think the strings are the reason Hijikata-san has been acting so weird.”

Gintoki puts a spoonful of parfait into his mouth like all is right with the world and raises another brow at Sougo. His goal here is to play his cards close to his chest because there's equal chance Sougo is being genuine or devious. Much as Sougo pretends to hate Hijikata, Gintoki knows he doesn't, but Gintoki is also all too aware of how good Sougo is at fishing for information under a guise. However, this can be more than that considering what the string represents and what it means to both Hijikata and Sougo respectively.

“It has to be difficult,” Gintoki intones.

Because it _does_ have to be difficult. Sougo doesn't know, or doesn't seem to know, about the string between himself and Hijikata, so all he sees is Hijikata struggling and thinking it's because there won't be a string between Hijikata and the woman he loves. Hearing it described like this from _Sougo_ only further convinces Gintoki that Hijikata doesn't actually want what's between them.

“Everyone has noticed,” Sougo goes on thoughtfully and spoons some of his dessert into a decent sized bite, “even Yamazaki.”

This conversation suddenly doesn't feel safe at all anymore. It has gotten away from him and he needs to reel it back in.

“I can imagine he's having some conflict over the whole thing.”

“Danna,” Sougo says and slowly looks up, “what happened in the dojo?”

There's no use playing dumb here and Gintoki's skin crawls in a most unpleasant way. On top of that, if he acts like he has no idea what Sougo is talking about, that'll only make the truth apparent, which obviously can't happen. Gintoki doesn't like the feeling of being backed into a corner and he's sure Sougo isn't necessarily doing it intentionally, but he dislikes it just the same.

“You know he and I don't get along very well.”

Sougo's eyes narrow. “What were you fighting about?”

The simplest answer is drinks or dinner, which sounds so small. And it's only now that Gintoki realizes that not only had Hijikata gotten dinner, he'd also gotten drinks the night they'd gone over the file. Son of a _bitch_.

“The usual stuff,” Gintoki replies flippantly. “It never takes much for us to irritate each other.”

“I guess that's true.”

“I had no idea you were so worried about him,” Gintoki teases in an attempt at deflection.

Sougo shakes his head, replying, “You know better than to think that. What happens to Hijikata-san affects the whole faction and I usually know what's messing him up, but it's different this time. Or... maybe I _do_ know....”

Sougo still isn't quite as practiced as Gintoki is at hiding what he's thinking or feeling, so Gintoki is able to glimpse into what's going on and it makes him lose his appetite. He hates that this whole thing has so much control over him when it _shouldn't_ since it has nothing to do with him, not really, but it hits him hard just the same. His stomach drops and he calmly pushes another spoonful together just to give him something to do.

“It's close to a year now, isn't it?” Gintoki asks with careful nonchalance.

“Three weeks to the day,” Sougo answers without inflection.

They sit in a contemplative silence and Gintoki eats some parfait to give Sougo a moment to collect himself. The parfait in his mouth tastes bitter – the traitorous sweet – and Gintoki's mind floats back in time. When Sougo's sister had appeared, Gintoki hadn't really known what to make of her and then everything just... fell apart.

His presence hadn't been needed or asked for at the time, but he'd stayed all the same. He'd stayed for Sougo and he's such an idiot that it hadn't taken Mitsuba long at all to get under his skin. His own fondness for Sougo had managed to extend to her so rapidly that having only just sat with her for awhile in the diner had been enough for Gintoki to like her. It'd only been later that he'd learned about her connection to Hijikata and his own _feelings_ , dare he call them that, for Hijikata had only been a vague sprouting at the back of his mind. They were there, in some form, but they hadn't been big enough for him to have to contend with them yet.

Gintoki is about to take another unsatisfying bite of parfait when he suddenly gets up. He motions to Sougo to wait and then he strides off. His mind is on a rooftop now and his heart does the same achey little flip-flops it'd done that day. He'd sat up there with Hijikata for a long time and though they hadn't interacted, Hijikata had known Gintoki was there. More importantly, Hijikata had _let_ Gintoki stay with him and to this day, Gintoki doesn't know _why_.

He returns to the table only a few minutes later and sets down a bottle of the hottest of hot sauces he could find. For just a second, Sougo's stoicism breaks, but he's quick to huff and cover it all up as best he can. He grabs the bottle and breaks the seal, then douses his treat with it. He passes it wordlessly to Gintoki and he gives his parfait the same treatment. The next bite he takes isn't bitter or tasteless and though he's pretty sure his tongue has been lit on fire, it's still better than before.

They go back to talking about their normal things and there's no further mention of any strings. Yet, after they part ways, Gintoki's mind once more goes back in time and lingers there.

-o-O-o-

Hijikata is fed up with just about everything.

He can handle all the shit being thrown his way, it's his job and he's damn good at it, but now he's just _annoyed_. They'd put up the bugs and altogether, they'd managed to get six up and running. After two nights of _nothing_ , three of the six have magically been destroyed and Hijikata doesn't even know if it's Daiki's people that found the bugs and killed them or if the bugs were smashed on accident by other means.

Next on Hijikata's list – Sougo has been an absolute fucking shit the last few days. He disappears for hours at a time, then when he does decide to show up again without ever telling Hijikata where he has been, he's setting traps for Hijikata everywhere. Hijikata has seen that bazooka enough times that if it shows up again, he's going to fight Sougo for it, then dismantle it with his bare hands. Sougo is a pain in the ass a majority of the time, but lately he has been completely out of control and truthfully, it isn't too often that he gets this bad.

“Watch where you're going!”

Hijikata mumbles something unintelligible, maybe an apology, and doggedly continues on with his late afternoon patrol. He's burning off some steam while he's at it and he's holding off lighting another cigarette since he has already had several. He's not sure the exact number, but it's enough that his throat feels dry and somewhat scratchy.

The bullshit continues when Hijikata moves onto focusing on the recruits. He's to the point that he'd be fine getting rid of all three of them right _now_. Not only does it seem like they haven't been making any progress at all, but they managed to completely destroy one of the conference rooms. Hijikata is sure Sougo instigated something or set them up, but regardless, the three recruits got into a fight and laid waste to the room. Papers had been scattered and torn, reports were thrown out of order, the table got broken in half, and the walls were all marked up. They're all still cleaning it up right now and that's only the beginning of their punishment.

Those are some of the bigger things, but then there's a lot of small things that are adding up. Like his inability to sleep well at night, his constant face-plant into dead end after dead end with every investigation he has going, and his complete lack of anything new to tell Kondo, which is disappointing each and every time it happens. Kondo will ask about progress and Hijikata will have _nothing_ , it doesn't sit right with him.

However, one of his biggest problems... has just walked around the corner. Seeing Gintoki at a time like this has something inside Hijikata snapping and he takes immediate action.

“Come here,” Hijikata hisses and grabs onto Gintoki's wrist.

There aren't many places to go, so Hijikata drags Gintoki down to the only place he feels they'll get any solitude. It's definitely not the best place to go, but Hijikata just doesn't care anymore, they have to do this _now._ Gintoki resists slightly, but Hijikata keeps a firm hold on his arm and doesn't let him go until they're down below the bridge and out of sight. There's quite a bit of space along the bank here because the river is slightly low, but it still doesn't afford much room. At the very least, if they stick closer to the foundation of the bridge, then no one walking by can see anything except their feet or legs.

He releases Gintoki once they're fully under the cover of the bridge and Gintoki isn't even looking at him as his eyes flit all around. For a second, it almost feels like Gintoki is looking for an escape route, but Hijikata reevaluates that after watching Gintoki stare at the bank and the edge of the water like he dropped something. He checks the foundation of the bridge next and this is possibly the worst avoidance tactic Hijikata has ever seen.

“I'm over here.”

“I know where you are,” Gintoki replies distractedly. “What'd you want? If this is about –”

“You know damn well what this is about,” Hijikata snaps.

Gintoki sighs and finally deigns Hijikata a look. “You'd better be referring to the file.”

“I'm not. I was gonna give you space and try working up to this, but as usual, _nothing_ goes to plan with you.”

“I didn't know I was part of a plan.”

“Not that kind of plan, I'm just... tired of avoiding this. Aren't you?”

“There's nothing to avoid, is there?”

Hijikata's currently fragile temper begins to crack and he gets dangerously close to being Pissed off. Whatever these strings are, couldn't he have been paired with someone that's less goddamn jaded and uncaring? Nothing to avoid – is he _serious_?

“You've sure been doing a hell of a lot of avoiding for someone that isn't avoiding anything.”

“You don't know what I've been doing.”

“Sure don't! And you wouldn't tell me even if I asked, either.”

Gintoki frowns. “Now isn't really a good time to talk.”

“It never is with you.” Hijikata squares his shoulders and rigidly faces Gintoki, determined not to let this get away from him. “You wanting to run away some more?”

“I've _never_ run away from you.”

“Really? 'Cause from where I'm standing, that's all you've been doing! I can't even talk to you right now without you wanting to take off!”

“Can you blame me?” Gintoki asks and his aloofness has been effectively broken. He paces a step toward Hijikata and takes on an equally commanding stance – they never have been good at backing down from one another. “This whole thing has been a mess from the start!”

“So? In case you've forgotten, the first time we met had been a complete disaster!”

“Of course I haven't forgotten!”

“Then what the hell do you want?”

“Don't ask me that!”

“Why not?”

“It's not a fair question!”

“As if I give a shit about _fair_ ,” Hijikata seethes. “You think the string is fair? Fuck it, _you_ haven't been fair! You fought in a goddamn war, you of all people should know how unfair life can be!” Hijikata is flushed from rising anger and his breathing is uneven, but he keeps the volume of his voice under tight control. “I don't care if it's unfair, I wanna know if you want me.”

Gintoki pauses strangely and his face twists to something unrecognizable. It's a peculiar change and it's one Hijikata doesn't understand, but what else is new?

“Not like this.”

Hijikata almost asks what Gintoki means, but understanding sets in before he gets the words out. Gintoki doesn't want Hijikata in a romantic sense and though he'd kind of expected it, the rejection still hurts even if Hijikata isn't fully sure if he wants _that_ from Gintoki, either. There's an extra spurt of emotion that burns Hijikata's chest and he isn't sure what it means exactly, but whatever it is, it's powerful. He nods to himself and at least they've cleared that part of it up, but there's still more to deal with before Hijikata can hightail it out of here.

“Not even for sex?”

Gintoki deadpans. “ _What_?”

“You go out looking for a fuck, so why not make it easy and come to me?”

“That's a –”

“Bad idea?” Hijikata interrupts unkindly and he's definitely _Pissed_. “Why? We've already done it that way before, we can do it again!”

“Why would you want to?”

“Because you're _easy_!”

“So is being with a sex worker!”

“Aren't you basically the same thing?”

Gintoki's mouth opens, but he pauses again and he looks just as furious as Hijikata feels. Unlike previous times when they've fought, they're not totally up in each other's faces and Gintoki seems resolute to keep it that way. They're near each other, but not as near as they can be... which just makes Hijikata angrier because when have they _ever_ shied from breaking any personal space threshold between them?

“I don't get this,” Gintoki admits and matches Hijikata's glare. “The string is brea –”

“I don't care about the _fucking_ string anymore, you bastard!” Hijikata has thought about this over and over, so much it has made his head hurt and this is one of the only things he's sure of. It's the conclusion he comes to every time because no matter which way he looks at this, it all comes down to this one fact. “It doesn't fuckin' matter if tomorrow the whole thing turns out to be a hoax o-or if it's some sick joke – it's not gonna change any goddamn thing!”

Gintoki's face blanks out, but just as quickly, something... begins to ruin the look. Something about his whole face changes in some small way – his mouth twitches down ever so slightly and his nose crinkles, but it's his eyes, there's so much conflict. Anger trumps everything, but for just a second there's more showing and much as Hijikata doesn't like it, it stumps him.

Hijikata doesn't know what to make of a look like that and amidst his own anger, there's a harsh pain that blossoms on his shoulder. Gintoki must feel it, too, because he lets out a quick breath through his nose and it's that sound that spurs Hijikata to action. It's a last ditch effort, it's madcap, and it feels like the furthest Hijikata has ever had to reach. He has experienced desperation a number of times and he recoils from the thought that he has manged to think himself so raw that he's resorting to this.

Regardless, he grabs onto Gintoki with both hands and kisses him.

His eyes are closed, he doesn't want to look, he doesn't want to see, he just wants to get this _out_ – no more avoidance. Gintoki doesn't respond at first and it lasts so long that Hijikata almost loses his nerve, but suddenly, Gintoki's mouth shifts slightly and whether it's meant to be encouragement or some kind of consent, it keeps Hijikata where he is. He tightens his hold on Gintoki's clothes and yanks, forcing their mouths more firmly together.

Gintoki responds and it's like a reincarnation of their first kiss: messy, sloppy, vicious. It's enough to make Hijikata wonder if maybe hurting each other is all they're going to be good for. What Hijikata understands is that the harder he digs his nails in, the more he bites, the sharper he pulls, the more into it Gintoki gets. The more they hurt each other, the more they lose themselves. Hijikata goads Gintoki again and again, hurting him more, getting hurt in return, it's what they're good at, it seems.

Yet, despite that, something unwinds in Hijikata's chest. An ache he has been carrying around loosens and he groans as teeth purposefully graze his tongue, a pointed canine dragging over the soft tissue. Hijikata has thought about kissing Gintoki again, but this supersedes it all and he can't even bring himself to slow down. How long has it even been since they last kissed?

 _Don't bother, this is enough_.

The memory has Hijikata kissing Gintoki harder and he doesn't even care that Gintoki still isn't touching him. He's kissing him and for right now, that's enough – it's a start. It also feels so fucking good after weeks of not wanting to acknowledge how much he likes this. The string potentially disappearing or breaking isn't going to change how he feels about this anymore than it's going to change Gintoki's role in his life. Let the goddamn string disappear or whatever else, it isn't going to change the fact that Hijikata likes _this_.

The string has no power over this, it isn't forcing him to crave another man's touch, taste, and presence. The string isn't making his cheeks flush or his cock begin to stiffen and it certainly isn't making him kiss Gintoki until they're breathing raggedly and their lips are almost painfully swollen. The string may have gotten him to see something he hadn't known was there, but it doesn't have any influence on his actions.

The string doesn't decide who he wants.

Hijikata is the one to put a stop to the kiss and it has thoroughly drained him. He's still angry and before he can think better of it, he pulls out his wallet.

“I'll be in touch,” Hijikata says and shoves some yen – he has no idea how much – into Gintoki's chest.

Gintoki says nothing and Hijikata takes that as a mutual understanding between them. Hijikata isn't going to try and force a relationship or anything like that, but he does want to establish _something_ between them. The letters had been enough for awhile, but he needs something more now and he thinks he might have just gotten it.

-o-O-o-

Once Hijikata is well and truly gone, Gintoki laughs somewhat hysterically and covers his mouth with his hand. It's probably one of the most humorless laughs ever to exist and he can only think it's fitting.

Did that really just happen?

He looks down at the yen in his other hand and yes, the proof is right here. This is real. That really just happened.

He licks his lips and he can still taste Hijikata, which is mostly hints of nicotine since he probably smoked recently. Even that's enough to set Gintoki off and get him going. What's he going to do? How can he dissuade Hijikata? More importantly, how can he do it without cluing Hijikata in that he _kind of_ has a crush the size of Edo on him?

Hijikata isn't gay, he doesn't actually want this, and it's definitely the string that's making him feel like he has to try. Gintoki can't really explain that to him because the bastard has this whole _the string doesn't matter_ bullshit going on and what is that, anyway? How can the string _not_ matter when that's the entire reason Hijikata's even doing this at all? Gintoki has already taken advantage of Hijikata way too much, he can't take _more_. He's sick with guilt as it is, he won't take more, he can't – he has fucked this up so much he has no idea where to begin to fix it. He couldn't even touch Hijikata just now! He'd raised his arms, he'd wanted to touch, but he couldn't bring himself to!

Hijikata doesn't realize what he's doing. Maybe he knows the one year for Mitsuba's passing is coming up, or maybe he has lost track of time, but either way, he's not acting as he normally would. Hijikata wanting Gintoki in _any_ aspect doesn't fit right, but there's no way to _say_ that.

Hijikata is hurting and much as Gintoki doesn't want to encourage the obligation, he doesn't want to cause Hijikata more pain. He's reaching out for all the wrong reasons, but if Gintoki can see Hijikata through it....

He's going to have to allow this, he realizes and despairs. He can't tell Hijikata he won't do it because then he'll have to explain _why_. He's also such a twisted asshole that a part of him is looking forward to it. He wants to punch that side of him, wants to beat the absolute _shit_ out of himself so he'll stop letting his _feelings_ get to him, but there's nothing he can do to staunch the flow. He's a slave to them and Hijikata doesn't even know how much power he actually has over him.

What's even worse is that this crush – stupid, stupid, _useless crush_ – has the distinct capability to turn into something else for him, something forbidden, terrifying, and unacceptable. Gintoki hasn't ever felt this way about someone before, but even so, he knows himself and he knows how quickly he can go from liking Hijikata to something more. He won't be able to hide it then and he's already slipping here and there. What's he going to do when Hijikata has had his fill, moves on, and leaves Gintoki with the tangled up wreck of bullshit that he can't fully put a name to?

Gintoki holds the yen tightly in his fist and he wants to rip it to shreds. This isn't how he wants things to happen, but there's no going back now.

His shoulder gives a pang and his traitorous heart continues its wild beating caused by a single kiss.

**To Be Continued**

 


	22. Shit Hitting the Fan Leaves a Mess ((of Misunderstandings))

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More mystery, more mayhem, and a whole hell of a lot more misunderstandings.

Hijikata usually enjoys nice days, but today, the sun shining is giving him a headache, especially when the rays bounce off of shiny things. He rolls his pained shoulder and then resolves to just ignore it because it's not going away no matter what he does. Let the fucking thing break or disappear or whatever it wants to do, it isn't going to change anything. Hijikata's mind is resolutely made up on this point and it'd be nice if the string could just _pick something_ so the irritating pain will go away for good.

His blowout with Gintoki had been a few days ago and Hijikata is _still_ thinking about it. A kiss like that is impossible to forget and the whole fight – he doesn't know what else to call it – had gone by so quick. He likes to think it went well and established something, but it's hard for him to say for sure and he has been giving Gintoki space since then to let it all sink in. He doesn't want to fight again the moment they see each other and meeting before things have settled can cause that.

He's kind of contradicting himself about the space thing now, though, because he has just passed under Gintoki's apartment and entered the bar below it. He's torn between wanting to run into Gintoki to gauge his reaction and wanting to go unseen by him. He's not sure which inclination has the stronger pull and either one brings him full circle back to that kiss and what it can lead to.

“What're _you_ doing here?”

“I need to speak to your boss.”

Catherine glares at him and demands, “About what?”

“That's for her to know.”

“She will come forward in a bit,” Tama supplies and Hijikata gives her a thankful nod.

“I'll wait over here, if that's okay?”

Tama comes around the counter and follows Hijikata to the seat he chooses.

“Can I get you anything while you wait?”

“Don't offer him anything!” Catherine reprimands.

“He is our guest,” Tama replies, unfazed.

“I'm fine for now, thank you.”

He doesn't have to wait long for Otose to appear and he's really so glad for a lot of reasons. He doesn't feel comfortable in this place – it belongs to Gintoki and Hijikata isn't a part of his world yet. Also, Catherine's unblinking glares are unnerving and it's difficult to not glare right back. However, Otose does appear within twenty minutes and Hijikata subconsciously holds himself up straighter.

“Come back here, if you would.”

Hijikata gets up and follows her into the same study he'd sat in when she'd given him the file. That eases his nervous just a bit because it's familiar and hidden from sight.

“I've brought your file back,” he says and sets it down on the desk. “It's exactly how it was when you gave it to me.”

“I expected you to keep it longer.”

“I wanted to give it back as soon as I could so you could add stuff to it or reference it if you needed to.”

“Are you sure you had it long enough?”

“Yeah, I just made copies of all the important things... so I now have an exact replica of your original back at the barracks.”

She chuckles softly. “I'm glad you've found it so useful. Is this all you wanted?”

“Yeah, just that and to thank you again.”

“You're welcome to stop in whenever you'd like.”

Hijikata stands when Otose does and she takes him back into the bar, which is good because he doesn't want to linger here anymore than he already has. There's a thump overhead and while Otose doesn't pause, Hijikata glances up curiously. Otose goes behind the bar and Hijikata glances around, then turns his attention outside just to confirm he's still under the radar.

“Looking for someone?”

Hijikata's shoulders bunch and he shakes his head. “Not really... are the Yorozuya in?”

Otose sighs and spares a quick look up at the ceiling, replying, “I'm not sure. There has been a lot of activity around here lately, I haven't been able to keep track of what they're doing right now.”

“What kind of activity?”

“All kinds,” Otose replies wryly.

A louder thump sounds from above and this one has Hijikata openly staring at the ceiling. He can envision so many things happening and not surprisingly, most of his ideas center around a Yato girl destroying things. He hasn't seen either of Gintoki's kids in quite awhile now that he thinks about it. The last time was when they'd been hired to carry the mayonnaise, which hadn't been _too_ long ago, but he used to see them a little more frequently. Like when Kagura had wheedled money out of him, but he hasn't seen her or Shinpachi out like that. Even the day with the mayonnaise, the Yorozuya had been in a rush to get somewhere... what are they up to?

“I know it's early, but I can offer you a drink,” Otose says and it snaps Hijikata out of his thoughts.

“Thanks, but I've gotta get back to work.”

He makes a move for the door, but stops when he hears footsteps on the stairs. His fingertips tingle and he's not sure what he's going to do if Gintoki finds him here. He's not doing anything _wrong_ , but he still _feels_ wrong for coming here uninvited and that in itself is kind of absurd when he has such a good reason to be here. Gintoki walks by outside and he's not alone, there's someone by his side – too short to be Shinpachi and too tall to be Kagura. They pass without pausing and Hijikata loiters as long as he dares with Otose watching.

Hijikata leaves the snack shop and looks down the road in the direction Gintoki had been going. There's a woman with black hair walking at his side and Hijikata has no reason to think the woman is anything other than a client, but his stomach clenches anyway. He shakes his head and reminds himself that it's none of his business who Gintoki spends his time with.

He walks back to the barracks with his shoulder hurting just as much as his head.

-o-O-o-

Gintoki is in the middle of a yawn when he gets elbowed in the ribs.

“Give me your arm, it'll look more convincing.”

Gintoki snorts, but proffers his arm for Katsura to link his own with. “Who're we trying to convince and what're we trying to convince them of?”

“That I'm a normal lady and not a Joui rebel.”

“You look like both to me.”

“Normal and lady?”

“Normal Joui rebel lady,” Gintoki returns. “I still don't think this is really necessary.”

“In the middle of the day, it's easier for me to move around in a disguise.”

“And you like it.”

“That, too.” They walk toward the slug site, their arms linked, and Katsura tugs him gently to get his attention. “Who were you talking to on the phone?”

“A client,” Gintoki lies.

Kyou had managed to wait two days before calling and Gintoki is so glad that he's the one that answered the phone. The kids aren't around this morning, they're off with Elizabeth doing some legwork and it allowed Katsura the rare opportunity to sleep in a little bit since he'd crashed at the apartment last night.

They talk the rest of the way to the building and Gintoki is so relaxed that the smell doesn't bother him when they get there. It's still just as strong as before and it has only seemed to have gotten worse since they started roasting the slugs. The two of them slip inside unseen and they're just about to start their now familiar cleanup regime when they see the grate. It's the same grate Katsura had first shown them the slugs on, but now it's covered in the little brown bodies and they're beginning to crawl out on their own despite the weight of the heavy metal grate.

He and Katsura share a knowing look.

“This is getting too big for us,” Gintoki comments.

“I'm reluctant to agree, but we can't keep doing this, we don't have enough people or resources.”

“It's taking up too much time, too.”

Katsura crosses his arms. “Should we call in an anonymous tip?”

“No, I've got a better idea.”

“What idea would that be?”

“Just leave it to me, I'll take care of it.”

“Much as I'd like to do that, history has proven that not all of your ideas are great or effective ones.”

Gintoki finds it within himself to chuckle. “This is a good idea, you'll see. We just need to keep this up for three more days and then we can clear out, alright?”

Katsura eyes him, but eventually nods and they set to work.

-o-O-o-

It's times like these that Hijikata is grateful for mindless errands. He usually gives such tasks to Yamazaki or Harada, but he's taking care of these himself. It gives him a chance to clear his head and think while also getting something done. It's more like an illusion to actual productivity, but it's nice and keeps him moving. He's just finishing up the last of it and then he'll get to go back to the barracks and continue on with the Daiki investigation, which really just a big puzzle. He'll probably work on some scheduling or look at other open investigations while he's at it, anything to tire himself out since sleep is still avoiding him.

It's pretty late already and after glancing at his phone, he sees it's just after ten. He has been up since five and he spent his morning staring at Daiki's place to no avail. The broken bugs have been removed and they haven't been able to put anything in their place for fear that they might tip someone off that they're being monitored. He needs to find places to put new ones, but he hasn't been able to narrow anything down yet.

He's heading back toward the barracks now, but he stops in to get another pack of cigarettes on his way. He's truly down to the last things on his list and if he were forced to be completely honest, he'd say that maybe he's reluctant to go back. Not because he doesn't want to work, he just doesn't want to look at the same goddamn information for hours on end without being able to put any of it together.

On his way, lost in thought, Hijikata passes a familiar figure and it takes a moment for it to register. He stops and turns his head to meet the red gaze of one Sakata Gintoki, who's watching him right back. They stare at each other and Gintoki, for the briefest of moments, looks startled, if a bit guilty. Hijikata stops, but Gintoki keeps walking because he's not alone. His attention goes back to the man at his side and he falls into their conversation as if he'd been paying attention the whole time.

Hijikata watches them go and he's stuck in place, his mind reeling, until he spots Sougo heading straight for him. The very same Sougo that hasn't been around all day and hasn't bothered returning any of Hijikata's calls or texts. He's not dressed in his uniform and this is actually the most civilian Hijikata has seen Sougo look in quite some time. It's clear to Hijikata that Sougo being here isn't an accident and once again, Hijikata's mind reels.

“Sorry, Hijikata-san, I don't have time to make an attempt on your life this evening.”

Sougo walks right by him and that, thankfully, snaps Hijikata out of his utterly baffled stupor. He whirls and an irrational anger grips him as he goes after Sougo, but he pushes it away and keeps a lid on it.

“What're you doing stalking the Yorozuya while he's...” Hijikata trails and glares at the back of Gintoki's head.

“On a date?” Sougo supplies.

Hijikata's anger threatens to slip through the cracks, but he bites the inside of his cheek.

“Whatever he's doing, what the hell are you doing creeping after him?”

Sougo shrugs. “He asked me to. Not jealous, are you, Hijikata-san?”

“He wants you spying on him?”

“Is it really spying if danna asked for it?”

Gintoki subtly glances back at them then and he seems to pause when he sees Hijikata walking beside Sougo. Hijikata then watches him touch the man's arm and say something to him. Right after, the two of them deviate off the crowded road and take a seat on a bench at a table in front of a food stand. Sougo selects a spot with the best vantage point in an alley across from them and Hijikata wordlessly slips in next to him.

“Is he in trouble?”

“Does he look like he's in trouble?”

“If you're around, there's always trouble.”

At the table, Gintoki disappears inside the building the stand is in front of. Hijikata doesn't need to guess why and he's quick to react. Leaving Sougo behind, Hijikata surreptitiously reenters the crowd and makes it to the building with care. It's small and smelly inside, but that's to be expected of a place that's used exclusively for the bathrooms. It's more like a shack than a building and looks better on the outside than it does inside. Hijikata goes into the men's bathroom and he finds Gintoki leaned against the wall, waiting for him – he doesn't look pleased. That's okay because Hijikata isn't pleased, either.

“I thought I'd made myself clear the last time I saw you.”

Gintoki's brows furrow. “What're you talking about? You didn't make anything clear.”

“I said when you feel that kind of urge, then you come to me.”

“Oh...” Gintoki blinks and shakes his head, “no – what? This isn't like that!”

“Wha – you really wanna date that guy?”

“No! Fuck – I don't trust him!”

“That doesn't make sense!”

“Then listen to me!”

“I _am_ listening! What's going on, Yorozuya?”

Gintoki's head falls back so he can glare at the ceiling and he takes a deep breath.

“I'm not sure myself, but I can't have two cops following me, it'll draw too much attention if anyone knows what to look for.”

“I know how to be discreet.”

“You're in uniform,” Gintoki responds. “There's a reason Okita-kun isn't.”

“Why do you need someone following you?”

“I _really_ don't have time to answer any questions right now.”

“Then you shouldn't have come in here just so we could talk. Who's that guy? What does he want from you?”

“I don't know, that's what I'm trying to figure out and you're not helping! I came in here to talk so I could tell you to go _away_ before you're noticed! Now, move! I need to get back out there before he suspects something!”

Hijikata glares and whispers harshly, “Fine! But I'm taking Sougo's place!”

Gintoki twitches. “Aren't you listening? You don't need to do that!”

“Too bad!”

Scowling, Gintoki pushes by Hijikata and goes back out to the guy waiting for him. Hijikata stalls for five minutes before he leaves as well and he goes around the back to make sure he isn't seen. He makes a large circle completely out of sight, then comes up on the place Sougo is crouched in from behind.

“I'm taking your place, so tell me what you know.”

“Taking my place?”

“You've been blowing off your job all day and if you don't report to Kondo-san right now, I'll have you put on suspension.”

“Then I'll just do the same thing I do now. Whatever I want.”

Hijikata takes a steadying breath through his nose and releases it.

“Now is not the time to fuck with me. Tell me what you know and then get out of my sight.”

“I've _been_ out of your sight. When was the last time you actually looked at me?”

Something cold slides up Hijikata's spine and his fingers clench into fists until his knuckles are white. His vision of Gintoki blurs and he almost reaches for his sword to cut Sougo down himself. The fucking nerve of him – he's such an inconsiderate sack of shit, they never should have brought him to Edo with them.

“Tell me what you know,” Hijikata repeats and focuses only on Gintoki – which, as fucked up as it might be, is what keeps him from disemboweling Sougo here and now.

“Not much,” Sougo replies after a lengthy pause and his neutrality has Hijikata fighting with his temper again. “Only that danna wanted me to follow them, then tail that guy afterward. He said to meet him at our usual dango place when I was done.”

“That's it?”

“No. He also told me not to freak out if they kiss.”

Hijikata tilts his head, his eyes still fixed on Gintoki. “A what?”

“A kiss,” Sougo replies and makes a smooching sound. “You do know what that is, don't you?” Hijikata doesn't rise to the obvious bait and Sougo sighs. “Danna said that a kiss is the only thing this guy has really been asking for and he told me to make sure he doesn't get attacked or poisoned when it happens.”

Hijikata digests that and the burning in his chest is back, but so is the ache in his shoulder.

“Is that all?”

“It's all I was told.”

“Leave now.”

Sougo lingers, probably with the intention to push more of Hijikata's buttons, but much to Hijikata's relief, he thinks better of it and leaves. He's probably plotting something more heinous out, but Hijikata can worry about that later. Right now, his eyes stay trained on Gintoki and he slowly attempts to calm the uncomfortable burn in his body.

-o-O-o-

Now that Gintoki knows Hijikata is the one watching, he's incredibly wary of everything he does. Yet, at the same time, he doesn't change any of his behaviors because he really can't. He and Kyou have been walking around talking for about an hour now and Gintoki can't break the persona he has been portraying. So, he does everything Kyou expects him to do. He forces a laugh at stupid jokes, he sends fake little smiles, he lets Kyou touch him in small ways, and he tolerates a closer proximity even though he doesn't like it.

Gintoki had agreed to evening out with Kyou and apparently, that includes constant chatter, dinner, more chatter, drinks, chatter, and the most important thing: chocolates. Kyou had shown up with the chocolates and Gintoki has already eaten every single one of them. He ate them first intentionally and he still feels fine, so he's ruling them as harmless and fucking delicious. Even though he doesn't have much room for dinner, he forces as much of the meal down as he can because it's Kyou's treat and he never turns down free food. He also drinks a moderate amount, but he doesn't let himself overdo it despite Kyou's subtle pushes for him to drink more.

The most difficult thing about this is resisting the urge to look at Hijikata. He knows where Hijikata is staked out, he figured that out pretty quick, and now that he knows, all he wants to do is look. He can't _help it_ and he'd been just fine when Sougo had been the one following him. What's Sougo even going to think about Hijikata replacing him? Gintoki can really do without more questions about his relationship with Hijikata, especially when he doesn't know for sure himself.

 _Don't think about it_ , Gintoki advises himself and listens to Kyou chatter on.

They finish eating and, as predicted, Kyou wants to find someplace less crowded. Gintoki follows along and mentions that he needs to get back to the apartment soon. He doesn't know how much more mindless talking he can take and he's just glad that Kyou can do more than enough talking for the both of them. Gintoki's part is more along the lines of humming in acknowledgment and pretending to be interested in the topics of discussion.

“This is my turn,” Gintoki says and he can't believe he actually managed to sound regretful as they stop at the corner.

“Are you sure you don't want me to walk you home?”

“I'm sure. I don't want the dog to wake anyone up when I get back, he isn't good with strangers.”

“I enjoyed this,” Kyou says and he's really not the most unattractive person when he smiles like this.

At those words, Gintoki gets confused, but he nods and gets himself to offer a half-smile in return.

“Good.”

“Can I... I'd really like to kiss you now, if that's alright.”

Gintoki is hyper-aware of being watched, but he can do nothing else but nod. He has done worse things for the sake of a part, but no one has ever watched him like this. He wouldn't be as bothered if it were Sougo, that's why Gintoki had asked him in particular, but knowing it's Hijikata makes him all kinds of uncomfortable. It shouldn't since they're not really a _thing_ , but it does anyway thanks to Gintoki's useless feelings.

“I liked you the first time I saw you,” Kyou confesses and steps closer to slide a hand up Gintoki's chest to his shoulder.

“When was that?”

“You were Paako and you were leaving work. Seeing you made me stop and I... really wanted to see you again.”

Gintoki can't tell if Kyou is trying to seduce him, but he's very aware of the closing proximity between them. Kyou's hand slides around the back of Gintoki's neck and pulls him in with a strange slowness. In these types of situations, Gintoki is usually quick to stoke the other person and get them going so they can get it over with. He holds back with Kyou, though, and lets him set whatever pace he wants. It's making Gintoki so fucking antsy because Hijikata is watching, but there's very little choice except to endure.

Gintoki lets himself be pulled down just a little more and when Kyou kisses him, his lips are surprisingly soft for a guy. They're thin and gentle while the kiss itself is chaste and innocent. Gintoki does little more than let himself be kissed and there's nothing unusual or all that memorable about it. Kyou's eyes have closed and he sighs like he really has waited a long time for this – Gintoki kind of doesn't doubt it in a way. Gintoki's lids lower and he isn't surprised when Kyou drags the single kiss out into four lingering and equally chaste ones. It's all part of the game and Gintoki is the best player.

“Your hair is so curly,” Kyou murmurs, sounding dazed, and when he opens his eyes, it looks like he has barely gotten a taste of what he wants.

Gintoki gets even more confused.

“That's why they call it a natural perm. Anyway, thanks for tonight, it was fun.”

“We'll do it again soon...?”

“Sure, why not?” Gintoki flashes him a smile and turns away. “G'night!”

-o-O-o-

Hijikata makes his way to the specified dango stand and once Gintoki sees him, he gets up and starts walking. Hijikata doesn't need to be told what to do, like with the bathroom earlier, he instinctively knows to follow at a safe distance behind and he does a glance around to make sure he hasn't attracted any unwanted attention. It seems clear and Hijikata feels it's safe to follow Gintoki directly into the ramshackle foreclosure with a sagging roof that he seamlessly slips into.

“Where'd he go?” Gintoki asks right when Hijikata enters and there's a slight awkwardness about it.

It's no surprise considering how they'd left off when they'd last spoke and what Hijikata had had to watch.

“East.”

“Any stops or did he go straight back to his house?”

“No stops, but what house? And how do you know where he lives?”

“I walked him home once when he was drunk,” Gintoki replies absently. “If he didn't go to a house, then where'd he go?”

“An old apartment complex. Mind telling me what you're up to now?” Gintoki's expression changes and Hijikata feels the mood shift. Whatever awkwardness had been between them evaporates in the face of something more important and Hijikata immediately responds. Whatever personal issues are still between them can wait for now – whatever is putting that look on Gintoki's face has Hijikata's full and undivided attention. “What is it?”

“I know things don't make much sense right now, but there's something you need to see.”

“Show me,” Hijikata answers without hesitation.

Just like that, they're on the move again and Gintoki is leading Hijikata outside and down an alley. He holds a finger to his lips for quiet and Hijikata nods, then follows every twist and turn Gintoki makes. He takes Hijikata underground, through tunnels, out a pipeline, up a ladder – Hijikata doesn't care, he follows and watches their backs as they go. His heart is beating a little faster and he's not ashamed to realize that he's a mixture of things, most of which is dominated by _excitement_. They enter an empty building and Hijikata senses they're reaching their destination when Gintoki deviates into a narrow hallway.

“Wh –”

“Shh,” Gintoki whispers, his words barely audible. “Voices echo too much in here.”

Hijikata keeps his mouth shut and follows Gintoki down into the sewer to stand on a ledge not far from the murky water. The lighting is poor until Gintoki flips a switch and a series of lights flicker on to illuminate a domed ceiling.

“What am I supposed to be seeing?” Hijikata asks after a pause.

“There's one, do you see it?”

Hijikata follows where Gintoki is pointing and sees something small moving on the concrete of the walkway. He takes a few steps toward it and kneels on one leg to get a closer look at the wriggling thing. He rests his arm on his thigh and tilts his head, but as much as he looks, he can't see any eyes or mouth on the creature, it's all smooth and unblemished.

A hand grabs his shoulder and gently pulls him back. “Don't get too close.”

“Why not? Do they bite?”

“Not exactly,” Gintoki replies and removes his hand. “They're part of a weapon and if they touch you, they'll try to take you over.”

“These things are just _part_ of a weapon?”

“Do you remember when that ship blew up over the harbor?”

“Yeah, the cleanup was a complete disaster and no one could give us a solid report on it.”

“There were a bunch of swords on that ship,” Gintoki explains and his eyes roam around the area. “They were designed to latch onto the person using one and the sword itself would learn as it was used. These slug things are what came out of the swords and attached to the user.” He spots another one and points it out on the wall. “They've got a mind of their own, in a way, but they're not living. The only way we've been able to destroy them is by roasting them in an oven until they turn into char marks.”

The hairs on the back of Hijikata's neck rise and he stands, his own eyes reflexively looking this way and that.

“How long have these been around?”

“Over two weeks, but I've lost track of the exact time. There were only a few at first and we thought they'd somehow survived the crash and needed to be destroyed, but they kept coming back and there's more of them everyday.”

“I need to get some men out here and set up a perimeter,” Hijikata says and his pulse is a quick thrum as he heads back up into the main part of the building. “If you saw one of those swords, would you be able to identify it?”

“I'm sure I could, I was pretty up close and personal with one of them. Why?”

“Because for the last few weeks we've been tracking a series of thefts that have all involved sword fragments taken from that shipwreck in the harbor.”

Gintoki makes a thoughtful sound and Hijikata navigates his way to the main doors of the building. His head is spinning and his excitement is mounting, this is _exactly_ the kind of lead he has been looking for.

“We shouldn't talk about this stuff out there,” Gintoki says and pulls Hijikata to a stop just before he opens the door leading outside.

“Right, of course,” Hijikata agrees and whips his phone out to start delegating action. “That guy you were with tonight, do you think he's involved in this?”

“I don't know. I think he's up to something and he's obviously lying about some things, but right now there's no connection between him and the slugs.”

“What about him and Daiki?”

“I have a feeling they're affiliated somehow and even if they aren't, Kyou definitely has alternative motives even if I don't know what they are.”

“This is good,” Hijikata mutters and finishes up his orders via texts. “Where are those things – slugs, you called them? Where are they coming from?”

“Dunno, they just regenerate in the same two areas and don't do anything more than that.”

“But their numbers are growing?”

“They seem to be.”

Hijikata starts moving as he thinks and the place they're in, possibly some kind of old workship, offers plenty of space for him to pace. Despite his lack of sleep, he's buzzing with energy and Gintoki's presence heightens it because it proves that they can still work together just fine. He'd been worried they'd lost that because of the string and their fight the other day, but Gintoki is leaning comfortably against the wall with his arms crossed and his eyes are sharp and gleaming in a way that likely mirrors Hijikata's own right now.

“If those things are part of a weapon, can they attach to any sword?”

“No, that's not the way they were designed.”

Hijikata nods, then asks, “Why can't we touch them?”

“They'll latch onto you,” Gintoki expounds and pulls his bokken out of his belt. “When you hold your sword, it's an extension of your arm. You have full control over it and it does what you tell it to do.” He swings it with precision, slashing the air in front of him. “The slugs are like a link. They connect the sword to you and allow you to react even before you make the decision to.” He slides his bokken back into place and rests just one arm across his stomach. “From my experience, the person wielding the weapon becomes substantially stronger and has the ability to learn and counter moves at an accelerated rate.”

“All the swords were on the ship that went down?”

“I can't be sure of that, but to my knowledge, yeah. The place got blown to bits and in an explosion like that, I can't imagine much surviving.”

Hijikata chews his lip a moment and thinks about all the robberies. He has seen a bunch of photos of the fragments and true to Gintoki's words, none of them had been preserved very well. There are some larger pieces, but even those can't function as full weapons and they don't count for much when melted down.

“Why didn't you mention this when we were talking about the file?”

“I'd thought about it, but it wasn't relevant to anything we talked about.”

“The whole conversation was centered around Daiki and now you're saying you think this might connect to him, too. What about that wouldn't fit in?”

“I wasn't sure and I'm still not sure if he has anything to do with this and what does it matter? I'm telling you now.”

“No, you'd be telling _Sougo_ now.”

“Who would then inevitably tell _you_.”

“T'ch – bullshit! He'd go right around me!”

“Then you'd hear it from the Gorilla! In any scenario, you'd find out one way or another!” Hijikata opens his mouth, a waspish reply at the ready, but Gintoki shakes his head and surprises him by asking, “Have you done background checks on your recruits?”

“Of course, it's standard procedure. They all checked out, there wasn't anything about any of them that seemed suspicious.”

“Isn't that in itself somewhat suspicious?”

“I suppose it could be. You think any of them are involved with Daiki?”

“It's a possibility, you never know. It'd be a good way to keep an eye on the Shinsengumi's activity.”

“I'll keep a closer eye on them. If they _are_ involved, they'll give themselves up eventually. No one can hide what they really feel forever.” Gintoki twitches and a strange look passes over his face. “Something wrong?”

“Nah, just thinking.”

Hijikata sighs and now that Gintoki has presented the idea, Hijikata thinks back to all the recruits and holds them under more scrutiny. That fight they'd gotten into that destroyed the conference room, was that really innocent or was it just a cover so they could subtly shred specific information? Hijikata is going to have to rethink their scheduling and also reconsider who he pairs the recruits with. He hates this feeling of unease toward his own faction, but it's something he's going to have to deal with and he needs to let Kondo know, too.

Glancing up, Hijikata finds Gintoki staring out of the window on the door, keeping watch. This is the most at ease they've been with each other in what feels like a long fucking time and Hijikata doesn't want to lose this. He has been thinking about that kiss ever since it happened and watching Gintoki kiss someone else only helped to confirm something Hijikata is becoming more and more aware of. Even thinking about Gintoki and that guy has his gut twisting painfully and he nearly bites a hole in his lip.

“I'm gonna be busy with this for awhile,” Hijikata hedges experimentally once he has himself under control again.

“Longer than you think since they keep coming back.”

“What'll you be doing in the meantime?”

“Not sure, but something always finds me.”

Hijikata snorts. “I have an entire file that says you find trouble just as easily as it finds you.”

“Yeah, well, I can't change what I can't help,” Gintoki mumbles and clears his throat. “I see one of your cars... I should get going.”

“You're not staying?”

“You can tell the Gorilla and Okita-kun that I showed you this place, but it's probably best if my involvement isn't mentioned to anyone else.”

Hijikata nods, he fully understands, but then he scrambles for something else to say once Gintoki turns away.

“Do you remember the hotel we went to that last time we,” he swallows and shifts his weight, “met up?”

“I think so.”

“Meet me there tomorrow?”

Gintoki is half-turned away and he's far enough into the shadows that Hijikata can only see the outline of him. He can't tell what Gintoki is thinking or feeling most of the time, but the image before him inspires a sense of a separation that doesn't sit well with him.

“What for?”

“I want you to look at what I've got about the swords and see what you think of the robberies. I can't connect any of it right now, but maybe you'll see a pattern. It'd also help if you brought the address for the house you said that guy went to. I can look into it and check on the records of ownership so that neither of us will have to risk snooping around there yet in case it's under surveillance.”

“Is that all?”

There's no use lying.

“No.”

Gintoki doesn't ask what else Hijikata means, he already knows. The sound of cars and talking gets louder as the Shinsengumi arrives and Hijikata takes a step closer to Gintoki, then stops, unsure and conflicted.

“What time?”

“Whatever time it is now,” Hijikata replies and clumsily pulls out his phone to check. “Midnight.”

“Fukuchou?” Yamazaki calls as he enters the building with others right behind him.

Hijikata looks at them, following the sudden sound, and by the time he turns back to Gintoki, he's gone.

“Bastard,” Hijikata whispers.

“You say something, Vice-Commander?”

“I said gather up! We've got a lot of work ahead of us!”

**To Be Continued**

 


	23. Just to be Clear: Fuck the Usual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary 1: A meeting at a hotel  
> Summary 2: Aero got so excited by the release of the visual novel that they forgot this finished chapter existed so Happy Belated Valentine's Day!

Hijikata is early and Gintoki is late, but that Gintoki shows up at all is enough to get Hijikata to overlook the wasted fifteen minutes. He also resolutely ignores the anxiety that has managed to double and redouble throughout those long fifteen minutes. Hijikata doesn't comment as they enter the building together and Gintoki does his usual thing of hanging back while Hijikata pays at the counter. He gets a standard room with a single bed and to ensure they have enough time, he pays for three hours worth. Once he has the key, he leads the way up and neither of them speak until they enter the room.

“If we do this again, it might be best if one of us comes in first and waits,” Gintoki says. “If someone sees us, they could make wrong assumptions.”

“It's a hotel and neither of us will be staying the whole night, there's really only one assumption they'll jump to.”

“Which would be fine if we were just regular people.”

“Fine,” Hijikata relents and tosses his papers onto the bed before putting his sword next to Gintoki's by the door. It's not like Gintoki isn't making a valid point, but still, for some reason Hijikata finds himself wanting to hesitate and unable to justify it. “Since you can't seem to be on time, I'll get the room first and I'll leave an extra key at the desk so you can follow.”

“Not under your own name, I hope.”

“I'm not an idiot. What name should I leave it under?”

“Dondake.”

Hijikata flinches and sits down beside his papers. “You have to know there's no way that's gonna happen.”

“Dattebayo?”

“That one is almost worse.”

Gintoki takes a seat in the lone cushioned chair pushed up against the wall and hums in thought. “Kamehameha?”

“If you want me to pick, you should just say so! I'll leave the key under the name Akki and that's final!”

“So unoriginal!”

“So practical, you mean,” Hijikata corrects with a snort and kicks off his shoes.

He has been dreading this a little bit, fearing the awkwardness of the situation, but as usual, Gintoki is hardly so predictable and this isn't so bad. The room is cheap and the TV looks like it might fall apart if it gets turned on, but the bed is spacious and comfortable and the chair Gintoki is sitting in is positioned well so they're facing each other. There aren't any windows to worry about and at the very least, the first part of this meeting will be easy to handle. The second part, though... that's more complicated and impossible to make a guess at.

“How's it going with the site?”

“I've got people keeping the area clear and they're all dressed in suits to keep them from touching anything.”

“How'd the recruits react to the news?”

“Not sure, I didn't have them come out to the site and I wasn't with them when they found out.” Hijikata shifts into a more comfortable position with his legs crossed at his ankles and his arms back so he can lean against them. He's trying for casual since this isn't supposed to be all business, but he has little confidence in his success. “Before we start in on all that, why'd you pick Sougo?”

“Hm?”

“It's something I've been wondering. Why'd you pick him to tail you last night?”

“He'd seen Kyou before.”

“Simply telling him to follow the person you meet up with would've cleared that up,” Hijikata says flatly, unconvinced. “I'm not stupid, I know that's not the real reason.”

“It's part of the real reason.”

“And the other part is...?”

Gintoki huffs, but the noise itself doesn't sound annoyed or even irritated. It might all be just appearances or a lie, but Gintoki seems somewhat relaxed and not easily baited. That can change on a whim or one thoughtless word, so Hijikata is going to continue being mindful of what he says and how he says it, but things aren't nearly as stilted as he'd thought they'd be. Gintoki's body language sitting in the chair is at least a start since it doesn't look like he's about to fly to his feet and flee. He's instead sitting back, his legs stretched out in front of him and his knees parted slightly to accommodate himself comfortably. Hijikata pointedly doesn't look anywhere near Gintoki's crotch and only focuses on his face.

“Kyou had been very clear about what he wanted from me,” Gintoki starts and leans his head back. Hijikata studies his bared throat openly since Gintoki isn't looking and... it's a nice neck. He hasn't ever paid much attention to necks before and that's a shame because Gintoki's neck is muscled and lean, much like the rest of him. “The kids could've followed me, but I didn't want them to see me like that with someone. If I explained to them why I was doing it, I know they'd understand, but... this time I just wanted someone impartial. There was also the matter of passing along the location of the slugs.”

“So that was part of the plan all along?”

He quickly grabs his papers and starts going through them so his irritation doesn't show as much. He doesn't want to call this jealousy because it's not exactly that, but really, why _Sougo_? It keeps circulating through his head and Hijikata can't shake the strong feeling that it should have been _himself_ that Gintoki asked this of. It makes him wonder if their status has changed so much that they can't rely on each other as they once had and that idea is so incredibly shitty since Hijikata values it so much.

“Yeah.”

“Why didn't you just show us the site first and follow the guy yourself? I know you're capable of doing that and going unnoticed.”

Gintoki scrunches his shoulders sheepishly and lowers his head to look at Hijikata again. “Kyou said he was going to bring me chocolates. He did one time before and it was fine, but since then I've only gotten more suspicious of him, so I wanted someone watching just in case the chocolates turned out to be poisoned or drugged.”

“You could've just not eaten the chocolates.”

All the air in the room freezes. Hijikata hasn't ever experienced anything quite like this before and it gives him goosebumps. He looks up from his array of papers and finds the source of the frigidness to be a red eyed stare through a permy fringe.

“ _Excuse_ you?”

“I was kidding?”

“Didn't sound like it.”

Hijikata rolls his eyes. “That look might work on a lot of people, but not on me.”

That's a lie. The look is working on him, that's for sure, but it's not in the way of intimidation. It's actually doing some rather unexpected things to him... being on the receiving end of such an intense look. He has to swallow against his dry throat and he doesn't care if Gintoki sees the way it affects him, he almost _wants_ him to see. Gintoki has to notice Hijikata's reaction, but there's no tease or comment. If anything, it seems that Gintoki backs off and he's the first to look away.

“How long have you been suspicious about him?” Hijikata asks before anything has a chance to take a turn for the worse.

“Since we met.”

“How'd you meet?”

“In a bar. I was getting wasted and he was just kinda... conveniently there. He told me he didn't wanna be there and that he was there with friends who were busy making out in the corner, but I bet he didn't even know who those people were.”

“Meeting someone doesn't sound like cause for suspicion, unless you're suspicious of everyone you meet.”

“Maybe I am,” Gintoki responds with a shrug. “He was just different and he knew who I was, knew my name and stuff. He said he'd seen me around that area before and he'd overheard my name because I'm typically surrounded by people. I hadn't known what he was talking about and I was too buzzed to care at the time.” The too hot and irrational feeling in Hijikata's gut becomes even more difficult to ignore. “Out of nowhere, he said he saw me leaving Saigo's one night.”

“That's still not overly suspicious.”

“Just felt it was wrong, I guess. Then, when I was out with him last night, he said he liked me the first time he saw me. I asked him when that was and he said it was some night I was coming out Saigo's after working there. Technically, his stories are consistent, but they feel off to me. The first time we met he said he'd seen me around and acted like seeing me as Paako was a connection he was making in the moment after sitting with me awhile. Last night he says seeing me as Paako is what made him want to see me again, you get what I mean?”

Hijikata scowls. “Sounds like he forgot his own lie.”

“It's likely neither story he gave me is true.”

“There's probably some truth in there somewhere, but before we get any further, does Kyou have a full name?”

“Kyou isn't his real name, I'm sure of that,” Gintoki scoffs and crosses one leg over his thigh. “If he did have a full fake name, I think I can make a good guess at what it is.”

Hijikata raises a brow. “You think you can guess his name?”

“Yeah,” Gintoki replies and smirks. “Wait until you hear this, it'll blow your mind.”

“I'm all ears.”

“A long time ago...” Gintoki hesitates briefly, “shortly after you and I met, if you want a timeline, a family came to the apartment looking for their lost daughter. The kid had gotten herself addicted to a really potent type of drug and I'm pretty sure Daiki had been the one in charge of dealing it. The street name for that drug was Tensei Kyou,” Hijikata's eyes widen slightly, “and I think that's where Kyou got his name from.”

“So, that's why you think Kyou is involved with Daiki,” Hijikata says in understanding and wrangles a pen out of his jacket to make a note of that.

“It's not proof or anything, but it does make me wonder.”

“Sounds more like a warning. By now, Daiki might know you've been looking into him and Kyou could be a spy to see what you've up to and it's a way for Daiki to tell you that he knows.” Hijikata glances up and smirks at Gintoki's impish smile. “But you've already figured that out, haven't you?”

“I've been wondering a lot of things.”

“Did you bring the address to that house?”

“Kind of,” Gintoki says and pulls something out of his yukata. “I don't know who's watching or if there's surveillance setup anywhere, so I didn't wanna get anywhere near the place.” He walks over and hands Hijikata a photo. “I had Tama take a picture of the road since she can do it without issue and I circled the right house for you.”

Hijikata takes the photograph and motions for Gintoki to take a seat next to him. He's surprised when Gintoki actually sits and even goes so far as to make himself comfortable. They're not sitting _too_ close to each other, Gintoki has left some space between them, but Hijikata finds it heartening regardless.

“You're sure this is the right one?”

“He was the drunk one, I was regrettably sober when I walked him home.”

“You think the place is really his?”

Gintoki shakes his head and shrugs, saying, “It could be, I can't tell at this point. I asked some questions on the way and when I commented on the house, he said it was inherited.”

“From family?”

“He didn't say... I didn't think to ask about that. I almost want to say it's not his because when I was walking him there, he really struggled with how to get there. I thought it was because he was drunk, but now, looking back, he could have just been making all of it up on the spot. I'd considered he was leading me into a trap, but I know when someone is wasted and he was completely blitzed.”

“Did you see him go inside?”

“No, I left him fumbling with the door.”

“I'll find a way to look into the house... any plans to see him again?”

“Not right now, but he might call any time.”

“Lemme know if he does.” Gintoki snorts, but doesn't turn him down, so Hijikata keeps things going. “Is there anything else you can tell me about him?”

“Just really pointless stuff.”

“Like?”

“Like I think he has a thing for hair. He touched Paako's clip-ons when I wore them and last night touched my hair.” Well, Hijikata knows a bad idea when he sees one and prompting Gintoki for more information on this guy can officially be labeled as a _bad idea_. That little tidbit is one Hijikata could go his whole life without knowing and he almost snaps his pen in half. “We talked about a lot of different things last night, but he stayed away from anything too personal.”

“Personal about just himself?”

“And me.” Gintoki shifted to settle into a different position and it was easier to see each other. “He asked really random things like if I ever went to the movies and what kind of jobs I liked best. His questions weren't specific on anything too personal and he might've done that on purpose so I wouldn't get suspicious of him.”

“It sounds like he has been coached well on how to act.”

“That's the feeling I've been getting, but I've been going along with whatever Kyou wants so far. Daiki isn't an idiot and I've been messing a lot of things up for him enough times, there's no way he hasn't caught wind of me yet.”

“You've at least been somewhat careful.”

“Doesn't matter. You've seen the file, I've fucked a bunch of things up for him and it makes sense to me that he might wanna mess with me before he does something confrontational.”

Hijikata observes Gintoki a moment. “You don't seem too concerned about it.”

“Someone like Daiki wants me to be concerned, it'll only piss him off if I don't give him the satisfaction.” Gintoki smirks and Hijikata gets the feeling he's enjoying the game in his own way... not that Hijikata can't relate. “Didn't you have stuff you wanted me to look at?”

“Mm!” Hijikata rifles through his papers and pulls out a stack of photos he has paper-clipped together. “Here, do any of these look familiar?”

“Shit, yeah, they look familiar. These are the swords,” Gintoki says almost right away after only looking at two photos.

“You're sure?”

“Damn sure.” Gintoki flips through more pictures and sets some between them. “I'd recognize these things anywhere. Broad blade, reddish fuller, flat and thin central ridge, straight point, light and thin edges, and these markings, here, see them?” He leans in closer and points to different parts of the sword fragments among the scattered photos. “The swords were almost living because of how they were designed and these markings were like embedded microchips. The sword was covered in them in different spots. I think that's how the sword communicated with the slugs, which relayed impulses into the person wielding the weapon.”

If Hijikata weren't already sure that he's attracted to Gintoki in some way, then this moment would prove that very thing to him. There is nothing remotely sexy about what Gintoki is talking about, but that doesn't seem to matter at all because Hijikata's having a very distinctive reaction right now that can't be confused with anything else. It's more than that, too, because now he knows for sure what the swords are and that solves some of the mystery for him. He subtly moves his folder to cover his lap and leans in to get a better look at the photos.

“You said the sword could learn as you fought it?”

“Yeah, that's right. The sword was in almost complete control, too.”

“Who was wielding it?”

“A man named Okada Nizou. You might've heard of him since he was a Joui extremist.”

“I don't know every rebel out there, I've got no time to investigate every single one.” He moves some papers around quickly and readies his pen. “Tell me everything about what happened with the sword you came in contact with, leave nothing out.” Hijikata then catches Gintoki smiling a little and it doesn't disappear when Hijikata stares at him. “What?”

“You're excited.”

“So?”

“Nothing, I just know the feeling,” Gintoki says and shrugs. “What do you wanna know?”

“Everything. I wasn't there, so you have to fill in the gaps for me.”

Gintoki still has some of the pictures in his hands and he idly flips through them. “Not much to tell. It was a bio-mechanical sword and there were a bunch more on the ship that got blown up. I'm surprised these fragments were even recovered since that explosion was so big. Then again, the swords are pretty hardy, so maybe I shouldn't be so surprised.”

“How did the slugs connect to the person?”

“They pretty much embedded in his skin, from what I can remember. The ones you're seeing now are brownish in color, but when they were feeding off the sword and the user, they looked more purple. That's why I wasn't sure what they were at first.”

“What would happen if they touched someone?”

“I can't say for sure, but I'd guess they'd open up somehow and try to assimilate with the person. They're nasty things to go up against and hard as hell to destroy. On Nizou, they were all over his arm and they could grow pretty quick, too.”

Hijikata's hand starts to cramp, so he stops writing and shakes it out while flexing his fingers. He rereads what he has written and his excitement mounts at the prospect of being able to go to Kondo with all this information. Not only can he now place the robberies of the fragments, but he can couple that information with the site of the slugs and he'll also be able to tell Kondo how the swords work.

“Maybe someone knows how to rebuild them,” Gintoki murmurs.

“Or they're trying to figure it out.”

Gintoki runs his fingers over one of the photos. “I think I'll stop in and have a chat with Gengai. He might have some ideas and it's possible he even heard something. Rebuilding swords like these probably can't be done without the proper kind of equipment since they aren't _just_ swords.”

“That's a really good idea.”

“I'll get back to you if you has something, but I'm kinda doubting he will.”

“Still worth a shot. Now, these swords, you're sure it was the sword that was in almost complete control over the wielder?”

“Positive.”

“How do you know?”

“Well, Nizou was blind, if that tells you anything.”

“Blind?”

“He didn't even open his eyes most of the time. He was strong even being blind,” Gintoki goes on, “and I remember breaking his sword once, but that was before he got the bio-mechanical one. These swords are hefty and he held it without any problems. At one point during our fight, I was balanced on top of the sword with my full weight and he kept it held up like I wasn't even there.”

“Shit....”

“If someone really is trying to rebuild or recreate these swords, you should have some idea of what's headed your way.”

“Our way,” Hijikata corrects. “There's no way I'm letting you push all this on me to deal with while you lie around scratching your ass and reading Jump.”

“Don't forget napping, I do a lot of that, too.”

“You know, if you weren't such a lazy bastard and actually knew what discipline was, you'd probably make a pretty good cop.”

Gintoki laughs and it's a genuine one; Hijikata can't help but laugh with him a little bit and something in him loosens. Why can't Gintoki see how easy this is? Everything feels better – closer to how it was between them before the string happened. Hijikata hadn't known how much he'd valued his relationship to Gintoki until suddenly there was more distance between them than when they first met.

“That's one of the most ridiculous things you've ever said,” Gintoki says and shakes his head, his smile lingering on his face.

“It pains me to say it, believe me, but it's true.”

“Mah, you couldn't afford me.”

The words just slip out and they're meant playfully, teasingly, but the second they rent the air, everything changes. The previous comfortable feeling effectively dies off and Hijikata wants it _back_. Hijikata flinches and Gintoki's smile disappears to be replaced by a frown that could mean anything.

“We'd lose a fortune on sweets,” Hijikata tries, but it's too late.

Gintoki hums noncommittally and Hijikata doesn't know what to do now that the camaraderie and everything else is gone. Wordlessly and with a sinking stomach, Hijikata pulls out his wallet and sets the right amount of money on the nightstand. He's left hollow just setting the money down. It represents so many negative things at once and it's a reminder that what's between them is currently superficial even if it's _not_ to Hijikata.

“You don't have to do this,” Gintoki says without inflection.

“No one's making me.”

“You can get sex from anyone.”

“No, I can't.”

“You could if you tried.” There's no way Hijikata can say that he _has_ tried and it hadn't worked for him at all. That'd be admitting too much, probably, and he already feels too exposed. Except, Gintoki's next words make his blood turn cold. “You want the usual?”

Hijikata flinches slightly – he _hates_ that.

 _The usual_.

He had a goddamn nightmare about this very same thing, this exact scenario, but since it's all they have....

“I guess.” He swallows and they can't even look at each other... until Hijikata rediscovers his balls and pushes himself up off the bed. “Actually, fuck the usual.” He shrugs out of his jacket and tosses it aside, not caring where it lands. “I'm not just another person you fuck with and while we've got this arrangement going, no more soliciting.”

Gintoki blinks. “What?”

“Yesterday you said I hadn't made anything clear, so this is me clearing stuff up. Going out and...” Hijikata shakes his head, he can't even finish the thought, “no more – just me, okay?”

“Why?”

“I don't share,” Hijikata replies bluntly. “I don't wanna have to think about any other people you might be with or wonder what you could be picking up from them. Is that clear enough for you?”

“I...” Gintoki swallows and seems to be considering that as he stares through the grouping of photos still in his hands. Hijikata can't make heads or tails of his expression and someday, he hopes he'll be able to read Gintoki better than this. “Alright.”

“Really?” Hijikata asks and he can't keep the surprise out of his voice.

“It's fair,” Gintoki replies and shrugs like it's nothing to him either way. “Don't you have more questions about the swords?”

He's sure he can think of more, but he's also sure as hell that he can't think of anything right now other than Gintoki agreeing to only see him. It's flimsy, but at least Hijikata now knows that it'll just be the two of them for however long Hijikata can keep this arrangement going. It'll buy him time and through this, there has to be a way to show or tell Gintoki that he wants to try for more than just this. Though, he's getting ahead of himself and needs to see how this even goes first.

“We'll be meeting up again soon,” he replies as steadily as he can, “we can address anything I think of next time we meet. That'll give us time for me to check on the house and for you to talk to Gengai.”

Gintoki sets the photos aside. “Time to earn that yen, then.”

He gets up and moves toward the bathroom, but Hijikata grabs his wrist, saying, “You don't need... I'll be the one that....”

“You wanna bottom?” Hijikata nods and keeps his eyes glued to the floor while his face burns hot. “Fine, but I still gotta piss.”

Hijikata is quick to let Gintoki go after that and he almost wants to smother his face in the pillow. He has thought a lot about this, just like everything else, and he doesn't want to top until he knows he can do it well enough to actually _please_ Gintoki. He hadn't been able to the previous times they'd had sex, he's sure of it, but he thinks Gintoki enjoyed it. That's an assumption and maybe it's not a safe one to make, but for him, fucking Gintoki had felt incredible.

It's easy for Hijikata to offer to bottom, too, because he wouldn't shove his fingers in his own ass if it hadn't felt good. For him, getting fucked by Gintoki is just about as good as fucking him and _that_ has sure been one hell of a revelation for Hijikata. It's by no means easy to spread his legs for someone, but Gintoki doesn't shame him or make him feel inadequate because of his inexperience. The sex might be impersonal to Gintoki, but there's no way he doesn't feel anything when it's between the two of them – Hijikata has done his best to convince himself of this. If Gintoki doesn't feel anything yet, then he will, and Hijikata is going to make sure of it. He just needs to learn a bit more so that when he's inside of Gintoki again, he'll be able to convey something so strong that Gintoki won't have any choice but to really _feel it_.

That's his plan, anyway, but if Gintoki has truly proven anything to him, it's that plans don't mean anything to Gintoki. Whether he means to or not, Gintoki and planning are like oil and water.

A soft noise comes from the bathroom, a clattering of a bottle, maybe, and it reminds Hijikata of what he should be doing. Mouth suddenly dry, he undoes his vest and shirt, then shrugs out of both of them. He hesitates with his pants, but quickly shakes the feeling off and pops the button to let them drop and he kicks them away. He leaves his boxers on, he's unwilling to part with them just yet, and he sits down on the edge of the bed to wait after he clears away all his papers. His cock is already half-hard just from the anticipation and that should honestly be a little embarrassing, but maybe it isn't considering how long he has been thinking about wanting this – their kiss not too long ago reinforced the feeling as well.

When Gintoki comes back out, he's only wearing his boxers and he drops his clothes in a pile by the wall. The only thing he has in his hand after that is a small packet that Hijikata assumes is a condom. Hijikata openly looks, lets his eyes travel over every part of Gintoki's body, and his anticipation only heightens. He doesn't know when he developed a taste for men – or _a_ man – but there's nothing he feels here other than desire.

“I don't cuddle, so don't you dare try anything weird,” Gintoki warns.

“The thought hadn't crossed my mind.”

Gintoki doesn't seem at all concerned by what they're about to do and Hijikata can only think that it's because of the amount of times Gintoki has done this. Uncertainty niggles at the back of Hijikata's mind, but he's in too far to back out now. He doesn't want to back out, either. He wants this, he knows he does.

“Do you have to turn out the lights?”

Gintoki flicks the switch and the room goes dark. “It's the only way I can do this.”

The words aren't very comforting and leave a lot of room for interpretation, but that all flies from Hijikata's mind when there's a hand on his cheek, gently turning his head up, and soft lips touch his. Gintoki's hand skates down Hijikata's body and he isn't sure how Gintoki does it, but Hijikata gets slid backward by two strong hands and then Gintoki is straddling him. They're kissing like they had the other day, rough and biting, and it's so easy for Hijikata to give himself up to it all. Gintoki's warm chest presses against his own and Hijikata's boxers tighten as his body gives into the anticipation and responds.

Hijikata puts his hands on Gintoki's hips and he lets them roam. He traces Gintoki's body as his eyes had earlier and there's nothing beneath his fingers that he isn't attracted to. He might be a bit stunted by his own inexperience at the moment, but he's a quick learner and he'll get Gintoki to see that it would be stupid for them to not try for what the string suggests.

Tonight might be closer to _the usual_ than Hijikata might want, but it's a start and so far, as he moans into Gintoki's mouth, it's a pretty damn good start.

**To Be Continued**

 


End file.
